Behind this smile I will hide the things beneath that bubble,
Scourging the very heart of me that tries not to crumble.
You’ll always see the bliss and glee but never any pain,
Keep thinking I have it easy and you’ll never see my chains.
Venture out and listen dear to the secrets I hold so deep,
I’ll tell you a tale about what makes this little girl weep.
From an early age, my father cared the very least,
Giving us little thought when he became a beast.
Lullabies of pleas and screams come from the other room,
Ending ten years of horror, comes a marriage’s doom.
Mom has found a new love and my mind is full of doubt.
Do I leave my father all alone or make my way out?
My heart leaps from my chest and makes the worst decision.
Now alone with no hope, I’ve chosen a brand new prison.
Four years go by and there’s been no change at all,
Girls come in and girls go out all while I sit and bawl.
Forced secrets left me no choice but to run and hide,
Locking away the fears and secrets I’ve built up inside.
The love I once had now became immense hate,
Soon to be recognized upon the hands of fate.
Stepping in to take him on, I protect my little brother,
A Christmas spent in the hospital right next to my mother.
Soon we were adopted and he was all the same,
Lying to the judge and signing us over without shame.
Ups and downs and all arounds make us who we are,
But the past’s memories never let us get too far.
Fits of rage and misunderstanding plague our very home,
Sending us to our rooms, feeling very much alone.
I cry and pray, hoping there’s something I can do,
Years go by and still I cry all because of you.
Riding in on a prayer, the Lord loved me so,
Sending me an angel who told me all I need to know.
My faith was ignited and my senses became intense,
For the first time in my life, everything made perfect sense.
I thrived on making others smile for my own protection,
Settling for much less and depriving myself of affection.
I never thought of what I wanted or thought much at all,
To most everyone I was just a flower upon a sad wall.
Times have changed and now I know just what I’m worth,
No longer do I live for those who dwell upon the Earth.
I stand up now for who I am and believe in all that’s just,
Into God’s hands I place my love, my faith, and my trust.
Finally accepting who I am and all I’m meant to be,
I promise to try and help others keep from being me.
Lifting people up and letting them know I care,
Gives my life meaning and reassures me God is there.
You ask me what makes me tick and think most of all,
It’s God’s immeasurable love that never let me fall.