Fearful Return
Your words carried the strength of a determined man,
a man with the passion to kill those who wronged him.
They began to suffocate me slowly, one by one,
like hands tightly grasping my neck.
The things you said felt like a thousand knifes, that could
slice right through the walls I put up to protect what was left.
It was like the weight of the world was upon me.
Driving the blades agonizingly lower into my soul.
The burning rage in your eyes terrified me!
All the anger and disappointment,
it felt like a personal glimpse of hell,
one made specially for me by the devil himself.
My brain struggled to realize why I would end up forgiving you,
id let you come running back into my life like it was nothing.
Maybe, because you kept saying that this time would be different,
that this time you really were going to change.
On the rarest of occasion between the anger…
you’d actually treat me with the loving parental touch.
We would be able to talk and laugh without
the physical torture that occupied 80% of our relationship.
Mom began to see how your attempts to change were never successful.
She began to push you out and away from me…
the remains of me, her daughter, that once was filled with joy!
she finally was able to get you to leave and we finally felt ‘free’.
However, we both knew you’d return one day,
it would be worse than before you left in the first place.
The trust and love we had for you; gone.
The thought of you as my father; sickening.