TRASH

Some nights I can barely look at myself some nights I can barely think
I can't even imagine why someone like you would want to hurt someone like me 
I'm supposed to call you dad 
supposed to call you father 
but how can I call you these names 
when you barely even consider me 
your daughter 
you were a shit show 
All you did my whole life 
was throw me in the trash 
and then told me it was my fault 
nothing you ever did felt like enough 
but maybe that's because 
I wasn't as tough 
as I needed to be
I needed to be real tough 
tough enough to where the words that you said didn't cut through my skin
like the blade on my wrist 
tough enough to where every time I got hit 
I didn't want to cry 
I didn't want to leave 
and I didn't want to say goodbye 
but tough enough to where
nothing you ever said or did ever got to me 
I needed to be tough enough 
so that inside Id see the same person 
that I should be 
it sucks that I let you mold me 
into somebody that I don't even want to be somebody that flinches 
every time a hands near me 
day by day I feel unwanted 
day by day I feel unloved 
and day by day you prove to me 
that all I ever was 
was a mistake 
a ribbed condom with a hole 
Me
A hole in your very existence 
something that you wish never happened 
to you today.

This poem is about: 
My family

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