Once upon a time, there was a happy little girl.... Well that's how the story was supposed to go. I'm tired of hiding, pretending, always trying to be happy, and that's still not the end. Looking back at my past, it blocks my future. It's haunting me like a ghost, with all different stories, come all these different mysteries. They're tearing me apart, they're taking me down. Where do I draw the line?? When does having the courage to do something becomes more than just a thought, and more of an action. I'm scared to let anyone to close in fear of being let down, yet I'm always there for others and I have never really left. My mind is in confusion, and my heart is in pain. I try harder than I should, and I care more than I should. Many have walked in and many have walked right back out. But what makes someone stay, what makes them fight?? Is it the bravery in their hearts or is it the foolishness of their minds. Insecurities make me stronger, yet weak at the same time. Struggling to find a true happiness that I can call mine. Though the only happiness I really knew was all a lie. How do I believe someone I barely knew, from the memories that I had. The everyday moments to a few simple words. Or perfection, I think we've all faced that. But why try to be something we are not. Perfect children, perfect student, perfection is just a simple thing that we try to reach for to ease the suffering. Hoping for it, no that is not wrong, but forcing yourself to be perfect, now that is truly not right. Neither is being afraid. Fear is not a simple emotion that we feel by watching a scary movie, or having something scary happen in our life. It is constantly there even when we don't know it. It moves within our minds, and we try to push it away. But than again, fear can be found in a person who we trusted. We can't believe that trust is just given away on a silver platter and not gained. But trust is like a mirror, it shows us what we want to see and what we really see. It is the black and white in our everyday life. I am the way I am, and it's probably pretty sad. I'm not perfect, and I am not always happy. I fear, because I am afraid, of more things than I would like to be. I'm afraid of spiders, and bugs, I'm afraid of roller coasters, and heights. I'm afraid of dying and not being remembered, of becoming nothing but a mere memory of a distant past, I'm afraid to really trust anyone, and to allow anyone to really care for me. I'm afraid because I've never been taught to just trust. I'm scared because I don't want to end up all alone, I'm scared because I don't want to ruin my life, I'm scared because I am not used to being loved. I dream that I can wake up and this is all a nightmare, I dream that I can believe in myself as I do everyone else, I dream that time could spin backwards and bring my dad back from the dead. I wish for true happiness, I wish for world peace, I wish for a lot and that is why I dream. I am weak because I don't understand how to be strong, I am weak because I am not a fighter, I am weak, because I don't have enough strength in my body.... but this is who I am, this is who I try to hide. But what's the point of hiding, when the truth comes out. What's the point, when all I want is for people to understand me for me, and not who I come off to be. My smile may cover up the pain I feel, my laughs may change the tone of my voice, but my words show who I am, and what I've been hiding behind. And if you can't accept this, then you can't accept me. And if you can't accept me, than it just wasn't meant to be. And if it just wasn't meant to be, it's all right I'll be fine, I've gone through worse, and this is my so called happy ending.