I had nightmares for weeks and months,

scratches from trying to DIG away your memory, your touch, that suffocates my skin, the memories of your touch that make me freeze, panic, struggle to breathe - all because of your touch.

 

Months of therapy, tears spilled out, life and love drained from my body - wounds opened and probed and pushed until I could not take it.

 

“Go to your happy place” they told me.  When the pain, emotions, memories are

too much,

“Your happy place” they said.

Relax, breathe, you are safe.

 

The breathing, relaxing, the “safe” - it could not heal me, my pain which was so raw that I could not, would not, love.

 

And then, he came.

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He brings dreams of light and hope,

traces kisses along my body and begins to remove the pain and hurt that you caused.

He brings laughter, smiles; he makes me feel BEAUTIFUL.

 

I wish the days with him would last for months.  The jokes, the laughter, the smiles and snuggles - the happiness that begins to shine, shine like the sun, into the darkness that YOU caused.

 

He is my happy place -

He washes away my fears and insecurities like the ocean.

Like the sand clinging to legs and feet as we run along the beach, he clings to me on my journey to heal.

He reminds me that I am safe, protected, cared for.

 

The pain that I carry is still there, real.

But-

With him, I feel strong, confident - I can handle this pain.  

With him, I have learned how to be loved. With him, I have learned again how to  LOVE.