The Things I Carry


United States
33° 58' 4.2888" N, 83° 52' 44.7852" W

I carry weight.
I carry small things and big things.
I hold the tangible and intangible.
I carry what is critical, and I also carry utter bullshit.

But, the truth is, none of it really matters.
I can drop any weight that is too heavy.
What anchors me down to reality can always be unlatched.
I can fix any predicament, situation, problem, or anything of the sorts,
Except for one thing.

The thing that burdens me the most,
The thing that crushes me under its terrifying weight,
The thing that I want to be exuviated the most,
Is the one thing that I can’t get rid of.

I will never be strong enough to lift it without worry.
My mind is too weak to not care.
I will never be good enough for the weight to lessen.
My being is too concrete to change.
There is no hope.

I try to plead.
I try to do everything I can to have my weight dissolve.
No matter how hard I work, I am never good enough.
No matter what unique gifts I posses, my siblings are always better.

Even though I am the only one that is there for you,
The one that helps you,
The one that relates to you,
And the one that truly respects and looks up to you,
I will never be the one you like.

I am nothing like my older sister,
Yet, you hold me up to every standard she’s set.
I am nothing like my little brother,
Yet I am stupid since I’m not him

I didn’t win a scholarship like my sister,
So now I’m worthless to you.
I don’t gloat about how easy school is like my brother,
So now I’m too dumb for you.
Nothing that I’ve done matters to you.

The reason why I ever succeed when I do,
Is because it’s easy.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve taken more AP classes and have scored higher than my sister,
It doesn’t matter that I had higher grades than my brother throughout middle school.

Every accomplishment I make,
My brother could do better if he wanted to.
Every goal I drive for,
Is unrealistic compared to my sister.
No matter what I do, I really will never be good enough.

I carry weight.
I carry small things and big things.
I hold the tangible and intangible.
But, nothing weighs more
Than a fathers, disappointment, disapproval, and worst of all, pure dislike.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741