Child Abuse
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You were rough and cold
But you licked my wounds dry
Never once I walked away
But you still said goodbye
If you needed something
Only then would you try
To the part in her heart veiling fears
then faking the fears with tears
she didn't know the principles of trading
so the imbalance trading prolonged
the society's brave norms,making her weak
She doesn't like this picture perfect labyrinth of sadness
everytime pushing her like a ping pong back and forth
paying the price of all the love and smiles
she wishes she could run far miles
He told me it was my fault
He told me everything I did led up to my assault
Seven years old and painfully alone
Already grown
Unsafe,Unrealizing,Unheard.
My fault
Old black and white pictures are faded and worn
the pain they portray is there in her eyes.
Innocence doomed from the time she was born,
no tears for a childhood she lost in the night.
It’s the very-merry worried life for all of us!It’s the very-merry worried life for all of us!Instead of not being crabby, we have to properly exert! Instead of being happy, we all end up getting hurt!It’s the very-merry worried life! Several of u
Some bad bug strangers in stealth eat most miserable good bugs in like beautiful butterflies and busy bees everyday, and they always do extremely bad things that aren't very nice, and extremely get away, and they never have good manners like being
Some bad bug strangers in stealth eat most miserable good bugs in like beautiful butterflies and busy bees everyday, and they always do extremely bad things that aren't very nice, and extremely get away, and they never have good manners like being
Soon sixteen and life has not been a dream.
I am told life is not supposed to be hard, yet it is for the little girl.
A smile is illicit in this city
Where policemen hang their hats
On the beaten bodies of little boys
And bribes
And just not giving a shit about whoever
Whatever
It's not their problem
Trauma layer cakeCrack your teeth and give you A stomachacheBefore your shift at the Holiday InnBeading customer complaints out your skin
Accepting what we cannot change only works
When what we cannot change is acceptable
Otherwise, there is misery or apathy
But don't you dare be serene
Accepting what we cannot change only works
When what we cannot change is acceptable
Otherwise, there is misery or apathy
But don't you dare be serene
A pink ruffled dress, a lollipop and red heart sunglasses.
The lollipop, so sweet, so ripe.
I suck on it for a slight sense of dopamine.
**Trigger warning: Deals with Technology assisted Child Sexual Abuse* Graphic language
I met a little girl,
She said she wished she could fly.
I wondered why,
Maybe away from all the sorrow,
I met a little girl,
She said she wished she could fly.
I wondered why,
Maybe away from all the sorrow,
The loss feels unbearable
The anger is never ending
The pain is strong
The relentless traumatic memories.
I’ve died a thousand times
But I’ve never found the right way
To leave this life behind
My inability to live
I’ve died a thousand times
But I’ve never found the right way
To leave this life behind
My inability to live
Explict thoughts
You shroud my mind.
Incomprehensible, albeit, I suffice.
Uniquely you, to each their own.
To each a thorn, a gilded petal.
Strong and gentle.
Thinning time.
So vivid.
walking the eternal stairs with your reprobated soul
to crawl out from the underworld, your final crucial goal
hoping he won't recognize you, now that you've been burned
Dear unforgiven,
Writing ‘Dear father' seems inappropriate
considering you're only my father in the sense that your name is on my birth certificate.
I, will never meet your expectations
I, will always be a disappointment in someone else's eye
I, will never truly be me
I, will always walk in your footprints
I, will never meet your expectations
I, will always be a disappointment in someone else's eye
I, will never truly be me
I, will always walk in your footprints
Have you ever felt
So alone and Confused,
And out of life
not quite amused.
have you ever cried
a plead of help,
As the tears rushed down
when you're by yourself.
She’s scared
Bottles shatter against the tiled ground
She’s tense
From every footstep on creaky hardwood floors
She listens
For every door opened, the next could be hers
I can’t imagine having a dad, especially a good one. All my life I’ve dreamt of this beautiful existence filled with nothing but love and light and joy. Utter bliss and happiness. In return, I became a statistic.
Would’ve been better
If you hung a milestone
around my neck
And let me drown to the depths
Of the sea
My father never was around a lot
He just took over the tv, smoked his weed and cigarettes
Until all his anger took ahold of him
Then he'd hit and yell
Paperwork.
Staff rush off to do it.
Foster parents wait until the last moment to do it
What requires the dreaded paperwork?
Me.
I do.
The system kid.
I’m alone
Stuck in a room, in my home
With multiple residents residing
Yet they seem far
I’m alone
Love I receive, yet ignore
I looked around, and all I heard was a silence sounding.
I listened carefully, but all I saw was the darkness surrounding.
Beyond all the pain, all I felt was my heart pounding.
This is my love, hope, heritage.All inheritance and worth.
All what I spent the currency of time on.Always find peace in you.
My failure and defeats, flops and my falls.The demand of my soul.
I hate him in all his glory but hell he’s improving
There’s a reason i nicknamed him the good o’l asshole
Hell i'm planning a tattoo dedicated to him
I remember the pizza place
Writing all over the walls
A reminder that this room had life
spaces under the floorboards
big enough for people to hide
a Star of David carved into the bed frame
Music blasting through my ears
So loud I can’t hear anything else
Hoping and praying
That I’m never to be found
Carving away all of my pain
All the mirrors in my life
Let me see the prison
I am trapped in
Whether it’s a painting or a photo
Whether it’s a piece of glass or plastic
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sor
When I was small, I was told to smile
Or else I could never be loved,
So I smiled.
When my uncle died,
They said I was too young to grieve,
So I smiled.
Coming back to this floor where I lay
on a house with broken bones.
one year has gone by since I laid
and fathomed what it would feel like to leave this behind
Neci,
My dear friend,
I wish you did not have to leave,
But I cling to the hope of one day seeing you again.
You were so beautiful,
And so kind.
You were so willful,
Hey my dear parents,
i'm your kid,
i'm the one you keep hurting,
the one that keeps believing,
the one that keeps dreaming,
my dear parents,
i'm at a state of depression,
They started together and she then end alone.
She gave birth to me and raised me alone.
But at first their agreements was to be there for one another.
At this moment iam the child of only my mother.
Blood, it runs in your veins and it powers your brain. Tells you what you like what you hate. Shows you your family, your history. Good or bad, wrong or right, Black or White.
Live by memory
Wander and haunt within
As a ghost you kill
As a man, you impress.
Snow couldn’t purify you
I’m in the corner of a small dark room,
And I wanna turn around but I know,
That If I turn around it makes it real,
Dear Mi amor,
i know ur hurting and your in bad pain. You feel alone. You act tough on the outside
but i know deep down your terrified. Tell me and i quote: "Im okay i will be okkkay i can
Because mamma says baby I love you
Because a mothers love is unconditional
Next week she says baby I hate you, and:
I want nothing to do with you anymore.
is this abuse? if it wasn't before
you tell me i'm invalid
a monster
a cruel being to this beautiful world
you brought me in , you can take me out
threats,
how obscure
Family
They are everything
To the outsider, we are perfect.
No rough edges. No problems. No imperfections.
No one sees the internal workings of a broken machine.
I cried.
I sobbed.
My whole body shook and trembled from my cries.
Thoughts bounced back and forth in my burning mind.
It was non-stop.
I am not an empath,
How could I possibly protect myself to lie and say;
After experiencing it all second hand,
More and more each day
Where my tears not good enough
did my pain not feed u enough
did the screams not release your hatred
did your fake sentiment fix the wounds you gave me
young man, you owe me your innocence
forget the dull waving of the wisteria vine.
you look at me,
animal,
crying for the reason of man.
Do you remember me?
The scared little girl
Hiding and shivering
Silently weeping
To avoid being heard
Over the sound of her parents’
Ruthless words
In the closet
From every sound that I make
My hearth leaps with fear
From the things that you might say
Or the eye that will turn my way
My door is closed for a reason
I don't even wanna leave
From every sound that I make, my heart leaps with fear
From the things that you might say, or the eye that’ll turn my way
I’m in this box of fear with words that I don’t wanna say or hear
i lay here
wondering why,
i just cant baer,
i just want to say goodbye,
to this world that suposse to so well known,
i cant breath.
i wish i would have shown,
No!
I shout,
to your tempest desires
your unwanted touch
sets my skin aflame
No! No! No!
you hurt me deep
The Brownies.
Its time was coming …. again.
The change of atmosphere.
The fear grows.
Something is wrong.
Tension wakes it.
Screams and Pleading.
Its home is approached.
Child Abuse
Once upon a midnight smelly
Child abuse - tormentor of my dreams
Deep into that darkness hurting
Fallen angel,From the sky,Will you be okayFrom so high?
You did little wrong,To make him mad,Are you happy?Are you glad?
you see I live in my mind
of course there is no escape
ever since I was 5 years old
I have been a victim of rape
but I put a smile on my face
to keep everyone else okay
not worrying about
Born to be unloved.
Made to be broken.
It’s tough love and shoves.
Quick slaps whenever miss spoken.
Made to be broken.
I told her I'd die for her,
ripping my heart from my chest
to keep one little light alive.
If you ever doubt your worth I breathe for you.
Two souls I sought to protect in a world that abandoned me.
I would lie awake at night while everybody else slept
I would play games with the ceiling
I would crouch on the bathroom floor waiting
She broke you
So many times
That after awhile you couldn’t
Feel a goddamn thing
So I cried for you
And you couldn’t understand why
I need to get out of this house.I force my fave into a smile, that smile a trial of my resistance.Every second a sentance hurled at me that collides hard and fast and on the outside I take it
Monday,
The day I wake to work.
The day that makes me realise,
How short life is.
I dred Mondays,
Yet I am safe,
Safe from harm.
While I walk to work,
Thousands of children,
I used to think that it was important that I immediately knew who I was.
What I found was that I still do not know. I know what I like and what I do not like.
I know I have struggled to be who I thought I should be.
I was 1-4 when i got abused from my birth dad named Austin my birth mom named Juliea
drank. I finally moved to a better home and a better neighborhood called peppers ranch
I’ll say I remember, until I learn how to live with forgetting.
I’m not sure which is worse off.
A body controlled by a mind that refuses to remember what has happened.
Huge Trigger warning- This talks about my childhood abuse and how it made me suicidal-
Slamming doors, broken glass
Replaying words from the past
Empty bottles, angry hearts
Remembered
Lost. Alone. Afraid
Why? Why us?
What have I done?
Are we forgotten?
Home, something I will never know
Remembered
Lost. Alone. Afraid
Why? Why us?
What have I done?
Are we forgotten?
Home, something I will never know
The one to nurture and give love
The one to hold you when times are tough
The one who's supposed to be there no matter what
But where were you?
From time to time Inside this heart of mine
I stare into the mirror To see clear
For the very first time In the depths of my obscure mind
Pain
We are given love
to receve pain
by our mother and fathers we fail
Fail to see there love only their hate
They fail to see the hope we give
or the hope we lack
Shedding tears is part of human emotional package.
And most time we shed tears in response of an emotional state.
But do we always cry when in pain?
Can we cry because we are happy?
Remember that time you tried to hurt me?
That day when you put your hands on me?
That day when you took away what was once so precious?
What possessed you to rip away the soul of a child?
That kid was so innocent.
Im in a prison.
Not a real one, but one of your creation.
I try to bust through the bars
but I can not.
Although it used to be a lot worse.
I could not break through any bars
or windows
I cant anymore.
I lie awake at night sometimes, even with my meds.
I can still feel the hands
The skin
The breath
The feeling
The pain.
I can still feel it.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
The vivid scream of someone I love.
The cry of help from the monstrosity my father has brought into my home.
While I sat
food oh food I long for you,
drink oh drink you too,
just wait another day than everything will be okay,
waiting is is not a game I want to play,
to the world I have nothing to say
Dear dad-
did you ever lay your eyes on me?
I remember in agony and melancholy,
My entire childhood was spent wondering what hell did I do to you
and what heaven could I have done
to keep you around.
Through The Eyes Of A Child
By: Kala Tirado
Through the eyes of an innoncent child
In what world would you have imagined
Living in a world where things just do not make sense
His rough hands
The way he handled me
How he pushed me down,
In my half unconscious state.
First my jeans,
Then my shirt
Then those I call undies…
Used, a thing
A toy,
You say, “how could you do this?”
And I saw the anger in your eye
And the gloss on your cheek
The quiver on your bottom lip
I lay my head on my pink pillow
Starring up at the ceiling
Looking back I wish she was a widow
Having love was an unknown feeling
The calming color of purple
I close my eyes and follows a tear
Escaping into my shell like a turtle
Strangled by fear
Don't Worry....
I'll make sure she is fed, change her diapers and read her favorite book before bed.
Don't Worry....
Don't Worry....
I'll make sure she is fed, change her diapers and read her favorite book before bed.
Don't Worry....
Trigger Warning
Chinese food.
The smell of the foreign cuisine
Makes my ribs ache in agony
as nausea overpowers my senses
until all that is left is desperate panic.
The world is a place
where hopes and dreams slowly get erased
that little boy you once were is now just a memory
the world broke him in so many ways
Now this little boy feels like a disgrace
I grew up in a house without any walls
We had no secrets I knew everything
Growing up we were close or so i thought
Years passing and I feel like we were under construction
I hate it here and yet nobody seems to see. Nobody cares and nobody helps from the outside looking in we’re “lucky” but I wanna know what for? For clothes? Shoes? How about love? How about support? You know how many times I’ve wanted to die.
Your words carried the strength of a determined man,
a man with the passion to kill those who wronged him.
They began to suffocate me slowly, one by one,
like hands tightly grasping my neck.
There is a reason you have trust issues,
the whole idea of trust is questionable.
How could one of the few people who are supposed to love you, not able to?
You could force the blame on yourself,
Hush little one don't be afraid hoping you will be able to make it through another day So many open doors that you are scared to walk in, thinking you'll pick the wrong one that will lead you to sin again. God hold my hand & guide me down the
I stayed calm
Avoiding your harm
All these marks on my arm
Just like a Rooster on a barn
Your voice has no charm
Your anger is the alarm
When I cry
My love, you try to buy
“Crying solves nothing” you reply
You become a spy
Trying to get more, you pry
My words you tie
Everything’s fineUntil her world collapsesBecause of her anxiety. She walks in the room, shakingWalking up to her dadHer abuser, her enemy,Her worst nightmare. Takes a seatAnd starts to cryBecause of her anxiety The man in front of her,Perfect
Daddy Daughter Memories
You have good memories you have bad ones. But the ones that stick are bad ones. I have never understood why they do, but they do.
A child's body
A adult's mentality
Brutalized since captured
Traumatized and battered
Innocence lost
A new life is lived
Trained to perfection
Trained for use
A life once lived
I feel her heart getting colder
I reach for her hand
Searching to feel her love
She pushes me away
There is so much weight on my shoulder
You have only known me while I grew up in a closet,
I feel like I’m alone, having no one to hold my hand,
No one to comfort me, or to tell me “I promise it’s going to get better!”,
Tears, tears go away.Why must you come back almost every day?You remind me of my pain.You remind me of my past.Why can't you go away?Just let this happiness last.
You, my dear, are nothing special.
No more significant than the dust
On your unread books.
No more important than the stale
Ambition in your eyes,
Or the grey clouds in the sky.
There's a boy in the attic
Pulling wings off of angels
His brain filled with static
Waiting for the flame
That will burn his world down
No one comes looking here
No one wants to find him
I grew up loved
Without the help of my father
Though I saw him on weekends
We were emotionally farther
I was quiet because I didn’t know
How to get involved
I was told to man up
Thank You
For not being there
When I needed you the most
I hope you’re aware
That you’re a horrible host
How would I learn
To be a man without my father
The one who shapes his son
I remember not the innocent death of my smile.
For it was all but innocent.
My smile was murdered by those with the twisted faces
And shadowed bodies
There is one thing I want in this life.
One thing I yearn for,
One thing I long for,
I want the will to speak.
This one thing is an ache
I'm falling behind
I can't keep you in my mind
You're just tearing me apart
From everything that's in my heart
There used to be a we
But now there's just me
You have ruined my past life
Why did you stay so long
when we begged you to leave?
Do you wish you had listened
to us years ago when we told you
he scares us?
You stayed for your kids is what you
said in June,
Big Boy In A Big World
The world is wider than his mama's pearl't
don't understand why I hide behind this big ego of mine
must be hard bein' a Dodge kind of guy
I feel hurt but can't explain it, no
When I was four.
Being locked in my room for hours
left with a book and nothing else
facing the door, waiting for you to walk in and scream at me.
It’s 12:47 AM And the door is flung ajarI can smell the alcohol before he appearsGentleman’s JackBut I assure you this man is no gentleman
Life at home is like a dark abyss,
Lying awake at night
Staring at the stars.
Every night a knock at the door
As a dark shadow creeps in through the light.
As time continues forward there’s always been this lonesome thought floating in my mind ever since I was a child: “Why good people let themselves get treated so badly”. This phrase was the root of my insperation that my mind had graced me with.
The fact is that you did not raise me
You neglected me
You betrayed me
You left me there to figure it all out on my own
At times
Certain moments
My blood boils at the very mention of your name
Does it make sense how easily you drive me insane
All I think is wrapping my hands around your throat
As kids we are told
to fix ourselves
so we look
in the mirror of beauty
and see that we
are just as pretty
as the flowers
in the field
Of other pretty flowers
Dear Father,
Why do you always put me down?
From Daughter,
Why do you love to steal my crown?
To Monster,
I don't like the view from the ground.
Hold on sir,
Let us turn this upside down.
1. Just because you have the same blood as someone, doesn’t mean you have to call them family.
2. Just because you carry the same blood as someone, doesn’t mean that you need to show them respect.
I am inspired by my past
Not what I went through,
But how long it last.
After a while it became abuse,
Not physical
But mental, and emo-tion-al.
Your home is silent, full of peace.
Just you and your thoughts.
Just you.
As you open the door, there are so many things going on.
Screaming.
Crying.
Forest fires.
Carrying this burden is starting to show. Silent
Alarms go off and her sensors are right. But I still lie.
Nasty lies that scent like lavender gets her off my back for a little while.
The absence of hope behind a girl’s eyes
That use to shine so bright.
He took that from her.
She pretended to have so much life
But no one knows
behind that mask she sobs
because of the pain she hides.
Innocence taken without warning
left alone, broken and torn.
Scared to speak up, scared to be shunned,
Don't tell a soul, don't let them see the ugly truth.
Fine on the outside,
Dying on the inside.
Innocence taken without warning
left alone, broken and torn.
Scared to speak up, scared to be shunned,
Don't tell a soul, don't let them see the ugly truth.
Fine on the outside,
Dying on the inside.
Everyone says that boys will be boys
But us girls aren't dolls or personal sex toys
It's not fine to steal other's joys
To make someone scared to even make a noise
Today was a battle,
Yesterday a fight.
Tomorrow will be another...
Reminder of this war.
You’ve taken my youth,
This is just to say
I do not want
to see you again,
for you suck
as a “quote” father
this you’ll never
admit, but the
Well CLEARLY Ruth Kelly ....
Something's ... A Bit SMELLY ... !!!
Employment For PERVERTED Sorts ... !?!
Now Then Dear Ruth What Is The TRUTH ... ?!?
It's Time For Scores ... Say CERTAIN LORDS ... !!!
The young child all in his room
full of blue emotions
listening to MCR
for hours on end.
The child’s mother is tripping,
Your words stung my soul
Your heart as black as coal,
I don’t understand why
You made me want to die,
You hurt me with three little words
What makes you think i’m a bad person?
I try to make peace with you
But every time you shot me down
But I always wrap my wounds
And get back up.
What she thought made her strong, made her weak.
So weak, she couldn't lift her head.
But she found her strength
In the future.
And the farther she got from her past,
The stronger she was.
I put these words on this page because everyday my heart is ripped to pieces like a piece of paper deemed unneeded.
Sure everyday is a new day but man, everyday is the same with all this torture and all this pain.
A father-- who beat his kid sensless
A son-- who raped his little sister
A mother-- who's on too many drugs to see this
A little girl-- Who wants nothing but a real family in this world.
Protection
You don’t know me
In fact at all.
Yet you raised me
Anger billowing inside my chest
up into my lungs, choking
Dad says on.
I turn on.
Mom says eat.
I eat.
Dad says now.
I go now.
Mom says clean.
I clean.
Programmed to do what my parents say.
One small error leads to a big dismay.
Thoughts running wild
I run, I play
The mind of a child
What a good day!
I just want to be free
"Why can't I leave?"
"Out there it's not safe. Just stay with me."
Ghosts fade in the wind
Savage beast with human skin
Sing and rejoice
As the king makes his choice
Children muted by fate
Bruises taint their small gait
Speak
For those who cannot.
For those afraid of what will happen next.
So they hide in their closets with their siblings, telling them,
“Do not speak.”
As dad hits the walls,
For many this is a dreadful place
But for him it is so much more
A place where all the rooms are brightly colored
The halls filled with frowns
And a boy with a glim in his eye
you know i still love youbut i will always hate you toofor so many reasonsleaving me alone at 6 on friday nights till 2am the next dayi never ate enoughyou never noticed
I am from all the forgotten places,
from the depths, and the tall grasses.
I am from the splintered glass,
vile, painful.
It tasted like rust and salt,
"Sitting in the bedroom tears on the floor
a kick and a scream from outside the door
mom and dad are yelling
i feel like telling
the more they fight
it seems right...
I remember being rammed into the wall with a gun Barrow under my chin.
I remember feeling everything about me die within.
home
a house
separated by nature
walls on all sides
no sidewalks no neighborhood
kids
no one to hear you yell
So, here is an ancient tale,
Tell what it makes you feel,
There was once a little girl,
Whom loved all of her friends
But one day, when all was clear,
The sky was blue, and the sun was clear,
Hey little jazzier girl..................
Dusky skinned with lil curls
Elated, intrepid and demure
Plethora of dreams, intentions pure
I'm blinded by your light,
You who is a god in my eyes.
Tell me, what good is vision
If you do nothing but block it out?
Oh Apollo, god of the Sun,
You've taken form as my Superman
She was Rapunzel, but her hair was her tower.
Thick, heavy tresses that weighed her down, dark tendrils tied her to Earth
She hated the chains, but she didn't have the key.
He did.
Long live obsessed with kept secretsI’ll find them in men of all kindsDaisies wash awayOne by one I call out the ones who Double dealed, fake, and flaked.I’m just looking for absolution
Time is passing,
still procrastinating.
With much to endeavor,
won’t last forever.
Dream so wild,
yet aspects mild.
One moment in time,
A thoughtless rhyme.
I prepped the room for your arrival
Knowing soon a call was near
I ached you didn’t fight for survival
The door opened and your laugh I hear
Am i invisble to you? Is my pain invisble you try to be good yet all you cause is chaos and suffering. I left cause of that and i won't come back, if you think i am you sadly mistaken. you ruin me like you ruin my heart.
So, I ask you where do I go?
Because right now I really don’t know.
Where would people accept me, what place is there?
Where should I go for people who care?
And you might think this world is it
There he goes, a good man by all rights
Nothing like him living on this earth
Virtuous and godly, clean, and kind
Practically perfect since his birth.
Who can procure positivity
As a child, I was ignorant of the world
Ignorant of other's pain
Ignorant of their devastation
Unaware that when the reality is revealed
I would never be the same.
I look back at the house that built me very different then the one before that
what stands in the doorway frightens me
I can hear his drunken slurs and harsh demeanor stares right at me
Hello, my name is Courtney Cook I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, depression, Bipolar, panic attacks, and ADHD.
When I was a kid
I used to think Caspar the Ghost
lived in the vents of my room.
I would tie scarves to my ceiling fan
and pretend I was Tarzan.
and here I sit, rehearsed some times before
tears fall on cue, you brush my hair away
no one is perfect time again you'd say
i didn't know you meant you wern't too
sometimes I'd fight sometimes I didnt try
My memory is marked by a beating of the heart
One beat stay alive, yet one beat to shut it down
When I think back, every memory is in blue
On that long day,
The sun refused to set.
Assualted in broad dayight
in plainsight like prey.
There was a child left alone-
Young teen in the streets, looking for love on empty.
Mother's love wasn't enough so she had to leave.
Then she met you, bright eyed beauty.
Never knew she was special
Late night convos, a late night session
My words are a glimpse into my mental state. I'll navigate through your mind like the interstate. My inner rage is due to all the years of all the hate. It's almost more than I can seem to contemplate.
When I grow up, I want to be a doctor,
But those who were created to mold me are destroying my universe.
I wanted to play doctor and princesses,
But here I am with my arms being home to my siblings.
The dawning days of physical and mental strain captivated me/
Consumed my essence of self- reliance, contorted dopamine/
My usually misunderstood past plagued my morals
He was my knight shining through the dark
No matter what others said they knew
He was always the light shining through
Even if he did always hit the mark.
The summer of 2012 I was sitting on the porch
On my right was my big sister of course
We sat there talking as if life was okay
Then she told me some news that blew me away
They say the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree,
But I have tried so hard to just be free.
Trapped in the life that was killing me.
Do you remember what it was like to fall asleep on the couch
Wake up in your bed but dont remember how you got there?
To have life your way with no responsibilities
Everybody has hope right?
Wrong.
I no longer have hope.
I had hope for years, but then I lost it.
Because I lost my mom and my dad beat me.
Im a 16 year old stuck in a 6 year olds body
can't stand high enough to get the cereal out of the pantry
everybody treats me as if I'm a nobody
can't get enough attention until I get angry
“Let's see how long it takes till you come back.”
Those were your last word to me as I moved out,
as I went back and forth one box at a time.
Alone
A debt to the universe,
to everybody who didn't get to be a child.
Quiet for the rest.
Time grew with the bodies of flesh,
onto the long list of the dead.
How can I hate those who raised me, When I am their baby? And I know that they hurt me, But I have been learning, That they are people too, There's a bunch of fucking shit that they went through.
You dont understand what you doin to me
Should I spell it out for you to see
Death means absolutely nothin to me
Imma keep doin what I do, it sets me free
From all the pain and humiliation in the past
I am who I am because you made me.
Because you made me doesn’t mean your my mother.
There were often sometimes you treated me as an other.
Stalking through darkness
A feeling of encroaching predation
He seems to have a prowess
In checking for my sedation
Blinded by his appitite
the fear you feel
it isn't from the changes you keep going through
it's from the growth you've endured.
you're afraid to be the person you've become
you're afraid that everything will change
Smart girl, smart girl how did you end up like this?
I did not have a voice, I did not have a choice
Smart girl, smart girl how did you end up like this?
To my younger siblings
--who are separated
And feeling
I abandoned you
As your oldest sibling, I take responsibility for our parting
I endure the troubled memories of our past
he was raised well
he found love
he found work
he found education
he found happiness
his parents told him always
"It's for your own good"
Its always been for his own good
1 It's been 12 months and i’ve taken my first stepsLittle did I know each one meant something2 I was terrible to know right from wrong and wrong from rightThen came left3 Every night mommy and daddy would tuck me in tightScared away the monster an
The four walls in my room are white
The only white thing I’ve learned to love
To Trust
I spoke to them day after day
Knowing they’d listen without judging me
There was a time when I was so quiet
The silence it came from the fear of a riot
Occuring so fast and caused by my blast
Of words I couldn't contain
For if they remained
Inside me the same
Grew up in an unwelcome environment
Family abused me
It still hurts,
All time and energy spent
Grew up being told
I couldn't do it
Teenage struggles
and words hurt
I remember the day I grew up
It happened way too early, and way too harshly
It wasn’t when I was sixteen when I got my first car and paid my first bill
Dear sister,
I was 9 years old the first time I woke up with my underwear missing.
Pure as milk, innocent as a lamb, I thought maybe I had taken them off myself.
A letter to my younger self
I know things aren’t right
I know you cry every night
Visions and flashbacks of that man between your thighs
I know you want to die
You ask me to tell you when I realized I was growing up
Well that’s a complicated question
Cause I can say I was forced to grow up the moment my father decided to molest me from ages 5 to 13
You made me realize I was no longer a child, when you took off my clothes
You undressed me for my shower, when I was eight
You sat me on the counter top, my bare bottom on the cold granite
waiting....
hours go by.
it took a hole in me
leaving me empty, cold and mourning.
as it eats me up
leaving me with nothing but burning lungs and a broken heart.
Like broken glass,
the shattered pieces of my mind fall into different directions.
I try, but I will never be able to put them back together,
precisely the way they were before.
Some may be mended,
To my palm sweating, nerve crashing whore:
Storms aren’t always what they may perceived to be
A devotion your yellow aura may reach in every direction, arms spread with longitude, tangled,
Yet a bliss
A dress form is a peculiar thing.
It sits in a storefront window,
Showcasing a dressmaker’s work.
Much like a dress form,
Grow up to make wake up the world
Grow up to save the honests,trolled
Grow up to write your name in bold
Grow up to give a lesson to world
I am a movie star
And I’m perfect for the job
I do what I’m told and I won’t tell a soul I promise
It doesn’t hurt that bad anymore
You told me I was your little pearl.
Glimmering and white,
Pure and loved,
A beauty to beat the rising sun.
I was naïve and innocent,
People think that i'm just a girl
A girl who lives a happy life
That girl that always smiles
The one who always laughs
Only reality knows that none of this is true
I'm broken inside
It was a
Snap
That
Slapped
Your hand across my mouth.
Silence.
What a deadly sound!
Shots of pain and
A loss,
But not only a loss.
We played
We were careless
We trusted
That was reckless
While protected by the light
The darkness held monsters
It was supposed to be alright
But nobody knew he was an imposter
I am from handmade red canoes,
from farm land and a white well.
I am from broken bones and bleeding hearts, and crumbling floors and whispering walls.
I am from a pear tree
A year ago as I wept and cried.
I felt depressed. I wanted to die.
2 bruises here and 2 bruises there
A cut on my leg, covered with air.
My lip was cut; My heart was crushed
Now I am Free
You used to be able to destroy me
No you have no part of me
When I left your home,
It feel as if I left my dome of missery
You no longer control me
Now I am free.
What drugs made you think of me,
My helpful little helper bee?
The pollination of disease,
Upon your naked worm I feed,
I wish that I could free your soul,
My whirly, girly, rolly-poll,
Run girl run, your heart pounds fast A little further, tonight will be in the past Her face feels mean, she’s not what she seems Her feet pound the ground As she, buries out the sound With every burning gasp of air She wipes away The hate in his g
When someone like them
Someone who’s hurt you your whole life
Has hurt you to the extent they have
When they have such a strong hold on you
That you continue to deal with it
they could never catch us.
not because we didn't want them to,
but because we didn't know how to let them.
we spent our nights wishing for someone to save us
and our days pushing away those who tried.
By time, my brotherYou had yet goneDown a dangerous gravel pathIt hadn’t been too longFor your brotherWould still be able to laugh
Confused, but guilty
By time, my brotherYou had yet goneDown a dangerous gravel pathIt hadn’t been too longFor your brotherWould still be able to laugh
Confused, but guilty
They tell you to fight back
They assume you can
They want you to tell them
But I was only 8 when it started
He told me to shut up
He told me he'd kill my family
He told me I was nothing
Mind you,
my body won't allow anyone to touch me
Not for a hug, a commitment, salvation, a beating or some distance.
If a woman touches me, it'll be my mother striking me agressively.
with drops of thears going down my face
with drops of my blood dripping off of something sharp
and I just wanna go straight for my heart
Why should I stay here?
why do you suddenly care?
any other time I'm not good enough
any other time I'm ready to go
I've been ready to go for far too long
but now you suddenly love me?
When I was five I had a Daddy
He was tall and kind
And he called me his princess
But he was scary when he was mad
I told a fib and he grabbed my arm
You were my fighter and protector.
When I grew you became my best friend.
I always felt I could count on you.
Then my first day of school came.
I started to notice things.
I remeber the first time when
I looked Fear in the eyes
This entity looked like a bear
Its ugly face with fangs of terror
Bit down on my skin
Leaving a scar to last forever.
Running from a monster ten times my speed
Momma I must go before the spirits latch on me
Just in time fore i am swallowing the key
and im trapped within the prison
A prison where the mind flirts with insanity
The rain beats on the windows.
She dashes out into the storm
And bounds up the stairs to get an umbrella.
She brings it back and opens the door for the little girl.
I pull myself deeper
as my mind is a weight that
pulls me down
into the ocean where
all the strange and ugly creatures
make their home in my
abandoned temple
worn down by the hands of
I have never doubted the ability
of a womans rage, and
the floppy arc of a chosen mans
black leather belt
marring my skin with the days when
I was bad, but you were good
What made me write this
Youll never see
But I cant hold this emotion
Or else I'll lose me
So i will rip it out of my chest
And put it on this page
I will not rest
Here comes my voices
Sundays aren’t happy days.
Devil beats his wife;
mommy beats me.
I hide; she seeks.
No way to escape—
terror will always be there,
within the purple skin.
I'm scared to grow up because I don't want to turn into my mother
They always say "you look just like her"
And don't you behave the same?
I don't want to grow up and be so volatile that my kids can't come to me
Why do I have a life?
Do I hurt you when you hit me?
Why do you do drugs?
Why do you hate me?
Why do you hate me and not the others?
I am lost!
Why is life so difficult?
What are my choices?
Laying on the floor,
My ear pressed to the carpet.
Down below me I could hear their voices,
Their laughter,
Their joy,
Their love.
Up here, it was quiet,
Up here, I was alone.
I'm afraid
That your death
Don't exist to me
Because you live
In my dreams
Of my childhood
You broke
Everything
But your memories
Live
My hate dies with me
Not you
Don't come near me..
please stop right there.
I don't want your hands...
Although I know I said stop,
a million different times,
your hands caress my tiny body.
Groping and grabbing,
White frost blue sky’s as I count those lonely days that go by
Walking through the snow as the wind blows cold
The color of your eyes was the spark of my life
You've hurt me once and you've hurt me twice, but now it's my turn to throw the dice.
I play my cards and I pay the toll, who knows what fate the dice will roll.
Growing up some terrible things happened to me.
But there are days that I wish I did not survive.
Though I go to couselling it doesn’t always help revive.
A little boy
Forced to cry.
Dehydrated
from lack of joy.
What did he do wrong
Perhaps it was his father's guilt.
Again he cried.
Reaching out
No one heard him.
A pact sealed
When you pick and choose
When you love your child
That child has a better chance
To grow up picking and choosing
When and when not to love themselves
how did I overcome one of my fears?/well, there were many days of failure./days of grief that destroyed me./days of sadness that buried me./days of darkness that blinded me./but, between the hurt,/the pain,/the suffering,/there were days of joy./d
Bleeding, crying and hiding.
Scared of the train that went past your house at exactly midnight,
but really just scared of everything.
You were supposed to run wild and build blanket forts.
once flesh then ivory and finally marblepygmalion, who did you pray to?i was human once once upon a time there was a princess singing downy tones in a dark nursery and her eyes folded at the corners and filled into two sightless concord crescents
I am not the unheard voice you tried to make me
and I am nothing like how you try to portray me,
I've removed those shackles from my feet
the day I went "No Contact"
As a child, everything made me happy
I didn’t know how to feel when my arms were hurting and bruised
I always thought that I did something wrong, you were angry and upset
I was a child, but I knew it wasn’t my fault
Dear Dad, now that you’re gone, it isn’t over, and it’s never done.
The work we do while on Earth is only intended for our spiritual growth.
He went to school everyday
Each day wishing it would never end
Going home to a mother and father
Just like most
Except no loving arms there to greet him
Faun is a humanoid creature
Fond of children
That addictive creeper
He is half man
He is half goat
In the bushes he snoops
Play goes his flute
a magnet for the youth
He then gets his way
There was a rose that stood out from all the red ravishing ones.
This one bloomed too early onto the sacred ground of Mother Nature's beautiful creation,
There was a rose that stood out from all the red ravishing ones.
This one bloomed too early onto the sacred ground of Mother Nature's beautiful creation,
It was not a snap that broke her,
Or the purple on her skin.
It was a gentle fondling,
From a man she thought her kin.
It was not a dirty van that housed her,
She isn't broken,
but if she were it would be simpler,
because then she could fix herself.
She isn't broken, but bruised,
not cracked, but dented.
she once loved so deeply,
I am from lawnmowers being my alarm clock on Saturday morning,
From the street where children played from sunrise to street light time.
i was blind.
but you held onto my hand as a child. you held
onto the next eighteen years of your future.
i was dragged.
Sometimes my house is not a home but a prison
From the front yard it looks like a lovely family
But the grass isn't always greener on the other side
Little girl, please stay little forever,
But
Little girl I need you to understand that your daddy doesn’t care about you
Little girl you knew he wouldn’t show up just like last time
I remember being youngcareless, not a worry in the world
I was so happyI was that kid running aroundtrying to race everyone
never feeling alone
I would really like to say that my high school years were awesome
That I was a great student, that I've grown and blossomed.
But the reality of Russian educational system
Is that you scream for dear mercy.
She cries in pain all alone,
no one knows what she goes through each day.
She wakes to screams,
her own you see.
The haunting memories of his hands against her skin;
My mother unknowingly inspired me to write.
This poem is dedicated to her.
My mom. My former best friend.
The same mother who let me get bruised and bullied
For five long years.
Young childrenUnclothedCold unfedThat go unnoticed by Parents Drugged Never home Living for themselves Systems Broken RushedRuined Children with no role models Give us no chance For future The child looks at me I am just a child
I trusted you, with everything I had
But I guess that wasn't enough
I told you I loved you and spent every moment I could with you
But I guess that wasn't enough
He walks into the room, immediately I get stiff.
For I know that the words are coming.
The words that cut like knives,
The words truly do break my bones,
A child no longer.
Left home and all of
His abuse behind.
Tries to stay alive;
Cigarettes: sunlight,
Opioids: moonlight
Remember and I will stay, Stay to haunt you for the rest of your days. But to forget is to forgive, so forgive me? Unless you don't want me to live that is. But go ahead and live your life in spite. Because I know I am right. I may be locked away
I am vast and I am blue and more than you can see
I am loud and I will be heard by everyone
So with this crash I say -No- I decree
That I am my own being and I cannot be undone
The year was 1991You just turned 69My second birthdaywas mere days away
It was 1991when you robbed mewhen you stole my innocencewhen you stole my youth
A little girl sitting on the stepsHer big blue eyes flooded with tearsYet only a single tear running down her cheek
Everyone thinks my family is perfect.
I must not know the meaning of perfect.
Does perfect mean constant fighting?
Does perfect mean being locked in my room for days?
I am a disapointment.
I am a Bitch.
I am a brat.
I am ugly.
I am a disgrace.
I AM A NOBODY.
I AM NOTHING.
At least thats what my mother says.
CHILD ABUSE
“I’m only a child”
My fingers are itchy
My tummy is empty
My clothes are dirty
Tears are shedding off,
Slowly down on my chicks
Broken hearts shine the brightest
Because they're so good at catching glimpses of the sun
And reflecting them the farthest and highest
While gleaming like a face intoxicated by red rum.
It was pathetic
the way he had to handle it
the situation
the missing phone
our mom's phone
my sister took it
said she needed it
Why did it have to be you?She could have chosenSomeone nicer, cleaner, and more helpful,But she decided youWere the perfect fit.
Would you have remained,
had you known;
Would you have love me
if I was not your own?
I do not believe, though it remains unknown,
but I am yours truly
yet you deny me.
This is a story about a little girl
Who spent her childhood
Caring for her siblings
Loving them with great passion.
This little girl’s biological mother had a boyfriend
He was abusive
He told me.
You are Great,
Don’t ever falter, just look towards your fate
He told me.
You are Strength,
Give all your effort, and you’ll beat anything, at any length
He showed me.
Your hunger for wanting what was between my legs at the age of five. All the blood coming out making me empty inside. My childhood being torn away like a leaf floating in the air.
Tell me why the hell should I try
She isn't going to see me as
successful
she won't see my
acomplishments
she won't let me be
her daughter
So why
why should I try
Why should I
I have never been a lion
I know that, I recognize the silence that seeps from my skin
Always in the hidden corners of my mind but sometimes, I think my quiet is deceiving
I don't roar my convictions
I look at him
And he looks back at me
And I know we remember
I know we are both thinking of that time
Different pages
Same plot
A child at the age of 4 cries upon her swing
and tries to bring her feelings out in words she tries to sing.
Doing things to make you happy
And they do the opposite of what I intended
Try to get through while respecting your punishment
I am living my life and doing your bidding
she’s tired
her bones ache from all of the stretching and compressingand she’s tired
she’s angry
From the day I was born,
I knew I was not wanted.
Through my eyes she saw darkness, fear, hate, envy.
This world is not all sunshine and rainbows,
This world is," Let me use your face as a punching bag,
Shaking on the ground
The bruised girl lay there still
Staring at the ceiling
Yearning for the hills
Bang, there goes her trust
It's weird how I feel so alone in my own home.
It seems that No one really knows.
I go home and time slows.
I'm stuck with nowhere to go.
It's hard to find hope in such a damaged home.
Am I tainted now? I’m asking out of curiosity.
My darling, sweet child of mine,
Don’t blame yourself for this act of atrocity.
A twisted man crossed the line,
A little girl got hurt today,
Sad and alone with nothing to say.
I saw you sit beside her,
helped her hold her head a little higher,
You made her smile,
And her laughter was heard for a mile.
Why do you love to see me cry?
I'm all alone and you don’t see
that the words you say
the things you do
they all hurt
they hurt like a thousand knives
they hurt worse than a heartbreak
I was listening to a radio station’swarning of a nearby storm,when I first heardthat by the time you hear thunder,it means you are close enoughto get struck by lightning,and I thought back toa time where hearing your voicemeant it was already too
We were always ‘unfinished business’, like an incomplete sentence - never a full stop, always a semicolon; you’d come and you’d leave your mark in every inch of my world.
I told myself I’d write
until my fingers went numb
and the taste of you
turned into something sour,
something I could spit out.
I told myself the words
could make it better,
Inside your mind there is a place deep inside
Where a battle rages with the utmost fury
And the soldiers in your mind can only hide
The monster that they battle is one to bury
The house on S street, is where the angel walks and puts a flower behind your ear and holds you. Her wings are torn and broken calluses cover her hands.
I don't understand.
I don't get why you are mad.
I don't get why you won't talk to me.
I don't get why you got mad at me for speaking my mind.
I don't get why you get to speak your mind but not me.
I've been told I have a dark sense of of view.
I tell them you would to if you been what I've been through.
No love at home
No hugs and kisses goodbye
Everytime someone left I thought I would die.
Life is a game and not the fun kind
There's no reset button and no extra life.
Why is it someone can be here one minute then gone the next day?
Because life is a bit hard you say?
How could she let this happen
She put her trust in a deceiver
She let this man enter our lives
She knew what he was capable of
She married him.
Rain brings memories of a childhood
disturbed,
turned into nothing worth mention.
Drawing attention to thoughts
of things had that never crossed
her mind
were possible,
at one time.
I knew evil as a child
It feasted off my mind
A demon in human clothing
It smiled at me knowing
I would call it by its name
Mother
I said
You told me who I was,
Made me work just to belong.
You told me what I thought,
And then convinced me I was wrong.
You say “It never happened,”
Now I’m questioning my sanity.
Beast of burden
It’s me!
One side of the coin, I am a child
Another side, I am more than a child…
A mother, a father, a brother, sister, aunt…
Who am I?
A girl just the age of seven
Encountered a man
He said "This will be heaven"
Sneaking into her room at night after her mom was in bed
Again and again, broken down and violated in her bed
Blue
Reminds me of many things
A sky that swirls before my eyes like a kaleidoscope
Water that ripples around me as I place my feet in the cold lake
first, a nude girl in the dead of the night;
your hands have taught her flight and fright.
and as you sneer, her castle will crumble
and she will be nothing but a part of the rubble.
Left alone in quiet desolation
Darkness devouring all parts of me that remained light
They say that hope is dangerous
A thin thread that could snap in an instant
They say I was broken, bruised
When you found me, I was a scared little girl whose pretty pink bows had been torn away from her hair.
You wrapped me up in your words and comforted me with your presence
Some nights I can barely look at myself some nights I can barely thinkI can't even imagine why someone like you would want to hurt someone like me I'm supposed to call you dad supposed to call you father
He is Helmsman.
There’s no way to tell
what’s real and what’s hell
A man, he says you fail.
without speaking a word
Do you remember when I was small and frail
And you wanted nothing more than to see me fail
Remember when I was a threat
Because I passed our mother's tests
You must remember your anger
I hurt because of youThe pain I felt when you hurt meThe anger that followed what you didI could never understand why you did these things to meI was 12, Just beginning lifeAnd you took it from meHow is this fair to me??I hurt everyday because you
Do you ever wonder, why there’s so much evil in this world?
the children need us, but most don’t say a word.
they hear the stories, the articles they read, the picture in the paper the news on the tv.
It must’ve been the decorations that made me feel so dirty,
Or maybe it was the premature death,
Perhaps it was the body I couldn’t connect to,
I used to long for a beginning away from my past,
CHILD ABUSE
“I’m only a child”
My fingers are itchy
My tummy is empty
My clothes are dirty
Tears are shedding off,
Slowly down on my chicks
Do you see it?
Its Moving
With you its not going anywhere
No soul can take it away
Its permanently a visual of you
Your Face Is a sight to see
Because you look like just like me
Alone, Hell,
Scared, of Failure.
Longing Accepted.
“Popular Group” means
“Bullies for Misfits.”
Please,
225,000 children are being assaulted each year
Their scars are very severe
Some of them can’t be seen
And some of them can be
But you never know which one hurts the most
225,000 children are being assaulted each year
Their scars are very severe
Some of them can’t be seen
And some of them can be
But you never know which one hurts the most
Monsters weren’t under my bed.You crawled in mine.Took my innocence, and left behindParalyzing fear and shame. I knew I would not be the same. 7 years old wondering why me?Too ashamed to tell my family. Time went by and you seeped into my seams.
When I was younger I was always quiet, no sounds, no noises.
He would tell me not to tell anyone.
I screamed on paper as the paper became wet. The paper became my best friend.
Time went on and writing
there was a sort of wailing in the street.the type that only mothers could hear in darkened rooms as daughters faced their brothers heat.the type that crashlanded onto to jetpads and showed no mercy when the reigns of endeavors held tight until th
They call me Medusa,
a monster forgotten; and here? No katharevusa.
The fickle-eyed ancient damned my life in a proxy fight;
jealous? Of what, the rape of an innocent acolyte?
The lust of a capricious potency,
My wish for you
Your time on Earth was undoubtedly hard;
Someone injured your wings right from the start.
Beautiful, funny, and loyal for many to enjoy;
I’m not your hero, I’m not your lover
I’m not your sister, I’m not your mother.
I’m just a friend across the world
Behind a screen with only my words.
hi, i’m alive and well
very perfectly swell
i see that karma hasn’t got you
don’t worry, it would
i stay up all night thinking of how it could
did that sound offensive
Sirens scream into the night.
Blue and red follow closely, blinding the stars.
It's the house at the end of the street.
A woman lives there.
My mother wanted to name me Nina.
The dreamer.
Talented, highly flavored and strong.
A woman whose voice spanned generations.
He’s caged and left with no way out,His house, not home, a place of fear;Leaving would be the best, no doubt,But he can’t do it, that is clear.
How could you?
Choose man over us
You took a piece of me that will often leave me in disgust.
How could you?
Love strangers more than your children
What is your excuse for choosing man over us?
Dead or alive? I'm not sure anymore I feel heartbeat But see no blood Breathing But voices tell me I'm dead This is an illusion Somebody wake me up I can't see I can't feel I long for the sharp pain and the red blood I remember the blood dripp
We live our simple lives lacking any fear
Knowing full well the end is truly near
But we should we acknowledge the fear we know?
This audience can be far scarier than the show
Life is hard but people make it worse
I forgive you for breaking my heart
You took a healed wound and reopened it
You poured acid onto it & let it sit
The pain is still there, but I forgive you
I forgive you for leaving me vulnerable
Computer: *BEEP BOOP*
I am Learner 5000
*BEEP BEEP*
I am designed to enable learning
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Today, the lesson is poetry. Poetry is used for a number of reasons including, coping with hardships.
Ascend
Ember C. Tupelo
I’m in second grade
I would hide in my room
I think of our time together
Is it fading?
Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyricsThey're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrorsWritten all over the floors, all over the chairsAnd you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs
The sting
The pain
The tears
All because of the blade
Its my weakness
My Enemy
Its My key
You think it hurts
Nope! Its just a tiny sting.
I say just one
But one turns to two
The sting
The pain
The tears
All because of the blade
Its my weakness
My Enemy
Its My key
You think it hurts
Nope! Its just a tiny sting.
I say just one
But one turns to two
My life is in danger!!!
There is no comfort,
I can preach to you out loud,
But that doesnt me I can
Keep myself safe
Not in this place
If words were weapons,
I'd be dead.
I know what I did was wrong;
My shattered conscious is not entirely gone,
But you rub it in my face,
Like a person who just beat me in the race,
Of life.
When I am sad
I think of everything bad
When life doesn't go the way I want it to
I try not to become blue
What you don't see is that I'm becoming the woman you've wanted me to become
Instead I'm lazy, careless, and everything in between
What you don't see is that I try my best in school
you didnt even see her pain
her tears
well they fell like the rain
she lives in fear
her feelings were like a hurricane
she knew her family would carry through
not caring for her death
You didn’t even see her pain
Her tears
Well they fell like the rain
She lives in fear
Her feelings were like a hurricane
He storms up the staircase
Tears tremble on your face
What did you even do wrong?
The screaming begins
The monster comes in
As i watch the tears fall from my sister's eyes as she is dragged by her hair
Her whimpers as her face gets scraped on the concrete.
They say a daughter’s first love his her dad.
They’ll tell you it’s the greatest love you’ve ever had.
Sadly, no one told me there were men like you.
I’m afraid of spiders their hairy legs and relentless fangs
Afraid of the tallest heights looking down from the stairs
As if they are a 200 foot skyscraper
Dear Daddy,
Can your sins be forgiven if you have forgotten?
Should I not hate you if you don’t remember the pain you’ve caused,
Or is that all the more reason to?
Why did you forget anyway?
Dear predator,
Mentor
Turned into tormentor
Pest now turned into past
Grudges, oh I loved my grudges
But I won’t let it hold me back
Dear Brad,
I just wanted to thank you…
thank you for being my step-dad, my guardian, and my protector.
These are words I wish I could say to you.
At the age of 13,
I began to build a sense,
That something was amiss,
I lived lived with a man,
Who was not my father,
Dear Mama, I sat surrounded by the whole family, presents piled highBut you weren't thereI would stare out the window, hoping that you might careBut you never showed up, and I realized you had liedWas it foolish of a daughter to want her mother?
Sometimes at night,
when the second-hand
ticks endlessly, forever
mocking me for my inability
to grasp the embrace of sleep
because I am too busy thinking
about you and the burn
Dear Mom,
Who do you think you are?
Abusin’ me, bruisin’ me
My mind
Hurts.All those words you’ve ever told me,
Mother let you in-
you weren't always evil
but then you changed-
she couldn't see it
but I could
You began your Hunt-
Your quest for Control and Dominance
You wanted to Break me:
in Mind,
Twirling, swirling Spinning, dipping Falling, enthralling Lifting, drifting Gliding, flying Sweeping, dreamingFor the rest of eternityJust you, my darling, and me
Dear you,
It’s been almost five years since it happened
As I lay in bed at night sometimes, I can't help but feel saddened
touched
yeah i've touched the lives of people
in a humorous way, emotional too
a physical way
but
i was also touched
violated as a young black girl
of course... statistic
Dear 8-year-old Kayla,
You were just a young girl…
Tossed into a world of adulthood
Without question or complaint.
Dear Laina,
you’re in first grade.
You’re journey hasn’t started
but it will when you are eight.
you’ll be in 3rd grade,
you’re brother will be 2.
Dear Mom,
He was there for you. He loved you, kept you in his arms each night.
Until you went to another.
Dear Mom,
Or Pam, I suppose.
Enabling the lowest of my lows.
Do you remember me? Is it the memory or the idea?
Cheap wonder bread and ham, cool kids who couldn't care less.
Dear little girl,
You would have already been asleep
But you’ll wake up by the old door creek
He will ask to sleep next to you- in darkness
Yet, he’ll get closer to you regardless
Dear little girl,
When time dies, people still enjoy the misty nights alone
When time dies, people still discover ways to move on.
When time dies, I still see the look in your eyes
Nobody witnessing my death before the attempted suicide.
Dear Dad, this is me
Do you recongize the person you see?
Do you remember who I am?
I’m one of the children you abused
One of the children you used
You don’t remember which one I am
She claps ecstatically
At the sight of our faces and the sound of our voices
“Go home and love your family”
A small child born without permission
Dear,
I cannot believe the contempt I have for you,
It is astounding how I was able to live
in such awful conditions,
You knew it was a competitive environment,
You knew I was struggling and yet,
Dear Mom:
I am changing.
I am fighting.
I am learning.
I am
Lying, Crying,
I feel like i’m dying.
wake up
To yelling
That’s the alarm clock, nothing else
get up from “bed”
Mostly just blankets on the ground
Dear Dad,
They always say your father is suppose to be their daughter’s first love.
You were my first heartbreak.
Apparently you thought I needed AA:
Abuse and Abandonment.
I'd say I've missed you, but that's a lie.
But that doesn't matter, cause you'll always be with me.
I haven't thought about you in a while now.
Searching for what is wrong with me.
Why is it so hard?
Neverending question if I did something wrong.
I remeber happiness and unconditional love, but that was years ago. . .
So what did I do wrong?
Emmeline and her manager, Shayna, finished up closing the diner. As the girls locked the doors and made their way out to the parking lot Shayna turned to Emmeline with a serious face. She knew everything about Emmeline.
That mangy mutt.Who likes to win trust.But ends up stabbing you in the back.The one who ends up lacking.She fills you with promises.Which never work,gives one after another.I call her Mother. Instead of taking it slowlyShe plummets down.Leaving me
I am from lemon scented air freshener
I am from pocket knives and tree bark
I am from driving down dirt roads at 3:00 in the morning and wishing to be anywhere but here
I am from missing my real home
Do not ask me to shake his hand. Do not ask me to say hello.For we have already put a band.For I will not sink that low.
I hear myself say it too often.
I probably just fucked up again.
Maybe you broke me,
again.
Perhaps it's my astonishment, quite possible since I'm great.
Until you tell me I'm not.
Dear Trauma, my constant companion,
We got together ten years ago
it's hard to forget.
You help me, remind me to be careful.
Not to trust men who smile so kindly.
If I have you with me
Dear Dad,
You say these memories are fake,
then dang I must got an overflowing river of imagination.
Dear You,
I am here to say that I miss you dearly.
I have stumbled onto a path of confusion and pain
I don’t know what to do anymore.
My brain seems to have an on/off switch
which I cannot control,
And I don't know if I'll ever forget that day.
Running and falling in the hallway so I could tell my mom before the cops did
The way my mom sobbed in the car
The steady flow of silent tears that poured all day.
You are the one eating me alive,
The one buried under my skin.
All I want to do is get rid of you,
But you're in my veins.
No matter how hard I try,
I will always be connected to you;
When I was 6 years old I saw my mama weeping
She was crying in the back seat and I just took a whoopin
When it was all over she said that she was proud of me, that one day I would grow and succeed
Dear George...
Today I had to listen to the words.
"I'm sorry but we can't prove it beyond reasonable doubt."
Dear Abuse,
I heard it
I heard it even with the blood rushing to my head
The anger
The Abuse
The tears
They were bursting their way through the front door
Through the eyes we see,A woman battered and bloody,A man angry of envy,And children traumatized and wary;His boy whose lips are bl
You were supposed to be full of love,
and there for me whenever I needed you.
If I had a monster under my bed,
you were supposed to be my knight in shining armour.
But instead you were the monster,
Can you see me this time through your clouds of billowing smoke?
The last time I was in this place you could not see me
Could not feel my beating heart
Could not hear me
Dear Grandpa,
I forgive you
For what you did.
But i will never forget.
I will never forget,
How when my first
boyfriend touched me
My breath stopped
And i pushed him away
Slide into your slippersWhile your mixed emotions simmer,Silence stirring up the source,Screaming strictly for retort. In a city house, sweet and close,Phsycos screech through kitchen windows.In a city house, close and sweet,Silence never sanction
Dear Aidoneus, Goddess of death!
Za, God of men!
Why must you sit on your ligneous chairs drenched in ichor?
To the lovely biological parents of my brother,
Who dropped him off at age five to die
At a subway station in China:
That day, you closed your eyes, locked your heart,
And covered your ears.
A young man born as an offspring of an army soilder.
Guided by a foundation of discipline and strength
forged with a desire to express known feelings hidden by despair.
I am walking up the stairs.
“Son pick up the towels you dropped”
“No, I don’t want to”
I continue up the stairs
Dear Abuser,
I bet you had never felt bad for your drunken rage,
not about the pain or the psychological cage,
I bet you've never had to be walk too quietly,
move so silently,
or crawl so lightly.
Leaving you was the best thing I could do
because who were you
to define my fate
with your selfishness
to brainwash my memories
with your lies
to hurt me
with your abandonment
Dear sir/madam,
I hate to break
it to you, but
you’re a mess—
moth balls falling like snow,
moldy cheese in blanket holes,
Who am I?
Am I someone who's good at art, music? Or even dance?
Sporty?
Good at writing?
Who am I?
Am I supposed to smile all day?
Am I supposed to follow the rules?
Home is a sanctuary,
a place of love and warmth.
Where a child's height is marked
year after year on the laundry room wall.
At Christmas time,
the smell of cookies and laughter
Dear "Daddy",
What is love?
See, you taught me growing up that yelling and slamming doors was love,
That me asking my mother where you were, was love.
You taught me that I was only there to sit and look pretty,
Dear Gums,
That's my nickname for you,
Cause babygirl you got no teeth
I write this with you next to me on the floor
When I look down at you I know want so more
There is a boy who always smiles
as long as he's not home
his friends all think he's happy
and no one really knows
he goes to school happy
just to get away
Here’s to the children,
Who go home to another fight.
Another wrong, another insult.
Here’s to the children,
Who tend to their siblings, because no one else will.
To the woman who makes his hands shake,
I wish you could see him play the piano.
His fingers tremble, eyes close, as he feels the melody.
It’s beautiful and painful to watch.
Dear brothers, A and Z,
You were both so young with adorable smiles,
So many hospitals all over the country for miles,
You were only babies so precious and small,
As the silence becomes the forest a waterfall flows upward
Up up up to the sky
You reach and reach for the heavens hoping for a hand to latch onto yours
There’s a new you in town
In my neighborhood
On my street
Too close for comfort
'Registered Sex Offender'
Have you ever felt unhappy in your own body?
It’s like you aren’t important to anybody
Have you felt like no one listens?
When you scream and beg for helps but no one ever listens
Tippy toes Tippy toes
Don't loss your grip
Rows after rows
Deeper than bones
The whole burns faster than coal
Melodies in my head
That cannot erase the memory
My white tutu now red
No remedy
Tippy toes Tippy toes
Don't loss your grip
Rows after rows
Deeper than bones
The whole burns faster than coal
Melodies in my head
That cannot erase the memory
My white tutu now red
No remedy
So you think I am a screw up. Do you know I get all A's? You told people I was a cutter. Do you know that made me insane? You'd mock the plumpness of my lips. Do you realize l felt insecure? You told people you'd never change. Do you realize your
5 Senses
Have you ever heard of men's differnt smells?
Some got Degree
Some got Old Spice
But I've got secrets.
The day your sweat aroused my hand, I felt a certain stench around you.
Dear Mother,
I have so much to say
little heart to say it all
I am nothing more than a tool
a toy
a servant for you
I know it's all true
or atleast what I know to be true from you
Dear (ex)stepdad,
Forgiveness is suppossed to be a powerful weapon.A weapon to use for healing, for moving forward, and for forgetting
But what if I can't forgive? What if I can't forget?
My dearest younger self,
Right now you're probably confused. Sad. Alone. Maybe depressed.
Lil-Honeypie, it will be okay. (Yeah your future sef says Honeypie now, trust me,
it's a good thing.)
I've grown up without a voice,
so I'm afraid to speak.
I've grown up to yelling,
now that's all I hear.
I've grown up to people calling me names,
so that's all I know.
Dear Grandma,
i took the wrong turn into the ER.
“go to the red lot.” they said
“that's where they die.” i thought
no that's not where they die -
When the darkness comes I am enveloped
I can’t sleep
I can’t talk
I can’t function
Any and all fight leaves my body
I’ve lost it
In other people
Just like they have in me
They yell and scream at the lies
Lies told from fear
of disappointment and of pain
Those three words and your audacity makes me fear yet quake with anger. Years with nothing and now everything hits like a match to a fire. Those three words and I feel like I can't breath. Your face scares me but then I remember you tender love.
“ODE TO TOMMY KAOS”
Once upon a time
I knew a little child.
His Name was Tommy Kaos.
Man, this child was wild.
Even at their worst they were my parents
It was normal to me
The beatings, the screaming, all of it
And it was always happening
Son I'm sorry, for everything that I've said
yelling at you day and night, striking fear at sight
nights now, strike now, lights out!
killing dream since you were three
you said "I want to live as a tree"
Same old stories once again
You’re trying to pretend that everything is alright
The fact is nothing is okay
But that’s something I can’t say
I just have to say “I’m fine”
Same old stories once again
You’re trying to pretend that everything is alright
The fact is nothing is okay
But that’s something I can’t say
I just have to say “I’m fine”
The tears are dry and no longer run
down my tired face.
I stand at your door, hope gone, dreams soiled,
as they tell me once more, "go away”.
I still hear her words in the back of my mind.
Every night they are there ever so perpetually.
As I sleep I hear her with that sickening tone,
The dagger is cold and hard in my gut.I pull it out.The pain unbearable.I swear I’ll never go near her again.The pain is too great.I see the dagger again.It’s the same as the last.
It is because I love you
That I will never hurt you.
I pray to God I don't make that mistake,
That I should stand before you,
Despite your fear berate you
How can someone with so little power,
take control of my little life?
If not for my courage I would cower,
and slowly pull out the knife.
I wish I could say goodbye,
but I could never let go of it.
Because I love you, I will not hurt you
I will not belittle and discern you
I will not embarrass you in front of strangers around you
I will not harass you around friends who surround you
Some nights full of tears
Others full of tossing and turning
I've put all the code in my brain to fall asleep
But I can’t.
I can’t stop remembering
Please don't cry, boys and girls.
You'll make the fairies weak.
If you yell because you're mad,
You'll steal the dragon's flame.
Don't be jealous, don't be vain.
You'll take the mermaid's voice.
The three simple words ‘I love you’ hold mass amounts of worth
People do crazy things for love
Good and Bad
Healthy and Unhealthy
Pain
I wish I could sleep
But in the back of my mind you still creep
As I lay in my bed
The memories and pain are stuck in my head
Even when my eyes are opened or closed
You say you will come back, you say you won't leave.
One...two... three hours pass and you are still not here.
You alway taught me, to be strong. You told be to alway believe.
You say you will come back, you say you won't leave.
One...two... three hours pass and you are still not here.
You alway taught me, to be strong. You told be to alway believe.
Because i love you
I'll call you ugly the day you decide your cut your hair shorter than your brother
I'll rip the flower crown out of your head when you're fourteen
Restarted heart.
Mom, I made a poem in school today.
It went something like, “I’m going to get up and find a way”.
They sent her to bed without dinner.
She threw another tantrum.
"I won't go to bed. I won't."
She cries, thrashing her arms all around.
Her father has had enough.
"You will go to bed."
For once I’m gonna stop you
I won’t let
Your grimy hands
Touch and tear that beautiful face
To put darkness
In the place of bright eyes
To take the glory of that smile
Away
When it comes to a healthy relationship, it's hard for me to relate.
My mother struggles with a mental illness to this date.
I woke up in the morning to her being mad.
Always yelling at me for doing something "bad."
A white chalk circle on a blood soaked floor
The powder boundaries keep it all in
Until I can’t take it anymore
Outsiders walk on eggshells
I am my mother’s daughter
But I never had a mom
And though I was once younger
As we all once were
I never had a childhood
In the common sense of the term
The noise is unbearable
It’s in my head
It’s in the room
I loud bright
I’m drowning
This desperation
To me there is no difference between too goddamn late and far too fucking early
To me, they are one and the same
Cast off my depression remains
Like dew drops from a rainy day
No more wounds open wide
Unable to recognize another cry
A birth of new thoughts in mind
Like a species of only one kind
Loving with passion and force.
Pulled into this trance of what it should be.
Who could it be?
what if.....?
I am not loved.
Love shouldnt hurt but it does.
Flenching at the thought of real affection.
How can she carry someone inside of her for 9 months just to evoke a pain in them stronger than that of a million stabs to the heart?
The pain she left me is engraved in my heart and in my mind
" Sweetie It's not that I mean to be this way, or even the fact that you call me mean, a fiend when my hand sways across your face.
~Imprisoned by Her Evil~
The handless woman
Can no longer abuse
now imprisoned by the
hand of her own evil.
Dark wicked people
Love is a strange feeling.
Some people seem to think love is one thing, while others seem to think it's another.
Honestly, it can be interpreted in so many different ways and seen from so many different perspectives.
The lights darken.
The moon has risen.
The beast is awake.
I have hidden.
Hiding from my fears.
My pain.
My truth.
I love you was special the first time
I love you was confusing when you yelled
I love you was misleading when you left
I love you was followed by I hate you
I love you was special no more
He is a hollow shell found on empty beaches
You try to get a hold of him, and he breaks in pieces
His words are venom but his eyes are tears
I hear you, but I dont feel your voice
You say 'I love you', but I don't feel embraced
You had a chance, but you made your choice
You lost me, now you can't see my face
You say you need me to talk to you
Because you love me.
You say you are teaching me what’s best for me
Because you love me.
You say you want me to succeed
Because you love me.
I wanted to love
because I loved you I stayed
I endured
I pushed
I broke
Because I love me, I had to leave
I had to let go and create boundries
Because I loved me, I learned to love
"You're not a parasite", I try to convince myself
However, this facade will not work forever.
I become too attached to people
Slowly I start living off that person like a host
I am bothersome; I am selfish.
Dear Mother
Do you know what love is?
It's certainly not you letting father scream and yell
Dear Mother
Do you know what love is?
It's certainly not you insisting I will never be enough
"Come on", you say
"Don't be like that."
You say even as I
Push you away.
Taken aback by
My violent refusals,
You try harder
Even as I cry.
Yet silent I stood
Mother,Did you ever see me as a child
and not a possession?
Or was I the duplicate picture of your second-hand negro barbie,
You say you will come back, you say you won't leave.
One...two... three hours pass and you are still not here.
Because I love you we get our nails done together
Because I love you I would spend every last penny I had on you
Because I love you I call you everyday after school to see how your day was
He told me that he loved me
His head was weathered, his smile was crooked, and his hands we hard against my face
He told me I wouldn't be a disappointment
That playing baseball was better than dance
If these walls could speak,
they wouldn’t say a thing.
They’d hide behind the island
and listen to them scream.
If these walls could speak,
Because I love you
I trust we will get better;
Because i love you
Ill ignore the comments and hateful bantor.
Because i love you
Maybe i am too close to my male friends...
Because I love you
Black ice bites fingertips.
sharp edges, shrapnel travel up long bladed, byzanite blue fingernails.
Thin frost, covers a dandelion ring.
Her strong hands, always chilled.
A plant is valued solely by its perfection
So, I begin to realize now I must be a weed.
You see the gardener tends to her blossoms and buds,
Controlling every aspect of their foundation.
Love is Kind
You've been beaten.
You're on the worn path-
and they call you loved.
But Love is kind.
You are not something to be abused.
Yet you stayed there, confused
You're not him
You're not the man who laid his hands on me
Who caused violet, pinks and blues on my skin
Who made me bleed from the sharp belt
Who calls me a dumbass, a brat, spoiled
Because I love you, you love me
I love you because you took me in
You took me in not because you had to
You wanted to take me in US in
Because you love me
You are my definition of perfect love
This is my right!
The fist pounds against the wall, cringing
I try to make myself small and hide in the night.
I brought you into this world, now I'm bringing
You out of it. Into the light
the mind is beautiful
the pictures it makes
the song it sings
the mess it creates
the thoughts that ring
the clock it hates
the mind is destruction
the darkness creeps
the shadows appear
I need help
I' am in the need of help
because i can't hold my breath any longer
It's drinking my soul away,
Leaving me with broken ribs
and scars to tell no story
3 simple words
All very short
Yet compacted together
They mean the world
It may be fake
it may be real
there is no debate
there is just one meaning
Because I love you
I love you, because
you saved me from hell
abused everyday, with no one to tell
called a "bug-eyed bastard", and thrown against the wall
I looked forward to every weekend, just to see you at all
Like a waterfall with no noise
A sigh between red lips
Blood from an ear
Tears streaking down blue eyes
As a young child cries
Where is your home?
The place in which holds a roof above your head
Some say that home is where the heart is
Though where even is that
I see my worst enemy and my favorite best friend.
I see the only person that I can tell my worst fears and my best dreams.
Little girl, little girl
What do you see with
Those brown eyes of yours?
I see my daddy throwing mommy
Mop the floors,
Dust the shelves,
Stay indoors,
Keep to yourselves,
We can yell,
No throwing anything breakable,
"Don't you love me?"
He says as he pushes you down onto the bed,
forcing you to undress, showing your vulnerable and naked being.
This.
This is the only thing you have ever known.
Love is complicated
tangled threads and choking wires
deep breaths and heartbreaking smiles
Love is simple
little notes and loud sounds
sincere words and warms hands
As a child I was told everything happens for a reason
So when bad things happen I come to question myself
What did I do
As a child I was told everything happens for a reason
So when bad things happen I come to question myself
What did I do
Stop, Still, Waiting
To be heard
To be wanted
Freed from the tears, and the disappointments
Stop, Still, Waiting
Devoured by the darkness
Another smile I'm faking
Drowning in the scars
Because I am a young adult I will reach out to you whenever you are in need.
Because I am kind, I will give you endless mercy.
Because I am a rose who grew from concrete, I will empathize with you.
He is an aged man
He has an aged mind
His memory is paved
His wife can only sigh
He only ever stands in attention
His hands constantly salute
Many people feel guilt to mention
Who am I
Who are you
You are a dictator
A violator
You flip your script
Your face is day and night
I live in a cript
scared in fright
You hate me yet
You say you love me
No words can be spoken
When the very thing that keeps me sane is broken
These demons u have awoken
While I’m sitting here staring at knife
Wondering about my life
"I've made it, I guess
I've made it through the mess
But yet I still hold its debris
Because I love you,
I put isolation within your heart
I ensure pain rests in your soul
I do it for the future, for the betterment of your life
Because I love you,
I will leave you with battle scars –
Let's talk about love. Let's talk about young love, new love old love & blue love. Let's talk about butterflies and blueberry pies. Let's talk about practicality and obligation. Let's talk about pain and indignation. Call me mature to say love
You would think it should be common truth,
that when a child's in their youth.
Their Mom and Dad would love them true,
but sweetie, I got news for you.
I would hope that when a baby cries,
A child screams in the cold.
A man cries for his lover.
A woman dies by the words of a doctor.
A boy bleeds for a victory-less war.
She wants to be a vet, a chef, for all we know, a princess,
But we see her growing up in this mess.
The life we call a system for kids that go where they are mistreated,
A 16-year-old died last night
And he felt no Love
Only the Darkness
His life consisted of
His mantra to the world
Was, "Reveal the truth!"
However when it came
He sought to delude
My heart longs for your return,
the sight makes this old soul yearn,
I see your eyes in her reflection,
shes beauty, grace, perfection.
Oh cinderella a reminder you stay,
for the way you are, you must pay.
Little Red and the Wolf
Once upon a time
somewhere far, far in the woods
there lived a little Girl in Red
who was raised to be "good".
How good?
Very good.
Once upon a time,
Cinderella found a man
Who cared for her and married her.
Cinderella, for various reasons
Including a traumatizing childhood,
Ran away once more.
2am broken hearted, crying, make-up smeared,
Her precious face falling full of tears,
How did she get here?
We always talk about the fairy tale endings,
A father gunned down right in front of me, a flash of red
a life taken faster than the way the bullet sped
my mother snorted lines, but never paid attention to mine
Everyone knows how fast the story of the winner spreads, how history is remade and shaped to fit the view of the victors. That law of society is not an exception to the tale of Little Red Riding Hood. Many do not know her true story.
Neverland was perfect, peaceful,Devoid of imperfect people.When a soul ventures there, it may never land.A boy can stay there and never become a man.
I cower in the corner, watching, waiting,
frightened as my father raises a fist, fierce words firing faster,
flashing rock vibrating, blows raining harder,
spit falling from his lips.
You say you think you know me,
But I think that you're confused
Because if you really knew me
You wouldn't say "abused."
You say "locked up, imprisoned,"
Held tight from the inside,
Once upon a time there was a young man
He lived with his wife, daughter, and son
He never cared about family or love
He only listened to his children's screams
As his wife once again hit them with force
Tell me masculine man,
Are you even sorry?
Are you proud?
Are you heartless?
Look at me,
Look at my features...
Do you remember these eyes?
I was born with puppet strings in my skin.
With hooks in my joints and a painted-on smile.
I was born to please and placate,
To be Mommy's Little Angel
(To look pristine).
I was born to vomit bubblegum pink
It started with a click.
A single click ended their lives.
Like perfect little China dolls, they were shipped out and arrived at her door. Each one marked with their names: Hansel and Gretel.
A group of girls in my 6th period class sit at a table across from mine reminiscing about the few times their parents ever hit them
They sit laughing and recounting the apologies their parents gave them and how it never happened again
Puppet Boy
strings lace my hands,
they hang above my head.
skin pale and bruised.
eyes practically dead.
i am their puppet boy.
Who knew what she looked Like?
The lines on her forehead smoothened into a single line
Her eyebrows arched upwards making an angle with themselves.
They called him Peter Pan
never wanted to grow up to become a man.
Hard and strong, like his fathers fist.
Together we were to escape the scary realities
of an alcoholic father and a long gone wife.
Silence is the moment you give up on saving a child.You hear the beatings, but you pretend not to.You see the bruises and the broken bones,but you say nothing, you can't get involved.
Lord can you hear my cries
Lord can you hear my cries,
I pray that my demon's die.
Suffering at the hands with lie's,
Raped by by daddy's guy's
Slapped and kicked with
so many try's
All I do is cry.
Dark clouds linger over
Dark clouds linger over
Pain an Hate surrounds this home
Laughter an Joy is not allowed.
Cut's an Bruises fade away
I try an stay away.
Would You Want To Stay
Would you want to stay?
The secret's that surrounds this house
The Beating's that took place
The lies I was told to say
will never go away.
Would you want to stay?
I sneak away from my past
I sneak away from the past
looking through a mirrored glass
What you see you can't believe
that this life is of me.
Raped an burned cut an sliced
by daddy big ole knife.
You live your life free
You live your life free,
but as for me
you took that away from me.
Tears pour out
like fresh morning rain,
My body trembles and shakes
as my bones began to break.
Someone please help me
Through my eyes what do you see
A broken frightened child is me.
Slaps an punches I will receive
Throughout this day was the key
Someone "please help me"
Raindrops fall down like Teardrops
as this child's fear of the unknown
fills his heart with doom
His life is balanced with only gloom
Never smiles Never talks
Only pain as he walks
You could see the pain in her eyes,
The trauma, The anguish, The torment,
What horrible ordeal did she endure?,
What sin's were subjected on her?,
A stolen childhood, A stepfathers touch,
Because of you, I sleep with the door closed,
and I always check under the bed
Just incase you snuck in down there how you sneak into my dreams and turn them into nightmares.
Not a day goes by that I can't Fly,
Through mountains and landscapes wet and dry,
Though I rise to the top of a flock in sky,
I have to touch ground to eat and survive,
I travel the world full of sorrow and blue,
For many years,
I was forced, to sit quietly by
and be subjected to the hateful words that were said by you.
You would say that I’m lazy,
For many years,
I was forced, to sit quietly by
and be subjected to the hateful words that were said by you.
You would say that I’m lazy,
Light shimmering like diamonds Off my golden skin. Lying to the world; Hiding to the world what is really tin. But after so long The caked layers of paint Crumbled away the wrong, Revealing what is true. Chipping and cracked, Laid bare and vuln
Rising from this hell
Who’d want to see their past
Yet my scars are all there to tell
Who could have guessed where I would dwell
You hate my laugh.
You hate my voice.
You hate my dance
You hate me.
and all I really want to do
is someday impress you,
but that will never be.
And right now,
Once Upon A Time
There was a piper.
Not just any piper,
But a piper with a magical flute.
As he played his flute,
Children would follow,
But what happened one day
At what is something defined as abuse,Is a child's frail and scared voice,Of no use?Why is it the abusers go unchanged,If the pain of choice,Can't visually back up the voice, Why do we let these abusers and users go uncharged?A woman cries out in
Quote...
Dear son,
You're worthless and irrelevant
To the plot line of this story
You think you see me there for you
I think your vision’s blurry
“I’m sorry.”
Muttered softly.
Keep your head down child,
Don’t you dare cry.
Showing weakness is not an option,
Not if we want to get out of here intact.
We stand side by side,
I wish to thank you,
for being there,
for holding me while I cry.
I wish to thank you,
for telling me no,
Green and Gold (Enslaved)
*TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE*
Standing alone in the grimy room,
I sit in my room waiting for him to come in. It’s midnight. Right as I’m about to drift off, the wolf in his mask of my foster father walks in. I pray. Please god. Please. Save me from this nightmare. He comes in, asks me to do the unthinkable.
The choice to succeed
The choice to fail
How do we choose?
We cry in laughter
We cry in pain
Which one are we after?
Our country, our home
But do we feel safe?
The struggles we face
I'm three years old and I can't speak
about the things my mama does
I caught her once
I always cry on airplanes now
Something about being above the world
Makes me feel so alone
And it hits me like the wind against the wings
That you aren't in my universe
Anymore
Days carry unlike the nights
Who were riddled with the fights
We never could agree
We never could
My stomach aches, but I’ve the will
I can make it, if though I’m still
Her
She said they were throwing the trash
Taking my son and they would be right back
The time they were gone grew late
The whole of her in my eyes
The thought of her in my mind
I feel the despair of no kind
I cry
I feel the love no other have known
For I have loved her, and loved her alone
Where are you
I'm a child
making my first goals
and my first
mistakes
Where's my daddy?
I'm a teenager
trying to stop my
past from choosing
my future
Your treatment of me
Testament to hypocrisy
Remains of a once treasured now shattered oath scar both body and soul.
None have shown me a thousand Hells the way you did, oh how far you did fall
I saw you,
Once in a dream, twice with a scream.
You stood there watching,
Praying.
Waiting.
I was there playing,
Singing, hoping.
Like fairies on a flower,
We danced on short legs,
You tell me everything will be fine now
theres milk in the fridge and our TV plays seinfeild reruns now.
Just two days ago you came stumbling home.
Just a week ago your wrists were sliced open like monarch wings.
Ab(use)
A helping hand turned into a hurting hand
Good guidelines gone too far
Daily duties met with demand
What should have been a talk, ends up a scar
I wrote this 20 years ago about a little girl in my class (I was a pre-k teacher) who was being molested. As I have gotten older I am finding it harder to remember things I have written
1 2 3 the wolf got me
4 5 6 I felt his licks
7 8 9 He told me everything is fine
he got my from the park
the licks where everywhere
but nothing was fine with me feeling nacked
Meek.
Shy.
Eyes cast downward.
Cringe.
Flinch.
Hide the bruises.
Break.
Fling.
Leave a Note.
Cry.
Die.
A small, pink cloak.
Where I’m from people cared about their animals more than they cared about their kids.
The girls work like slaves,and they didn’t care about what the boys did.
Away from you.
Away from pain.
Away from judgement.
What’s to gain?
Everytime you said the note was flat.
I hear the clamorFrom behind the door.I hear the shouting,The racket, the roar. I long to silenceThe voices outside,And the strength inside meSays, “God will provide.” They fight and argue;They can’t get along;It’s like they’ve forgotten You,When
Love has infinite Definitions
I shouldn't have to wait
for your Permission
to love or Be Loved,
I'll be out of your hair
soon,
you won't have to care
soon,
She's daddy's little doll.
All the pain in the world,
She'll suffer it all.
Because of him she'll never walk tall.
Because of him she feels so small...
I always hid myself in the dark, Crying, Wondering when it will end, The negativity I face when I'm home, Alone, with the wicked witch of the east. Scared to admit the truth to my Papa, I pretend that everything is fine, When really, It's not.
There she was, covering her earsTrying to ignore her parents awful screamsIt just get worse over the years She tried to escape in her dreams
His hands around my throat
I can’t breath
Dark spots flash in my eyes, I can’t see
Please save me
I am a victim of abuse.
Abuse from myself
Why do I feel worthless?
Am I not worthy of love?
Abuse from my friends
Soldier
Stephanie Salas
Seeing stars in the night sky,
Wishing time would pass by,
Seeing the finish line but never being able to finish the race
January is worrysome
February is tiring
March is depression
April is abuse
May is leaving
June is smiling
July is laughing
August is awesome
September is growing
October is love
Just a wall that separates her from the screaming
Just a TV screen of nothing that makes me smile
Just a note of music that keeps me singing
Just a blanket that keeps me warm
This year I was awakened
Not to myself
But shaken
Witnessing tragedies of the world
Family members passing away
Leaving empty
Old friends gone astray
Nothing seems to stay the same
What if my feelings were to be shown And all of my mistakes were engraved in bone It might be entertaining for some But I hope I’m not the only one For my feelings to be polished and shined It might show the times I lied To be displayed in a case
“Where I’m From” by Amaya Castillo
I am from inssence, from candles, and the warmth that they give off.
I am from the lively, bustling, cozy homes we’ve made our own over the years.
The child's cry pierces the night,And the sound of a heavy blow. His father's actions are not right,But the child doesn't know.
All because of a slip
A fall
A simple miscalucation of my feet and my world came tumbling down
As I lay there on the ground
Once again I became
That Girl
The same girl from all those years ago
Hello! I am new to this and this is my first poem. The grammar isn't perfect and I'm not sure if this was the best way to set it out but please give me feedback on what you think :-)
I used to have this car
People thought it was a sweet ride,
But there was a flip side
They didn’t realize the controls were all behind me
The pedals, the radio, the side mirrors
See, I had a backseat driver
Life is tough
we all know it's true
but it's harder for some people than it is for you.
Sometimes lives are shaped by wonderful things
beautiful moments when you feel you have wings.
The water hits her once,
she breathes the second time it hurts
but she walks.
The sixteenth time she crawls to survive
this time it knocked her to the ground
she can not walk.
Consider this she was in love with a guy, she couldn't be with him because
eachtime her stepfather made her fuck him taking her will to date
people who were her age.
A mother hatred for a child is like a gunshot to the heart. A father absence is like a never ending nightmare. A grandmother dying wish, is like having your soul be taking away from you from God himself
Always say I love you
If you really do care
Always talk about feelings,
If they're really there
Always hold my hand,
If you won't break my heart
Blessed
Blessed am I the one unseeing,
all that they did and do for me.
Blessed am I the one once abused,
they took me in so I wouldent be used.
Blessed am I the eternal lier,
Winter.
My skin is cold
For a brief moment.
I find a false warmth
And spring becomes him.
I find myself deeper,
Embedded,
In a warm blanket
Of lies.
Of a false face.
Winter.
My skin is cold
For a brief moment.
I find a false warmth
And spring becomes him.
I find myself deeper,
Embedded,
In a warm blanket
Of lies.
Of a false face.
The first part of my poem emphasizes how my youth was very childish and unconcerned, but once I started to grow up, some things got harder.
Detached to beloved
Like a Cinderella in
A world of tribulation
Till my hero came
And helped to retain
Heartful purposed love
Bleed boy bleed
I seen my brother fall to his knee
with blood running from his arm
like hot chocolate running down the
side of your cup
Bleed boy bleed
the demons in his head is telling him to
“Scared” I’m scaredOf who I amOf who I could becomeI just want it all to go awayI try to feel numbBut the feeling keeps coming backI’m scared to take chancesTo get hurtTo fall in loveTo be freeI’m scared of mePeople can never see
She's the wind
he's the rain
sometimes they seem harmless
but when they mix and lightning strikes
you won't be left scarless
you can run
or you can hide
but it's all pointless
To live, you must leave
The lines of time you must weave.
In all aspects, you proceed
To plant your world's seed.
yet as far as you run,
life follows you my son.
To plant forrest in your wake
Most fear death.
Scared of the unknown, consumed with guilt for questioning their one true God on if there is such a thing as an afterlife.
Parents abandoning their flesh and blood
to do drugs or to relive their younger days before their mistake
So the government places these childern in foster homes
until they are eighteen years of age
Rainbow Love
My sperm donor
Some people would call him my father
Said he loved me more than a rainbow
And that was when I learned
You scream and I scream
But we never accomplish anything
I wish you would just hear me
And agree
Instead of insistently calling me weak
I know I’m strong and
I don't know where to start
to explain
this thing
that covers my skin
almost like an
infection that I
can't just take medication
to get rid of
its lodged in my brain and
Momma, why did you go?
You left me and the siblings all alone.
Momma, when are you coming back?
If you are, please tell me what I did wrong?
Momma, quit hypnotizing all the siblings
she was a girl then she turned in to a snake trying to slither throw life got tangled
up with the wrong people she went throw alot like a dog being beaten by their owner
A shadow is all I'll ever be.
Sitting here in the cold silence of the ally.
No sun will shine on me.
No one will look my way.
Till that young girl held out her hand and asked if I was cold.
A shadow is all I'll ever be.
Sitting here in the cold silence of the ally.
No sun will shine on me.
No one will look my way.
Till that young girl held out her hand and asked if I was cold.
I watch you as you lay there, sound asleep.
So peaceful and sweet.
You are, but a baby.
My sweet angel.
So small and frail you are.
You are my everything, my world.
White male, 14, controlled by my father.
Forced to play sports, when my heart isn't in it.
I can't see my friends.
I can't see my Mom.
I have nobody.
I am a worthless piece of shit, he says.
A product of love is a daughter.
Bury her in lies
So she can never achieve self love.
She's not the image they wanted her to be.
It's nearly punishing to fathom loving something you don't truly want.
So here’s how it goes.I breathe my life into the wind
and the mists carry it to the sea
She finally told me your secret
She knew not long could she keep it
She told me the cold hearted truth
That haunted me all my youth
He broke me
He lied
He disappeared
Ive cried
No one saw
They never will
Slowly to the brim
It’s amazing how you thought I was joking
How when I looked at you and said I was done
You laughed like it was the funniest thing you’ve ever heard
14 years of dealing with this bullshit.
How many more do I have more to go?
I never get any freedom as a teenager,
And here I am, writing about you.
You were suppose to love me
not abuse me
not hurt me
not abandon me
not leave me
You were suppose to be there with me
not kick me out
not threaten the ones who love me now
Despite my beautiful dreams, despite my hopeful heart, despite my faithful life, i found myself in the midst of failure.fearful that i my journey might end up in defeat.
There's a path lost in the plains.
It leads nowhere
It is worshipped for its ability to mislead
It knows you.
It knows what you have done,
It has seen the inside of your skull and all of it's
Age 6:
Mommy is in trouble.
Daddy is yelling at her again.
She is going to be punished again.
Daddy doesn’t punish me like that.
Age 8:
Sister looks like daddy more than me.
My life is held by an elegant thread. No matter the tension placed upon it, never by thine own hand, the thread continues to hold.
I’m stuck and I’m stranded
I hardly can stand it
I’m hurt and I’m broken
My childhood is stolen
I understand what you’ve been through
it’s horrible stuff.
I know your smile is a mask,
an attempt to look tough.
When I was young, I used to think my family was perfect
Who didn't think their family was perfect at that age?
My father and I were close.
The kind of close, where he should have been sent to prison
I feel good when he hugs me
I feel good when he loves me
It feels good knowing he wants me
but does he want to touch me
Im damaged goods
In the middle of my two short legs shows the real me
Mom? Dad? l asked myself, why?
Why weren't there for me? Why didn't you care for me.
Hurt. Pain. It's so hard to maintain.
Beatings. Days without food. Why did I have to be the fool?
The water and its depth would scare me as a child
I knew the waves could whip me and make me wild
I used to think the ocean was hollow like a shell
And that the monsters in it were secrets I should never tell
Here I am present,
the tiny infats who die,
from unfit "Parents".
Here I am the Light,
the Savior for the abused,
so many children.
Who am I, you ask?
Left to my heart beating in tuneTo the crickets melodyOf midnight sorrows,I think.
I think of everything thatCould've been,Would've been,Should've been.But as the darkness grows crueler,
It's like suffocating,
Or drowning,
Or choking,
Having to bite your tongue and not get a say.
It's like hell,
Looking at your scarred wrists and knowing why they are there.
Why'd you do that?
I thought you loved me
Why wont you stop beating me?
I wish that I could hug you but
You just make me cry
You said I was a mistake, what did I do to you
I didn't mean to hurt you
This time it will be the last time I used to say to myself
knowing damn well I won't say it to your face
I used to see you as the father I never had
6 torn cardboard walls hold distant memories- hah, more like serrated puzzle pieces with razor sharp edges, stabbing one another yet fitting perfectly - yet willingly accepting the nerve wrenching pain and sudden discoloration of their o
It was either him or me
You said you loved me and wouldn't let me down
But you chose the man who would end up putting you in the ground
I was only fourteen trying to make it on my own
My mother. She could see me crumbling to my feet and all she would do is grab a bag of popcorn and watch.
Like I was some sort of circus act that she has control over.
On a night like this,
spirals of nebulas twirls in the unknown
reveals the triumps of ignorants showering in oblivion
On a night like this,
My mother burned my textbooks on a May's noon,
In a furnace on the fifth-floor terrace.
Sunlight flashed at the red tin roofs below.
Hot air warped birdcahes, bonsais, and clothes hanger.
I am a young girl
Striving for a life away from you.
My dreams and goals
Lead away from you.
My achievements and accomplishments
Are all to run away from you.
All I do
Is to escape you.
I Can Still Remember
I can still remember the words you said to me.
I Can Still Remember
I can still remember how you covered my mouth with your hand.
I Can Still Remember
Sixteen - "You get straight A's but you make the dumbest mistakes."
Sixteen - "You are lazy! You do nothing!"
Sixteen - "If you go to college in France, it will be like stabbing your father and I
in the chest."
I never understood what she saw in you
Your heavy brow and cold eyes and your rapacious disposition
I come home early like you said I should,
But you stare at me like I intrude.
This is my home too mother.
So stop treating me like I am a bother.
Why do you forget that I am just a kid?
You Withered my Flowersand I watched them Deterioratingas you poured Acid on themswearing it to be water. When I watched my Petals fall to the Ground,where you thought they laid best,I asked you "Why?"and you reacted as if I were the one who Burne
I stand outside as the rain runs down my sorry face and I wonder why
Why am I still here
Why am I still here on this sad little planet
Why am I still in the rain
I could be inside where the fireplace crackles
You went down to play?
That's their game of night or day
Gents’ swig, gals’ sway
Six nights to sin, 7th to pray
Whats the point of my voice, when no one lisens to the words
foreve being silened, with tears that runnawy with what you want to say.
Having your heart put through a shredder, by your very own mother.
Sometimes I like to think in even numbers
because Prime numbers tend to lend a connotative tone
Sometimes when I close my eyes to slumber
Sometimes I like to think in even numbers
because Prime numbers tend to lend a connotative tone
Sometimes when I close my eyes to slumber
Oh revered statesman, what is the cost, sir
For all of your bombs, for all of your wars
Can we set aside money to afford
To provide a loving home to foster
To shield the innocent from their monster
Will the sand stop the ocean
From devouring all of me
Can I be counted among the broken
Or am I forgotten and left unseen
18
You said we'd both be different when we're 18.
You said you'd see yourself in a band,
Or maybe just going to a nice college.
Then you asked me where I thought I'd be
And I told you I had no clue,
All I ever heard were echoes,
faint remnants of hope.
Calling me,
calling me,
and
calling me.
They turned into murmurs and
then into screams.
Crying out for warmth,
You said you loved me
You said you cared
You said you would never hurt a single hair on my head
I was so mislead!
All the lies
All the tears
It was for so many year.
The torture
The pain
Depression is it's name and anxiety is the game. A game with no instructions or rules to follow, every turn is a mystery. Every feeling is history. Time to make the first move, you roll the dice but it lands on a blank side.
Abuse is very expensive.
Sure, it may at first seem
Cost-effective,
But the victim must pay the full price
Eventually.
Whether with one’s sanity,
Or security,
Or even one’s life,
Through great suffering, a young girl finds herself.
She didn't see it coming nor did she know how to react.
The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability.
Too young to speak upon herself.
She was given her demeanor.
Forced to speak, think, act, and believe in her being,
Taught to be an imposter of herself.
Yet, all along she had words of her own
My heart beatsBut beats numbly My eyes seeBut see a snippet of what they wantMy mind knows But really doesn't want toSubconsciouslyHonestlyI miss the lightThat sparkled from those eyes
I am Hailey,I have a sister name Marie,We get beat daily,And she is only three.Our dad doesn't like us,And that makes us sad,He never forgets to cuss,He is always mad.
From his evil eyes
Dark and scary
She sees his lies,
And the abuse she tries to bury.
From his evil mouth,
The words sting like a bee,
Everything is going south,
Nobody seems to see.
My name is Lex,
My sisters name is Leigh,
I am six,
and she is three.
Our dad's always mad,
He screams and yells,
He doesn't know that he makes us sad,
Even though it's easy to tell.
She’s vulnerable,
she’s caught off guard.
You can see it in her eyes.
Look into her eyes,
stare into her daydreams.
She’s a child again.
Suffocating in this ocean of noise.
Tried drying my eyes that are now puffy and moist.
Where was your love in my time of need?
Where were you when I couldn't sleep?
An oath from you abandoned carelessly.
Dear Dad,
I am not emotionally charged right now, so I figure it would be a good time to start this.
I am only three,
My eyes are swollen red,
Mean is all my dad can be,
He says he wants me dead.
Dad hits me with his fists,
In my stomach and face,
He roughly grabs my wrists,
I begin to pace.
I let my breath goPlease don’t let me be a statisticI cry into my mothers arms, the first time I told her of my abuse.I refuse.I will not let someone else feel what I have felt.
Noise, noise, all of the noise
Yelling, screaming, yelling, screaming
It gets louder as it enters my head
Headaches, not only headaches,
Bruises, cuts, and scrapes too,
There is somthing about an infant's smile. That very first one that they've been working on a while. You start to realize the little things, and how those little things might be the big things.
It seemed as if all the words that were never there
came rushing into me like a breath of fresh air.
The stale state I had lived in day after day
Life would beat to the shackles of sacks
And shells of melancholy
Tears that smear cheeks unending torment,
A tears alone,a shower of cascade
In the fragrance of agony
And warmth of sorrow.
Once there was a girl that cried at night
Her daddy would hate and hit and fight
When she got older her mother remarried
And it felt as if a great weight had been carried
But she couldnt forget the scars in her mind
I want to thank you
No, really
Thank you, Father
Thank you for all the sleepless nights
Thank you for making me fear for my sisters' safety
It's been sixty years Since I was a little girl When my story began Horrors and glory unfurled. I spent my days outside So I could be alone Hiding in the woods Dreading when he would come home. It's dark and late at night. He bursts into my room.
It was a dark and stormy night,
For all you spit from your mouth was spite.
My heart pounded so heavily in my chest,
She came to school one day
She had chocolate wavy hair
It went all the way down to her hips
She had friends
But they were just school friends
She was pretty shy
She was always happy though
Time pasts and people stay still. You can’t change someone, if their heart is made of steel. That is the truth, And I know it hurts, But don’t push yourself because it never works.
A mother should love uncoditionally
A mother should whisper words of love
A mother should let her children know they're important
A mother should always suport the child
almost every night she storms into the living room after her bath
roaring mad silent seething
eyes bulging in her head
her every movement over-exaggerated
her words sharp and cutting
mama hoards sadness like she does jewelry and money,
just a twist of the oversize lips, squint of the jaundiced eyes, derisive humor in the voice,
I was five when my innocence was taken before my eyes.
Red the color of love as I seen her eye swollen but she never walked away.
Im the victim of hurt and kept quiet for 4 years.Where everything built up on you for so much time.
In this modern world we are all dolls
We seem well and happy to the public
But inside our hearts burn like hot coals
Everyday I wear my plastic smile
It seems like my life is perfect
No one knows, no one will ever know
I cried myself to sleep every night
He would hit me because I was weak
I couldn't put up much of a fight
I had nearly reached my peak
The once was a little boy
His heart was devoid of joy
For he was fighting a war at home
His father would beat him to the bone
So that young boy picked up a mighty sword
Clumsy moves on tippy toes
spinning on those itchy carpet floors
vibrant colors and familiar smells
he takes it all he takes some more...
mothers voice and soothing hands
knotted hair and sticky fingers
One.What is your favorite color? Maybe it was blue, green, or red.Mine is purple. But you'll never know that. Two.Are you left-handed or right-handed?I was born left-handed.But I was told being different was wrongSo, I am right-handed. Three.What
Daddy, what's wrong?
All I can see is your face.
Your hands wrapped around my neck, black spots cloud my vision.
I can barely breathe.
Daddy, why do you hate me so much?
I paid for mommy's mistakes,
Lord,
Can you hear the girl,
That prays to you every night,
Praying with all her might,
Asking for everything to be alright,
Wanting so bad to win the fight.
There is a silent girl
Never scream. The one unspoken rule, the one and only coveted truth.Not when she cries, not when he lies,Not even with maggot-like fingers caressing your thighs. Never, ever scream.
Pop! punch, kick, man!
All that power come from yo' han'.
To increase my agony,
And decrease my hope,
To overflow my inequity-
Until it is impossible to cope.
His touch wasn't kind, and so neither is her heart. She doesn't have a curved, easy smile. It's as sharp as the knifed that stabbed her in the back millions of times before.
A lot of people say they can't live without their family, now hear me out.
I'll give you something focus on, or maybe think about.
What's a definition of a mother and a fathers.
When she left it happend a couple of times not just one time.
I used to believe she did it because she loved me and she would come back.
then one day she left for the final time.
Stop please now before I do something something that can't be readhave you no regret for this? for the blood I have bled
I glare graciously into your deep eyes of sorrow
I see the pieces of your heart I left broken
I left your heart hollow
I die inside every time my back turns to leave you
I sink into a pit of darkness
I'm caught up in your expectations
As you try to make live your dreams
I'm causing you so much frustration
Yet you only want the best for me
You want me to show more interest
To always have a big bright smile
There's a hole
you left in me,
it's cavernous and
empty.
It's cold and
so dark,
pitch black and
my haunted wails
of abandonment fill it.
My soul flies
You see know i had nor an easy nor a hard life.
Daddy a drugg addict one night even forgot i was his daughter
Too young to understand what that night could really do,
You see know i had nor an easy nor a hard life.
Daddy a drugg addict one night even forgot i was his daughter
Too young to understand what that night could really do,
Yes I've figured it out,
Yes I've worked hard,
But it would seem that only I am proud,
Of my ability to say RAWR!!!!!
I scream from the pits,
The emotions in my heart.
I scream so I won't fall apart.
I'll be with you forever
Of course you will Daddy, we'll always be together
I'll always help you when you are sad
I know Daddy. You ALWAYS make me feel glad
Children lying prostrate on the floor
Overworked and under-born
And on the sabbath every week
You come alive and watch them bleed
Watch them weep into the sea
Streaming colors laced with dreams
The Caring One
In a world
Darkness, yelling, glass shatters
The sheets
Offer the only protection,
From the endless river.
The river of tears that are cause by the violent explosion
Separate worlds,
She grew up hating the world
She hated the world because the world hated her
Running across fields and climbing trees she would forget
forget the pain of yesterday
forget the tall man that hurt mama
Love is precious,
Precious to me,
God is the one who loves us all,
He'll take care of us even when we're small,
He'll be there even when we die,
That's eternal love,
I told you why.
She was always a mess
Scabs on her face
Dried blood under her fingernails
Her heart throbbed until
It crumbled
And pieces of it cluttered the floor
Like words in my mind that I wanted to say to her
The faucet was open it was filling the cups, the clearness was peaceful yet joyus.
A needle stabs at my heart and I stutter from the pain, my words are suddenly gone, Will this
No I am not a mother ; But I do have a child
No I have never given birth ; But he has called me mother
Comforting and crying when his life began to get wild
I am my brothers keeper.
The mother I wish had
The one who kisses you at night
The mother that say's "always try"
The one who brushes my hair
The one who stares at this beautiful creation
She didn't care for me,
my mother did not.
I wasn't enough to be considered,
wasn't worthy of her time.
I didn't realize how my mother,
really did love me,
grew with hatred for her,
Many children are scared
of monsters under the bed
though adults know
it's all in their head
Though other children fear
monsters in the house
they must run and hide
be quiet as a mouse
ABUSED SURVIVER
Balling your fist
Just hoping you missed
Every single throw.
But then agian
Oh, there you go
With every blow.
Just knocking me down
Smacking me around
The snake coils around my Heart
Squeezing ‘til it pops like a Balloon
Falling from the Sky
I watch with Bright Brown Eyes.
1. Simply,
if my mother had not met my father
I wouldn’t be here today.
Regardless of the fact that I was an accident…
I can’t live without my parents.
2. I was never not thinking,
You see things
You observe your surroundings noticing the overlooked
The girl that sits in the corner
She is looking nervous
You know why
You see things
I can't let go , because I have a lot to say
Building up on my chest, making this gentle heart heavy
The thought of you makes my mind restless
Filling with questions
Hurt masked with anger
cold hands which anchor a young daughter's soul
the introduction to a labyrinth never ending
yet what is love but a mere property of The man
in which case i will always belong to thee
The night was dark
The shadows darker
As they danced on the walls
They sang of a story
Of a young boy
And writhed in the pain of it all
My worse fear is being like my Mother, Addicted to beer
Bills being paid late
Beacuse Beer couldn't Wait
rather get Drunk and wild
Over talking to your child
We don't talk anymore
You say I'm a ear sore
She disappeared into the abyss of self dout and self ridicule
knowing she can't f**k up anymore cuz they won't be there
and the nerves were eating out her insides
She hated knowing that it was the end of it all.
You’re too young to understand
It’s an adult’s job. We know what to do
It doesn’t matter what ideas are inside of you.
An 8 year old’s mind does not know what this means
In the desert that is home
Where wild beasts tend to roam
All I carry is mine alone
By my side wherever I go
Is this pleasure?
Nay, I feel solely pain
For it makes me dream in livid color
"I Am Strong" The Words I would Repeat In My head
when I was a kid,
Under a bed,
frightened, Nowhere to run
rember her crying,
while I was Frozen inside,
the day she decided to leave without knowing,
What do I need?
The keys to a car
Bought for me?
What do I need?
To be the life
Of the Party?
What do I need?
Someone to love
Me?
What do I need?
Precious thoughts
You scream those hurtful words that cut and bruise my already scarred skin.
Burned skin.
Burned form the light you never let me see.
You see?
Seen.
Seen but not heard and also not seen.
Passion, it wears through time,
It burns a hole through all existence.
Its grasping hands cause the crime
That ends the thread in an instant.
Sexual abuse happens to as many as 1 in 3 females and 1 in 4 males before the age of 18.Dissociation is one of the common coping mechanism of abuse.
How Could You?
How could you know?
We were only kids.
We were only best friends.
How could you know?
The signs of depression.
No amount of money can take back the yelling, screaming, hurtful words, painful anger brimming over the top not wanting to live. Never having a childhood, failures and faults are endless. Pain lingering from years of abuse.
Hey, is anyone out there listening?Where are the ears to hear?Her heart is opening wide;can you feel her agony?Does any one care?Her tears are falling.There are secrets in her soul
Breathing
His hot breath on my neck, he’s
Deceiving those around him
Skin crawling, tears falling
Blows to the ribs, blows to the thighs
"Invite me to your wedding," you said.
Where were you? Where were you when I needed you most?
Burn the messagesThe memories char and crinkle until they’re nothing more than what they should have been,what you made them-kindling for the fire burning in the living room of my new house.
Her name was Sarah Booker,
when she was younger she was quite the looker
she was admitted when she was ten
she was still a child then,
" hello gorgeous" is the words he said
You know,I hate when you treat me like a troubled child I mean I ain't got the best of sense but I'm not out here doing something without your consent Like okay uh l lied a couple times but was never slick with it
He roared like a lion
He lunged at his prey.
He attacked.
He broke her down.
He roared again.
He kept on roaring.
The beast was satisfied with the silence.
You went away about two months back,
But I'm not so much worried about that.
My tears have long since been dry,
But that'd doesn't mean I don't yearn to cry.
Sitting alone on my porch I come to a conclusion;
All I need is to succeed,
So that I know that no matter what happens to me,
Your still alive to breathe
No matter how much life hurts,
I still get up off the ground
Bruises from the neck down
When you tell me to tell the things that you told to me
You're overbearing when you're with me and over and over
You told me you hate me you see
And the feeling is mutual
“Checkmate.” whispers the Flame Queen signaling the end of the game
the game we worked for and loved so much is...is over
When a chess game starts everybody is equal, a fair chance to win they say.
I close my eyes to see a pain that's rooted in my psyche
a pain that's like a vine choking out a tree.
Why, I ask, won't this pain leave me.
Why, I scream, did he do this to me.
If u hurt me I'm not coming out to play
In this lonely house I will stay
I will look after myself in this deserted home
It is where I am shielded and can safely roam
If you look through the windows you will see
One in three adolescents are victims of cyber bullying. Now I don’t mean to belittle, but i’ve never understand cyber bullying because your eyes are your choice and you can turn away.
“Don’t push me to make decisions that I may regret later.” I heard you say this while on the phone with your sisters right before your dad died. I laughed. I fucking laughed out loud. Now what do you think that says about you?
“I love you more than the sky.” You told me that every day as a kid. “You’re fat. You’re attention seeking.” You told me this every night as a kid while you scolded me and grabbed my arm, but I doubt you remember.
Stinging pain stabs my skull as it smashes into the white plaster wallMy eyes well and my vision blurs overI cough Gasping for air frantically blinking trying not cryI look into his eyes Glowing with anger I stare And I decide to think daddy The
A child of sadness
One who seemed so sweet
But behind closed doors
How could you do this to me?
Darkness and pain
But scars still remain
Promised myself I will never remember your name
For those who live in glass houses<br />line breakThey know this story oh to well<br />line breakThese wonders appear with beauty<br />line breakBut there no beautiful place to dwell<br />line breakOn the good days the ligh
I suvived but never thrived and was denied my exsestice was rejected never protected and subjected to the cruelty by my community but it was my duty to suvive and protect my sister my family protect thier hearts so i put up a farce of course i was
Pain brings the saddest days or the happiest moments
Pain of sacrifice is more bueatiful then a childs pain turned into a starlit lotus
If you lose pain you lose focus
In a little town close to homeI found the grave of twelveNone were old enough to bear a weight of woeBut none were young enough to shame
My life is a world where the children don't go,
For all there are is nightmares and tears
Nightmares and tears
nightmares and tears
nightmares and tears are the only thing you can find
Why are some of the things the way they are
Why do some kids have to live till the age ten
I knew this kid named Ben
He had a disease where he was bound to a chair
Opening my eyes
glued shut by the memories
glazed by dried blood
no matter how many tries
My bruises are healing
no hand to hurt me
where were you...
you deserted me
Through the bruises and bloodI am resilientLosing those I've lovedI've kept my spiritsSelf mutilation no moreDepressive thoughts resistedWorking hard like never beforeI am resilient
My childhood was a wildhood
I never understood the good
shadows called me a real trooper
but my life only felt like a blooper
i was an on going fire
burning everything i truly dersired
Hope
Taken away from mother at the age of two
Abducted by father without a reason nor an explanation
Growing up in an abusive household
Stepmother not making me feel welcomed
I am a child.
Do I matter?
Does anybody see me?
I try to be noticed.
I try to stay sane.
But I can’t shake this feeling.
I told her
of my fears
inside the peel
of the fruit.
The first of her
fickle love
stapled rubies
on my sheets.
In darkness,
finding monsters,
I thought no one loved me,
grew up silently crying,
screaming,
for help in the endless void
of desperation.
"Save me"
Covered everything,
with smiles and sleeves
Shh! Be Quiet.
You can"t tell anyone.
It's okay, I promise.
It's normal, I'm your father.
All the lies coming from his mouth.
She cried wishing it would come to an end.
Begged.
I always wondered who you were
I always wondered why
Lost and confused
I was more than Hurt
nearly abused, dark and veiny scars through my shirt
Aching in my bones and shattering of my heart
The Giants have found her again.
No matter where she goes, they will find her
and throw her back into her cell.
She’s soaked in juice
Sticky. Gross. Warm.
Will suffering end?
In his TED Talk, writer and philosopher, Julian Baggini, says that who we are is centered around the memories and experiences we have had in the past.
Loud sirens! I am scared. Police officers! I am four. Grabbing me! I am cold. What's happening? I am so tired. "A house is not always a home" I am somewhere... New clothes! I am warm. New toys! I am happy. New family! I am safe.
To struggle and to learn
People despised life as hatred
Yet lonely
Coming home scared and terrified
Wanting to run away from life
The road up ahead is scary
With no shoes to want
The earth it quakes with ever blow of hand.
Resounding strikes they ripple through her core.
The inner frame it crumbles through the land.
i was weak and alone.
lost and with no hope.
i am stronger and hopeful.
found and adopted
i will be stronger and successful.
kept and cherished.
My pain is all around me swriling inside like smoke from my dirty habits
my past haunts me like the smell before a storm
that hurricane you know is coming
my scars cover me like the shield on a warrior ready for battle
moments of peace
moments of love
moments of healing
time heals all but it don't heal these cuts
time heals all but it don't heal these scars
time heals all but it leaves this wound open
If i could be your clothes, I'll hang over your bones.
Every hour, every day.
I can be your invisible cloak when anxiety reigns the day.
My body contortsAn endless seizureFlashing and spazzingDisoriented and lostFamily is a hollow promise
I've silenced my heart and her aches for to long.
Let down all that I stood for when I dropped my soul friend to the floor and,
hands thrown to the sky,
Sold my soul to the crowd.
I Am:
I am,
My father's daughter.
Drinking problems,
Anger issues,
And all.
I am
that little girl,
daddy's girl.
The girl waiting,
I am Strong.
Even though I may be wrong,
and might not belong,
I wil stand up for what I believe in,
Footsteps across the kitchen floor
The sound of pitter paddle is all that can be heard
Seeking across the floor to see her
She feels the rivers flow down south
With the glaze of the stars intact in her eyes
She stares into the darkness around her
At the hope of ever seeing a light
I've got an ambition
When the gaurds all push me into submission
I plan my prison break
Dream up a great escape
And we are all just playing a game of chess
Trade your knight for my bishop
Her name so sweet is like the music
We sing under our breath below the sun
As we stare, the swinging therapeutic,
Higher than when we at first had begun.
In swinging we rid ourselves of the pain;
I need a release to find some peace
Take me away with your grace
To find some peace in this space
Calm the raging war in my mind
Close those doors in the sky.
You're making my plans with such demand
I am an artist,
Painting smiles on other people's faces.
I am a comedian,
Cheering up those having a bad day.
I am a ball of pent up energy,
Making memories with those who may not have the best ones.
There's no shouting in this household.
I must say it's rather strange.
No 'hushed' clashes 'tween the parents,
And I wait for it to change.
Could it be I was mistaken?
Could it be that this is true?
Im alone with darkness by my side I'm alone with the devil in hell beneath my eyes. I'm alone with nowhere to be found, being alone in darkeness is like being in a deep black hole.
Ouch! Please stop you're hurting me! I can't understand why you're hurting me. I've done no wrong to you! All I want to do is please you.
You dont understand
And i cant stand
It anymore
He throws me to the floor
You dont care
You stand and stare
But what does it hurt
You didnt give me birth
Im not your daughter
When I read my old poetry
it's like I've stepped into a time machine.
Memories that used to haunt me,
feelings that tied me to the past.
I see scenes of hysteria, longing,
and abandonement.
The pain in your gut is never ending,
Your heart is filled with dread,
Sometimes you think that you'd be better off if you were dead.
The fear in your mind cripples you,
And keeps you awake at night,
I’ve been tarnished.
They say counting calms the nerves.
They tell me it collects the thoughts.
I’m not sure how collected mine will ever be,
but it’s worth a try, for the sake of my sanity.
Red is all she sees as she watches her mother zombify herself
Take them, you die, don't take them, you die quicker.
The light fades out of her eyes as her father goes at her again
Once, twice, three times.
So what if I'm broken
My wheels may not turn
I' ll never play music
This crack on my face
I'll never dance again
But I get up
And learn to collect myself
I gather all my peices
There are no words that decribes me
So i say that im simply bre
Me being born was bitter sweet
And i've never consider myself amazing
But here I am
People look down on me but I dont give a damn
Feeling of the hot tensions rubbing against my chest, laying down popped in the back seat n cruze 20 11.
The frantic forest floor,it was so cluttered once,every rustle was news, unsilenceable.Leaves fell, animals tracked through the dappled shifting sunlight, and it was all important.
As much as I hate to admit that you hurt me
I’m not gonna lie
You beat me down till I was almost sure
That I was gonna die
Your words affected me
In ways you couldn’t imagine
I felt so much pain
The rain pours down hard and I walk through the door
pitter patter goes the rain as droplets crash to the floor
Shrugging off my coat I see he is there drunk like never before
Identified through numbersand only a whisper of a namethat I cannot confirm,I don't know who I am.Ten years were stolen
I've been trying to forget
Stop bringng it up
Stop telling me we'll fight this.
There is no poing when I'm trying to forget
You're bringing up unwanted memories
You're bringing up the past
I wish I could wake up
and all of this could be nothing
but a dream.
I'm scared of the dark.
I wish only hearts can see the true pain
you caused me.
I'm at war with my own mind
Have you ever wondered what truly defines a person?
As we grow up we slowly understand what defines us
A memory that lingers in our mind....
That has the ability to break us and torment us
Wait for it.
The door slams shut.
Wait a little longer.
You're free.
Who ever thought home was an unsafe place to be?
I am flawed and I am broken
I am willed and I am down
Wind blown, fragmented pieces
Falling all around
Torn and wounded
Standing still today
Face another challenge
Get up and try
They promised their love
and gave me bruises.
leaving me wearing long sleeves and pants
in the middle of July.
I wanted to swim but
I knew you'd drown me before I even started
Hey little brother, I watched you grow before my very eyes
I tried to protect you and your little heart from the lies
I think back to when you were 5 and my tears flow
The things that were going on, how could you know?
My Father
He's a Cracker
Not in Color but in the sense of the word
His grin met me with both humor and morbidity
As he licked the gums surrounding his missing front tooth
A certainly horrid proclivity
Forgotten and beaten is no easy life,
mistreated and defeated is like being stabbed with a knife,
The ones who swore to protect you forever,
are now the ones who abuse you is quite the endeavor.
Hidden beneath the covers of safety,
lays a child that eludes from danger,
taking a stand is far too crazy,
or you'll only cause him anger.
Every morning the nightmare begins,
This unhatched egg
Warm in its nest
In the arms of the tree
As the chick sleeps
Warm with in its egg
Waiting to see the outside world
Waiting to thank the womb that holds her warm in its grasp.
What do you do when your house doesn’t feel like home?
What do you do when you don’t connect with your family?
You sit stranded on your own little island pretending it’s alright.
But it isn’t.
Glasses covered with roses
Shattered as he closes the door behind him
Heart filled with devastation
Tears fill my eyes, asking why?
Mustering up the strength to pick up the pieces
You’re nothing! You’ll never amount to anything! Says the man of the house
To the 10 year old boy sitting alone on the couch.
You’re lazy, you’re fat, and you’re stupid get out
At 10 years old I could never figure it out.
We're leaving here,
leaving each other.
We're teething.
"Are you ready?" "NO"
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
and I hate the way that it tastes.
I do enjoy its cold slick surface.
I have quite a few questions for you
I've been wanting an answer for years
Of course I can't really ask you
I don't know where you are
I know a place where no one's lost
Everyone always has someone
A mother, father, sister, brother
No one's alone no never
There's an angel in the window,
locked up in her room she hides.
she tries to hide the hurt on her face,
as behind the curtains she cries.
There's an angel in the window,
her world is full of hurt.
Beer bottle
On the floor
Drunken father
A wooden bat
Broken window
Broken arm
Crying mom
Abusive father
Traumatized son
A torn picture
The devil was once an angel.
So kind; could do no harm.
But once he drinks,
out comes the belt,
and the anger of his past
I left you for a reason,
hoping you won't hurt me again,
The little crippled one
On the floor is dying:
Move me to the casket
So that my blood won't
Bleach the carpet
Tuck me away
In a boxed metal frame
Then pack me in a bag
Holding my wooden basket,
Fingers splintering,
Walking through the apple orchard,
Feet blistering.
Birds echo their symphony overhead,
Then my ears catch a muffled noise;
A fatherless showdown.
He is around but he’s not.
His ghost still creeps in his body,
Don't let anyone put you down, don't let anyone hurt you.
Don't just lay ther and take it. Stand up. FIGHT IT!
just some advice my dad gives.
The world hangs upon its final threadThe screams of the living are now of the dead.The tears of joy are all but goneThe fear has come, but not alone.
And then he touched me
He said it was ok, we were a trust, trust me and then he touched me again
And it doesn't go a way
Because he touched me
I'm a defect a goner
I was pricked with disease
This is a letter to my Mama named Tari
Even though you hurt me even though you scared me
I want you to know that i still love you
Even though you did things you didnt have to do
Staring at the phone
Wishing someone actually cares
Looking back at the past
Remembering all her dad's hateful actions
No one knows what she truly feels inside
She hides it better than a killer hides the body
In my time of despair
I shut out the world
I felt no one understood me
Not even my teddy bear
I became distant
I placed myself far
The world was dark
As a pit of tar
Rain splashes down like the tears I feel inside. They slide down the window panes, reminding me of the pain inside.
My mind cries, shouting for you.
Suddenly the sun bursts through,
a silver lining on a cloudy day.
Violence would have saved me.
A thought I struggle to comprehend.
It were the words that degraded me, broke me down,
they wrapped around my neck.
"Piece of shit"
"worthless"
"a mistake"
I remember the time I first saw my mother cry.
Her soft blue eyes were puddled with red.
Swimming in the anger, drowning in the sin.
Its been so long, how long has it been?
You left abruptly with no trace on your lips,
Of remorse for the pain, and your angry countenance.
Swimming in the anger, drowning in the sin.
Its been so long, how long has it been?
You left abruptly with no trace on your lips,
Of remorse for the pain, and your angry countenance.
People tell me that you love me
How could you love me?
You buy drugs with my birthday card money
You didn't forget you just spent the money
I get it daddy
No I don't
You didn't forget
The day I got away from you, was the day I cried with joy.No more being thrown around, like a ragged ole' toy.
They say silence is "Golden", silence is "key".But is it when it's not supposed to be?Silence can be deadly, Silence can hide the unknown.
So you want to get to know me? You sure? The real me? Well my name is Tazjona and I am 17. I grew up with a man that wasn't my daddy. He lived with us cause he loved my mommy. But then i got older and then he raped me.
Heavens Rain
I do not know If my skin will ever be as clean as others seen
But i dream to let go of a constant stream..
Aesthetic symmetry floods me
Pain is an inevitable part of life.
Pain is your body, mind or spirit way of telling you it hurts.
Perfection
tingling sensation of my flesh under the heated luminescent
velvet curtains, engage excitement of entertaining
counting off the seconds remaining
stomach churns as they open, providing cold- sweats
Stability is a joke. When I feel fine, it is time to plan on going somewhere else. All because of YOU. You came in acting as a replacement father and came out as a joke. A lying joke with no point and only offense. You think you can control me?
He gazed below, over an icy peak
Mocking the crowd underneath he deemed weak
He scornfully scoffed and gave out a sigh
With his bleak arrogance he stood there high.
If I had to power to change one thing it’d my family
Mom and dad are always arguing
While I am at home it feels my hearts hardening
I'm glad to be an outcastGlad i'm not like themI see the violence on tveveryone seems to have lost a brain stemKids are being murderedby their own parentsTeachers neglecting childrens needs
Shut your mouth and listen to what it is I have to say
I will take you all back on that specific day
I was laying in my room listening to the two of you argue
Flickering lights
Sleepless nights
I wonder
When will my home be in sight?
I travel alone
Like a dog to a bone
I search
But never once glance for a phone
What am I looking for?
this is me this is who i am,
i'm a fighter ,
after all my suffering and pain i'll make you all see
the walls permanently stained rust-red, bones-
pale and grinning.
and copper-rust muffled by sea-heavy air.
cry cry cry. no one has ever come
the heavens cry
someone, anyonenononononowhy won't it end?didn't you promise one day it would stop?what am I?still alive-why can't I finally sleep?
wind and flight. silver swift and impersonal crimsonsave me save me save me-didn't you know?no one has ever heard you
It runs through our veins
It runs through our eyes
It runs through our smiles
It runs through our lies
It runs through our dreams
It runs through our nightmares
It follows you silently
Why? You asked me today
Why I left you all alone
As I look down at you I say
You forgot the fear in my eyes
She is still afraid to kiss.
She is still afraid to hug.
She is still afraid to touch.
She is almost afraid of love.
She has never grown on the inside
Scarred and forever a child.
Keep trying to tell me that im you. Keep telling yourself that you were true. You are so controling and overbearing that i have no thought. No voice of mine is heard, or cared for. Im supposed to wake up work, wake up work...DONT YOU LOOK AT ME!
The first time i was hite i was werring a wight tank top i felt the blows hit me over and over agen then i could smell the hot iron red liqid
Mama once told me
“You’ll never find love
If you can’t love yourself.”
Maybe try to look like you care.”
She left me in the bathroom
Crying while I brushed my hair out.
Mama said to me,
I guess, no, I don’t guess. I have too many scars to count. When did these start to amount, I don’t know.
She sings a song so soft and sweet
But it's filled with such sadness
It makes you want to cry
This song lets you feel her pain
And you want to scream
How can this be fair you wonder
When I was younger,
I’d look at myself in the mirror.
I would hate the person I saw
A girl with bags under her eyes,
And a wrinkled face.
The only sign of a smile,
Were the laugh lines.
From the age of one,
I though I was done.
A mother who didn't care,
Who was never there.
Leaving me in the crib for days,
While she'd be out in a haze.
I still remember that day.
My dad dislocated my mother's jaw
and I heard a slap and a crack and a gasp
and my mother hit the ground
and he was only proving his point.
Oh Mother
If only you knew how it feels when sharpen your knife on the flesh of my heart
If you would hear the silent screams I cry in the midnight
If only you knew that you're not alone in the ship of weary
I am made of sticks and stones.
I rebuilt myself from those
I found
Strewn about the kitchen floor,
Remnants of your drunken tirades.
My bones felt hollow
When I learned that yours
Do you know,
what it' s like,
to say goodbye?
Not for an hour,
not for a day,
but for a lifetime.
Do you know what it's like,
to have your heart,
torn out of your chest?
I'm just another number
in the governmental system.
I'm just another
out of neglected children.
I'm just another number
out of the beaten and abused.
I'm just another number
Dear momma,
I'm writing this letter so you know how hard this is on me
Why did you think everything was gonna come so easily?
I didn't want to, but I picked the glass up and took a sip.It was horrible and I told my father there was no way I could get this terrible tasting st
One day when I was 13 and in the 8th grade, I had gotten the stomache flu and had to stay home from school.
My father took his trusty knife, wrapped her hands around it and they slit that rabbits throat without a sound.
I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous and was crying so badly, I could barely see nor breath through the tears.
I don't remember what set this next incident off with my father, I just remember it was one of the things that showed me just how much of a psyco nut
Coming back from the dead was always a terrifying experience for me. I hated it almost as much as the dying.
I remember wondering if my father could hear my heart pounding, then realized it didn't matter.
Woo hoo. Donald Duck film at school today.
I'm so happy I'm five, cause now I get to do
all the fun things and stuff.
Donald showed me what to do if a fire comes to my house
I feel the shadow of fear creeping down the dark hall
slipping noticed into the room - my eyes squinched tight
But i know that shadow even with my eyes closed don't I
am I crazy?
so I've been fucking told!
I always thought I would save the world from pain.
Tiptoes, softly, gently steering
he towards me, and me I'm fearing
thief of childhood ever nearing
INNOCENCE OF 8 EYES DIE
Is it not interesting, the way a single daisy grows through a crack in the sidewalk?
Layer upon layer of cement and sweat and exertion were
Smoothed into place there and were never meant to be disturbed my man’s efforts.
Is it not interesting, the way a single daisy grows through a crack in the sidewalk?
Layer upon layer of cement and sweat and exertion were
Smoothed into place there and were never meant to be disturbed my man’s efforts.
Screaming bloody murder, but no one can hear the cries
Cannot hold on forever, can hardly put up a fight
Locked inside a cold room, lying on the hard floor
Beaten in the gloom, here be he prisoners of war
I didn't grow up in a home,
I grew up in houses,
13 schools and a murder attempt and "Run as fast as you can, find the neighbor, and stay there till I call the police!"
My mom's ex-boyfriend,
Hello,
How are you? Why weren’t you here,
You made me so scared when I thought
Nevermind what I thought, it’s silly,
Broken bottles cut and hot ashes burn
The already empty souls and numb hearts
Tired faces leave and never return
Their eyes drained of tears, crying from the start
Tears fall down her rosey cheecks
Black rain appears from her eyes
Nose all stuffed up. For weeks
All i feel is pain and sorrow
What happened to the Jpys of tomorrow
All there is is hurt and pain
The weeping mist scattered across the sky,
blocking out the magnificent golden rays,
darkened shadows, their umbras
What happend, what happend to the child that was ripped away from me?
Why would they have me if they couldn't support my basic needs.
Kids, Kids are no option in my future,
Struggles
That is why I am beautiful
Mistakes
That is why I am smart
Flaws
That is why I am me
Growing up, Daddy is supposed to tell his little angel
Struggles
That is why I am beautiful
Mistakes
That is why I am smart
Flaws
That is why I am me
Growing up, Daddy is supposed to tell his little angel
I watch you walk towards the office
And through the painted glass her eyes glare
For almost five years your mother has held
An unending grudge for something so trivial
In the big scheme of things
It's about the locked door
it's about the sound of a slipped belt
trauma like brain damage
it's about shrunken corners that don't shelter
it's about hearing pants drop to the floor
wishing ears to deafen
Deep inside my bones
I feel icy cold
Over damp stones covered with mold
I find myself alone with the wind
Wonder what makes me feel bleak
The solitaire or the fear?
It's the chemical creation that's emotionally fueled
And the tears behind clouded eyes
Unable to be loosed
It's killing yourself
With the feelings of self-hatred
It's the darkness
It's 2:00 am, he lays awake in bed contemplating life.Should he stay or should he go?Will they even notice he's gone?He cries for help but they dismiss him time and time again.
I was the girl that grew up in hard brick matter.
At 3 years old my pearls were stolen then shattered.
Beaten,broken and tossed to floor.
And all I could can do is plead "PLEASE NO MORE!!!"
Things are never just Black & White.
For me, things were more Black & Blue
It wasn't a pretty sight.
Pain.
Broken.
Shattered.
I wipe my face clean, to see the girl who didn't mean to be.
Those rosy cheeks, that scar on her chin,
She was the sweetest girl, but was forced to sin.
Why
Does Daddy keep hitting me?
Why
Does Daddy keep yelling?
Why
Does Mommy keep hurting me?
Why
Does Mommy keep screaming?
Why
Am I so hated?
Why
Am I so worthless?
Ever higher does the flame climb,
Flashes of heat and light so sublime.
Forever burning in the night air,
Ashes decending upon singed, flaxen hair.
Sweet smelling smoke coiling into the wind.
Don't be a brat! BAM BAM Stop being stupid! BAM BAM You need to learn! BAM BAM Don't fucking talk to me!
There is a beautiful girl of the age of eighteen
A time of discovery and geniune pursuit of what is loved
Many full of happiness and bright futures lie ahead
She sits in the mystery of life
I stand on stage, on a pedistal. Senior Royalty in a Kingdom of High School
To them, I'm Miss Perfect
Walk down the halls and see a million faces, the biggest smile on mine
Who am I?
Many ask everyday
To themselves, or others
On the street or at play
Loved or rejected by their mothers
Everybody asks.
Who am I?
Eighteen, female
Bump. Bump. Bump.
The rhythmic commotion in my chest exasperates me.
Trying to stuff myself with the crawlspace with ripped plush toys and broken bobbles in the darkness.
Your touch lingers
On the hollow base of my throat
The finger marks
Fading into my neck to become
A part of me.
Your hands
Roughness upon my smooth skin
That you tainted with bruises
Dreams that compose an ever-so-distant me
Wrap around in a cloak of contingency
Mirrored walls guard my heart
Deflecting and rejecting all chances of happy
I stare out my window and what do I see
Innoscent children playing in streets
I wish I could stop them for what is to come
But sometimes it's best to learn on your own
The days go by and still I wonder,
Is it even possiable for you to hear me?
I sit here and scream through my silent pain,
Abuse is like a dream.
You wake up with confusion.
Wondering why this happened to you?
It seems too bad to be true.
Behind the mask
I have been stripped
Stripped away from all that was mine
I am just a plain face
Left out in the cold to wither away
My eyes fill with tears
I am a souless soul
The hills roll off the landscape of the wooden deck
that wraps around the house like a soft blanket in the middle of the night.
Inside the large wooden home of my grandmother’s
My dad once said that they named a Hurricane after her,
because after she died
Hurricane Sandy hit.
But that is a understatement.
I can't honestly explain what that woman did to him,
How can a parent claim that the most important thing,
is that their newborn has
10 fingers and toes,
when 10 years later,
those fingers can't play piano well enough,
and those toes can't run fast enough?
What if we were flowers?
No more worries or
troubles
I don't want to suffer
Can't do these
troubles
I want to be a flower.
Won't have to worry about the
Behind the curtains
Never let them close
Keep your secrets concealed
So that no one should know
All the pain and the tears
Can leave a dessert run soaked
wish the problems fade away
Six years old and the words hurt,
"Shut up, you're stupid and I wish you were dead".
I may not be my mother, tall, strong and bold
but who I am is who I am and that is all you need to know
We watch this time go by
And maybe we grow
All we can do is sigh
And say, "Where did the day go?"
The Clock goes tick-tock-tick
And it just makes us sick
The way it perseveres
You hurt my body, you destroyed my youth.
You take no blame and you contine this abuse.
You hear my screams they are caused by your hand.
You laugh at my tears and say "Be a man!"
You tell me that you love me but in between I get a different story.
You tell me I won't make it, that I'll flunk out.
You call me a pig, tell me that I don't try hard.
A little boy afraid of the sun
knots were made, are now undone
A mind is being wasted
It's time to face it
Shove the boy outside
At first he will cry,
but the sun is warm.
Happy is a smiling face
Caring and thoughtful
to those who don't know
Sweetheart,
you shouldn't hide
Driven through darknes she lies, looking up in the skies to fake a smile filled with nothing but lies.
Redheaded girl, who sits and waits,
For the days of cold to be over.
Whispers of other student's rates,
On the always unnoticeable cover.
The pain she feels is always real,
How many were there; 2 more, 3 more, 4?How many girls did you "love" the same way you "loved" me.
Remember when I was 3 and the party got loud. You took me to your granddaughter's playroom, you said this is how you show someone you care. I went home crying, my parents thought I was just tired.
Tears falling, emptying like a river,
As they take with them her last shiver,
The blood runs fast, the cuts run deep,
The consequences accepted, for her to keep,
They beat her till she broke
She waits for the day whence she can get back
To the place she knew and didnt fear
The place in her mind that wasnt just a crack
But an open meadow, always near
For her to go when scared
when i was 5, my mother told me
"if you cry, they'll say i was abusive and take you away"
when i was 10, my mother told me
"if your sister cries, they'll say i was abusive and take you away"
This girl is always smiling, filling our hearts with love. But no one knows the truth.. what it's like when shes alone. Broken dreams, slashing screams. not what we call home.
'Flawless' is of flawed design,
I am not perfect, nor are you,
But knowing that my flaws are mine,
And that they've made me strong with time,
I praise myself where praise is due.
Right now I miss you
Sometime I get so caught in the moment I forget all about you
But right now I am thinking of you
And I am contemplating of thinking of how much I actual miss you
Melancholy call me
Sweet is how you whisper my name
In all earnest you speak to me
And I hear your concern
Sit by me
Let me try and calm you
Here a hug!
Embrace me sweet melancholy
The last time that I saw you,you were being pulled through the front door by police officers.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Obey my rules and it will all be fine my son
You like basketball, now take off that dancing shoe
Roses are red
Violets are pathetic
Do you see the tears?
Will you listen with your ears?
Touch the marks on my skin,
to see where I’ve been.
You don’t see every thing,
You don’t feel the sting.
You may think you know,
Dont look behind the mask, I wear
For you will see the pain I bear
Dont look at the scars
that took my sanity,
that took apart of me.
Dont listen to my silent screams
This teddy bear is mine
I sleep with it at night
it makes the monsters go away when I hug it tight
This teddy bear is mine
it is here to restrain my tears
it is here to fight my fears
In a distant time that once had past
My hands pressed hard the looking glass
A younger me, Ignorant to the point of bliss
Could I be blamed for wanting nothing more than to reminise?
I am happy to be angry so I smile Yea I was angry, cause my dad left my mom.
Murder she wrote, at least that's what the scars showed. A slap in the face and a lost of innocense all in a blink of an eye. She was so young and bright.
I remember your laugh the most. I remember the way that it started off as a small giggle while you tested the waters to see if others thought it was funny too.
I too hide behind a curtain
Much like the Wizard in Oz
I master in hiding my true self,
So others don’t see my flaws.
But my true self, I will attempt to express to you
**NOTE: THIS IS FROM MY POETRY BLOG WWW.THEFACEBOOKORJJ.BLOGSPOT.COM PLEASE VISIT IT TO SEE SIMILAR POEMS!!
After all these years
I've been too naive to see
Who you truly are
Who I truly am
And who you tried to make me be
After all the lies, the disrespect
The tears, sorrow, and pain
Two cartoony tigers,
Friends for life,
Who live in a house
That bounces all night.
Two giants,
Father and son.
One smart,
One dumb,
One is mean,
One is bullied.
A pine tree,
**NOTE: This poem was also posted on my poetry website (www.thefacebookorjj.blogspot.com)
Dad and some kids, shouldn’t it be okay?
Dad was supportive….well he will be someday.
Sometimes he came home, most days we were alone,
But we hid when he came, we hid in shame.
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of wearing fake smile.
I'm tired of being numb
I'm tired of coping.
I'm tired of the flashbacks
I'm tired of the nightmares.
I'm tired of panic attacks,
The blade scrapes across my skin
Rattling the identity within
A face hidden to the comfort of my friends
Or family
Hidden and denied the grace of Light
A name so shamed by the harsh tone of denial
Family:
The thing you live with all your life,
Who are always there for you.
Wether they are far away,
or very close.
Awkwardly fitting into the other gears
Grinding closely hiding my fears
Tic-Toc, the other gears keep me moving
My time spent is my only doing
Every second spent stranded on a island never to return,
What I got Published in stars of our hearts/
For every child who is hurt or let down
Lift your head up, do not frown
For every child who's heart has been hurt
Please don't yell,
Please don't scream
Do you know that you're mean?
I tried to help,
You wouldn't see
What I was trying to be.
She's not your regular girl
shes outgoing, fun,loving
you might even say she's popular
and her beauty, well, gets every guy on their knees
her big plum red lips, that taste like strawberries
I used to be afraid to come out and say look, you hurt me
Hurt me with the pain of a billion crying souls crushing mine like the compression
Of earths plates
Here comes me seeping out the seams like magma from a volcano
I used to be afraid to come out and say look, you hurt me
Hurt me with the pain of a billion crying souls crushing mine like the compression
Of earths plates
Here comes me seeping out the seams like magma from a volcano
Rest now,
Dear tiger,
For your journey
Has come to
An end.
You have traveled
Farther than any other.
Young tiger,
You must rest your head,
For you have
Come to a dead end,
Who am I? What a strange question to ask.
I don't believe I could answer this fast.
I am a daughter to three, a lover to one, and a friend to all.
I'm a shy musician, but in a choir, I stand tall.
Bright blue eyes
Clear skies
Light rain
Life gains
Small hands
Green lands
Tall trees
Livid keys
First laugh
Fresh path
Fallen leaves
He sees
It was winter where you were
and summer where I stayed
When you'd weap to me
Tell me of the previous day
My heart broke in half
With the secrets you spilled
My knees grew weak
I turned ill
Beaten up and broken down
Faked smile and forced laughter
As tears threaten to pour,
To reveal your secrets,
Tell the whole world everything -
you
little man of golden sand
you share my face my eyes my blood the tremble of my hand
Teenage girl afraid to be alone
Don’t wanna be alone in the storm
Mom’s moved out, your dad is away
The devil found a way to make it in
I stand before those
Who think they know.
I smile and laugh,
alive though dead.
The me I see through those eyes
of the ones who gaze,
sometimes convince me,
that I am alright.
Those hands were never a comfort,
But rather burning ice when they touched my veins.
With every inch they scanned,
I wish I could say that I was a
witness to the stars,
but that is a lie.
I would say I am a witness to the majesty of the great ocean,
but that is also a lie.
Trapped.
She is trapped with no way out.
The fraction of hope that she contains is the only thing that is keeping her sane, if that is what she is.
At this point, there is no doubt in her mind that he will return.
Drowning.
She is drowning in the loneliness that is clouding her thoughts.
When she thought.
If she thought;
she thinks she feel him, just in the back of her mindset.
She stared into oblivion
Unaware of her surroundings
Trapped in those memories
So painful is her hurt
Is it reality
Or a fallacy
Plagued with the dreams again
Desperately in need of a friend
This.
It cannot be ignored forever.
So stop tiptoeing like a silly fool.
We act like it's just fine.
We all know
it simply is not.
Will we just nod and smile?
I wake just to hear
my parents argue back and forth in fear.
I didn't know what was going on.
As I listen, they yell at my sister...
every denial from her made my dad angrier.
This is a story I never like to talk about but I have to let it off my chest and try to let it go.
You're a criminal! You stole it like a pro but guess what? All the pain and the truth I wear as a wound.
Crash, bang, bright lights, shining bright, crash, bang, bang
You stumble out into a sea of blue
Your feet land on a dirty dark sheep’s fleece
Speckled with grey and showing off white blotches
Daddy,
Can we play?
Daddy,
Can you hug me?
Daddy,
Why are you mad?
Daddy,
Why are you yelling?
Dad, Stop!
You’re hurting me!
Dad, Stop!
“Children Of Violence”
Children of violence
Please close your suffering little eyes
Dream of us catching our prey
Madison Berrio
Lost Society
Teens are dropping out of school
Drinking and smoking just to act cool
I Love Lucy
“Lucy, I’m Home!”
October, 1941;
Lucille Ball entered the hearts and homes
of Millions of American men and Women.
Your face says you don't care if I'm not speaking about
you even if I'm speaking to
you. Well, this is about
you. About
you not showing up and
You being the one I'm waiting for and
He says that I’m too sensitive
As our friends cheer on to his venomous jest
It’s just a joke, bud, lighten up (I’m incensed)
I woke up on a dirty mattress on the floor of a friends house. It's my 16th birthday. A huge milestone in a young persons life.
Life insists too much upon us
to take a second glance;
a second look.
We go through shutting everything out
and never realize what we could have;
what other people took.
Alone in the world
Trembling in the dark
Creatures prowling, the faint of heart
The moon rises, the sun darks
The forest whispers, your heart stops
The shadows are lurking, your pulse rise
I hide behind a mask
Trying not to fall
I don't want to break
Like I did long ago
Neglected, abused
That's what I went through
Mortified of being alone
I pretended I was strong
I smile a lot
smiles are great
smiles add style to every empty moment
and when you own it
you can sprinkle a smile on anything
What is love?
Is it that splintering feeling of pain when you reach over from the driver's seat to touch her shoulder and "Apologize" for yelling?
Is it that fear to go to sleep because I know what the alcohol does?
Do not judge me
By what you can see
The pain I have endured is hidden
It has been a long life have ridden
My scars cannot be seen by the eye
Even though many have tried
"I will abandon you in a second,"
was what my dad said to "teach me a lesson."
"You're a worthless piece of trash,"
was what my mom would say when I didn't give her cash.
The only one who was truly a parent figure
She flies with gold wings,
down a road full of dust.
Her eyes growing full of dusty cloud.
She travels far,
with smokey eyes.
She's looking for a place to call home,
when the dust turns her blind.
The eye is mine, as you can see.
Or if you can't, then you're as me.
A single eye thats blind to all,
'cept ceaseless fears, to these I crawl.
A broken wing, one that won't heal
She longs to be different,
Because her greatest fear is that she could be her.
Flesh and blood that created her and brought her to life is the same thing that has haunted her.
How can one destroy such innocence?
For days on end she weeps in sorrow,
In that lonely bed day after tomorrow,
Her father hits, screams and kicks
An abuser,
Her father cannot seem to quit,
Drowned in alcohol,
Poisoned with smoke,
Speak, shout, they must know
It happened behind a closed door.
Arrogance, mannish poison coursing through his veins,
Twenty minutes ago she came in but left.
Morning sun
Across my purple scar
Swollen eyes
Can't even see sunlight
Is this love
That I am feeling
Is this love
WHat to wear
I guess he'l make that choice
What They Don't See
What is funny in this life is that everyone want to blame their problem on someone
I think about you
a lot, Momma.
I wonder if you're okay.
I wonder if you think
about me, too.
But I have some questions.
Why did you pick up the bottle?
Why didn't you stop?
I didn't ask to be the one,
who saddled all your anger.
I didn't ask to be the one,
who was beaten and abused.
I didn't ask to feel this pain,
or to live this way.
I didn't ask for this,
Oh lord I say.
Who's going to ever help me with my insecurities?
I go through hell every night.
The demons..the company I dont need.
They're attacking oh father.
Say a word for me...
behind my curtain
is a child with fears
shown by the tremor
and falling tears
behind my curtain
is a world of pain
shown by a hospital bracelet
that bears my name
I am the "unborn"
I wonder if I will ever see light.
I wonder if I will ever see the face of my mom and dad.
I wonder if they will like me.
I am the "unborn".
They said "you're to young to be sad," As if feelings required an age. I looked at her weathered skin encased in naïve flaws and said, "doesn't that make you to old to be happy?" The thing about age is it only defines you if you let it.
Almost 7 years
You were almost 7 years older than she
Almost 7 years older than she and 9 years older than I
and I am now the age you were at the time
and I still cannot understand why
Mom. The constant fighting. The nights up until 3 in the morning cleaning up after you. Picking you up off the floor. The names you would call me. The days I missed school. The nights I had to have Dad pick me up.
My mouth is dry. My lips are cracked. My eyes are bleeding, I have bruises on my back. My legs are scraped, with blisters on my feet. I have cuts on my face and scars on my hands. But still, I don't speak...
Little girl lost and alone
Won’t pick up the phone
Too scared to go back home
The bottles kept stacking up
Daddy didn’t you have enough
Anger grew, We all knew
What he was going to do to you
Confusion, anger and depression The parent hurts the child yet learns the lesson The child tries to reminisce about a good time Intoxicated mother singing “sweet child of mine” Honestly this child has seen too much Grown men well in their lives
Honestly
My dream job is to be spokesperson
As a surivor of sexual child abuse
I believe I have a lot to say
To stand for
And to do
I did not just survive for myself
I was 7 at the time
When I endured
That horrible crime.
I was only in 2nd grade
When you did this to me...
I was just a child
Wanting to have a dream.
The real me
Is someone who hides behind the pain and the anger.
The real me is someone who keeps
their mouth shut so they dont say the wrong things.
I am Mute, I am invisible,
Where has Annie gone?
She's been out way to long
"Who died and made her queen?"
Said her sister as jealousy flooded her heart
Mama was in the days
Daddy never stays
My baby is crying
he's in the other room
I feel so bad
but he'll fall asleep soon
people say I spoil him
but he's only four months old
he could be hungry, dirty, or cold
You are nothing
I wish it were true
You aint going nowhere till I'm through
Please help please help me God
The door is shut now, It’s just me and you
Why can’t I
She tries to hide her pain behind a mask,
Regretting the way of her secret past.
She hears her daddy come in through the door,
He's been drinking again and that's for sure.
If I read you a story
starting "Once Upon a Time",
would you to stay to listen
as I read off each line?
How would you feel
as the realization became known:
This story was not about another person's life,
A mother is said to be the greatest source of nurture.
She should never be inflicting the torture.
A girls daddy is said to be her first love.
His daughter shouldn't be the one he voids of.
When the house shakes, the walls crumble. Then the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm surrounded by water. I can't see. I can't breathe. I can't think. Further, and further I sink.
Why was you were in my life but I never really you knew you?
Why is it you said I love you aways never meant it?
Why is it that you broke promises and vows now?
Why help give birth to something you were gonna leave?
A loving embrace: yang
Lonely and chooses: yin
A slap to the face: bang
Bottles and bruises: gin
his hands caresses every curve of my undeveloped body
every touch; it burns of sin
i scream but no one hears me
i struggle but he wont stop
tears, anguish and frustration
sweat escaping through help
Dear mom and dad
You won’t ever actually hear this because I’m too scared of what you might say
Dear mom and dad
Yes. I care what you think of me
Dear mom and dad
"What is it that you think you're doing?!" SMACK! Get back over there!
Mommy sceaming at her daughter, makes her sit back in her chair.
It's scary how Mommy kicked her ribs, smacked her face, pulled her hair.
First danced with death
At the age of four.
Perched in the lap
Of one no more.
By twelve I had danced
You think she has a life just because you see her with friends more times then you care to count. You think her attractive because of the number of boyfriends she goes through.
One Mommy moved away last yearI watched her drive awayTwo cuts bleeding crimson tearsThree scars left leathered to stay Four time my daddy told me
He stared into the mirror, pondering his latest mistake,And all of the lies and choices we make.If another choice had been made,would the punishment not have been so severely paid?
I raise my voice because I once kept secrets.
I write for the little girls, the teen girls who keep secrets too
And for the grown who have the young girl inside of her
Crying
She lies alone in her small bed
And sees the painted stars.
Then her pa opens the door
About to give her scars.
A rugged smile across his face
Makes her stomach churn.
Close my eyes to get away,
darkness envelopes me.
But I can't run anymore.
I want him to stay.
She won't let him see.
Close my eyes to get away.
Tell someone else today.
She sits staring into space,talking,and waiting
she wants to speak,but can't
it's in her head holding on to that one word
Broken and bleeding
Left on the floor
My Daddy doesn't care about me anymore.
He screams and he yells
And he calls me bad names,
The first time it happened
I thought we were just playing a game.
She was a young girl
Without a care in the world
She loved to sing and dance
And she wanted to be happy
The storm
rages on
outside my window,
and I can't seem to find the calm.
Can you save me?
These walls are not enough.
The rain is seeping in,
and I'm looking for an end.
First and foremost children deserve love, in fact they need it to survive, children deserve the world, for they had no choice in becoming alive.
There they go fighting once more
Shouting screaming slamming the door
It's a repetitive scene and I'm the witness
Perpetrators of the crime complete ludicrous
How can things be so difficult one minute, but then dissolve into something so pure? How do people look over the beauty of mistakes and only focus on the bad and evil perspectives?
Red haired, Blue eyed, Beautiful baby: Riding her bike thinking maybe just maybe: If I peddle a little harder I could probably fly: And before I know it I'll be touching the sky:: Around one more corner she comes upon a man: Nice and polite just
As I lay down every night not looking forward into morning light
I shout out why me why me
I cry and I cry but no one in sight
Its days I ask myself why am I here
What’s my purpose for life will I be someone wife
It’s time to say goodbye for good-Never to return. A small town home with a small town room-No one to call her own. The sheltered town holds many cries-
I balloon-cut him free
before he died. His bruises and burns
became my skin like the tumors
that were his lungs and brain.
I kept silent as his grave. I sure as hell
didn’t cry. I wouldn’t send him off
Slowly spinning along
Never missing a beat
Life simple and uncomprehensive
Never missing a beat
Does as it is told
Never missing a beat
Yet as it grows old and worn
It does miss a beat
innocent little girl
oh how your innocence has been taken
stolen from you like a thief in the night
a thief with so much power
a thief with so much aggression and anger
How could you?!
Do you have any idea?
Do you even know?
That you are breaking your child?
Your OWN child
Your own flesh and blood!
Do you feel no remorse?
Do you even have a heart?
In the dead of the night there is a cry of pain.
One child looses innocence and a soul commits to flames.
No help hears this call and thus none arrives,
He is left to the darkness with tears in his eyes.
If I shut my eyes tight enough will I disappear?
Can I seal them shut with all of my tears?
Forgiveness not wthin any of your bones.
Screaming, thrashing accusing,
Condescending tones.
Speak of the fear that slowly creeps across my face
Speak of the sorrow that hovers over my heart, petrifying my emotions making me afraid to−
Speak of life, and how it is lived through every breath I take
We have a beautiful son; he’s our youngest baby of five.
When something makes him upset, it breaks my heart to see him cry.
Behind this smile I will hide the things beneath that bubble,
Scourging the very heart of me that tries not to crumble.
You’ll always see the bliss and glee but never any pain,
You beat my flesh, and you were the closest thing I had to a father. You put welts upon my body and then spread lies to my mother. You hated a child who only wanted your love, but instead got bruises that spread farther.
Run!
Run for the uncured.
Run for equality.
Scream!
Scream for world hunger.
Scream for world peace.
Shout!
Shout for those who can't.
Shout for those who won't
Fight!
Pretty little butterfly
Watch as you fly
Speedy little dragonfly
Watch as you're zipping by
Fly fly away from here
To places far and near
“She hurts me.”
Twelve.
Too young to know affection,
Too old to not long for its direction,
Too young to know God’s Plan,
Too old to think she won’t be penalized by the man,
The girl lies on a cot --
The girl with hauntingly beautiful green eyes.
With nothing but a battered baby blanket to cover her emaciated body.
Her feet peek out from beneath the sheet, bloody and broken,
Do my memories cause me sorrow?
Do they even tell the truth?
Days of love and no worries at all.
Do they deprive me of my youth?
The past, it tells a story
of days gone so long ago.
Do my memories cause me sorrow?
Do they even tell the truth?
Days of love and no worries at all.
Do they deprive me of my youth?
The past, it tells a story
of days gone so long ago.
She drifts from happiness to reality
Longing to stay forever in her dreams
For every morning when she awakes
The unending hell starts all over again
She tiptoes downstairs hoping may escape
Your words peel the skin off of my scalp
Your disdain rips my heart out of my chest
Your insults are a bullet in my head
It is a constant battle
Always a stalemate with no victor
What made it okay?
What made you think that you had that right?
To strip me of my self-esteem
Yes we were young
But what thought entered your mind
When you decided I was all yours?
A child is born, a child is forgotten.
One is celebrated, while slowly the other fades into the background.
One is cherised, one is tossed aside like a limp rag doll.
One is put on a pedistal, the other is ignored.
Now, I don't want this poem to be thrown in a big pile of others with a similar meaning.
I want whoever hands this lands in to understand what i'm saying and feel what they're reading.
I’m Alone
I’m Utterly Alone
Sometimes I’m also depressed
Other Times I don’t know who I am
Because I’m Alone I talk to four legged people
They look then turn their heads
There is always a time of day where you feel lost,
alone as if no one cared.
And your heart feels full of frost,
and your emotions bundled because you never shared.
There is a time of day when you feel afraid,
An icy hatred in my hearrt, although I've never met her.
How could she leave behind a baby girl to chase a romance?
She left a diamond in search of a rock.
You are the forbidden fruit,The forbidden wordThat had me mute.My habits were absurd.You had me lieAnd owned my silence.I had to abideBecause you were the tyrant.
I'm afraid, I'm afraid of what I don't know.
And I'd tell you, if you asked.
And I cringe at the thought that you'll never ask.
And I cringe at the thought of you asking.
Because if you asked, you would know.
Once upon a time a little girl lay on the floor on her room,
Curled up in a blanket and wondering when mommy would be home,
I am filled with a deep sorrow
Sitting here thinking of
Your bright eyes
and witty mouth.
Unni* you called me,
yet you knew more,
Felt more,
Hurt more.
Tell me,
Did you scream?
How can we forget,
the endless times we cried because we were full of regret,
We never meant to say the things we said,
it was in the moment and we needed to clear our head,
intentially no,
As I am a lit lantern,
That ascends and floats over sea;
The fire from within, The breeze that blows me into a cool, salty draft,
Is nothing of a smooth pattern.
Dammit! Here i go again
Letting you back in
I should have known you were gonna pull this stunt
Why is it that my well being is so blunt to you
Im half of you.
Dude plesase!! Its me your seed
You might want to get out a pen and paper and take some notes
Listen up, no texting please, awkward eyes contact is necessary
We’ll start with some basic rules, you'll want to write them down
terrific book, horrific name
the perks of being wallflower?
more like perks of having friends with people not your age
or even just perks of making friends with people
because charlie is not a wallflower
Death
Your eyes burn into my soul
Blacken my spirit
You have shown the ultimate pain
The undeniable sacrifice
You are death
Known as the end
I knew you would come
And take me over
Her eyes have witnessed horrorsIn the darkest of nights and the brightest of daysIf you'd look within them deep enough They would give all her secrets away
How? How could you leave?
You said you would protect me. I heard those words and they were a comfort to my little ears and my little heart!
Drugs, drinks, and driving
Driving your life down the wrong path.
Stalling, staying, and sticking
Sticking to the life you knew best,
But where are you now?
A mother of two children.
A happy life brought into this world by a act of love many months ago. The child placed into the arms of its protector while its nightmare watched on with a false smile. who knew how fast the false smile would turn into a evil grin.
Stay Strong my love, when all goes wrong continue to move along.
It may hurt now but it won't forever. What he did to you was wrong...
Worse than any pain I have ever felt
Worse than the strikes and blows
I endure from you every day
Worse than the beatings and the nights
Locked away in the hallway closet
Is the pain I feel from your words...
Struck, battered, beaten, abused.
Terrified cry that comes to no ear,
or if it does, pointedly refused.
Only the night hears the child's fear.
Isolated from any genuine parental compassion.
I don't know what to say.
I'd love to be that one that doesn't walk away
But I'm afraid that it's in my blood;
These scars prove that it's a part of who I am
How about now?
Are the mirrors shattered yet?
Their icy glares are just snares
Catching my dress
Ripping holes like the one in my heart
In my soul in my strength in my mind.
I told myself I’d rather be dead
Then let you touch me again.
These words I swore on my grave
And I carry them close to the wound in my heart.
My tears were joyous when they saw you go
Sometimes when I hear the floorboards creak
I have to wonder if it’s you.
Intruding from the upstairs window
Groping for the bathroom door
Spewing secrets and lies
Only to be flushed down the toilet drain.
It was an anarchic temper tantrum of your authority
That rained down terror in your corporal rage
And I tried to pit myself against the habit
But sometimes I like feeling this way!
I couldn’t live when you left me
For there is not,A joy in my life,Till the day I testified!
Trying to find the joyIn everything I was
I thought about you today,
that's really nothing new.
The past is always there, in my thoughts, in my mind;
daddy, I used to be so mad at you.
PTSD, bi polar, adhd, and borderline personality disorder they say. Born dependant on crack cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol. Two weeks in the niccu, which I was lucky it was just two.
When I think back, all I see is a shattered mess,
A life filled with misery, fear, and distress.
I picture him yelling and screaming,
With nowhere to turn, no one to tell, no one believing.
Whispers into the wind go unheard
Nature keeps my secrets
The trees won't speak a word
Even after the sun sets
They will never tell
you let me down
You watched my crash
You've built me up to break me down, now here i stand Hear me loud
Ill walk this stage so tall and proud without your help
Here i stand so tall and proud
How can you not see me?
You walk by me every day,
Call my name;
You even hold conversations.
But you don’t see me.
You don’t see the pain that is caused.
The burden on my shoulders,
You said you would always be there.
You said you would never hurt me.
You said you would always protect me.
You said you would always be in my life,
No matter what.
You said you cared about me.
walking and talking with the friends is her daily routine
laughing and smiling is what she has to do to hide the pain
My sight is blurred by tears,
As you storm out of the house,
Slamming the door, making the house tremble with fear
It's moments like these when I beginto take you for what you're worth.I watched you sign the papers.I swear you thought you knew what you were getting into.I can't blame you though.
I am trappedI am stuckI wonder whyI hear their scoffsI see my flawsI want outI am trapped
You catch my eye
I catch your's
Conversing blissfully
Time passes us by
And slowly I leave
With only your
First Name
Damn it.
When they left their toys in the yard, my mind went insane.
wouldnt your mom beat you?
and your dad...teach you a lesson?
your sister yell?
your brother get stomped on?
I am a boy
And I am quite small
They did call me weak
As I was pushed in the hall
Bullied and beaten
No one cared at all
They told me things
Poor children.
Annoyances to everyone.
Carrie, Danny, Eli, others.
All part of an undying system
That does not hear their screams.
As they scream,
No one listens.
Number 2
You had a name once,
the one that was given to you.
The same one you signed in love and out
It's the one I wish I'd never known
I'll forever call you number two.
Even the way you say my name sounds like an accusation.
I hear your footsteps over the carpet, linolieum, steel, whatever your latest obsession is.
And when my eyes spring open, I can feel the bloodshot strain.
Got my Guns Down through thick and thin, when everything gets rough my Aunt told me baby girl don't give up.
Why did you hurt me
make me cry and feel
like I should die.
When you told me you loved e
i knew that was a lie.
I said I love you too,
even though I knew i'd lied.
A gust of heartless air escaped the cracked door
I arrived just in time to inhale the aftermath of decayed black crows,
Only to regurgitate the clumps of feathers
I almost suffocated.
Every morning she wakes up
To do the same exact thing
As soon as she comes home from school
She endures the beatings
All she wants is to get away
Far from this place
Flavors of faces too numerous to count,
Jagged-toothed smiles, worn out from laughter and delight,
The desire to create, electrifying little hands,
Eyes that glisten with the imagination of worlds to be discovered,
A correctional officer from a state prison has a habit of hurting his kidshe yells,he screams, he interrogates, but Never hits,
I sit in the rain because when it rains you can't see the tears streaming from my eyes down my face you can't even see the sadness in my eyes and all t
No longer a little girl. But still alone. Feels but doesn't show. Harder life than before. Wants to give in. Therapy every two weeks; yet doesn't skim the top of her problems. She puts on a face for others.
A little girl scared of the dark, scared of the family that was supposed to protect her. Abused. Words cut as deep as the actions.
I had a dream last night
A dream that it all went right
From day one, there you were
Out of the blue you cared about me
Where the hell did that come from?
I always thought I needed you
No one here could heal this hurt because this hurt burns deep like the earth's core, boiling up inside of me. The rage in my veins is a deadly venom that was caused by your lies and deceit.
Screaming is constant,
yelling is ambition and passion burrowing between our skins
The reprimends of my mind, always screaming for a pain-staking lesson
that will bring my body to fall into an ocean of despair.
When I was a young child
I was abused.
I won't say which way,
how or even why I think it happened to me,
but it did.
My mother would tell me how
beautiful she was and how
We are not bound by blood yet nothing can separate us
I do not know you since birth yet our energies tell a different story
A endless night
A brain flickering on memories
Memories mainly making me murder myself
The fear of reuniting with your enemy
Who caused the pain without you knowing
The innocent kid who played hide in seek
If you knew me, you'd know that my favorite dish is spaghetti.
If you knew me, you'd know I am afraid of the dark.
If you knew me, you would know I don't know how to swim.
I do not see your physical body
Your physicality is beautiful beyond measure
Your personality eminates frequencies of joy beyond conception
Your character stands tall with virtue and honesty
Small Little Baby
Safe in it's mother's womb
Feeling her warmth, hearing her heartbeat
Innocent Little Baby
Peacefully swimming around
Terror to strike & distrupt it's peace
Two years and a day have since past
A relationship based on hate could never last
You cast me out
Although you never had a reason to doubt
I was your daughter through and through
Through shadowed hearts and shattered dreams,
We see with blinded eyes.
The last ember of hope burns out
as we watch the lies unfold.
We find ourselves held prisoner
Steamy hands on the window pane
She takes a breath and slips away
Pulled by hands of a sick step-father
Iron bars built all around her
She threw herself to the men she saw
So much depends upon
The childs cries
His silent aches
A mothers anguish
Silence
Complete silence
Why is there such silence?
A mothers soul breaking cries
I have been ripped apart,
Each limb from limb,
With my shattered dreams,
And my heart caving in,
Self-mutilation,
Every scar after scar,
I am empty and hollow,
And feeling nothing thus far.
Somewhere above the green tree tops
Sings a mocking bird
She calls out to me to soar
As a falcon from the falconer's hand.
I wish to fly away from here
To relieve my flashes of memory
The violets are dead,
So let them be,
The roses are wilted,
So why can't you see?
You're only causing more heartache and pain,
You're not trying to protect me,
So don't even feign,
Trying to be defined by who I am in your eyes,
But what are my definitions,
What are my standards?
When I look in your eyes I see a misrepresentation of the girl that I am
Outside
It seems as if she’s fine
Beautifully beautiful in every way shape and form
Her smile lights up the world as if god turned on the heavens
Well at least when she shows it
Gone gone gone away
ran ran ran away from here
away from here
darling i know you are afraid
but please please try to stay
stay here
your Childs right here and she says she said she loves you
Waiting
For my knight in shining armor,
For my superhero sister,
For one true friend.
Wishing
For the world to fall from my shoulders,
For the chance to dance again,
For a single golden laugh.
I wonder
What it would be like
If I had a father
Who cared,
Loved,
Helped.
I wonder
What it would be like
To not have to fight
For steps,
Small,
Small
Steps.
3 years old and father is ill. Ill.
I'll see him quench his obsessions, filling his demons with the drink of death.
They burn his insides, destroying our home,
while he sits calmly releasing his bitter smoke.
No Mama.
Nothing is wrong,
I was running, I fell,
I shouldn't have been running.
He told me not to run.
My innocence? It's gone.
He took it from me,
I'm a family manI'm morally right
I'm a family man
My belt impacts you
I'm a family man
I wear nice suits
I'm a family man
A dark ring forms under your eye
I'm a family man
When I looked inside of her eyes they were perfect as glass. A pure imitation of what joy is suppose to look like. She was so smart; at the top of her class. Her joy just filled the room there isn't a person her smile didn't strike.
My child is like a needle being found in a stack of hay. She is different in so many ways and that’s what I love most about her. She’s like my number 1 fan and vice versa.
Long nights of twisting and turning became a norm for me.
I would lay on my back and reminisce about the days that
had passed and wasted away.
Dreading tomorrow as if it would be like today.
Foster Life is not that bad.
Foster Life is a blast.
From being mad.
To having mast.
I went through hell.
I went through dreams.
But now its real.
I am a living dream.
I want to be a social worker
Helping kids who remind me of myself when I was young
Kids who are broken and battered and want to be free
Kids who are beaten by their dad
Who is supposed to love and protect them
How she would look through him
to the past
or the way her eyes
molested his frame,
comparing him to his father.
A man he could and
would never be.
Can you even hear him?
Or do you block him out?
Afraid of what he could say
That would make you feel so proud...
Do you even try now?
To let him in your 'house'?
The one thing that really makes me tick,
is how parents like to abuse their kids.
What is it that makes a parent click,
to lay hand and bruise those eyelids.
To punch, slap, kick or even yell,
Broken child
Save her from his grasp
She's been here for a while
She's growing up too fast
I am alive
I am living this nightmare
I am drowning in your eyes
They're staring cold back at me
I am scared
Of what your mind holds for me
I am asleep
I am tossing and turning
I get asked almost everyday "why are you so mad all the time?"
"Why are you so negative?"
"Why do you always asume the worst?"
"why? why? why?"
I have a lot to be mad about.
Another petal hits the floor
what do you want my innocence my pride
the walk is no longer the same, the smile is all pain
daytime is his savior cause the monsters never came
A walk along the beach..A whisper in the wind..Without these things, I could no longer pretend.A hike among the trees..A nap in a meadow..I'm never followedby your ominous shadow.
All I need is one job
To stop all the sobs
And all the pain
That I have gained, this one job
Will be my dream job
And will set me free!
Free to go out across the seas
Just one job.
Tick tocs of clocks tick tick toc toc
This is one of things that make me tick
The crackle crack of the knuckles of those next to me
Another thing that makes me tick
You told me I was your mistake
The kid you wish you didnt make
I am not the love child
Once you’re in, you’re in
There is no escape
They wear you down
With words
With actions
Your own thoughts drive you crazy
Even when they’re gone
The past haunts you
Growing up I didn't have much to call my own
Bounced around from place to place, hotel to hotel
Barely have any food to eat
But I had a family; that was all I needed
Time goes by as I seem to fly
His life has changed –
He has never known such joy before Her.
The steps she takes brings him both happiness and fear,
Will she fall?
Will he be there to catch her when she does?
For every baby that lies in the cold. For each infant who was told- they are not loved. For every child that sobbed tears. For every year that passed without a smile. If I could, I would provide a blanket. A blanket provides shelter.
I don't know what I did wrong. I hold onto my teddy as I hear her cussing and throwing things around.
She pushes in the door with the one thing that she will hit me with again.
Life is a mystery it takes time to see
During this time we make history but it was more that could be
Things we could have changed and some things we wished stayed the same
Your powers all I need-
The only thing I see.
You see, what'chu got
Is all they all really need.
My dream job
Why can I not have a brother, Why does he have to ignore me ?
We grew up together , faced the same adversity. So, I am making it, why can't you.
I am the younger sibling, and want to be able to fight with you.
I want to work for the world
For the children who were not given a fair chance
For they will be the ones to make the world a better place
Pain and suffering was taught to them early
Growing up, people always asked me,
What do you want to be?
This question always seemed unfair,
because I had to pick out everything from
My job to my wife to the way I styled my hair.
9 months of a grueling life
1st is the time of acceptance.
2nd creates the physical change.
3rd promotes the emotions and pain.
Mothers suffer for the cycle of life
Laughter, growth and costs
Abuse,
Hurtful, Negligent
Punching, Swearing, Bruising
Deadbeat, Toxic, Hero, Savior
You’ve been sitting here for hours
Without a single word
Crossing over to day break
You break open again and again
Cause they never stop, never stop to breathe
And they never seem to give up or leave
Tragedy strikes when a child must die.
How much more when that life is by others denied!
If I could change one thing I'd save the lives
Of all the children who never saw the sky.
Children are our future
We put the world in their hands
Parents are suppose to show the way
Sadly not all can
I will never forget the girl with the round glasses.
I sat next to her in all my classes.
there is one thing that has to change,
there is one thing that cannot stay.
if i aim to build a better world
it cannot be this way.
i have the urge to protect,
it's a need i found deep inside me.
Gentle pats on the back don't soothe.
Your hateful words still move me.
Consume me.
The sun sets like my respect for you.
Unilke the sun there is no cycle or hope.
No tumbling schedule of shinings.
A gentle hand rest upon her shoulder
She flinched at the harmless touch
She knew too well of the damage hands could do
She flew backwards into time
Hands that carressed her
Now hurt her
Beautiful childAll aloneConfidence, noneSelf-esteem, goneSelf worth never known Beautiful girl
When a girl is abused
Hold me, stay away
Do YOU love me?
Moments of happiness
Fleeting joy
Ever-ending in pain
I was rattling my chains
It's just one job.I'll never strike it rich;I'll never make it big.
It's just one job.I'll be cursed out;I'll be spat upon.
Empty streets in my mind
I walk through them all the time
the silents breaks under my feet
and I remember when we truely meet
when I was sleeping and you were there
and all you did was stare
We was arguing again,
My parents and I,
They locked me in my room,
He left a bruise on my thigh,
She blacked my eye,
It was over the dog,
They said to blame it on a cousin,
Every two minutes, a child or a person is sexually abused by a relative, a family friend, and/or a stranger. Most of the time the person will keep the abuse a secret for a number of years.
My day dreams run marathons
Around healing scars and
Grandiose ideals come to life.
Innocent smiles shattered by tears
Caused by fears we will never understand
Inside minds that sob for love and
I lay with his tie flapping in my face.
I close my eyes to take the pain away.
He tells me it'll only happen this once,
but I know now that is a lie.
As that is what he said last time.
Children playing at the park
As young children should do
How does life end up so dark
For more than just a few
They cry and scream,
You do nothing but sit,
They just want attention,
You do nothing but sit,
They are your child,
You do nothing but sit,
They leave your house,
You do nothing but sit,
She hears screaming,
glass shattering,
bones breaking.
She hears the pounding of her own heart
As she hides beind the bookcase.
Smile.
It's what you force yourself to do everyday.
To keep everyone off your back and not ask questions.
But in reality, on the inside, you're dying, screaming, crying, holding on by a thread.
The incessant tirade of pernicious words
Emanating from an abomination
That was once considered to be a man
Echoing through my head
Never daring to escape my mind.
Before the Sunrise
Before the sunrise, every little girl should lay tucked in,
In a safe home where mom and dad are best friend.
The sunrise should bring hope and beginning,
She has clover lips
A heart compressed there
Smooth and tempting.
They pout and smile at his every whim.
He is in control of these lips
But what if she talked
If she talked
Don't you see what you've done?
Tore my soul and scattered it to the sun.
Laughing maniacally as I flutter in the breeze,
An abandoned field of memories.
With each and every moment you stole from me
By age five my father was on trail for murder.
By age thirteen my mother began to get sick;
She started to slowly deteriorate before my eyes.
By age fourteen I had led my school to the championships.
A life for a life
They change mine
And I'll change theirs
They'll make me some kind of hero
Their strength will make me stronger
My plan is bigger than social work
Knock, Knock!It is I, the boy, you called once before.I have come for your relief,
Children everyday,
suffer from being raped...
Careless poeple in this world,
don't think it's a mistake.
They turn the childs life upside down,
broken young
weak
ill
alone
not worth breathing anymore
a warmth comes in the cold
white coat
gentle hands
nourishes
cares
hope
She's A social worker that sees kids in dangerous homes everyday,
but one child more than anyone else stands out, her name is Ana
At night Ana stays home alone while her mommy goes away
To help children in need is what I want to do
in need of support
in need of a connection
in need of care.
There once was a girl with a mom and dad
Who didn't understand that they were bad
She cried and asked for help
But no one came
The four year old girl had to run away
I have known pain
I have known sorrow
My life has been a series of trial
I walk away
I don't look back
I feel hurt
I hate the past
I've known freedom
My past has no hold on my future
"Pleasures" no longer yearned for,
Distorted within currupted, coerced gratification,
You seek Only Seclusion.
Fashioning a false asocial wants,
A desire built shallow,
Designed translucent.
Grab, break, abuse
Even if you win, you lose
Picture this:
A little miss, not much bigger than yous
Just wants her dad to give her a kiss
But insead shes greeted by his welcoming fists
Their stomachs are growling
Their faces filled with fear
From the steps they hear prowling
Their daddy is near
They flinch out of habit
They’re scared for their lives
Why should I follow you?
You try and hurt me.
You try and destroy me.
You try and try to make me worthless.
NO MORE.
I am strong and independant.
I will survive without you.
I will live.
What is a job that can change?
What is job that can save?
A job that can change is to become social worker? why?
Beause i can save a child born under the claws of another who claims to "love" them.
I'm looking at the world under a microscope, I get to looking and i find that we're missing hop, When i turn around this is all i see, curroputed minds doing time as a lesson learned you see, I waded in the water and i fell to deep, when the wate
I cannot solve all of your problems, but I promise to try and bring peace in a dark time in your life.
I see your bruises; I hear your cries for help all times of the day and night.
Who am I to ignore your hurt?
Potential is what I see
when I look in in the mirror staring at me.
Thousands of ways to help the world...
But will I be so ever bold?
To work one of my destined careers,
That helps both of Earth's hemispheres?
Seventeen
Im done
Im sick and tired
Of your shun
Its icy
Blizzardly
My price
Is misery
I suffice.
Im sick
Im done.
Youre not the only one.
My head, it hurts
I don't know why my daddy hurt me so,
My arm is broken and it hurts to move;
Why he has done this; I'll never know,
I wish this would stop; I wish it'd improve.
Now that I am grown; I fear him no more,
A child is precious,
Her life is even more so.
A life full of innocence
and little experience.
To make a child right,
teach it to be smart,
not cool, or violent
But wise
Solar Flares and Moon Beams
All we hear are the children's screams,
Calling out for mom and dad,
Is this the face of our youth?
Or is it the face of abuse?
So many children with so little hope.
The pain, the shame, the fear.
Why won't it stop?
Desperate cries ring through the night
No one hears, no one cares.
If I had known how much suffering I would find
As I encountered lovers and friends
If I had been aware of the torment in their lives
Which would lead so many to seek an easy end
Of the worlds population
so many are abused
Left with bad reputations
And using make up to cover up being bruised.
Not only physical,
their aching hearts are screaming,
Abuse can be mental
Dads are supposed to be a daughter's first love,
The ones they first see when they enter this world
The ones that are meant to protect them
The ones that read bedtime stories and kiss them goodnight.
But,
Do not forgive her. Do not forgive her when she calls you fat. Do not forgive her when she says, “I hate you.” Don’t forgive her when you are her only regret. Carve her words into your door, so she can remember what she said last night.
A locked door like her heart, never to be opened again,
A rusty blade of an old razor coated in blood from past wounds,
A towel at her side, stained dark and crimson red,
A folded note,
I am pain.
I am calling for you to reach me,
Because there’s everything to gain.
I am a kid.
Young enough to not remember when you left,
Seasons come and seasons came.
We knew the problem and its source.
Vows are broken, mistakes are made.
Children of the divorced.
We have no title, we have no name.
I sit here and write this while I let these tears flow
When all of this will end, I may never know
The thoughts in my mind move fast but, the time moves drastically slow
One foot over the otherI study itMy foot sinks in to the whitenessAnd then finally gasp for air as it is lifted upOnly to see a glimmer of hope
What would you consider calm?
Maybe a tropical palm
Or a vibrant butterfly on an infant’s
Sprouting hair
Yet even a single tulip
Amidst the life that’s bare
Or a teeming cub
The things we could do,
if we only thought to.
The kids we could save,
if attention we paid.
The unnecessary pain
we know drives them insane
and we could be the ones
Innocence is short.
Especially when the one
who is supposed to nuture and protect you,
is the one beating you.
Seven Years.
Seven Years is how long I waited to be rescued
Innocence is short.
Especially when the one
who is supposed to nuture and protect you,
is the one beating you.
Seven Years.
Seven Years is how long I waited to be rescued
What would I give?
You never seem to believe I would give anything.
Because, for you my life has no meaning,
but to fill the gaps in yours.
Yet, I am young
powerful
strong
independent
Life before seems foreign!
A tender touch from a mother,
a kind word from a father.
A carefree personality.
No worries
I ran through the the early feilds of spring
Without a fear
Black and Blue
Broken and Bruised
That's all they seem
To Recognize
If you're not bleeding
Then you're not needing
I may not have bruises
But I'm still beaten
I may not have scars
His voice tortured me.
He apologized; not for all but for some.
I couldn't look at him, I couldn't say one word.
He said it was my fault, but I knew the truth.
He began to cry and I saw someone I used to know.
Why do I feel so alone?
I know people in the world feel the same way I do,
But I wonder if they understand what it is.
I do research on it constantly.
I help people,
But I can't help myself.
You lay for hours on end
Waiting, waiting, in the prison that is your bed
Your legs, weak from disuse, no longer bend
You are a tiny skeleton, the breathing dead
Where would you be if you didn't have something to believe in?
Sweet mother, Sweet mother, do not forever flee from me,
I long for you tonight in the black flowing sea.
Please brother, Please brother, do not stow away from them,
I got tired of being hurt
I got tired of being burned
so i built up all these walls
let me tell you how they work
My heart is ice
so that when it shatters
the pieces will melt
She watches the grandfather clock swing
Wtih ever pass, she asks the constant questions
Why did he leave?
Ever since i was small, all ive ever had a heart for was children. Sure im generally a chill person but there's always this thing with me when it comes to adults.
Alone with my own thoughts,
Hungry to change,
Thirsty for the pain.
I think of the words-
Words that hurt.
Liar, cheater, manipulator.
Every syllable leaves its burn.
I turn around
What was it that you use to say?
Keep your mind in today.
Because no matter what you have done,
You always need to have fun.
Feel the sun on your skin and the wind at your face,
In 16 years
I have been to hell and back
I have built myself up
fallen down again
trying to rebuild
get threw it all
one more time
In 16 years
I have seen more harm than good
Oh what did you see, oh child of the sun?
And what did you see, my sheltered one?
“I saw the wild dance of fire, it’s yellowed orange giving birth to monsters attire
Why do you hit me? Am I not good enough?
I know im not perfect. Just a diamond in the rough.
My beauty is within because my outter appearance is scarred.
You made waking up each morning so hard.
We inherited our fathers hatred
letting his words tattoo into our brains
and flow onto our tongues
every time we were bombarded with something new
these words fell from our lips
Looking into my eyes what do you see? A young girl with an unusual life, who have seen it all and experienced it all to the fullest, lost without a trace pacing back and forward. Wait let me retrace my steps.
Dear reader, well I'm Brandon lara, I know you guys must've been expecting a poem or maybe even a haiku but you know..
This heart of mine is fragile,
it's seen a lot of pain.
It's been ripped, it's been torn;
destined to never be the same.
I've tried glue, I've tried tape,
but it always falls apart.
I am pain.
I am calling for you to reach me,
Because there’s everything to gain.
I am a kid.
Young enough to not remember when you left,
in a big world here i am just a little girl,
filled with dreams and hopes,
disappointed and broken.
a heart that wont mend,
a smile gone away.
i was once lost until I found God.
Your glasses left indents on your nose
Like your words did to my persona
It was something in your hands
Wrinkled from holding on to loves lost and far gone
You liked to choke the life out me
To greatness I aspire
Now that I’ve emerged from Fire.
You’re a pathetic, diminished Flame
Since I’ve overcome what you became.
Since that dreadful, burning hole,
And the childhood you stole,
A Screaming Babe in her Mother's ams
A Blackend Claw slashes forth accompanied by a Roar
The Oppressor Towers above
First off, I will start off by saying I’m sorry
I don’t know if I actually am
My brain says I ought to be but my heart disagrees
The rhythm of my heart beats in my ears.
My eyes are steadily burning with the flow of tears.
My bare feet are pounding on the ground.
While the steady drumming is drowning out the sound.
You forced me.
Fire is burnig with in my eyes, wanting to kill everything in sight wantig to strangle you with all my might.the care free little girl at 4 & 5 is now becoming a teen just tryng to surive.you try to deprive me from
She gave me colours of the rainbow
Yellow, Red, Pink
Blue, Black, Purple
All hidden so no eye can see
She gave me words of the wise
Honour, Pride, Discipline
Shame, Punishment, Pain
Day unto day I felt that I did not belong. I felt that every word and everything I believed in was all gone. She never loved me, but sadly I loved her. That is after I realized that I could do without a mother.
Watch his eyes, they tell a story
As he cries, filled with hidden glory.
This was not a part of his plan.
Just as others, he craves to be an innocent man
He has commited sins, but this one is the worse.
When I was a child you hurt me.
I was nothing but a mere girl.
I was only 5 years old.
I couldnt fight you couldnt fend you off.
A child was hurt.
My eyes look upon the newly painted walls.And step on the freshly cleaned floor.Things seems so much better,time heals all wounds.But what my eyes gaze upon is different from what my heart feels.
I killed him
I killed the man in my dreams
the man who looked me in the eyes
the man who stole my self-esteem
Heart racing, palms sweating, all the yelling and screaming deteriorating.
A book, a song, a movie, a sweet escape from all the things you hear of hate.
Get lost, just block it all out.
Where are our fathers?
They won't even bother to care for their loved ones,
Won't kiss them or hug them.
So mother is left bearing kids on her back
I am from my green blankey and climbing out of my crib
From playing mermaid in the tub
I am from walking my dog and the noise he made when i tripped over his tail
Mrs—
Raise your hand.
Creeping hand…. inches into the air….
Mrs—
Mrs. you think that you know me.
You know the way I act in school.
It was all getting better, everything was going away.
But they all came back to taunt me, kept me awake at night.
I always wondered who I was.
The things I see, I wont always be able to keep them inside of me.
His name is on the tip of my tongue.
It is a forever locked door.
I don't think about it.
I hope he doesn't think about it.
Why are you still haunting me?
Cant you just leave me alone,
I walk into your classroom
Im very happy with my day
When i see your fucked up grin
Fathers hide your daughters away
The worst part is you work here
You cant even teach your subject
i wanna be free, like in the books that i read, let my words mean more tha
I couldn't tell you what I did last night.
Tell you what I fear or what I Like.
tell you that im confused or angry,
because i know that what I feel, you cant see.
I know that you would look but not see me.
My Tormentor
Doors locked.
I keep you out.
I hide in the corner and cry.
Pretending things will be ok.
Eeveryone judges, no one understands.
Very hard to want to try.
Ever feel like just hiding?
Really disturbing how evil the world is.
Balancing school sports and activities at home
made me inspired to write this poem
the teachers act like they were never us
struggling to finish our work on the seat of a bus
Seems like only yesterdayLife belonged to runawaysNothing here to see, no looking back
Every sound monotoneEvery color monochromeLight began to fade into the black
One Strike
Two Strike
I feel the blood drip
I try to move but my body screams
I touch the blood
I sweat more and weep
This will be the last time I will
Feel your curse set upon me
I love Teachers, they should love students, teachers tell students to raise thier hands, no bullet, students can't always get through, too many hands, teachers only answer two, too many hands, How do you think I feel my hand was up, didnt get ans
Her silence is a cry for help.
She's too scared to say anything.
One word and his hard hand comes down.
Lying in a puddle of her own tears,
She wonders what she ever did to deserve this.
To leave the light
To know the pain you caused
Like a dagger cutting through hide
Like the glass diamond being shattered
For glass to cut skin
For blood to run down
Like tears of rivers
Do I show any signs?
Can you tell at all?
My home life binds
I feel as though I may fall
The screaming and the yelling
I smile at school
Sometimes, we don't live for ourselvesAnd for the lives of othersWe purge our existenceWe let others take an advantageOf the life we were meant to live
I am the spiritual leader of this home, he says
You belong to me, he says
I belong to no one, i scream
In my head....
You remind me of myself, he says
We are the same, he says
There’s that little girl sitting in the painLiving on broken promises, being burned with a flameShe tries to holler but no one caresJust a girl with an imagination that she shares
Take my hand feel the warmth emitting from the sand
as ashes burn I will learn not to break
Fragile soul, what more could be at stake?
Oh dear one, don't abandon me
Oh dear one, hear my prayer
Walking through these halls
Surrounded by people but all alone
I yell my silent pleas and calls
But I stay unknown
Memories flood my mind
I’m drowning, barely staying alive
People sit up and worry about the times when i do cry
.....in public that is
It happened again, as if the scene was on replay.
Emotions came back with force taking the life out of her and putting fear inside of her heart
It’s like what happened before was happening again
I would have liked to do my homeworkBut last night my dog was barkingMy sister was screamingAnd I couldn't stop crying about that thing that happened years ago.I was just a kid.
Lips zipped
Eyes ready.
Looking to the board
Hand steady.
Notes in mind,
Immediately…
But just a secret between you and me,
What can’t you tell
Your teacher
So easily?
Today I look back on what my life once was. The pain and heart break I endeavored.
everything you’ve known is nothing morethan an inception placed by none other than
Love. Breathe. Light. Smiles. Love. Movement. Balance. Love. Laughter. Communication. Love. Interraction. Sharing. Love. Growth. Change. Love.
Where have you gone ?
Its been way to long .
A nightmare come true.
Everyday we search for you.
We pray that you are safe.
Only thing we want is to see your smiling face.
The Maiden danced gracefully
Thousands of dimly lit lights
Twinkling above her head
The spot lightn her
She dance an dances
Trees wave with silent cheers
As she dances by
See the hammer in my hand,
There is no lightning to command,
I am a man and not immortal,
Riding legends through a portal,
To all the places I'll never see,
Be all the things I'll never be,
Lies from a woman, a woman she loved
One who told her that she was her angel, sent from above.
But the love she couldn't show it, love she needed,
Little teacher in the front
I wish I could say what I want
Like how I’m tired from the night before
From all the things I’m expected to endure
Tossing, turning, sleep-deprived
Everything’s okay, mommy lied
Im Sorry
You missed my first birthday
And never said my name
Im Sorry
She never told you
About her "little angel girl"
Im sorry
Because I tried to find you
But you were hiding far away
Across the room in a crowded place,I saw a girl with a familiar face.Her smile so sweet, but all to fake;Her innocence wasn't mine to take.That's has to be her, the girl who doesnt speak.The way she wore pink,
Your ideas made me, desgined me.
The paper was my womb and the ink nourished me.
When i was ready, you P U S H H H H ED me.
out.
My spine showed my name. Given.
My cover reflected you.
Fighting over and over again
The little mosters that dance in my head
The addiction
When to stop or to pretend
The rush kills me
Feeds me and sucks my every breath
I cannot run
BORN BY THE WIND, WHISPERING SONGS IN MY EAR. THE MOTHER THAT I HAD NOT FOUND YET HAD FOUND ME THROUGH NATURE. HOLDING ME AGAINST HER BREST, PROTECTING ME FROM WHAT EVER SHE COULD.
Everyday it consumes me.
It breaks me down, eating away at my soul.
I remember everything.
The good memories, the bad memories.
Mostly the bad.
I can't recall a time that I was ever happy with her.
There on the desk lay a pair of scissors. The metal cut sharply on each side. She looked at them after aggressively locking herself in her bedroom for what seemed like, another drunken night for her father.
With time none a knowledge,
The other side blotches red.
Of what a dictatorship I observe
Grows a seed of harsh rule.
I watch tree branches die withered bark
As you’re attacked upon which I only hear.
Blood was racing time as it washed over my thighsMy body was like a magnet; he couldn't stay awayWhen our bodies interlaced, I was only his foreverNo longer could I tell; he was in too deep
Aren’t they supposed to love you?
To comfort you in pain
And to hold your hand through the challenging?
I thought they might trust me.
Believe me when I spoke.
Just appreciate me.
Nowhere to run
No one to talk to
Try to confide in a teacher
Threatens DHR
Just want to be heard
Some one to know my pain
No where to hide
Time to face the day.
If heaven is a ghetto Regardless Ima make it.Ima pour my heart out and ima let The Lord take it.Ima do good even when I'm in the hood.Dealing with the struggle, we gon' make it through the troubleHave faith in god even though his signs are odd.Alw
A project to present
What does family mean to you?
To me it means moving
never getting to choose.
My name is a case file,
filed under pass her by.
A drug-addicted mother,
The ones who have seen more than most have even heard of. They're the ones who have either grown stronger or have broken under it all. They see through the lies of everyone.
I’d like to imagineI can still feel the sting
of the day she let go;clipped my wings with a word and said, Fly.
I’d like to imagineI can wax lyrical and triumphant
one more night;
Times are toughDays are hardTime flies through shattered glassLittle messes are bigger than Mars
Cries all dayCries all nightTo this anguish, there is no end in sight
when i was five,
anxiety disorder laced in my genetics,
i couldn’t fall asleep until i whispered a prayer,
tears and snot dripping onto my pillowcase,
so god would protect me from the nightmares
Days never seem so long
Nights vanquish in whiskey bottles and regret
Thoughts of the good days become thoughts of the hood days
in seconds reality kicks in and painful memories re-surface
What did I do to be abused?Why must I be the one you use?So, I guess I am just you beat up doll.Simply because you think someone other than you should take the fall.It is always me you call when you are mad or sad.
I can't see the walls anymore, Its dark and I am alone
It getting harder and harder to breath, I feel like im 30,000 leaks under the sea
You cannot judge for you do not know,
What kind of baggage he will always tow.
Maybe he is bitter, maybe he is depressed.
Maybe he is remembering what he hoped he'd repressed.
Waiting for someone to erase it all.
Hello it was nice to meet you,I known you all my life,We grew up together,You was like the brother i never had,Every weekend and every summer i spend all my days with you,Riding bikes, going swimming, playing video games is what we did,But i never
Come with me to the room of doors for some funTake a deep breath and open door number oneIn this room livesA teenage girlHiding awayFrom the cruel cruel world.Her eyes are hollowHer soul a shell
Childish Innocence ripped away,
it’s now dark outside, yet it is day.
“How can they smile, laugh, and play?”,
when my childish innocence was just ripped away.
Accidently created, always viewed with disgust,
I hold the envelope close, felling the paper between my fingers Ripping it open I take care Reading it I take on despair I want to cry Nothing comes The well is dry, and it’s because of you I was once excited You left me I was once happy You left
You can never forget.
In everything you see,
Every where you look,
You'll always see me.
Every day, every hour,
Every minute, every second,
I am there, more haunting
Then you reckoned.
I could see it in your face,
All you do is vent and cry,
Can't seem get out of that place,
I just want to see you smile.
You're locked up in a cage,
Let me save you from the pain,
Some are afraid of spiders
Some are afraid of the dark
Some are called irrational
Some are called faint-of-heart
Some fear the things they hear
Some fear the things they see
I am a bird with broken wings,
told what to do by other broken things.
I am a girl with wings that are clipped,
censored words do fall from my lips.
I am a woman, ready to bloom.
When Momma died the boys were left alone,
Daddy, Me and little bro.
But Daddy was never around anymore,
So when he'd leave I'd close the blinds and lock the door,
And sit with my brother, watching him sleep.
A woman raises her voice.
A man raises his fist.
A child cries herself to sleep,
Without even being kissed.
It happened so fast
It happend years ago
I thought the pain wouldn't last
Yet I couldn't seem to let it go
I always thought to myself "why me?"
I cannot live with this pain any longer
The Girl with the Tearstained Eyes,
Oh I wish I could stop her cries,
A Father never near,
A Mother following fear,
Oh I wish I could stop her cries.
Maybe this is all just a dream......
Maybe I might wake up and this will all be over..... I know that's a lie because I haven't waken up yet and I'm begging to wake up............ They won't let me go......
Now you're here I can't think
Because you're here I begin to sink
My knees buckle, I can't breathe
I choke on you're smoke, I feel the steam
You're fingers imprint in my brain
You Only Write Once- Bullying
You only write once
More like you only die once
Yes, I used to get bullied
The only way to get away is to run away, right?
You placed your hands on places they should not go, you took the only thing left that a girl could give to the one she loved.
we have all had hard days
even tragic ones like in shakespear plays
we must keep standing tall
beacause we CAN get through it al
i see eyes tear of fear
i see children shake and quake
When you took at your phone and asked me to smile
And tell you I loved you, I just waved you off
I didn't notice the suitcase on the floor
Or the sadness in your face.
Only a few memories of you because you were barely there
Barely seeing you around spending nine years consecutively of my life on lock down
Only a few memories of you because you rarely showed you face
You've batter me with words
Slapped me with shouts
What kind of Father would say what you say?
What kind of Father has the cops called on him by his own daughter?
A Father does not
A Father is one who care
We all hav emotions that can't be hidden.
Emotions are noticable through actions and visual appearance.
We all hurt and we all have pain,
But who is the one to blame?
One heart two different worldsOne body two opposite girlsOne chose love the other hateOne chose corruption the other faithOne always tries to devise a planThe other simply follows the great I am
ghost children across the hallways
in the school systems
pouring out of the courts at custody hearings
and into homes unwanting
they are burrs which cling to those more fortunate
Old scars, fights
yellowing court orders
tears have passed
It is over
At least
It had better be
You say love me
but we are living
with cellophane between
us
A line meant for nothing
A number learned for nothing
A past not worth remembering
She can stop now
Don't let her cry herself to sleep
Life is not worth the pain
You're making it worse for her
It was her who is in the mirror
It was her who get a heart break
They got lost afraid of the dark
They never thought I could fall apart
With her graceful gate,
and a small soothing smile,
she had a clean slate,
all worth her wile.
Now fresh and new,
a pistol to shoot,
hot steaming brew,
her pain dilute.
It's easy to laugh,
About something you see.
It's not easy for the child,
About to be beat.
It's easy to turn your head,
Away from unkind words.
It's not easy for the child,
Children are funny
Naïve, clumsy.
They say unusual things,
But it’s not up to you to
Figure out what they mean.
Right?
Look at the bruise on his cheek—
The limp in her walk.
Don’t speak the truth, but don’t be a liar
At least, that’s how Mommy says I should be
She says it’s the only way
To explain my black and blue shoulders and knees
Sometimes I wish I had the strength to do it.
But I will never.
I know that.
If I don't even have the strength to tell them,
I doub I could do that.
It's only in moments like these that I wish
I sit behind the window watching the other kids play... I'm 9 years old and wondering, "What if I just weren't here today?". Anywhere I go, there isn't any good; only the kids who bully me throughout the neighborhood.
What an honor it was to have
grown up in the melting pot
of another women’s grave yard.
I belonged to someone and it was effortless.
Didn’t have to tug, twist and turn to much to squeeze the
Trapped
I am trapped.
For the longest I've felt it, but hadn't put a name on it.
But now I know, I have been trapped.
Every corner I turn , every move I make.
I think I never learned to speak
Or, at least, not to stand up for myself
I didn't speak up
I couldn't speak up
Pushed around from an early age
A shopping cart
Bumped, bruised,
Broken.
I close my eyes, and understand,
The only way a child can,
To be beaten down with soap, and socks,
I beg forgiveness, the paradox.
Exempt us from our childhood,
Expect us to act maturely,
Inside we brood,
Instead we are treated poorly.
Behind the curtains,
Beneath the floorboards.
There are secrets we are certain,
My story is one of a little girl.Broken, bruised, and bleeding.Brought into the world by a father uncaring.The torture she came to, shouldn't have to be told.
Once upon a time
Feeling all alone
I was plucked from my roots
Carried to a new place forced to call home
I am Lost
Travelling place to place
In search of a new mother
Maybe a dad
When I was young
You asked me what I wanted to be
I said famous
You asked why
I said to change the world
You asked how I’d do that
.....To be Unloved
It is the only feeling I am used to
To be Forgotten.....
Is to nice as I am to you
To be a Mistake.....
Is the only mark I have made on your life
You changed,
Did you love me GRANDFATHER?
You lied to me,
Did you love me GRANDFATHER?
You betrayed me,
Did you love me GRANDFATHER?
You held me,
Did you love me GRANDFATHER?
Some nights, I can't sleep! I wonder why?
Some nights, I wonder where I stand in life.
Other nights, I feel afraid, almost destressed.
Resting nights, angels soars at my presences.
Another leaf gone by
Another sun past in the sky
Another child shedding tears
Facing one of many fears
Look at the way she smiles
How well she hides it,
The marks no eye can see
Another leaf gone by
Another sun past in the sky
Another child shedding tears
Facing one of many fears
Look at the way she smiles
How well she hides it,
The marks no eye can see
(For Lina Medina, the youngest mother in history.) You were five years of Easter Sundaypurity.
My childhood is gone,
Snatched away before the hands of time deemed it to be,
I sit all alone in that crowd,
Slumped in a corner,
Blade to my wrist,
Wondering why I exist as anything other than a play toy,
This is MINE.
This is all I have left of before.
I could never be four
I had learned much too much of myself and my body
That with this I possess too much power than my head was prepared for
How many times will she go?
Leave him to fend on his own.
A son without a mother,
Living without another.
He leaves the door open,
and he's hopin'
that anyone will come in
and take care of him.
Dissapointment struck like a tsunami.
Yes, I had been expecting the big flood for quite some time.
I could see it plowing towards me from a distance.
The wave grew and creeped,
It's crazy how things change, the type of isshh that'll make you feel strange. I dont belong here, im not wanted.
I never thought this day would come
Never knew you possessed this inside
You tell me try harder when I try my best
What if you,
nobody new,
were found to be
unwanted.
Not just by those
who seem to
rule society.
But by those who
were intended to
love you?
What would you,
Discipline they say,
punishment for stupidity and ignorance
how is it okay to strike them?
They say there is no other way for the young to learn
I beg to differ,
It's called patience and good teaching
I am brave,
I am very brave.
I have lived under the devil,
and ran through hell.
I am strong,
I am very strong.
I love the weak,
and the hated.
I am unique,
Did you know?
there are campaigns against rape.
did you know?
That an outlandish amount of young women (and men) are molested at some point in their lives.
did you know?
As the night calls her name
And the chilling wind whispers secrets to her ear
As the rain falls gently on the ground
Without making a noise
And as the moon shows off her beauty
mirror mirror on the wall
who is the evilest of them all?
the one lurks behind the door
walking making a creaky floor
the one that touched me to no end
making it impossible for my heart to mend
Why must my good be swept away?
I only spoke for a moment; words to defend myself.
I spoke loud yet your ears heard nothing.
Why must my face be stuck?
I shed tears because I feel. Not because I am weak.
Happy and joyful. Trusting and Loving.
Reaching out for love she wasn't shown at home.
Accepted and loved. Appreciated and wanted.
shut them out, as I suffer to breathe
Where are the words?
Can we talk instead of scream?
My opinion remains unheard
The violent escapade
on the frigid ground, I laid
he charged at me,
Little boy rage,
Screwing down puberty plate,
An underlining cage,
A percent of hate.
The ache in my arm lingers.Ebbs, a painful melodySlowly, it spreads through my body,Exploring the raw lands that remain.
One side of an equation
One half of a perspective -
From the outside looking in,
I'd see the shine, the goodwill.
"They are just so cute,"
I hear,
"A perfect little pair."
"Say what you feel"
What if words aren't enough.
"What's wrong"
You ask out of habit, you don't really care.
"Seems like a 'you' problem"
You don't know the extent of my problems.
"Pay attention"
You are supposed to be here,
You are supposed to care,
Not just sitting there watching tear after tear,
You are supposed to help, your supposed to mend,
Your supposed to be my very best friend.
I grow older,
Hi mom,
how are you doing?
oh not good today, why?
thats right, i almost forgot
your own flesh and blood dissapoint you
no one can do anything just right
the bills stacked 50 feet high
This lie has become a part of me,
I act it every single day,
Smiling and laughing,
And pretending everything’s okay.
I don’t understand…
What’s wrong with me?
No matter how hard I try,
No one should see what these eyes have seen.
A mother with a knife
A father forcing us to watch
A scar that will forever remind you
No one should hear what these ears have heard
The cheating whispers
The voices are always yelling in the basement of my brain.
like pain, has crooked teeth
cutting off my windpipe,
I can barely even breathe.
Don't speak.
I hit transcendence at the peak.
She caught me when I fell.
She saved me from my own hell.
She carried me when I couldn't walk;
She gave me light when I saw only dark.
Behind her back I would see wings;
There are many things in life you see
That make me think of what you could be
The thought of you every night
If you had only stayed in my sight
When I think of the day
That broke my heart
Because when I screamed, "Stop", no one heard me.
and when I told my mom, she didn't believe me.
And the cops? They laughed in my face.
And my brother, watched in disgrace.
Words blur to sounds
Problems to mounds
And mounds of issues
Too distant to understand
I blink a few times
My teacher now whines
About all of the work
That I don't bring in
There comes a time in life when -
you realize that you cant trust anybody.
At first you felt loved -
and then you were betrayed.
Your life spins
and everything you thought you knew -
is now a lie.
I cry myself to sleep at night, hoping I'll wake to see the light. The beautiful light so warm and so bright, but soon I sleep and relive the fright. First I feel the water so warm and refreshing, then he joins me I start regressing.
Because of you I'm afraid.
Of THEM,
Your kind.
You left me.
ABANDONED me.
Without a care in the world.
They always felt bad for him.
How you weren't there for HIM
726 days until I’m gone
Like a Leaf from a tree
Or a bird from a nest
I’ll be leaving home
Moving on from the past
I’ll be moving on from the moving
From one house to another
Running through the halls
A slap on the hand, at best
Am I late for class?
My is heart pounding against my chest
I am not a tardy student
And I've never failed a test
Iconic abnormalities
and hoping for the best,
weeds lining the streets of my head.
I don't wait.
I can't wait.
For revolutions and evolutions,
dreamers fly tragically too high
in the sky,
Teacher! Teacher! Can't you see?
I'm in the back turn your eyes to me.
My hand is up and I'm ready to learn,
Everyone else knows, now it's my turn.
I want to know about America's history,
Hepassed hisgranite-carved handover my unobtrusive fleshand violet petals have bloomedwhere no eyes traveland no onecares tolook.
Some days I just wanted to scream
I just wanted to runaway
Or melt as if I were cream
They make everything seem like a dream
Tiny steps at first,
Lost, Unsure,
You never know where you're going until you've already gotten there.
One step, Two,
You see the world in bright colors.
Running, Laughing.
Open window,
Silent rain,
Another slam,
Another "BANG!"
Balled fist,
Raw knuckles,
Peeping Sunlight,
Mar by Evil
Long before she knew her personality, She was given one.
He transformed her innocence into corruption, taken out of her fairytale into a world of evil.
I hate you
I hate your ways too
You're evil
You're spiteful
You're rude and mean
Get out of my life
Get out of my head
Your rude remarks
I just want to be dead
Alone she sat
under the tree
swinging on her swing.
Heart full of glee
look into her eyes
and you will never see
the destruction that encases her
leaving her trembling.
Alone she sat
under the tree
swinging on her swing.
Heart full of glee
look into her eyes
and you will never see
the destruction that encases her
leaving her trembling.
Hi, my name is Mary. Do you know why I seem wary? Before my parents gave me love, but then it withered like an old glove. My days were short and hurtful, even if I act careful. My father threatened me everyday, my mother ignored me in every way. A
Have you ever…
Wanted to cry?
To let the tears crawl down your face.
To show the anger and sadness
Through that unfeeling mask
Others call a face?
To stop lying about how
You feel and
Morning comes
and sunlight shatters her placid sleep.
Six years old, and she dreads the dawn
to awake in the family
where she’s told she doesn’t belong.
The cold morning air bites
The sadness in your eyes
behind the smile behind the laugh
The tears drops on your pillow
when you cry yourself to sleep
When I was young; I heard yelling, crying and words that had no meaning to my knowledge.
When I was young; you hurt the one person that was there for me. You put her through blazing fire.
You say I’m limitless, but I must say, I disagree. You tell me, “You can be anything you want to be.” But again, I must say, “I’d have to disagree.” I’m a limited human being. I can only become “so free.” I can only show bits of pieces of me.
I feel the pain course through my face
As you whip your hand across my cheek.
What have I done to deserve this?
Why do you treat my this way?
In walks Jane with her worn out shoes,
Blood shot eyes, and one big bruise.
You see her everyday in class.
You stare at her but never ask
If she needs help- or if she's okay.
You leave her hopeless everyday.
4 years oldin a pretty pink dressshe twirls and singsdaddy says"Daddy's little girl is so pretty"
I didn’t know what to do
when I was going though this pain.
I thought it would get better,
But my heart was framed.
Looking in your eyes,
I saw a burining flame.
I saw the hurt, the anger
You say you are sorry, / And leave. / Which adds to my burdens, / I heave. / You say "I love you," / Then stab, / The sensitive heart, / I do have. / You say that you want me. / Ignored, / As I pour myself out, / On the floor.
My head hurts. / My throat screams. / My hands shake. / This is no dream. / My eyes water. / I crouch down. / I cover my ears, / To shut out sound. / I miss my home. / I miss the quiet. / It's just too much. / All of this riot. / I want a hug.
Why must I be plagued with these sorrowful memories,
Why is it I’m hurt by you repeatedly,
Why must I be forced to relive it,
Why is it I cannot forget?
I cannot forget what you did to me,
It's black,
Everyday and everywhere,
All I see is black,
Mother, I can hear you!
but know that I never see you,
I've grown so numb to everything,
that I no longer know anything,
You see me,
Smile and it will all go away.
It's gametime girl put on your poker face.
Just a few more moments to go!
Don't let a milli of emotion show.
Come on just a few more minutes, no one knows,
I write to release the anger and anguish of a childhood lost. I write to tell the story of becoming a mother and father to a baby brother at the age of thirteen.
He shut the doors.
Closed his eyes.
Forgot his sister.
Forgot the lies.
the violence and the pain.
Forgot her name.
She shut the world out.
Stopped believing.
Believing the lies.
A child all alone
No one who cares or wants to get involved
Ignores the bruises and makes fun of her tears
A child all alone
Grows a little older
Cuts and drinks to numb the pain
The children, the children
Will anyone care
A little girl just wants somebody to care
So badly, so badly
They want to be loved
Who to call mommy
Who to call daddy
Why deforst your mind in the hands of someone else
Why stop believing in ME
Why act so shady when I ask for help
Why treat US like we aren't SH*T
All you're life,
"You're not good enough."
You're beat
and you're broken,
with words left unspoken.
You're not smart, you're not cool.
Why do you try in school?
They tear at your soul
Someday I'll be who I want to be.Someday I'll be safe.Someday I'll be away from self harm.Someday I'll be truly happy.Someday I won't be so hard on myself.
I sit alone waiting for you. I sit alone, my thoughts beginning to brew. It's been a long week, you and I have had it out. Oh, what a week filled with so much doubt. As you yell, I begin to cry. As you criticize, my heart begins to sigh.
they foughtloudloudloudhurtingmake it stopcover my earspillow-softsing about sunshine,my only sunshineyou make me happybut i choked on "gray"crycry
I have a passion for the little things
Id lift you up and keep your under my wings
Cause I understand you on a scientific level
We think alike, I know you’re not the devil
If you are then I am too
The waves lieBehind a wall of whiteDashing away before they'veEven begun to hang theAlbatross.
When you see this soft-spoken, shy girl sitting at her desk,
You see someone weak
As I quietly doodle away on my note-pad,
You see someone distracted
When every other girl giggles and laughs with her friends,
I thought I'd never live this long
I thought he'd kill me before i was 12
But here i am 18 and leaving
But here we go to be on my own
I hear him coming down the hall
I hear him stumble drunk again
I never thought,
I never questioned,
I never wondered-
When you are young
You do not think about the consequences.
The sun was gone
That mind now broad
The sky grey
With evident dismay
I wanted to scream
Kick and run
Where could I?
There was nowhere to hide
When the clouds spoke grey to me.
Maybe one day. Perhaps.I can just drop a tabletand let it splash and sink and sizzlelet it fiz and dissolve and be refreshed.
She made you
With love and intelligence
She showed you how to be
How to live
How to see
She made you perfectly
But then she died, and you made me
With a broken heart
I knew what everyone thoughtWhenever they saw my scar'What happened to him?''Ew, he's so ugly.'
But no one everStopped long enough to find outThat my father was abusiveAnd my mother ran away
Challenges... I have them daily.Every time I think everything is good....Something changes...Something happens....Something dreadful....Something blood curling, chilling...I'm scared...
Kindness, integrity and respect
With the heart of shear compassion and determination
Giving up will never be an option
But failing will not be shameful
You were our hero
Hovering over our
Innocence.
But you swapped your
Respect for oxytocin rushing
Through your veins
for a taste of love
and a taste of innocence.
I'm the girl with the auburn hair
I'm the girl that wishes you'd care
I'm the girl that's been pushed and shoved
I'm the girl that wants to be loved
I'm the girl that's quiet and fair
A shard of glass, as black as ebony, punctures my skin.
Blood, red, dripping down my arm and falling down to the earth.
The snow, white, leaving temporary stains on the cold, cold ground.
Ebony black.
Blood red.
The fear in my eyes as she moved
The limp in my walk while I trembled
It was like my heart had been removed
It took all my might just to assemble
A great deal of pain on my body
When a house is a prison
Nothing goes right
Amongst the false order
There is nothing but plight.
When a house is a nightmare
There is no light
Nor freedom from shadows
Nor end to the night
Under my bedI layAfraidBecause tonight is just one of those nightsMama works late
I can hear you stumbleYour scent getting closerYou mumbleI should call mamaBut I'm just not suppose to
God formed a delicate heartbeat inside the womb of a mother
He had the perfect features in mind for this life to look just like her parents
With thick, long locks like her mother and aquamarine eyes like her father
Bruises already noticeable,
pain and violent memories flood my mind.
Another sunrise comes.
I wonder if she even cares about me?
All this name calling is wearing and tearing on my internally
My confidence level has dropped and
My the respect I have for myself is lacking
No Chalk
© Alexis Dykema
If we could just tell you, it would be easy.
If we could lay down these words like lines of chalk on the sidewalk
Most of us would.
Angel of mine
Angel of mine
Things were always fine
Angel of mine
Angel of mine
That is no saint crossing our lines
Angel of mine
Angel of mine
Are you blind?
Angel of mine
I was an accident,
A mistake,
A let’s-talk-about-our-options baby,
So my parents didn’t think much about my name
Because to name a fetus is to call it a baby,
A human,
A life,
Mother me?
Can’t I be something other than thee?
Can’t my branches grow?
Ever which way to and fro?
And be as beautiful as long Hair?
After I looked you in the eye that first time,When I stated my mantra, and parroted my lines,And asked for your name, and forgot it moments later,I realized I had sinned against both you and your Maker,
Mother Dear, you are cold and cruel.
Your presence in my life is like a sharp blade of steel.
You cut deep and precise, but never kill.
Mother Dear, you are selfish and conceited.
Every child needs kisses.
That gentle caress of a Mother.
That loving touch of a Father.
But when there are no more blesses to be given
Then children go without their simple kisses.
The Neely baby drowned. Baths can lead to fatality. Water was all around. Unbearable Reality. Charges made against them. Two children left to save. The law could not help them. Grief came in a wave. Home was a diseaster.
I wrote this poem based on Dave in the book A Child Called "It". Dave was a severly abused son.
I'm from Califoniafrom Dally Cityfrom a great neighborhood
Hey little birdy,
The one by my window;
I see your colourless wings so sturdy
And those dark eyes so hollow.
Birdy, take me with you.
I want your freedom;
I want to fly in the blue.
A glint of hope in a young child's eyes.
Waiting for the day that someone will come and take them away.
For they no longer wish to stay.
They watch as you come and go, as you say your distressing good-byes.
You hurt me, Dad
You took the childhood I deserved,
And you threw it away
You replaced it with tears, anger, and hurt
Unfortunately I still feel to this day
You left bruises on my body
Leave me alone
Stop following me
I left you behind so long ago
Please, just hear my plea
I don't want you around
I don't need you
You're haunting my mind
Let's just be THROUGH
This is not just any cave
The sun touches this red floor of clay
Under my feet, a feeling of icy cold
My grandmother’s basement is growing old
I used to go here to cook and play
Her mothers soft and trusting face,
her fathers secretive body,
hardened by her everyday life.
She pops her collar up higher on
her bruised, scarred neck.
She pulls the sleeves down lower over
Some believe it is to late to impede
This is typical self indulgence
Seizing and biting
You can almost taste the difficulty bright
Leopard shards
Scattered on the fields of an endless nova
Waiting for a smile to apaear on her face
Slowly walking at a tedius pace
The same senario of fighting heard so many years before
While I step into another apartment door
Moving once or twice a year
Flowers prance, Sunshine gleams, Air whistles, and Animals dance.
Skipping, hopping, hair caressing the air, with Mother and I.
Anticipation ascends, tear drops descend
Here we are six years later still cleaning up the aftermath.
Six years of supervised visits.
Six years of seeing you once maybe twice a year.
Six years, Six years and I'm still not over it.
Sometimes life likes to screw you overWhy can't we just live and let live?Horrible parents, a cheating loverEveryone takes what you have to give
I am BreAnna
I Wonder what my life will be like
I hear baby cries
I see dirty diapers, empty bottles, and darkness
I want a better life
I am BreAnna
I pretend I live with a different family
Running and running
From what my siblings call home
Did not notice that they were punning
Of words about their friend Jerome.
Hiding and hiding
From a known monster
How can i trust you after what you did?
you were the light in a place with darkness you stole the innocence of a little kid.
how could evil hide in the face of kindness?
i believed you would protect me from evil,
a child not yet 7 years old,
her dreams are filled with love and hope.
she looks at you for guidance, for love and hope.
she believes you will protect her from evil and gives you all the trust.
the bitterness is burning
watch it tear through their souls like an ever present madness
slip into their consciousness like a
The lifting of my breath, everything became so clear and light. Letting go of the dark was a struggle and a fight. I never thought the breeze would feel so new. I never thought I would never feel that blue. I never knew I was strong enough.
I am an infant who cries, nobody undrestands why.
My mommy dresses me dry but still I writhe.
My daddy lifts me to walk but I turn and struggle.
They give me food but I throw it up.
I’ve told too many lies to recall,
I’ve stood in the corners and watched people fall,
I regret most of what I’ve done,
I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be fun.
I’ve grown far too simple and far too tired,
To some just words on a paper
To me a way to be free
Each word sets my soul on fire
A way for me to release
No need to rhyme every time
Just need to get my point across
This is MINE.
This is all I have left of before.
I could never be four
I had learned much too much of myself and my body
That with this I possess too much power than my head was prepared for
This is mine.
Words flow through my fingers,
Through pen or pencil,
Through the keyboard of my old computer,
Through my brain, no filter required
To write is to experience a new world
roses are red violets are blue, daughters are sweet and mothers are too, if you love them they'll love you.
For as long as I can remember, the written word has been my roadmap
the only one I've ever followed without asking for directions
<3 Theres things in life we question
and always wonder "why?".
We're always lost in confusion,
in a maze we call 'life'.
But sometimes we need a break,
from the disasters in the air.
<3 The stormy weather of my heart
is a passage way to a nightmare.
A dream never to be forgotten.
It's as dark as the blackest hole;
lightning that strucks you,
paralyzes you to another galaxy.
Who are all these people and how can they claim to know me? They were never there when I was desperate and lonely. Why are there so many good-byes and so few familiar eyes? Where did all of my ‘best friends’ go and everything I used to know?
He'll soon see
Through your ways
And finally know
What I know
You'll try and tell him it's ok
And put on that phony show
You'll make him believe it's all his fault
No matter what I do and no matter what I try
Every time I look outside, I feel like I have died inside
Happy faces all around me make me want to cringe
All I see is people smiling while I just struggle to live.
To my father whose blows bruised my body and my heart
Who did everything in his power to make me feel like less of a man
Whose hands, rough and worn by the harsh realities of life, I still fear to this day
I write to you.
When i write it gives me an escape
From all of my trials and tribulations
My writings take me to a special place
I started writing because my feelings always seemed to get in the way
First love; Precious daughter.
Her laughter so swift,
So sweet.
His hands so sure.
His love so unpure.
His loyalty amazing.
The sun in the sky turns black.
I sit there,
The tears fall,
My life is falling apart.
You pretend
To understand,
But I know you can't.
Shut up, I won't listen
I don't want your excuses
They're worthless,
Goodbye, little brothers and sisters.
Goodbye, little ones.
Little ones because your bodies have grown tall but your souls are heavy with pain.
I’m sorry.
She sees them walk by without a care in the world.
Wondering how their lives could be so easy.
She pulls down her long sleeves to hide the bruises.
Going home is no longer an option for her.
Breaking me piece by piece in hate.
Kissing the tears of pain away.
Framing a mask of pure disguise...
I watched in horror at midnight.
Before I realized your quick plan.
An old blue journal, on the top of the shelf; tucked behind antiques, and as alone as I felt. I waited until he slept, so I could reach my arm up high; to get an opportunity to dream, to finally suppress his cries.
I do not write
I express what is dormant
this is not a poem
these are words formatted
from the grievings in my soul
the depths of which that is so persecuted
attacks my flesh for opening the door
Unaccountable
You hide behind the excuse of a bad upbringing
The failing of your parents
Marred by the memories of your past
Your actions are justified by the happenings of your background
Held irresponsible
Why can’t I be pretty mama?
Like the girls on magazines
Why can’t I be pretty mama?
The prettiest girl ever seen
Why can’t I be pretty mama?
And I catch a boy’s eye
Why can’t I be pretty mama?
There she lye in her bedroom full of pain
wasting in all her preventable shame.
No one knows what she knows
No one feels what she feels
No one knows the trouble that comes upon one lonely child
You see, those hands watched me play all day.
I treated them like glitter and gold.
I loved those hands.
When those hands came around, my eyes just began to sparkle.
I often imagine you as a bar of soap.
Two people trying to grab at you only to control you.
Your slipping, slipping, slipping.
You've slipped away.
But not from me.
From them.
Welcome home sister.
Maybe This Time
Shaking, breaking, falling down,
Look around when there’s no sound.
Worry, fear, and agony,
I see what he’ll do to me.
Hopelessness and panic grow,
The center of our world
Little baby girl
Gentle smile, gentle face
Little dress of lace
Don't cry little darling
Don't cry little one
It will be better come morning
With the rising sun
She's alone in the dark
with no one to speak to,
with no one to hold her,
no one to show her love.
Not a sound comes in or out
but this little girl's voice
crying out for help
I get off the bus and try to brush the panic off my face. It was just a vacation not a salvation
i was hoping the bell would never ring. as i walk down the driveway i glance at the highway
Do you know that girl who sits beside you?
Do you know how you judge her?
Did you know that she knows it too?
All the bad things you point out have always been there... ever since he started abusing her.
Forgive us if we don't join the cheering section,
Impossible aspirations,
DESIRE and THIRST FOR POWER.
Gave up its right,
abuse, demanding their intervention,
were not
NOTHING CRIMES.
My vessels are clean .
But not seen for exactly what they're meant to be.
But his eyes see the transparent and the unaparent.
I am not what the tricked twisted to be true.
Looking left and right, what is going on in all of these peoples’ lives?
There are people of all ages; teens, grandparents, husbands and wives.
Some people are crawled up into a ball, crying their eyes out.
Looking left and right, what is going on in all of these peoples’ lives?
There are people of all ages; teens, grandparents, husbands and wives.
Some people are crawled up into a ball, crying their eyes out.
Redeeming the past is a difficult task
Especially when slipping it under the skin is easier to mask
and along the way expressions continue to invade
the strings of tension that appear from each mistake
Clink, Clink, I hear..
The steel confinement that contains me
Is slowly being broken
Not from within but from the outside
Finally I can be free
No longer oppressed with my body and soul
As they begin in the womb You go ahead and put them in their tomb. If you didn't want them in the first place Then why did you go to his place? That night when he wanted you to share, You could have stopped it right then and there.
Sing me a song;
a song full of hope.
To forget the body
hanging from a rope.
Watch it twirl,
see it swing.
A beautiful bird,
with a broken wing.
So young in body,
Warm on top,
but cold inside;
silencing the parts
that try to cry
Sorrow waiting
at each turn.
Happiness and love
you'll never earn.
All of these years she tried so hard to leave it behind;
to one day dream that she could be happy without struggling inside.
But none the less she still felt bound
by memories she could't lay to rest.
Your speech‒paring knives‒
Could’ve cut away the carcass
in us, you know,
peeled back our fears,
sliced insecurities
to expose the inward seeds,
if only for gentle precision.
I am real
My blood runs red
My heart pounds a rhythm to dance to
I am real
I have a heart that beats
And my blood runs red when the world hurts me
Trust meIts okayWe're allowedYou used to sayYou're old enoughIt's gonna be fineWhat a thing to sayTo a girl eight, or nineGazing deep into my eyesHe took my hands in his
A shriek in the middle of a night
From the face of a child of God
Long forgotten
By those who once were so dear to her
And this is a typical night, composed of agony and regret
Broken, Misused-
Beaten, Abused-
You drag me down with you,
Till I am no longer infused-
Saying I'm no good
And I don't do the things I should-
But who are you to sit here and say,
Seven seas above one tomb.
Empty beds in a shrouded room.
Flowers wilted before they are born.
The fruit of a barren womb, torn
away from a mothers could-have-been embrace.
Pain and agony
Miserable and heartbroken
Confused and afraid.
Amazed and hopeful
Compassion and empowered
Thankful and loving.
Inspired and touched
I've been hurt badly
Everything taken away
With happiness gone.
I died of crying
Hearing the words I hate you
Emotional, yes.
It is to abuse
Just like physical is too
Day in day out I seek for you. I want to build a relationship with you, but again, you have failed me. I feel as though you don't notice me, my hard work, my sorrow, my pain. But continue on, man, it will always be the same.
Day in day out I seek for you. I want to build a relationship with you, but again, you have failed me. I feel as though you don't notice me, my hard work, my sorrow, my pain. But continue on, man, it will always be the same.
Young and naïve, sneaking out being wild and free going to places where you shouldn't be.
You creep in late at night and witness what daddy didn’t want you to see.
He grabs you by the sleeve and suddenly you can’t breathe.
A small child trampled, innocent
His wickedness is limitless
He of no relation to her, And she of no relation to him
But no matter, the outcome is still grim
A small child who still had her whole life ahead
No one listened, no one cared
My words meaningless against theirs
So young yet so lost
I was supposed to be ignorant to the pain of this world
My only friend who truly knew
Cold wind blowing.Chills run down small spines.I turn around, you're gone.We never got to...go to dances or play ball.No Christmas presents or Birthday cards.No visits. No "I love You's!"
Cold wind blowing.Chills run down small spines.I turn around, you're gone.We never got to...go to dances or play ball.No Christmas presents or Birthday cards.No visits. No "I love You's!"
she would leave days at a time
and leave me alone to care for them
a mother i wasnt
but it was a mother they needed
away she went to her world of drugs
and away i would go to my world of love
Home was sweet once but now mommy and daddy fight.
Daddy hurts me!
Quiet he’s coming; it’s time for daddy’s special time alone.Mommy hates me, she blame me for everything.
What did you do for me?
How dare you suggest, that I be the best, when you never did anything for me
Hug and Kisses, no!
Always touched, but never close
Never agreed with my individuality
Mama, I know when You look into my eyesYou see him.When my hand reached Over to hold yoursI knew why you never held them tight.My hands were aLittle replica of his.When my little hands
The first time I started writing, I fell in love,
Now I'm addicted, poetry is my drug.
It comes unasked from my gut
I can finish, but never quit like a cigarette bud.
The grass grows
and the wind blows so sophisticatedly.
The sweet song that the birds sing, makes the ears tingle so tenderly.
This young child in the wild, who cried so softly.
Who was left against it will.
She would give her life for the day when she could trully be free
because the trees never got it
Just left her with more indignity
So
she got drugged up on faith, trying to leave these streets.
A single tear falls down her cheek,
As she stand so small and meek,
A child lost within the dark.
Hurtful words ringing in her ears,
Whore.
Slut.
Useless waste of space.
I look at my legs and I see all my scars
Somtimes they're as vivid as my nightmares
Sometimes they're as invisible as that little girl was made to feel
I look at my arms and I see exhausted veins
3 times they play in my mind.
3 times different, 0 times the same.
I try to figure it out. I try to pray to know.
I want to know, but I do not.
I want to have memories to share.
I wish you had been there
like all the other daddies
to scare away the boys.
Instead you beat me
as the undesired child you said I was.
I wish you were there to help me with homework
A young girl once harmed;
many times for many years.
A young girl once harmed;
confuse and anguished in utter pain.
That young girl turned bad.
Seemed as though her innocense was gone.
You're just afraid of fear
Afraid of walking near another mistaken door
Can't face more that deals with you
You feel unwanted and tired of thinking about what happened after you still felt alive inside
I write because I have a story to tell. A story of hurt, pain, and depression. I write to relieve pain. To try to foget the past. I write to spill the secrets of the past. I write to tell others that it will be okay.
What happens when we die?
The dumbest question of all.
Why can't people see what's right in front of them?
Waste your time at church.
say your prayers.
Keep proving how dumb we are.
Lines tell stories
Lines tell stories.
Stories that are made up of twenty-six letters
Flipping and flopping are words that we can make out of twenty-six letters
“Why is the world so cold?”
A child asked upon-a-time,
There’s nowhere to get food and shelter,
There’s nowhere to feel warm.
Across the street he saw a shop,
With cheerful, yet so greedy people…
My father’s hands were never there…
Never cuddled me
Never protected me
They were never there
When I broke my arm they didn’t heal me
When I fell off my bike
They didn’t help me up
Here she stands out in the cold her little bare feet in the snow are turning red let me in she cries to you but you dont let her in here she stands out in the cold her little body has no coat she cries let me in I'm so cold but yet again you ignor
She was only four years old.
Her parents told her that she was a mistake,
Never meant to happen.
Then they abandoned her in the cold.
She was only seven years old.
Ninety percent
Can be prevented.
But who would try
To end the way they're treated.
Nobody knows
Most of the time.
It is well-hidden
This horrid crime.
Laughter
As a young girl thats all she was after.
Innocent gift from the omnipotent.
Capture
A photo it would last longer than her smile.
An act so vile, how could you do this to a child.
Anger
Here is a story about an artistic emo boy,a boy who had a great heart.sure, he dressed mostly in skulls and black,but he showed his mind and feelings through his art.
A deadly sin,
Pride by name,
Deadly indeed,
Used to maim,
Aim of love in her words,
Covered by their meaning,
Truly happy past protective,
Years into the cleaving,
Left Me (Alone)
Jan. 12th, 2006
You left me alone in this dark home
and every since you left me
i've sitting here like a stone, all alone.
Growing up she wondered who she'd become
a child born of hardship with little hope to see the sun
from a country of oppression her story began
with a mother burdered with pain and regret
and a father bearly a man
Growing up she wondered who she'd become
a child born of hardship with little hope to see the sun
from a country of oppression her story began
with a mother burdered with pain and regret
and a father bearly a man
Waiting on the moment for the call to come through
To know that it will be ok
That moment when I know
I know if there's a chance to be with you
I want to see your face in the moon light
It's been 6 years; but I still remember the day
Where all my trust in you was lost; "My Father", the role you were supposed to play
Overjoyed, I finally had a dad at age seven
I remeber sitting on the cold wood floor. I was afraid to sweat because i knew it would stng the fresh cuts on my arm.
I had nothing, in a room full of toys, electronics, games and furnture, I had nothing.
(poems go here)HAIKU POEM
PLEASE UNDERSTAND WHATEVER BEEN THROUGH
THOUGH I EVER WANTED NOT TO GET PICK BUT TO CHOOSE
SOMETIMES I SAY AND DO WHAT I WANNA DO
You left me and hurt me
You let her in
You trusted her
She did terrible things
You sat there and did nothing
I never wanted to go back to that time.Flipping on myself like an alien race.Laying around was the price you paidJust so you can just sit and lie to my face.
I want to be a voice for those that have no voice.
I want to be that beacon of hope to those whose hope has been crushed.
I want to tell the child who has no mother or father that he/she is not alone.
Emotions build, hidden and deep. I smother them out and try to ignore the mess inside. Pain and terror wreck my world, but then I open my mouth, words never come out. Abuse, lies, death, betrayal, burring me. "Write" they say. How stupid is that?
Suicidal, suicidal, suicidal. My head is currently the worse place to be in I’m
Known to be crazy but I’m more known to be in denial, please allow me to introduce myself my name is Kyle well...
Dark water flowed
around the blood stained rocks.
A girl
sobs
over a cold, dead
body
“Shut up girl!”
Echoed from the flickering firelight.
The beatings commenced once more
The girl sits in the corner,coddling the paper between her slender, frail hands,holding her baby as her mother showed her with her screaming brother.The paper does not scream.Instead it tries to comfort,
Adult chatter
A distraction
Slip away
One two three
Closer to refuge
Four five six
Closer to safety
Seven eight nine
Closer to quiet mind
Empty, so I sat
One two three
A story a starving child told me of...Left to charm away at the dumps of the roadsWhat these roads lead to, her puerile looks do not knowWhat was seen with those antiquated eyes, the passing did not know
I can't stand seeing you ruin my family's lives everyday.
You think you're a mom because you spend time with them on holidays?
You were never here, never even near.
A child comes hometo find pain again
A brother cryingone eye bruisedcut on the arm
I askwhere's mom
I get nothingAgain I asknothing again
Dragging along
Such empty hollow walls
Dark and tainted
Trigger pulled in each direction
No way out
No where to run
Stumbling to make it
But the aches
Remind why the
The Tale of Sleep is a simple one
Hakim Chandra was his real name, though
Everyone called him Sleep for fun.
He got his name from his constant show
Of snoring in class (although the teacher said 'no').
LIFE is hilarious at its best, deserves a chuckle at its worst.
It almost always yeilds a situation deserving your attention, half given, because it could be over in an instant.
dear bunny
i’ll never give you up--i refuse
yes even if your sewn buttons are loose
your patched fabric doesn’t determine your worth
Behind the door
I shed my tears
Releast my pain
From all these years.
The scars that hide
From those around
Lay deep inside
So tightly bound.
I hide myself
The yellow ribbon in the sun,
blows gently in the wind.
But it can't go free because its tied in her hair.
This ribbon at night though, runs black in the pale light of the moon.
Afraid of letting my inner beauty show
Becuase someone will try to steal my glow
The only person that once cared for me
Left me alone and betrayed me
I walk through the forest,
under the full moon.
Feeling it's going to happen,
and it's going to happen soon.
The Snow starts to fall,
all the way down,
brushing against my feet,
Father, don’t I look pretty?
My mouth is sore and my tongue is gone.
All I have is anger and love and I have smeared it on my lips and cheeks for you.
If the world is listening, Let them hear this; My life is not perfect, My life is not bliss. I'm happy almost never. The sadness always stays. I'm always the one who's wrong. I'm always the one who's to blame.
"Make the salad. Now." (I don't care what you're doing. What I want you to do is obviously more important.) "Do this, do that" (I'm too lazy to do it myself, so you can do it for me.)
Yelling is all that I hear
Telling me that I am not worth the time
Selfish, stupid, and lazy
Trying to be who I am not
Attempting to find the one I'm supposed to be
We used to play in the forest,
The sweet jungle green leaves that released an aroma to lure us into its warming arms
we hung on the fallen rippled tree trunks that made something like an open fort,
Beyond the mirror lives a lass.The notion is crass, but she is pretty.Through the mirror I see her.See her dancing,See her singing.See her alone.
You stole me from my mother's crib
Wrapped in clothes of innocence
drenched in blood of my stem cells
You took them... and made them your own
Everyday at night, you stole a part of me
A time bomb of innocence
Beginning from the first pain.
30 minutes of the time, molested away.
"Dont tell, Dont tell,"
the sinner would say.
Words, I wrote them. I wrote so many of them. But never the right ones. Here I am just staring at my computer wondering, where did you go. My heart pounds and stutters but you continue to hide. So I continue to write.
Everyday she walks in a daze
Going through her life like maze,
Looking forward to the bright morning skies
hoping there will be no lies,
Chances are there will be something new
I molded her
Shaped her
Watched her take form in my hands
Heat waves pressing
Pulsating
Melted away harsh bits of her face
Soft
"Get over it." I hear the words whisper
A looming shadow overcasts my curled up form that trembles
"Get over it!" I hear again
My hands shoot up and cover my ears, pleading for the voice to stop
I fear my pride, my pride is being crushed,
And my legacy shushed,
I fear it will never be told.
By this thing deep down,
And yet all around,
I fear I can’t escape from its hold
In a small shop outside of town, on a dark and eery day, while rain comes crashing down, there I lay in dismay.
Silently I turn my head, to see my reflection from within.
With words unsaid, I see my glassy blue eyes.
Some people say
We are not up to par
Then I ask them
Have you made it this far?
Are you a family
Tall and strong?
Do you stand
In the far and long?
Long day
Freak, loner, emo
All the names they call me
When no one is around.
I walk in the house she’s
Smiling
12:30
Palpitations start
12:40
I'm running around the house,
Cleaning up a mess that doesn't exist.
12:48
Any minute now,
You'll walk through the door.
12:53
You're here.
Soft sobs filled the air, so quite the girl cried
A tiny child huddled into the corner
Cuts and bruises littered her thin body
Pain Pain Pain
Is what she had experienced in such a horrendous way
She tells me she gets beaten so hard
She yells and cries and she wishes it would
She watched her king walk away,
Leaving her all alone now everyday,
Just left her standing by the queen,
Her broken life now everyone has seen,
She was all alone in the palace,
Palms sweaty, throat tight, nerves raging
Humid night, elephant in the room, always on eggshells
This is WHAT I write
Betrayal, despair, deceit
One day I found
Poetry needed no rhymes
So unlike,
when the piano clunked,
when my sobs sogged keys,
when my fingers clumsily blundered,
The keys I was taught to play
Displeasing Mother’s ears
I’m a bumble bee.
Separating myself from what I am and what I should be.
I just want to leave.
But the idea of you is what keeps me
Longing for the loving voice of what a father may be.
Although you actually
She comes home from school and is knocked down again. No one can see the pain that she's in. She learned how to hide it and avoid all the talking. She thinks no one cares but the truth's no one knows.
For told my mother's truth,
but once she mustn't lie.
She lost us once and can't regain,
for the youngest can't hear her cry.
A mother's lost fom long ago,
will now bring up all as fast.
Tangled
Ripped
Tattered
Scared
Wrapped around the jagged arms
Of a small tree
Been discarded
Left alone to
Hang in the wind
Ripping it like
Vicious fangs
Shaken up because of it, ever since I was a young kid
How could he, whom I once considered family, my own blood,
How could he, do that to me?
Although I was still just a kid,
I grew up at the age of five
The days are hard,
the nights are long,
the test is truely,
an attempt to stay strong.
When a family attacks,
the weakest will fall,
in this test of strength,
can she beat them all?
They told me to remain "silent"
I was merely a child
nothing more.
They gave me blank pages
and colors too,
they gave me the gift
they didn't mean to.
"Why write?" they asked.
Terrified am I
Late at night
When you arrive
Familiar am I
To your tactics
Your technique
Every time
I know what will happen
And every time
Powerless am I
To stop it
He never knew his mother
Hated what he knew of her
So he kept a new lover as if he knew lovers
Had a tendency to tend to his feminine deficiency
Dude been incomplete since his infancy
No one knows
just how hard it hurts.
I can take the blows,
and I can take the hits.
My bones can shatter,
and my blood may pour.
My teeth may chatter
I can take being sore
- I did'nt come out the whom hating you
-- I'am the enviornment and the creationof you
-- So if you see me , and don't like me, Just remember that I'm the splitting image of you
--- Dee how did you get this way
There was a child, neglected that couldn’t find her voice
Growing into a woman that nobody could hear
Becoming an addict that didn’t want to speak
Living out a story, that nobody would see.
Living in Darkness, sleeping Darkness
show my fear, nothing too dear
nothing matters, no one cares
the way I feel to be my owm
to show this world of death and care
I will live on in neither life
This is a video recording of a spoken word piece called Resilient Rose. This poem is dedicated to survivors of abuse, trauma, or tragedy. Don't give up!
Belittling me with your pre-made judgments,
Questioning my innocence with ridiculous assumptions.
Spreading filthy lies with your dark poison lips,
Look at all the pain you have caused me,
for 12 years you were yellling at me,
I used to hide from you cause I was scared
as I got older it got worse
like a curse and you called me names
A childSo innocentYet so eager To know what the world feels likeWhat life may bringEager to grow upEager to have a best friendThat she can tell all her secrets to
She staples on her smile.
Cutting up his pictures
one at a time.
Careful with the blade,
around the edges.
Yearning for the taste
of lime.
Tie his tongue
To the wheel of a wagon
A broken girl you see
with a flawed family
she hides up in a tree
playing hide and seek
too old now for the games
she is consumed by all the flames
the girl she wants to be
Where have you gone?
Its been way to long.
A nightmare come true.
Everyday we search for you.
We pray that you are safe .
Only thing we want is to see your smiling face .
Father’s Day has come and gone, just as it has
for the past five years. I remember the times
when you had been my inspiration, my support,
and I was your pride and joy. In memory of
*Ding-dong
My mind is racing,
I can't stop pacing.
Who is there, at my door?
Spitting, stuttering, slowly I fall to the floor
They are children
Look in their innocent eyes
Help them
They are children
Put an end to the abuse
They are only children
In need of you
You’re laughing,
As you reminisce on happier times.
But then one sharp word,
Can burn like a scrape.
Then life becomes colder.
I write to thrive.
No, I write because I’m alive.
Maybe I write to tell lies.
Sometimes I write because I have something to hide.
Writing is not everything to me,
but every part of me.
I write to get away,
Walking down a dark path it feels to be endless,
Even with a light shining you know that was just the beginning.
You hear laughter and your heart skips a beat.
Who was that?
Your head is swimming with questions,
Some times I laugh out loud
Showing you that I could care less
What you have to say.
All that matters is that my feelings
Are hidden.
Hopelessly I gaze in wonder
Listening to the wailing thunder
Watching the rain fly and flutter
Soft against the window pane
You don’t want to call it hate.
Although you despise words that were spoken.
Words of thoughts,
Words of passion,
Even words of love.
The little ticks and twitches got to you
Eye can't see the pain, this must mean it's non-existent.
Eye can taste the fear of salty tears in the distance.
Eye can hear my questions but am deaf to God's answers.
Smoking seems to help but they say it causes cancer.
No one understands how these kids felt
Getting tore up by a belt
He called 'em up and their hearts began to melt
Hung their life by two chords
Cut them deeper than three swords
Choice...that's a powerful word, choices...we make choices everyday.
As we decay with sin in our DNA, we relay our thoughts
into actions, feeding our passions; lust, anger, pride, greed, and envy.
The owl are my guide to a life away from home.
Owls never cry when they find themselves alone.
Do owls read bibles, pray to gods and false idles?
The owls only rival is a brief life cycle.
Ten years old
The door slamming shut
And the tears flooding down
Gone.
Without a trace
No more
Abandoned.
Left without a father
Raised only by my mother
I see it again
A glimpse of the red faced monster
Flicks of fury and anger raging in his eyes
As calloused words are spattered across my face
“Dumbass”
“Bitch”
With red marks and bruises
In silence, she contemplated... planned and planned again, in the event that she wasn't successful She didn't know what was in the here-after... but she knew that it couldn't be worse than this...
Oh ! Dear Father.
I once thought a father needs to support their child
A father suppose to be the star of a child life
A father needs to love and care for their child
But, you brought darkness into my life
(poems go here) I once had a tortured soul.
Head down, beating on the pavement
Not lonely just empty
The sight and lust for blood was hidden, forbidden
*You were there beside me.
Situations had me crying
The Boy who never wanted me—
To know anything
About where he had slept at night
The Boy who dreamt
Upon basement steps, locked behind a door
Of his father's key.
A book,sealed with tricks—
Abortion is alright they all say.
Killing innocent babies is okay.
The baby could find a cure for cancer or be a president.
But no, their soon to be mother isn't hesitant.
I made a mistake; I can't give it good care.
Days pass and days end
Glancing at the sun
His beam, his hand of help
Lighting our path for the day ahead
I will change, you say
But do you know what that means?
Are you really a man?
Go ahead, hit her again.
Maybe she will stay.
Maybe she will forgive you.
No no, not this time!
Broken and Shattered
Hopeless and lost
Beaten and battered
You drift away, buried in winter’s first frost
The blood stains disappear
Under a sheet of ivory
The evidence wiped clear
Gone
Whispers of lies are
Whisked away in chambers of his mind
He trains himself
Against the voices that criticize him.
A superficial barrier is all that stands
Between him and those
Sinister years.
The knowledge of these histories are absent to my thoughts.
Scattered,
these individualized past roam.
Do they know of my trauma filled life?
They are oblivious, to such a degree,
Why?
Why do you hurt me?
Why do you look at me with such hate?
Why do you raise a hand to me?
Why do you yell at me so much?
Why?
from fertilization to conception
i was 2 living cells
but since we have been joined
we're on living being now
as i look upon my heart
i notice all the deviations
some of which were mine to start
others were miscreated
Painting the words to this song
Dancing to the feels of our heart
Holding on to the little this world has gave us.
Aching to be loved passed and broken, lost in the world of our own.
It's the weekend and I'm creeping with some friends.
When it hits 7 o'clock my fun has to always end.
I must come home before father gets home.
Usually when he's home I wish that I was alone.
My solid face contains no sign of the withering emotions corroding my mind as I escape
from the society stricken dungeon our parents call “school”
as a child,
we all were wild,
things were rough,
living a life,
were your mother beat you,
hard to tell anyone what your going through,
no one believed it,
they just said your fine,
7 years ago I lost my mother to love.
She walked away with hate in her eyes.
I remember the day she grabbed me and said, "leave this house and never come back. I love Benny and I want to start my life with him".
Whack
Glistening steel rod
shiny like the guiding Sirius
deceptively beautiful
as it breaks a girl’s
pale, delicate skin
it shatters her innocent psyche
drops of hot blood
Sarah’s hair is so blond,
darling hands so small.
In her cute little dress
Sarah dances along.
When Dinner is done the
bell has rung.
Slowly, slowly she wakes back
home.
Dark and dismal,
living in a cold shell of life that is existence,
full of lies, secrets, and empty promises. No recollection of a past and no future.
Hopeless.
Look what you’ve done again,
tossing me to the side.
Your choices are so clear,
but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
You always push me down further,
beneath the dirt under your feet.
Take a closer look,
You left me
that's all I know
I was only three \
when you ran from me
why'd you go?
I was only a child
are you really that low?
did you hate me that much,
that you ran from your baby
There she lies in the depths of despair. She's been loved as well as lost, beaten as well as believed, cowardly at times courage filled. She knows not what she's been brought to this earth for.
Sitting across from her at the table
watching her mannerisms.
Oh, how far she has come
yet how removed I become around her
thinking back to when she was the monster.
I am a son, a son to a loving innocent mother, a mother to my schoolwork, schoolwork that needs to be completed, a completed test score, a test score that determines my future, a future only containing dark abyss, a dark abyss with a dimming flick
I see you and think you’re weird,
A young kid growing a beard,
But your eyes tell a story and I’m willing to hear,
By the end of our talk my eyes are full of tears.
I came
I went
I left broken
I'm gone
and haunted
will I cry and break
or will I hold strong for mothers sake
I came
I went
I left broken
Smack
I take it
smack
I do not cry
smack
your voice never leaves my mind
Sucide
that sounds swell
Drugs
I've thought of that as well
I hear the sound of the door
It's him coming home for sure
I hope tonight's a good night
I really do not want to fight
I put my face in a book
So he wont think I'm giving him a look
Oh what a blessing to behold
A young angel has entered this world
Yet why are there so many
Who see them as devils
Innocent curious learning
How can anyone have misgivings
These small beings are born
Once again the melodic tone of my fate chimes aloud
Echoing through the barriers
I use to keep myself safe
My nemesis calling like a siren
surrendering my lifelessness
With a prismatic array of sensations
One night, when I was very young, I awoke crying, as young children often do
There are evil demons, I said, evil demons running through
There are no such demons, said my father, go back to sleep
Hush a bye baby as midnight arrives,
You will feel better, too Heaven you'll fly.
Just close your eyes and go to sleep.
When you awake, you will wake up in a place of love, joy, and peace.
Waiting for a caterpillar to take me home
Many things happen before my eyes
Weird ants walk in front of me
They move their antennas as if we shared the same home for years
When I mount the caterpillar
His car stood alone, desolate and dark
I thought of him in there, alone and distraught
The dark pressed around us from ever-y side
Between our car and his stood an awful divide
I opened the door and walked, terrified
One little bird peers out from an ol' Sycamore,
Hesitantly, reluctantly watching,
As a boy gets flung into a plaster-filled wall.
They start so young with these situations
Always the good child with no complication
But little do people know and little do people see
This child is just so lonely
Stand up
Run
Jump
Climb
Play
Laugh
Sit down
Cry
Over and over again
until the pain subsides some,
only to begin again.
This White House on a Hill where you wish you could be,
Sets up a lovely, romantic scene.
Inside the house is mostly a home,
But anger builds and secrets grow.
Accusations flow like swelling venom,
They say you came out of your
shell.
Shell? I say. Came out? I say.
You should have shattered it.
You should have kicked until it broke.
You should have destroyed it and said
Born to a loving mother,
an abusive father.
whether it be her love,
or his hate,
I've been cursed from the beginning.
I wobble my way down the narrow hallway
my thoughts are an epic mess
the bright light I'm following is so far away
yet I feel I can grasp it I must confess.
She’s seven but she seduced me. It’s not my fault, she asked for it!
RAPED
Her guardians trusted me. I babysat her every day they went to work. It was convenient.
RAPED
They chase wild stallions through the tall wood,
Dueling dark shadows devoid of a word
their place in this land is not understood,
Yet begging has ceased for they are unheard
You insult and put me down.
You threaten to take my life.
I say take it.
I say put your money where your mouth is.
Your words may hurt me but you’ll never see a tear drop.
Your anger feeds my flame.
Born.
My first breath.
My first cry.
Blessed with good health
and
thick raven locks,
sun-kissed brown skin.
I remember
all my lighthearted days as a child
and
Strings descend from open arms
Encompassing my swelled wrists
Love dwells like captivating charms
But underneath, the string twists
i love you. thats something that is said alot.
but is there meaning to it when the words come out of your mouth?
there is when i say it. i will tell you i don't trust you guaranteed.
Breathe my child, refuse to accept defeat
Pull yourself up from, the waters that you’re under
It may feel like the motions, are on cycles of repeat
Figure it out; don’t let your mind set in wonder
Beautiful girl,
You're slipping away.
Don't surrender to him,
Don't give up on yourself.
You're crying for help,
Keep begging for help-
Do you want it from me?
I never can tell.
Twinkle twinkle little star
I know exactly what you are
I used to wonder but now I know
Because my father told me so
I remember when some years ago
I was gazing outside of my bedroom window
Oh, where do I begin?
I'm not sure how to start this thing
But I'll stick it out 'till the end
It's fun that's the story of my life
Bottling up my feelings
Not even thinking twice
From family to family
Growing up
Hearing the words of those closest
Saying Life is Great
From a young age some, well I began to question
A lot of the times I remember
Were ones I try to forget
You would tell yourself it was just a spark
But the fire was already lit
A lot of the times I remember
Were ones I try to forget
You would tell yourself it was just a spark
But the fire was already lit
seventeen years i've spent
trying with all my strength
to make you happy
but maybe i should try
to make me happy instead
I am from surrender
From obeying every order
A tarnished childhood
That ended much too soon
The wisp of a dream half forgotten
Of a childhood, left behind, and with an
Austere past I wish could be forgotten.
Five years have passed, and all of them
I’ve relived the same day every night, in the
Fairytales A jack-in-a-box waiting to be cranked A wand waiting to grant a wish A tutu to cover the too, too many handprints on her legs Twirling around endlessly like the ceiling fan above her head Around a train track, a train that is missing a
Shhh ... can you hear it ?
most call it a heart beat but to me it has no rhythm . Doctors call it your pulse . I call it a ticking time bomb. To me that ba boom turns into tick tick tick .
I am beat
kicked around by multiple pairs of feet
starved for days
the lack of nutrition leaves me in a haze
please stop, I'm begging you, please
I stand on a bridge;
It sings a lullaby of lost souls.
It battles with memories
and watches the world carry on.
Red hair
White wrists
Pink scars.
Scarred memories
Wounded heart
Broken dreams.
Life of pain
Sleepless nights
Loveless days.
Love wanted
Love needed
Love refused.
Running through the forest
running from the voices.
Every thing feels like a nightmare though it is very much real.
Every one yelling at her, she only wishes she could get away.
Yesterday, to day, every day is like living in a prison
Always told what to do what not to do
Never told good job or even an,
I love you from your father
Always yelled at cause you do something wrong
You see our actions
And condemn us.
You see our inactions
and condemn us.
When you see our suffering,
You ignore us.
Who is the one that is truly blind?
I know it's not me
This is a poem/letter to the son of John Lennon after his divorce with his wife.
I wrote it because it really takes a toll on the children when this type of disaster happens. It took a toll on me.
I used to think about that day all of the time
No one knew but us three
I was so young they thought I would not remember
But I do
They all feel the wind that rustles the dog-eared pages of Their story book.
The chill of loneliness runs through Their ceramic bones.
And Their tissue paper skin shows Their broken hearts and bruises
she is a small sound
in a sea of complainers
she can sob
Again and Again
her voice is soft
I said she can cry
Again and Again
but nobody cares.
it's an ugly, elephant in the room,
I am the girl many despise
I am smart and try to hide such a fact
I am logical and kind to all who are near
I am invisible to most because of my décor
yet that to is based on logical reasoning
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
Mother red-faced and angered
Threw her bottle at the car.
I hugged my Bear, worn and mangled,
Kept quiet ‘cause I’m good.
First I must ask, who has the right to hurt others?
I was born July 6th 1995
That is where my pain began
Up and Down
Left and Right
It came from all directions
Here's a story of a teenage boy dressed in black,
he held his secrets close to his heart,
black and blue of bruises splashed across his back.
Hidden cries behind sweet, innocent eyes
Faint whimpers of mistaken trust
Confusion from the hand that is held
A future dried up in the dust
I see you
Your hand is raised
You shake with anger
I have bruises
I have to keep them hidden
I can't let anyone see
Its my fault
I can't let them know
I'm afraid it'll hurt more if I do
Trapped
Confused
And misunderstood
She does not know where to run
Where to hide
No place to go
No where to stay
Stuck in a world
An unsafe place
A runaway child
Who has no way out
Tiny eyes shouldn’t see what I had,
Tiny hands aren’t meant to hold secrets,
A tiny heart shouldn’t break like that,
The tears I cry, they started then,
So many years ago.
When he came in and took what he did,
The door slams and my heart hurts
The inexplicable feeling of dread that permeates through my body as I hear another door shut
The sound is a trigger; the sound sends me back into countless times before
She cried to the fading figure.
The giant doors slowly closing
with a click.
A strange whirring,
a white room,
what is happening?
If you need a hand, I will be here for you.
If someone hurts you, I will hurt them.
If you need to confess, I will be your priest.
If they lie to you, I will tell you the truth.
Alone
That's what I am
In a room full of people.
Alone
Sitting in the abyss
of nothing.
Alone
Thinking slow
and hardly knowing.
Alone
staring hard
and barely seeing.
Walking in the black mist,
I feel an impending sense of doom.
I see nature on either side of me,
But I feel all alone.
A baby boy is born into a thriving city
A growing mind filled with ambition to learn...
But he's filled with neglect and abuse
Come to the edge
Where torment meant living
With days without thinking
May I be heartened
By the love they imparted
And take the pain
Of stepping in for them
Give me the strength to endure
She comes to school with rings of bruises around her eyes
Her hair looks like birds have nested in it
But no one says anything
"She!"
A pronoun. A simple replacement for my name and I. Shrill and sharp.
"She is terrible!"
I am terrible. She screams it.
I hear it.
One tear.
"She is such a bitch!"
A sharp slap.
she's been living on over-doses
ever since she was sixteen,
and now her body's been scrubbed clean-
inside and out.
she just sits in the dark with nothing to do
but think about
“Don't hurt me” I beg. What have I done? I'm too young to have caused you such anger, such malice, such greed. Why to me do you do this deed? I was born to love, not to be shamed. Whatever your problems, I am not to blame.
I have wings,I can not be caged away...I need space to roam,to see the world...I have to feel the breeze against my wings,and the sun's rays which warm me...I need to fly with the flock,and make up for lost time...Make the nest I have wanted...But
Are you listening?
Do you even care?
Turn on the light,
Could it be anymore dark in here?
I am broken,
Not in one or two.
Your words get louder
Your fists get stronger
The pain gets harder
Listen, all I want is for you to listen.
I promise you won’t regret me like my set ambition.
Maybe you’ll love me one day.
Maybe I’ll find a way for you to be able to.
And when you think of me
Tick-tock, tick-tock, goes the White Rabbit’s watch,
The starry night will talk as the door goes
Knock-knock-knock like the winding clock on scotch,
Has the Queen lost her mock-mock-mock woes?
Broken curfews,
Broken laws,
Broken mirrors
on her walls.
Broken bottles,
Broken homes
Broken boy
feels all alone.
The world is in a recession
Everyone is taking a recess from one another
Long gone are the days where love is a part of human nature
Long gone are the days where you actually KNOW your neighbor
I dream a dream within a dream,
Where the crystal ball entwines,
Worshipers, baby kissers,
Ballerina zoo chasers,
So regal, like fine aged wine.
To end a life so early and so soon,
Does it seem right to offer such a way?
Life is still life in the morning before noon.
We chase the means as if it were a coon,
To have the right legally--we say--
You said you didn’t know who you were,
But you’ve had longer than I to find out.
You said you were insecure right now,
But I’m the one who’s supposed to be.
Who am I?
I am the byproduct of "niggas" and "crackas":
caramel skin, nappy black hair and dark chocolate eyes.
I am more than meets the eye.
I am a dusty book that has yet to be opened,
I have a story to tell.
I saw them getting butchered;
I watched them die...
I felt their souls getting trapped,
And I wanted to cry.
The tale of a soul forgotten and ignored
Her screams where not heard
The blood not seen
The bruises covered
Pain felt
Morning has come
Dawn
Time has run out
Innocence
Purity
And
There is a stranger in my bed
He snuck in with a story
I don't know of his hometown
I don't know if he prefers
coffee over tea
But even if I did
I would rather give him poison.
Do you see me?
Am I a figure
Clothed in
My shame
And my guilt
Do you see me?
Do you see
This little girl
Who has no
Home and no
Name?
It could've been me,
Those girls you took.
It could've been mine,
The families shook.
U never gave it a thought,
all the pain u brought,
and now I'm thinking,
It could've been me.
Beer bottles flood the floor
Bricks bruise my sunk-in face
Fake smiles hide the pain
Hammer flying towards her face
Murderous screams attack the air
Agony, shaking, hunger pains
All of the pain comes flooding back
As my memories attack
Angry tears fall from my eyes
As I hear your distant cries
You say you can relate to what I have been though
But you haven't walked a mile in my shoes
You haven't been through my trials and tribulations
You say you can relate to what I've been through
But can you?
The smile on her lips
Had never reached her eyes
She hid her pain and worries behind
Her perfect porcelain disguise
Fathers can ruin their sons
When they hit do they know what they have done?
What about the daughters of the world?
Do fathers treat them like pearls?
My father cheated on my mom when I was only three
He was four and wild and
screamed “shut up” in a
nine-year-old’s ear so she
got mad and sassed him
back and he got mad and
pulled her hair and then
his mom stepped in.
She licked him good
Nothing but a wench,
to a working father.
Nothing but a piece of trash,
to a hateful stepmother.
Nothing but a toy,
to a little brother.
Nothing but hell,
to the only person who would care.
The bruises are invisible,
but over time they scar.
Only I can see them,
multiplying everyday.
Your words,
they hurt,
your verbal slaps,
leave ringing in my ears.
I want to be invisible
Silently gliding through life
Unseen – unheard – untouched
I want the wall to be built
One brick
One lie
One cut
One word
One cut
All
Dear Father and mother,
I do see the tears and blood
streaming down your face
And I wish I could say
Something
Anything
But I am afraid
If I start,
I won’t stop
When I look into these eyes, I see things no one else can. I know things no one else does. When I read her writings, I hear her crying out for someone to listen. She wanted love so badly.
She doesn't know what she deserves,
So she sits self-conserved,
As she racks her nerves,
And uses sweet smiles and soft words for courage,
To hide life's turns and curves that burn and hurt,
Tattered. Strewn all over, like a messy room neglected by its owner. Forgotten. Tucked away, like a doll on shelf covered in dust. Broken. Shattered into a million shards, like a window after a baseball hits it. This is me.
In a home where you feel no one cares. All in one room full of silent stares, no words spoken. Room full of hate to the point your chokin'. Backstrokin' in a pool of tears, shy to talk because your heart pumps fears.
Inside is an ache,
A wound on my soul.
I cannot cry tears,
'because you haven't a heart' I am told.
Yet inside I still ache,
in that blood pumping gear;
A slow spreading poison that fills me with fear.
Little babe, it's time for bed.
I've made a place to rest your head.
Little child, go to sleep.
It's there you'll find all your dreams.
There's a place beyond your eyes,
Hush little baby don’t say a word
Or daddy’s gonna shoot you like a mocking bird
If that little wound don’t hurt like a bi*ch
Daddy’s gonna abandon you on a roadside ditch
The little girl who smiles
as she skips to the store,
you see her so happy, so sweet;
But little do you know today shes happy
because its the first time in weeks she hasn't been beat.
Inebriated and irate
He marched to where I slept,
Stumbling - Silent -
He slowly crept
I lay in bed -
Too tired to speak,
Out of the darkness
The door begins to creak
When Winter slips sullenly away
And mutters her last biting remark
When the Sun comes back
Valiantly shining like a promise waiting to be kept
I’ve been broken down and restored
Set back
Been attacked since the day I was conceived inside my mother’s womb
Attacked by gallons of liquor bottles,
Making me kick within my mother’s belly,
People tell me I’m lucky.
They say I have the best parents in the world.
They tell me things like “I wish my parents were as nice as yours!”
But what they don’t know,
What they don’t see,
You tell me I'm no good
With every word I say
Everything comes out lies, betrayal, and trust
including your own friends would say
those things
Have you seen the things I've done?
No.
She lie on the floor-
pain and misery in her eye-
all she wants
is the sweet relief death.
To think- she's only three.
You remember the hands
the grip that held you in place
the force he stained in your soul
in your inner grave.
You remember the pain,
how he yelled,
you screamed,
the vulnerability.
Suffocating in darkness
As a diseased light paved my way
I attempted to scale the barriers
That separated me from the outside where life thrived
Who are you to judge me, am I not a person. You look at me you see them, I cried but I never gave in. What am I? I am human.
I carry weight.
I carry small things and big things.
I hold the tangible and intangible.
I carry what is critical, and I also carry utter bullshit.
I used to pray for death
but it would never come
no matter how hard I tried
my life had just begun
I wanted to skip to the last page
of the story called my life
but it wouldn't happen
At night she walks, all alone in the rain.
The trees shake with fury and the wind howls.
But she hears nothing, nothing but the rain.
A congratulations
Long over due
But you're disapproving.
I never saw this coming,
And then it hit me.
Her disco ball shoes sparkle and glow like the dance floor on prom night,
Innocent until further notice.
She dances careless with dark brown ringlets bouncing across the nape of her neck,
Her disco ball shoes sparkle and glow like the dance floor on prom night,
Innocent until further notice.
She dances careless with dark brown ringlets bouncing across the nape of her neck,
I cannot count or even list
The things you’ve done for me and
Everything you’ve helped me through
Since my father has refused to step up to the plate
And protect his little girl
I used to skate in circles
I was afraid the pond couldn't carry me
Others danced around me
Past my corner of the pond
Did they think of me often?
I thought of them in constance
I didn’t believe in omens until that
stumbling alcoholic of a curb
outside of the Epoch coffee shop
struck its drunk
‘screw you’
into Gus,
my white Kia Spectra’s bumper on that
apparently fateful
"I've lost all hope of you ever doing anything right!"
"You will never amount to anything!"
These phrases and more echoing through my head
"Just end it now!" I think as I collapse behind the door
When I lie here awake,
There is one thing I relise,
I am not who I say, ‘not who you think I am,
Do you think I have it all together?,
Yes?,No?,I seem like it?,
Well your wrong,'
the plot thickens,'
People expect me to be strong.
Like the man with the long salt-and-pepper beard in his tan Volvo making his way across a bridge.
He expects it to be sturdy, to take his weight, to avoid collapsing under all the pressure.
Bed Dreams
Ah bed so soft and warm
I love to jump and play
In a feathery swarm
Every night and day
For a bed is a place that’s fun
Now if only
I actually had one.
Each and every day, gloomy or nice
In a room with four white walls
A new life is born into the light
To a mother the most beautiful and innocent
In hopes that the time is right
Knowing the coming future
You tortured my body, you continue to torture my heart and my soul
I loved you, I wanted you badly.
I needed you,
I needed my daddy.
But you chose to hurt me instead
You chose to let that woman hurt me too
I'm sorry i stressed you out. I'm sorry my father forced you to do it all by yourself.
I'm sorry you saw him whenever you looked at me, and I'm sorry the thought of that alone drove you to insanity.
I can remember the first time I was about to commit suicide. It was about two years back... Maybe even one, I can't really remember.
All I can remember was what happened.
A dream,
A desire,
Is a prayer,
Prayer to give
Give to others,
from a person
to bring sanguine thoughts,
into a beast,
What flawless man,
can repent all of our
sins like a snap
Shame infiltrated as a tender root, slowly and without effort
His secret grew silently inside encroaching on every cell till the marrow in my bones screamed out, “YOU are a liar.”
Silver lines trace down a foggy pane;
Sliding, slipping through their descent.
A cold night glare streams through,
Showering the window with light
Stunning images like dreams stand shimmering on a wall
So your letter showed up, without welcome,
Without a thought to the inconvenience,
Decisive, smirking, sending me adrift,
Now speechless with anger at tiny things,
Laboring at subtitles, squinting hard,
When you see or hear of a child getting raped, Is the first thing you ask did they escape? Or do you just not care, because it didn't involve you or someone you knew? Would you help a child, when it is being badly raped and hurt?
I saw the bruises,
The pain,
and did nothing.
I saw the cuts,
The blood,
and did nothing
I saw the anger,
The sadness in their eyes,
and did nothing.
Whispers, whispers
the wiind doth blow.
Listen, listen.
The silence doth show
the light, the love, the life
We can never know
Unless wind strips
Whispers from silence
Called the Future,
They dream; they hope: they grow.
Yet when they do wrong, you strike
You hit and kick. Shouting and insulting
Innocence wilts,
tulips in a graveyard.
No hope left
to flutter slowly by.
Rays of sun can no longer
bring her back to life.
Time skips by,
Little girl with a bright red jump rope
Counting one, two, three
All to herself.
Reaching one hundred
Begin again,
Faster, faster,
Blur of brown hair, innocent green eyes,
Small and vulnerable,
she listened to you.
You showed her,
made her believe
your love was true.
She didn't ask for this.
(poems go here) This probably stems from my not-so-likely childhood of alcohol-stained arguments and an echoing sentiment of loneliness temporarily cured by few fellow eleven-year-olds with parents that worked late and bike rides in the safety of
"If you really knew me, if you really felt me, if you understood my wounds you would gain my shattered heart,but can you put the pieces together, can you make me feel like the only guy you see that makes you happy , can you change this hollow soul
Living life is a cost
Living life is a lesson
Living life is a lost
Living life is a blessing
Yes I’m adopted
My Father was a Drug Dealer
The people coming and leaving
My step mom I hated her
They say time heals all wounds,
Would you believe it was true?
Would you believe time heals everything?
When everything is constantly falling around you.
Look into these glassy eyes
And try to see this gloomy sight
A picture of my damaged life
Travel past my eyes to my mind
& try to read these thoughts of mine
And then you wont ask if im fine
Why does he do this? Does he want me to die?
I keep asking myself why.
As he stands in my face I smell the whiskey.
Does he know what he's doing? Does he even care why?
I run to the bathroom to wash away tears.
Mommy was never there
Mommy never care
Mommy got abused
Mommy felt used
Mommy couldn't cope
Mommy lost all hope
Mommy lost the battle
Mommy started using as her rattle
Mommy lost her voice
Pencils,
Paper,
Scissors,
Markers,
Desks,
Chairs,
And colored pencils.
All so colorful and bright.
My life it is always black, white, and gray.
Why does it have to be so horrible?
Some days I feel alone.
Some days I feel hopeless.
It all depends on the day.
It’s hard some days.
Although we are told,
Do not dwell on the past.
I always find myself,
Looking back at mistakes.
I’m not really sure who I am.
There so much about me that is still unknown.
So to stand there and say you understand me,
I know you couldn’t be more wrong.
I don’t understand you,
Never again do I want to see such pain and hurt in her eyes,
But time after time I look for and wait to hear her cry.
She says there’s no one who can save her, but I have to try.
Thoughts
Bitter and harsh
Like the smell of your father's
Aftershave
You know
What comes
Next
He does
In you
Putting all
His demons
In you
They asked if there was anyone else,
Anywhere else I could turn to
But I didn’t want anyone else,
What I wanted was you
I have cried
And feel
Like I've just died
I don't know whyyyyyy.
I hurt so bad
I get so mad
When the pain
Hits me hard
It feels like acid rain
As being stab by shard
So as we walk and listen upon thy word,
people cry as they look up into the sky,
feathers falls towards us from the birds,
within ourselves we begin to cry,
One seems to cry and falls
The beliverance is but all
The sorrow and pain
Burns faster the the acid of rain
Your heart is broken
Your feelings are frozen
Your will is but all gone
I can hear the anger in your voice and the rapid beat of my heart.
I know that you show no remorse with the harm that you have done.
I sit in a locked room scared of what you will do.
I have always been afraid of you.
I am from the sun kissed air; fresh salty breeze. From Oreos and chocolate milk. From Barbies and play dough.
I am from secret dungeons in closets and the Harry Potter room. From stairs turned to slides and floors turned to pools.
Dreams verses Reality!
We live in a Dream world!
Mommy loves Daddy and Daddy loves Mommy.
The perfect King and Queen kingdom.
Daddy is your hero. He is your knight in shining armor.
Why is it that the white crayon
doesn't make a mark upon
the colored paper of diversity?
Why is that, as a young white girl
I have less of a chance
of getting into a university?
She walks with poise
and looks are always stunning
she makes no noise
but somehow shouting
things inside her head
spinning around
people don't understand her life at all: cruelty, sadness, and foul
My heart is my own no matter
How hard you beg for it.
It is locked with chains and
Shadowed by distance.
I gave it away once,
Never realizing it was slowly disintegrating
in the hold of its captor.
It’s been how long since I've seen the right side,
And all of my bones correctly mended?
And rightfulness inside my mind reside,
Now all the real fell ill and descended.
The whistle of the train drifts into my morning ears
Delicate fingers of light brush through my hair,
Illuminating my face
Floating, flying through my being:
BAMB! was that the door? I heard my heart thud in my chest.
my chest, so shaken up, my throat so hard to swollow.
clinching. my hands and teeth. just hearing the scream.
PLEASE STOP!
The nightmares haunt me every single night
Distraction fails, I hum an old sweet song
What used to be a dream, is now a fright
This awful pain has gone on far too long
I wear dark bruises on my legs and arms
(poems go here) Four, Another blow, another hit, another strike, I wish he quit
Another tear that falls from my eyes, some more pain if I dare to cry
I’m okay momma, I try to lie, I can see the anger, in her eye,
I live with a crow
That I cannot evade.
Its nest a building of brick
Rather than straws of hay.
Its beak so sharp,
It can ravage your soul.
Its mouth so eager
To swallow you whole.
Click clack. Click clack. Click clack. As I am running down the hall, Splat! My mom’s red high heels have failed me again. They are just too big for my little feet. Maybe when I am older my mom says. I don’t want to wait.
This poem is a comparison of my biological father, and My “Step-Dad”. The contrast of the two “fathers” has shaped me into the person that I am.
Daddy’s Little Girl?
I've struggled through thick
I've fought through thin
But during my heartache
I never gave in
I ignored the odds
I sided with faith
But it hasn't always
Ended up that way
She was my star
Couldn't stop screaming for the lights
I saw a man who only knew red
She's shades of pink
Loves soft blush
I prayed he go back to gray
A backpack, little girl and stairs
(poems go here) She's Screaming and crying,
I don't know what to do.
I try to help her,
But I can't move.
My daddy,
He hits her again and again.
My poor little sister,
My one and only friend.
They bound her like a butterfly and cut up her wings
Locked her away with all the other play things
She was only ever a doll for their control
Even after the scars healed, anger took its toll
You do nothing but love yet showed me hate
When you were gone you missed my first date.
Where were you when I asked for a hug
All I wanted was your love.
In return you give me nothing
You call me son.
I call you by name.
The things you have done
You should be ashamed.
You say you are a better man,
You want me to see.
My eyes are open
To the man who stands before me.
The imagery echoes in brain,
Never stopping and no gain.
Same thing over and over,
But no matter what there is no closure.
I used to get pushed and shoved
And i learnt that i wasn't being loved
So i choose to rise above
So i flew in the air like a dove
I've chosen to break free
So that everyone can see
See the real me
Promise me you'll listen.
Promise me you'll understand.
Promise these aren't empty promises someone will make again.
Nothing stops the images.
Nothing stops the pain.
(poems go here) Every night you tuck me into bed
before saying goodnight
just like you did with your mother,
when you’d use the little strength you had
to lift her over your shoulder
and carry her up the stairs
I want a Son
I want to witness my baby boy’s birth.
I want to show him his promise, his worth.
It's my fault,
I wasn't there,
To hear her cry,
"Help me, please help me",
It's my fault,
I wasn't there,
To pick up the broken pieces,
Hey body's broken,
He did it to her,
Father may I, may I tell you that I'm grateful?
Father may I, may I tell you that I'm thankful?
And not for all the right reasons
because you've wronged me,
words like jagged talons from your lips remind me,
Brainwashed, psycho, stupid
Words swirl around my head
As I lay crying in bed
Who can love such a girl?
Life is all a-whirl
We are taught that we should follow grownups:
wonderful grownups, big admirable adults.
Yet we weren’t taught how to recognize them;
Perhaps that’s why growing up can be so sad.
Please somebody do something.
Please somebody its never going to stop until you do.
Please somebody save her.
I dont want her to leave.
Please somebody help her.
Please somebody I dont want this to happen again.
You Yell.
I Cry.
You Drink.
I Hide.
You Attack.
I Scream.
You Yell At Her.
I Break Out Of My Shell.
You Step Back.
I Step Forward.
You Look Mad.
I Yell.
To some boys and girls I am no one.
I’m just there to fill empty space.
Each day is a long run
And I never seem to win the race.
I’m just another face.
My heart becomes weaker everyday
For a girl from a small town
She wanted a lot from a big world.
Tears and sorrow filled too much space,
She had to do something, it had to be erased.
I've always been daddy's little girl
I would press my face to the window pane as broken promises would rain and hit me like bullets
Like bullets stead fast disappointment would hit my chest because
The little girl was never heard,
but she still wished to be free just like a bird.
Her parents treated her like she didn’t belong.
She kept their secret even though it was wrong.
I am from a broken home.
Where I had to raise myself and protect my family.
I am from a house of lies.
Where my parents never felt love for one another, but stayed in it for me.
The stench of cigarettes
is the smell I think of when i wear this
the horrible smelling piece of clothing
that brings me the comfort
that you could never give me
the despising aroma of tobacco
There have been wounds in my life.
I'm used to the pain.
I have been chasing love.
I'm invisible on this earth,
I'm always transparent.
Even by my own parents.
I have learned since I was older...
Years down the line,
She still hid behind all her anger.
All she wanted was for all the pain to go away,
“I should leave in the middle of my song,” she said.
Dropping down to her knees, she cried,
Everyone was born with parents,
How long they stayed is different.
Everyone once had a home,
Whether it was the streets or somewhere warm.
Everyone once held innocence,
I'm running, running, you can't find me;
There's not much left, anyway, to see.
I'm just a broken, beaten child
Whose family lied about what was filed.
You see, I don't know what innocence is;
A child of six, already alone.
She is miserable and crying, and sadly at home.
Her mother is a drug addict and never around.
Her tears are like screams, no one can drown out the sound.
I was drowning
In my own sea of tears.
I was burning
From the hole you left here.
I was poisoned
By the inflicted fear.
Then was beaten
Down by your rejection.
Left with nothing
Life is not a fairy tale. You don't always get what you want.
You can dream and fantasize as much as you choose, but in the end the outcome is the same as the beginning.
Dreaming is a waste of time. Time that I don't have.
I would like to know,
How you could handle in my shoes.
Their soles are worn down to my own heel,
And the sides have been torn apart.
Some what like silence shatters in a whisper.
Know, that every time you speak against me,
With that dull razor cut tongue of yours,
A little piece of my stored rage slithers its way into existence.
Making my finger fidget uneasy, involuntary.
I go running on the hottest day of summer,
To escape from the coldness of you
I breathe in the fresh air, feeling grateful,
Grateful to be out of your view.
Dulce
My name
Describes me
Almost perfectly
Telling people
who don't know me;
Who
And
How
I am
Sweet.
Tell me a story, friend,
in the empty watches of the night
where only you and I exist on this perilous edge.
But don’t, don’t tell me about the tears in my eyes
or the bruises on your lips
Singing is my escape; my escape from life.
When I sing, I pretend I am on stage
with a spotlight on me.
I imagine being a role model for those who need one;
for the little kids who need someone to look up to, I will
Lost.
My childhood,That is.
Lost
In labor,In doing things for people
Who don't respect you.
Lost
In late nights
Awaken in the middle Of a dream
That will never begin to come true.
Once upon a time, there was a happy little girl.... Well that's how the story was supposed to go. I'm tired of hiding, pretending, always trying to be happy, and that's still not the end. Looking back at my past, it blocks my future.
Silence.
So silent you can hear a pen drop.
Hear the drip-drop of the water faucet,
And the pitter-patter of the cat across the carpet.
The door slams and breaks the silence.
There was a girl who fell in love
With the world and stars above
But this girl stood at ten
With all the hurt from the men
She no longer fell in love
With the flying, crying dove
Every time I fall asleep
The memories all start to creep
Memories of you and I
It hurt too much, to say goodbye
But farewell at least
To what, the man, a beast
Called by a name, a name of man
I'm sorry
For the pain you went through
I'm sorry
For the suffering that chased you
I'm sorry
For the tears that ran away
I'm sorry
For the blood that bled
I'm sorry
I never knew
God do you exist?
If you do answer me this
What did I do to deserve this life?
Why did you curse me with so much strife?
He did things granddaddy's aren't suppose to do
Was it something I did
A dove descends from deep in my heart,
Never to see this world fall apart.
Leaving me here vulnerable and weak,
As I watched the blood of my scars streak.
Tears rolling down her face
No smile will be seen
The social workers couldn't help her case
If only her parents hadn't been so mean
Bruises and Scars show the hurt..
of a little girl in need..
Born into a world of pain
She grows up all alone
No friends to keep her sane
And no love and home
We are two travelers, him and I
He came , oh I asked he had came
To meet me with joy, - mind, in his mind,
he came to take me
in his red wings
Over the cleared sky,
sweet as pleasure for him,
The moon, big and free, above our heads
was surrounded by flickering stars
our feet dragged on the cracked, cold soil
as our eyes peered through the dark.
In wholesome innocence, the child
Draws pictures in the sand with her painted nail.
The sand, red like the blood
Flowing in her hand
Now shows a picture of a flower
With pretty petals, and sweet as candy.
What was a normal day become opposite in minutes,
the place that was once safe become a grave to many.
A room that was intended for learning and filled with joy,
what time will he be home?
i need to know what time.
will he be happy or sad?
should i say hi or be mime.
do you remember?
when you would run to your dad
and he would hold you?
and he would make you
feel cared for and protected
when he would hold you?
The love in your features fades when you look at me.
Disappointment takes its place instead
The sweet smile encased in your full pruce lips
Is stolen by a thin grim line
Eleven years old, and I feel like I've lost my soul. Sitting alone, 200 miles from my home, everything has been taken away from me. A man I've been told to trust will act is if everything is alright, and I'm told to do the same.
I am small, just a speck, yet you poison me
Now I am gone
I am small, just a speck, yet you poison me
I can feel it in me, the poison
I am small, just a speck, yet you poison me
This isn’t love
By: Crystal Fairchild
Girls as young as three and five
Are barely keeping themselves alive
Their pimps beat and drug them
All so some guy can claim to love them
But this isn’t love
Hiding in the closet, I ball up in a fetal position hiding from the monster
that usually comes from under the bed.
Hand on my head, over my ears
I try an hold back the tears
For fear I might be heard
Every time it takes you there.
Takes you to a time of despair.
Your hatred haunts you,
And your love betrays you.
My Prince Charming that swept me away, in my state of haze and disarray; You held me close in your warm embrace, it was in your arms I knew I was safe; But it didn't stay that way; I was snatched away, left in the cold to shiver, to die; On my own
As I step into the darkness of this world, I can see.
I observe the blind and the needy
for they truly are oblivious to light.
But may their soul be purified,
a chance to conquer darkness will arise.
Every time it takes you there.
Takes you to a time of despair.
Your hatred haunts you,
And your love betrays you.
It was never my intent to return to this place
dark halls of betrayal, and lacking in grace
Lustful intentions, like geysers of steam
scald memories ‘neath mahogany beams
What gives you the right to take someones life?
Are you entitled to it?
No you aren't
You were being selfish
You knew that you were going down,
so you dragged others down with you
Little child
Dead at sea
Body afloat
Like a sailboat
Ice cold
Fear in eyes
Little child
Dead at sea
Only
He’s not a child
Nor is she
They are well
Past
What more can you take that you haven’t yet.
Stolen smiles, presents of tears, not again!
Memories of you and all dejected things you do, I won’t let you take what is left of me.
Bruises fade but the scars still remain.
I feel the weight of the world
on my shoulders
It’s weighin’ me down, down, down
And it’s drown-drownin’ me
I can’t get it off
This weight is killin’ me
Looking up and down my arms
All you see are scars and bruises
Look inside my heart
You can see all my pain
Look inside my head
You will see the color of deepest black
Look inside my soul
They say you see white,
A placid sea,
But where is the light
That was promised to me?
I am taunted with its coming,
Because he always retreats,
Forever in this penumbra that should not be.
A woman, a victim, a lady unknown,
Stared down at her beautiful child below,
Enslaved by a clear plastic bottle of pills,
Forced into a life that, in spirit, she kills.
No matter how loud, nobody will hear,
No one will see even a single tear.
Nobody will care, or swallow their pride,
No one will care ‘bout her feelings inside.
A yell, a hit, a tear.
Sounds echo in my thoughts
Why am I ignorant? Why do I lie?
I dream; I don’t remember
Well it's nothing new,
Nothing to shake the rattles in the mind
I still remember the dark dirty floor
of the toy shed in the backyard.
The pain as every piece of clothing I had on
was getting torn off in fast motions.
The hand covering my
Why are children being abused,
It makes my heart want to cry,
Children's bodies are being used,
They can't scream for help; their spirit is so dry,
We need to put a stop to people being invective,
"My body is my temple"
If we're going to use that metaphor
It is a temple in ruins
A temple weathered by wind and rain
It is a temple with no soul
A temple with no hope
The turtle is born alone.
It scrambles and scurries
with fear in his eyes.
Prowlers are on the hunt.
COLD is the thin sheet
With which I warm our small, frail bodies
While I hug my little sister with a tight, reassuring grip, we watch
He forgot to hug and kiss us how too
Today, yesterday… And the day before
My father,
With the eyes of a small boy and the mind of an ox.
My father,
Who resembles my future husband.
My father,
The sound of my laugh and the pitter-patter of my feet when I was five,
If only dreams could speak...
I'd wish for mine to shout "STOP" you freak!
As I lay hopeless and numb
I felt your body heat stimulating forcefully
While your pointer finger kissed your lips telling me to Shhh!
This is life. It's different. I think that's all I can say about it. Without being too mean. I try not to be mean. So I say only nice things. Nice, Light Things. Life is different. That's all I can say.
Pitter, patter rain falls on a broken child.
Why... why this, why now wonders a choking child.
Cook, clean, watch the kids everything that's not fun,
I want a good life screams an outspoken child.
My world is small. My world is huge.
I do not have a voice but I speak for you.
How the world treats me speaks great volumes.
What am I worth? Do I have any value?
The woman holds the doll
She tells me
"Show me where"
I feel like I'm in
One of those cheesy therapy movies
I tell her
"I don't remember, lady"
She stares
I don't remember the abuse
Some people say talking helps
Some people say writing works
But nothing rids you of the pain
Nothing makes you want to live
Sitting in class smiling,
behind the smile, I’m thinking ‘bout my mom whose dying
Whining and dining
trying to make money to keep her baby from dying
Every night her dad crawling in her bed,
The day I was born should have been the best day for my mom
A bundle of joy I was
as my father told me.
But as I grew,
It didn’t seem to be true
I never felt wanted by her
Nor secure
Remember the light remember the world?
Remember the precious little girl?
Do you remember the peace we had?
Do you remember when we wearn't sad?
Do you remember the beautiful blue skys?
As the sun sets, and night start to sit,
There is a home, a very special home,
With a mother and father, a sister and a brother.
A place where they come to know,
Some information not easily shown
Fire and storm
Clashing Raging
Trying to understand
The cause.
No one will know
No one will remember
Not then, not now, not ever.
Each instance common as a heartbeat
Fading into the dark
A child can break a million hearts,
Girl or boy, age doesn’t matter.
One look into their innocent eyes,
And your heart is all a shatter.
It's been a while since I left home.
The fighting and the bickering
Were like nails on my brain
Gouging at my thoughts
And always digging deeper.
You think it stops when you leave
That it's out of sight
Brought into the world so innocent and pure,
About to be exposed to so much more.
Hurt and confusion consume her life.
What was she to him, a child, a wife?
Oh no, she is bad. It’s the only way,
After weeks of preparation, finally planned perfection
Invincibility was overwhelming, irrational though it was
The plan
Escape.
The destination
Anywhere but here.
If whispers were words that the heart dare not say,
Then I'd move my lips and whisper away.
For there's a pain in my heart, I can't explain it.
The words won't come out right, though I have much wit.
You once were my hero
I’d stare up in awe
At one point you cradled me
In daddy-bear paws
In you I found comfort
I had a real friend
But sadly all good things
Must come to an end
I lived in a world of darkness.
I didn't know where to turn.
I was told that no one would love me
I was told that I was selfish and rude.
I was forever threatened.
I was forever afraid.
Every night,
she locks the door.
Every night,
she hides before,
her mothers tears.
Her fathers hate.
To ease her fears.
Her father is a broken timer,
You tore my heart to pieces
Left it empty and broken
You tried to fix it with lies and deceit
I tried to heal it with bitter thoughts and words
None of this helped but made it feel worse
Don't know don't care how you think.
Yelling to get your point across won't give me that touch of mink.
Caring critics tell me they're scared for me.
They should be.
Nowhere to go, no one to see.
A small child Cries
In Pain and Loss
In Heartless care
With an unknown cost
A minds Sweet game
Of Hope to ration
To get Lost in worlds
Of Compassion
I’ve been thinking a lot
About the shit in my life
About how I didn’t listen
That one horrible night
How I couldn’t function
The very next day
How I was in confusion
How it still hasn’t gone away
When I Sleep, before I wake
I'm in the car, I can't escape.
Driving fast, windows down
No one can help me, no one's around.
It's much too silent, there are no words,
And when I look over, everything is a blur.
I was young, you hurt me
I was young, you left
I was young, he came
But he was never truely here
Its been 15 years,
you come back
Why must you come back
Why give me mixed feelings?
Why the hell do I still write verses,
When the scripture is the only words hurting,
An abundance of of poems of stories just like mine
But never will you find an artist who performs gospel on primetime
Mom, STOP, please why cant you see
All the bruises and cuts you give to me
All I did was love and did what you would say
All the other kids moms dont treat them that way
Go away child you ruined my life
As I sit in my room and cry,
I think about your murder and wonder why,
I thought things were going well,
But I guess your life was a living Hell,
Your dad was abusive, your mom was a drunk,
You were there for me once
And there for me again
But I haven’t seen the good in you
Since that where and when
I can’t take those words
Won’t let them tear me down
So I have to say
Come home from school, but it's not a home,
because I feel that I'm all alone.
He is there, ready to hit,
scream, touch every little bit
of my fragile body. My mind is worse,
getting ready for my hearse.
Immersed in his rest,
So buried within the dream,
He couldn't clasp the enkindling air approaching his door.
Immersed in his rest,
So buried within the dream,
He couldn't clasp the enkindling air approaching his door.
Purple, black and blue devours my peachy skin and engulfs my precious soul.
A dab of foundation here; a pat of powder there
Long sleeves on a summer day and a well-developed lie to blanket my heart.
Show me your true colors now
Don’t wait until were bound
Being your friend never meant too much to me
Now that I’ve helped you grow
You’ve decided to let go?
I do not understand
Why I was ignored
I do not understand
Why I was turned away
I do not understand
Why I was not believed
Why I was thought to be a liar
Just like I do not understand
Tears fall from my eyes as the sun fills the skies
when someone you love cuts you this deep
the wound is yours,forever to keep
Naieve and scared, I look to him for protection
I am an emotionally abused child.
I wonder about the day i leave.
I hear them yelling at me.
I see the anger inside them.
I want to run and flee.
I am an emotionally abuse child.
