I woke up this morning
fearing for my life.
Daddy beat me again last night
I don't know what i did wrong
he must have been drinking
I'm afraid for my life that
he'll come into my room,
to beat me with his belt,
just for the fun of it.
Even though it hurts me so much,
I must get up.
I've got to go to school today,
But sometimes even there,
I'm not safe from the bullying when the kids talk about how ugly I am
because of the bruises on my face,
leather belted whips on my back,
and cigarette burns on my arm.
My mother must be careful not to wake my father,
If she does,
It'll happen all over again.
I start to tremble,
as she washes my back.
My body has been so blackened that I'm starting not to recognize it anymore.
"Don't you start crying!"
she said to me.
And as much as i want to pour out
my miserable and defeated cry
that i've been holding in all my life,
I simply suck it up.
"you betta learn how to do this yo self
or else you gone be lay'n 'round here like a dirty dog"
And I just here
without a word from my mouth.
I make it to school,
and all the kids look at me like,
I'm some kind of ungrateful bum.
But they don't know its like to be me.
The teachers are nice to me.
They speak to me,write with me,
but they can't figure out why,
I never want to go home.
For when that final bell rings,
I have to go right back to where,
some people call A HOME,
BUT I CALL IT HELL.
Daddy picks me from school.
and every time i see his truck out there,
I just want to run away,
but I know,
I won;t get far.
When we get to hell,
daddy tells me to bring him a cup of beer.
I say "okay"
and walk into the kitchen.
I come back with his beer,
but i'm so afraid of being close
to his hands, belt and legs
that are so fierce
I lost two teeth once trying to hug him.
So I start to shake,
the cup does too.
my mother looks at me from across the room,
and dares me not to drop it with her tired eyes.
Just as I am about to hand it to him,
my cup runnith over,
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"Daddy, Daddy, I'm sorry please don't hit m-!"
two blows to my face.
I fall down crying.
He takes of his belt
and whips my back
"Don't you ever!
My momma walks past me and says
"I told you not to drop it"
I lie here crying,
wondering why they don't love me.
Is it something I did wrong?
Or maybe Im just a lost cause
in this hell i live.
I run to my room,
and close the door.
I can't lock it,
because daddy's broken it down before.
I lay down on my bed,
under the thin sheets
and as the tears start to fade
I fall right to sleep.
I dream about being born into a different family
or that maybe if,
my daddy was dead,
his marks of torture
wouldnt be printed on me.
But i don't sleep long,
Daddy wasn't through with me.
"Get in here dog!"
I hurriedly get out of bed before,
he decides to come to me.
I open my door and ma startled by what i see.
My mother's balled up on the floor,
her cloths torn,
and both of her eyes have purple circles around them.
They must have been fighting again.
"Look at what happens
when a bitch tries to disrespect me!"
As he stands above her,
with a gun pointing to her head.
"Daddy, please don-"
he pulls the trigger.
UH! I flinch.
But nothing comes out of his gun.
"I was just playing with you baby."
He pulls her up,
but she brushes him off
and angrily walks toward their bedroom.
But she stops infront of me and whispers,"
you betta get the hell up out of here."
I stare at them as they walk away.
and they disappear behind their door,
i run back into my room.
Since I have no place else to go.
I ball up on the floor,
with tears sneaking down my face and i start to think,
I HATE MY LIFE.
I can't stay here anymore.
I feel like i've seen it all,
even though I'm only 7 years old.
I don't care if i have to live on the street,
i just need someone to get me out of here.
But no one will.
Because no one cares about me.
NOT MY MAMA!
NOT MY DADDY!
So I lay down in my sorrows,
Thats when al of the pain from my aching bones,
seeps inside of me,
and i fear,
for tomorrows arrival.
The next morning,
my daddy wakes me up and gives me a bowl of cereal.
He even lets me watch my favorite show.
It's like he changed over night somehow.
But he was still the devil to me.
And the devil is a liar.
as i laid in bed,
I was awakened by the creeking of my door.
I began to become very afraid that,
the fun was over,
and he had come to beat me again.
"Daddy is that you?"
My sleepy eyes couldn't tell.
"Yeah it's me,
I got a surprise for you to."
Something was different this time.
There was no belt in his hand,
a video camra.
He began to slowly take off his pants,
right infront of me.
"Don't make a sound"
I didn't no what was going on.
Then he began to take off my cloths
and i knew something was wrong because
only my mother did this.
I started to crawl backwards,
but then he took my arms and forced to lay down.
"Daddy you're hurting me!"
But he didn't stop.