Who I am Not

I used to think that it was important that I immediately knew who I was.

What I found was that I still do not know. I know what I like and what I do not like.

I know I have struggled to be who I thought I should be.

What I found was that I was beginning to not like who I was becoming.

I allowed myself to believe that I was not strong enough to be alone.

I let people I loved disrespect me so that I would not be alone.

I kept letting toxic people consume my life to keep the peace.

Instead of trying to find who I am I needed to understand who I was not.

 

I am not afraid to be alone. I am not always strong. I am not interested in your lies.

I'm not interested in the pretty words that you have no intention of fulfilling.

I am no longer the woman who swoons at sweet nothings.

I am not someone who loves lightly. I give my heart and loyalty when it has been earned.

I am not easy to love. I struggle with my insecurities of not being enough even after you have scaled the high walls, I have built around myself.

 

I am not someone who apologizes for how my body looks. I do not conform to industry standards, for I am not your standard woman. I am not someone who has their life figured out.

With my head in the clouds I continue to dream, but do not mistake me for an optimist.

I am not someone who believes in fairy tales.

I have seen the darkness in the world that is all consuming.

I am not someone who sits around quietly while observing injustice in front of my very eyes.

I did not survive the brutality of the hands of those who were supposed to protect me to allow this behavior to go unchecked.

 

I am not a stranger to pain. I know that true feeling of complete emptiness.

The kind of emptiness that makes you feel that the only escape is at the end of a rope or the bottom of medicine bottles.

I am not someone who gives up easily I have struggled to become the person you see before you today. I have been knocked down and told that the only value I had was between my thighs and not the things that were inside my soul.

I do not know the best version of myself yet, but I know I am not going to sit and wait for her to arrive.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Our world
Guide that inspired this poem: 
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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