It’s been almost five years since it happened
As I lay in bed at night sometimes, I can't help but feel saddened
To think that I live everyday hating this being so much
But not saying anything for fear of being misjudged
I feel disgusted to even think about it, and a rush of shame fills my whole body
But I know that I can’t tell anybody.
And you dare to say you regret it, and beg me for your pardon?
Nothing can describe how much I despise you
You disgust me, and this hate that I carry with me
Will unfortunately remain in me, but I long to be free
From that past that haunts my whole being.
As I silently cry at night, screaming for help
But until I forgive myself, will I be able to forgive you.
I know you’re not the only one at fault
But what you did to me was an assault
An assault on my innocence
But I was just a child, and you an old man
A man who was conscious of what he was doing to me.
Oh, dear mother how sorry I am
For the pain that I have caused you
I truly am sorry
How many times did you asked me
Why I hated this creature so much
But I could not bring myself to tell you,
For I knew greater pain it would cause you
As the years go by, I think about it more and more
And I wonder if I will have the guts
To tell you of this man
I wonder If you will ever forgive me
Because I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.
There’s not much left to say
But the agony of what remains
Of that untold past that I think about everyday
Which keeps me in chains.
A girl without a voice