You told me I was your little pearl.
Glimmering and white,
Pure and loved,
A beauty to beat the rising sun.
I was naïve and innocent,
Entranced by your apparent perfection,
And nobody could’ve told me that
You were a liar.
You taught me to swim,
Held my head underwater,
I couldn’t breathe.
On the surface, the waves were calm
And the water crystal,
And it was too dark to see,
But I felt you laugh
As I struggled and drowned.
The sunlight glittered in front of my eyes,
Comforted by whispered sweet nothings,
Promises I shouldn’t believe
Slipping like sand from your lips:
“Nobody loves you but me”
“Nobody can be trusted but me”
“Nobody can save you but me”
“You need me”
And I do. I need you.
I need you to tell me you’re sorry,
I need you to encase me in your seashell arms,
I need you to be sincere.
Lying is an elaborate marbled art,
Manipulation its goal,
And you, the top predator,
A shark preying on my weakened flesh,
A bird above the water.
Why do you play with me like a tsunami with a skyscraper?
Why do you make me crumble with the lightest touch?
My starfish heart lies in a small pond
As your greedy, curious hands
Grab at every part of me,
Draining every last drop of life from my frail frame.
I’m bleeding as you cry that I hurt you,
I’m heaving as you scream that I’ve lost you,
I’m dying as you say “I love you.”
I’m struggling to climb out of this trench
With your anchor weighing me down,
Your words along its chain,
Slowly clotting inside my lungs:
“You’re nothing without me”
“You’ll waste your life without me”
“You’ll be scared without me”
“Try to leave me”
I want to. I fear you,
Your loving hand killing every piece of me,
But I still wish in every way that I could love you.
You told me I was your little pearl,
Your goddamn little pearl,
Was I ever too precious to hold?
You smothered me in gold leaf
And threw me against a marble wall,
Smashing the remains to smithereens with stone.
That’s not love.
Since when do we destroy our finest treasure?
I was yours and you were mine,
But while I stored you in a chest inside my heart,
You pinned me down and tore me apart.
Nobody loves you like me.
Nobody can be trusted but me.
Nobody can save you but me.
You need me.
But I am nothing with you.
I’ll waste my life with you.
I’ll be scared with you.
It’s time to leave you.
But I will always love you.
Your little pearl will explore the waters,
And settle on a continental shelf,
Broken by the occasional nightmare
Of the “love” that she had left.