I used to be afraid to come out and say look, you hurt me

Hurt me with the pain of a billion crying souls crushing mine like the compression

Of earths plates

Here comes me seeping out the seams like magma from a volcano

Filled with temporary forevers and laughter

Shared between us two like the perfect Polaroid

But never would I have known that meeting you would cause so deep

Inside a void

Like a black and white picture the beauty of the color

Sucked out by a manipulator of perfection

Because through his deception

Filled my mind with inception

And his manipulation implanted this infestation

Of a distorted image I called Love

Because I wanted it so bad

And thanks to my dad all I wanted was to love a man

And although my love was pulling pulling tugging on his robe

He never opened a seam to let me in and feel the heat and serene

Of a father love, a man’s love, acceptance

You saw it in my eyes I was weak and receptive

You forcefully opened the whole of my innocence

And used that as an entrance

Thanks to you grandpa

I picture sex as a weapon

Between after you my confusion and misunderstanding of the world was to my cousins benefit

Because some smile and some love

And he was trying to take me out my pretty little Sunday outfit

I was screaming HELP ME so loud but my mouth remained empty

And the sounds and silent cries flowed through my body like

The very thing that’s keeping me alive

My blood boiling, darkness consuming my soul

I could never tell

Because somewhere somehow I was at fault

For the innocence they stole

Eventually a safe inside a safe inside the safe

Of my darkest secrets

Was enough to carry my heavy baggage

 Because to me pushing it as far back as possible

In the depths of forgets

Was enough for me to smile for a couple of hours

And even though this manifestation was eating me alive

I seemed to wash it all off in my showers

The more soaped I poured all over me

The less of his skin cells remained on my body

So I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed

Until each layer of my fake smile

Tore off like my emotions and love

And I found myself cradled

Crying to myself

And that’s the moment I picked myself up

Do I hate the things he did to me? Yes

But I was put through the pain and the darkness of days so I can

Help pull you out.

Come to me my brothers and sisters

And realize

True happiness comes from you

Right here inside


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