When Fear Arrives
They say 17 is a number associated with spiritual growth
Next month, I advance to a new chapter, a new 18
So I reflect on what’s changed and what’s remained
Fear has continuously fueled me, but I manifest it differently
Fear of constriction
As the financially struggling college student steps in the elevator and drops his only laundry detergent pack to shriek “OH MY POD”
and fear arrived because money constricts him
Fear of love
As I got so nervous the last time I really liked someone who actually liked me back that I thought I would sweat my feelings out
and fear arrived because love was uncertain
Fear of failure
As an aspiring artist that cannot honestly define what success in art looks like, but simply wants to communicate emotion and empathize
and fear arrived because some art fails
I fear these because resolution doesn’t necessarily mean a good ending.
My version of constriction, love, and failure differ from yours because values deviate,
and my fears may never be resolved,
But it’s okay
I accept that sometimes stories end without closure.
A resolution simply means a result, a tie; not a fix.
It’s hopeful. I have learned to appreciate the small details and strive for the big picture of continuous spiritual and mental growth.
I will accept fear because it means I care, and
that there will always be progress.
Expressing this on paper, discussing thought, in fear, is progress.
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