If whispers were words that the heart dare not say,
Then I'd move my lips and whisper away.
For there's a pain in my heart, I can't explain it.
The words won't come out right, though I have much wit.
If speaking were simple, we'd say what we feel.
Would I even think twice before accepting this deal?
So I'm sad and confused, angry and depressed.
Should I put others before me, or I above the rest?
Blackness takes over the pain in my heart.
Where does it end? Where does it start?
If I only knew how to cease the pain.
Maybe then my mind could clear away the rain.
The sky cries rain, snow, sleet, hail.
My inner self, drenched, stands center an wails.
No one helps, no one even cares
Yet, I would help if the problem were theirs.
There has to be some means to end this all
Lest I hit rock bottom from the long, dark fall.
If Heaven can help me, I beg that they will
For sooner or later, my heart will shrill
Why must life be so hard? Is there no break?
Or does it continue on through all of the ache?
You don't know how strong you are, till it's your only choice
Or until you've lost all, broken own with no voice.
I have seen my true strength, held strong for many years.
I can't tell all the times I've held in my tears.

If you stay nice and quiet, you might hear what I don't say
And if you look closely, you'll see pain when my eyes look your way.
I'm amazing at hiding, a performer through and through
Waiting for someone to look at me and see my heart turning blue.
It's cold as ice, as it beats in my chest
Or it burns like a flame, engulfing my breath.
Numb or screaming, there's no inbetween
And if you look at my eyes, you'll see what I mean.
There's so much damage to this poor broken thing
Damage that only repeated pain can bring
I pray to God every day, and every weak moment I cry
An his silence responds to me. I feel like I want to die.
But I could never let go, no matter how broken I am.
Others still need me around. I'm still in their plans.
It doesn't seem fair though, that they all depend on me.
And when I'm crying and screaming, do they even see?
I hold it all inside to not burden them with my pain
But the grip on my emotions, the strength is starting to wane.
An when everyone tries to tell me that the abuse never happened
I begin to question it all, take my memories and map them.
Do I still have the scars? Do I still have the fear?
Do I still quake inside whenever she's near?
It all feels so real, but my memories are different.
So is this happening? How can I close the distance
Between what I know and what I think
Something has to be the missing link.
What do I know? What do I feel?
I feel as if nothing I know is real.
Let's travel back, find what I'm missing.
And maybe soon, I'll stop this wishing
That I could understand what happened years ago
And unbury my emotions
That are buried under snow.

God, I know you're there, it's me. I'm lost.
Can you lead me through this emotional frost?
Give me guidance when weak, help me through this all
Cause Father, without you, I will surely fall.