I'm haunted by her echoing words

The late nights, the screaming fights

They never leave me alone

I can't escape, because my mind always recreates the pain I went through

She hid behind a wall of protection, she knew no one would see

The wounds inflicted, cut so deep, that years later I still crumple at her feet

She lost the power long ago, but she still tries to hold me close

It's my fault I don't oppose the misconstrue affection she puts me through

She destroyed the only family she ever knew, looking for something no one new

The pain, and hatred grew inside, until I could no longer hide, nor disguise the woman I hated so sincerely 

In fact, I never knew I'd once loved her so dearly, perhaps even she knew all along I was clay in her arms 

I was naive, only a small child, wrapped up in the disguise of a smile

I knew not what she was capable of, until the had to save myself 

When you are going to die, one begins to realize, there is little time, for silly things like childhoods 

" You need to learn how the world sees you" is what she informs me of

The sad truth is, I thought I was a majestic dove, a little girl full of happiness and curls 

The truth indeed was told, the world was cold, I hated it, because she was from there

The world gave me her, so I hated the world, it gave me her, who made my life hell

I fell, not to my death, sadly, I suppose

You see, the pain was real, just like the hatred that kept me alive

Alive, that's what happens when you're not dead

Dead, I wished that for myself everyday, without fail, I always made it another day

The only gain was the knowledge that if their was a God he was sure sending her to hell 

My shelter was in the pages of a book, the story was better than the one I lived, the characters braver than I'd ever been, their strength shown through their writers pride

As hard as I tried, I couldn't disguise the hatred I had inside

I tried to die four plus times, the reality is I'm still living

Love, is a four letter word, I knew how to spell, but never understood

The only thing I knew, was how to survive, and make sure my sister and I didn't die

If pain was money, I'd be rich, but instead I got zilch 

But I positively know how to survive

So, God if you're listening, please tell me why I went through all of that, but in my mind I never left