I Remember

Mon, 05/27/2013 - 23:40 -- bwood94

Location

95377
United States
37° 39' 25.758" N, 121° 28' 6.492" W

Some days it’s so easy to forget; it’s like it never happened.

Other days, it’s impossible to ignore; I wish it never happened.

I thought I could leave it all behind, but it keeps catching up to me,

like a dog that you tell to “stay”, but follows you anyway.

The scars you left are not physical. You didn’t leave a scratch.

But on the inside, if you could see, my heart is cracked.

My mind is tormented by the shadows you left creeping there.

I try to push them out, by telling them I’m not scared.

But right now I cannot deny, the ache I feel inside.

That night, so long ago it seems, flashes before my eyes.

It’s a nightmare on repeat, like a sad song with no end.

Just when you think it’s over, it starts to play again.

I hear myself asking you to stop. I feel my heart pounding in my chest.

I feel your body pressed against mine. The shock and fear steal my breath away.

I remember searching for the words that would make it stop.

I remember being so scared that I couldn’t say a word.

I remember wishing I could hurt you because of all the pain you caused.

I remember reassuring you that it was okay, I wasn’t mad. It wasn’t rape.

I remember crying alone behind locked doors.

I remember thinking, “Oh God, why did this happen? Is this punishment for being bad?”

I remember everything. I wish I could forget.

I wish I could have stopped you. I wish that you had quit.

Now I have to live with the memory of it all.

And every time I see you, I remember what you did.

But I forgave you anyway.

Because you’re my best friend.

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