PTSD, bi polar, adhd, and borderline personality disorder they say. Born dependant on crack cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol. Two weeks in the niccu, which I was lucky it was just two. Prostitute mom and alcoholic abusive dad I was born into this world with. I remember watching my brother sit on the corner of the bed as my dad would beat him with the empty broken beer bottles he had finished. I was two then and my brother was five. We lived in a motel and my mom was never home, when she was she would be passed out on the bathroom floor covered in blood from the drunken argument she would get into with my dad. All I remember is the cop car and lights that night and never seeing my brother again, or my little sister who was an infant. Nine foster families later and 10 years after, I had finally been adopted and got to see my little sister again. My brother I never saw one another again. Now I am 18 and still with the same family I was adopted into and I have tried to kill myself 3 times over the past 4 years and as of last night my adoptive mom told me to kill myself because she could care less. This is the eleventh mom that could care less about me and hates me. I don't understand. My adoptive grandfather raped me in 8th grade and my adoptive mom used to throw me down the stairs by my pony tail. I do not wish to live in a world I do not belong in. I was not meant to be born and life has been a punishment. I just want it all to end. Suicide is not always a choice. Sometimes it's more of a life saver for people like me. My heart can't take anymore. Just tell me if it's ok to give up.