6 torn cardboard walls hold distant memories- hah, more like serrated puzzle pieces with razor sharp edges, stabbing one another yet fitting perfectly - yet willingly accepting the nerve wrenching pain and sudden discoloration of their once vibrant hue- .. These puzzle pieces are your eyes, your ears, your mouth, your nose and your slicked back hair that fueled your ego- i cut you out of my life with the scissors that should have been in your hands when i was born. You are the puzzle that you, yourself dismantled, i merely was the oblivious toddler, a witness to your freak show and unfortunately not the only one. My mother desperately tried piecing you together again, brand new with no sign of decay like the days of your youth, but you chose the 12 pack of bottled beers as your glue. The cold, intoxicated waterfall pours down your throat and up your brain. The liquor pulls your nerves into a suffocating hug and pumps tears of adrenaline down your arms’ veins and up your fingertips. Abruptly, the hands you held your baby daughters in were no longer the hands that picked them up when they fell on the ground and cried “daddy”- instead your hands clenched into a fist- multiple punches landed on her face and ripped through her heart. You bruised her skin and held her heartbeat captive . Your “incidents” were not kept behind closed doors- everyone knew but my mother was blinded by the one thing she wanted from you- love.. Her sisters pleaded her to leave the monster you were- oh wait-are. - she’d listen for a while and press the emergency button in her head. She wanted the pounding in her head to cease so she’d dial “911”, she’d tremble as she pushed the digits- she’d cry as she knew her love had turned violent- she’d scream in agony when you cheated with 4 different women- she’d fight over you- and yet you treated her like private property who was never allowed to be herself but yours. You- you decided to leave without a single trace- but you did not care because that is all you have wanted ever since you got tired of responsibility. My sister fell into depression, my mother cried every time she’d look outside the window and see you without a worry in the world walk into the other woman’s house, my brother remained silent- and I well, I gave no fucks about you after you finally had enough of us. You never cared. Last week when I asked about your son, Angel, do you remember what I said? I hope to God you do because what I really wanted was to cuss you out. But I knew my emotions would be wasted over you, so i reverted my attention to my step brother: Let me refresh your memory- I said, “hopefully you take care of Angel...be there as a Father, be the daddy I never had- the child deserves to be happy and taught the morals of life through a united, not broke, family”. Angel deserves to live a life where his cheeks are not tainted by the lips of a drunk, a liar, a cheater, a fake, a pathetic excuse of a man. My aunt gave you the papers for court and i left. Now i look at these shreds of pictures and think how alcohol was your glue to piece the puzzle that you are- never with a reason why your blood was a concoction of hate, lust, greed, malice, and beer. You gave me Daddy issues- but you played a huge role in my life, the sculpting of my morals, even though you were never here. Now I have one father and that is my mother. I love you mom.
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