I still hear her words in the back of my mind.

Every night they are there ever so perpetually.

 

As I sleep I hear her with that sickening tone,

Dripping with the false love she is required to show me.

Every night my mother comes to me.

 

“Because I love you, you should be doing all of my work for me. Why isn’t it done yet? I deserve to have my work done and take my pills and drink when I get home”.

 

On these nights

I feel

the Most guilty.

On other nights it is my father who speaks to me telling me to “Get on my knees” and I do.

Every

Night.

But I do so to pray.

Every second I am on this earth

I pray to my Father in Heaven

For forgiveness

And for a chance.

Forgiveness for the sins

That my parents tell me

I have committed every night

And a chance to live

This life that they try so

Hard to take from me.

By God’s grace, He granted me a way out; He saved me.

He showed me that this was not love. By some wonderful miracle

I found the people that do truly love me.

And the Lord showed me how to love them back.

When they adopted me,

I cried for weeks

From the pure joy

My new parents

Brought to me.

I still hear these

Voices at night,

But, it doesn’t

Matter anymore.

 

What matters now is that my mom comes to me every night.

“You are such a blessing to me and I am so lucky to have you. You bring me such joy and because I love you, I will always be there for you”.

On these nights,

I feel like

The Most important person

In the world;

As if I could achieve anything.

 

On other nights, my dad comes and holds me close in his arms.

“Because I love you, I will always provide for you. If you ever need or want for anything, please I beg of you, just say the word and I will be there. You are never alone”.

 

These words now ring in my ears at night.

I hear them and I find myself with a wet face yet again;

Not from mourning, but because I am

Finally happy.

I am safe.

I am loved.

And above all,

I now know how to love.