Today I had to listen to the words.
"I'm sorry but we can't prove it beyond reasonable doubt."
I sat at the plastic white table speckled with black dots like vanilla bean ice cream
My hopes were high after all I told them all they wanted to know
About how your blow lead to the alcohol which lead to my underwear at my ankles
About all the angles
They told be that they believed me and that they were sorry
But “sorry” doesn't bring back my virginity.
“Sorry” doesn't make me feel any less used.
I finally told about the abuse and I'm told to move?
“Move on” with a life that I quite frankly didn't want to live anymore
It's like someone just closed - no slammed the door I had been so reluctant to open
After that I put a lock on that door… My psychologist held the key
Because no one wants to hear about rape
- not even me
I saw your car at a sub shop one day
It was like a bad car accident, you know the one that's hard to look away
Except unlike a bad Car accident… It didn't faze anyone but me
And remember that key? I didn't even tell the holder.
Living knowing you are out there is like having this huge boulder on my back
sometimes I get so weak it almost crushes me.
I wish that they could see that I know it's true and so do you.
But all I can do is watch out.
Because they couldn't prove it beyond reasonable doubt.
Thank you for nothing