Some days it’s so easy to forget; it’s like it never happened.
Other days, it’s impossible to ignore; I wish it never happened.
I thought I could leave it all behind, but it keeps catching up to me,
like a dog that you tell to “stay”, but follows you anyway.
The scars you left are not physical. You didn’t leave a scratch.
But on the inside, if you could see, my heart is cracked.
My mind is tormented by the shadows you left creeping there.
I try to push them out, by telling them I’m not scared.
But right now I cannot deny, the ache I feel inside.
That night, so long ago it seems, flashes before my eyes.
It’s a nightmare on repeat, like a sad song with no end.
Just when you think it’s over, it starts to play again.
I hear myself asking you to stop. I feel my heart pounding in my chest.
I feel your body pressed against mine. The shock and fear steal my breath away.
I remember searching for the words that would make it stop.
I remember being so scared that I couldn’t say a word.
I remember wishing I could hurt you because of all the pain you caused.
I remember reassuring you that it was okay, I wasn’t mad. It wasn’t rape.
I remember crying alone behind locked doors.
I remember thinking, “Oh God, why did this happen? Is this punishment for being bad?”
I remember everything. I wish I could forget.
I wish I could have stopped you. I wish that you had quit.
Now I have to live with the memory of it all.
And every time I see you, I remember what you did.
But I forgave you anyway.
Because you’re my best friend.