Who Am I?

Who am I? What a strange question to ask.

I don't believe I could answer this fast. 

I am a daughter to three, a lover to one, and a friend to all.

I'm a shy musician, but in a choir, I stand tall. 

I work with the special, I go to school with the best-

But yet, there's something on my chest. 

You see, it's all fake!

The bubbly, happy, chubby girl thinks she's a mistake!

For years and years she was told

"You'll appreciate this when you get old"

I'll appreciate what? Getting punched in the face?

My "parents"? No, a goddamn disgrace. 

Manual labor in lieu of all things fun and lovely,

Getting chastized for genes that run chubby. 

I was an asshole, that I'll agree,

but at ten years old, how could you hit me?

Every day that passed, and scar that healed, 

I loved you more and more than could ever be concealed. 

See, all I wanted was your approval and love, 

when all I got in return was lies and fake hugs. 

Because of you, I'm hiding the way I feel,

Due to my inability to share them with you over a meal.

"Be seen, not heard" became the status-quo,

That will ring true, more than you'll know. 

Forever to come, I'll stash my feelings away,

and I can hope that you'll realize one day,

that when you tell a little girl that you wish she would die,

she'll sit with a razor and begin to silently cry.

"Why can't you love me? What did I do wrong?",

will be sung somewhere within my funeral song. 

I hope that one day, maybe, one day, 

you'll tell me you're sorry, that it wasn't okay. 

I'll hold out more hope, but fuck, let's be honest,

you have been anything but modest. 

"Stay true to yourself! Stand up for your beliefs!",

I did, to you, and got hit in the teeth. 

My mother was mine, you took her away,

and made her into what she is today:

a lonely, old, unloved woman,

who would give anything to be loved by you, though you're a demon. 

You made my life hell, my mind a prison, my hands the gun,

hoping that one day I'll say "Fuck it, I'm done!"

But I live to spite you, it's a beautiful thing,

when you don't give a shit for a single human being, 

who calls himself dad, but acts like the devil,

but hey, youre human, I can level.

I'll never forgive you, of this I'm sure,

but daddy, I'll seek your approval forever more. 

 

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