The door slams and my heart hurts
The inexplicable feeling of dread that permeates through my body as I hear another door shut
The sound is a trigger; the sound sends me back into countless times before
The door shuts and I want to scream because I never did anything to stop it
The door locks and I want to cry because I know what goes on behind
I want tear it down, I want to speak up, but when I do I’m told to shut up and go back into my room
I want to yell and be heard and tell them to open the door, that I am your daughter and you can’t just leave me out here
Because every time you shut the door, you’re not just shutting me out from your room
You’re shutting the world out, leaving me behind to fend for myself against a cold and cruel life of lies that I don’t understand.
And hurts that you don’t care and you only want to be in there with yourself
Not that I can say I want to be behind those doors where you go into yourself
Selfishly seeking some unobtainable goal of happiness that I’ll never be able to understand
But when you shut those doors you shut me out from both outside and in.
And then you wonder why, have the audacity to ask why I leave and don’t want to come back when you finally decide to leave your room and grace me with your presence.
Oh sweet mother you don’t understand that just because you’ve given birth to me means you’ve inexplicably earned the right to my respect and love
Perhaps as a child I worshipped you, but that time has passed now, for all the good things you did for me, you let it all fall to bits and pieces
When you shut the door when I needed you most.