You May Have Raised Me, But You Don't Know Who I Am
So you found out
Well, how do you feel?
Me?
I feel vulnerable
Anxious
Confused
Judged
Hurt
Angry
Destroyed
This was a side of me that you weren't ready for
I know this
You say you could tell,
But how in the hell could you let the years go by,
And never say anything to my face?
You question me everyday:
Always saying that "This is the last time"
Or
"I won't ask again"
Just don't ask me
Period.
This isn't something for you to handle
It's my battle
I'll be the one that is judged
I'll be the one that is scrutinized by my peers
The one who everyone will whisper and converse to themselves about
You ask me:
"Are you a real Christian?"
What?
WHAT?
WHAT?!?
What does that even mean?
Of course I'm a real Christian!
Just because I feel this way doesn't mean that I will burn down a church
Or worship Satan
Or shout blasphemous words while carving witchcraft on the walls
I still believe
What would make you think so?
You ask me "What about children?"
What about children?
I'm 18
Let me worry about that at 26 or 28
You'll still have your grandchildren
You'll still have a son-in-law
"When will you tell them?"
Who says that I ever have to?
They don't need to know.
"Good...because I would be so embarrassed."
Embarrassed? You would be embarrassed?
Embarrassed that your only child doesn't care if she is with a man
Or a woman
Or a transgender?
Embarrassed that your child wants to be able to love people for who they are,
Not what they are?
Embarrased that your child - your baby girl, that you have raised to adulthood - can
Look beyond imperfections
Look beyond the faces
Look beyond the forefront and into the soul of another person?
If thats true, then I am embarrassed.
I am embarrassed to be born into a family that would ridicule me because I look beyond
Every superficial detail
And just at the person at hand.
But you know what?
You say that you know me,
Inside and out,
But obviously,
You know nothing at all.