I Would Play Games with the Ceiling
I would lie awake at night while everybody else slept
I would play games with the ceiling
I would crouch on the bathroom floor waiting
For it to end, the feeling
I would lie awake at night and convince myself she’s dead
I would convince myself that they were done
When day came, I would hide outside for hours
Because I wanted to run
I would kneel on the bathroom floor and pray
Because I was so afraid
I would think so much the question of
“How much longer would I stay?”
I could never stop shivering those hot summer nights
I was afraid to do something wrong
I would walk backwards forward for good luck
And hope we could all get along
I felt dirty all the time
I felt violated all the time
I couldn’t bare the thought of their touch
I wanted to cry all the time
I wanted to scream all the time
But now one knows how much
So awake at night
I would pretend
And imagine
Her trying to wake my dead body the next morning
But I couldn't die
And I wouldn’t because
I had to play games with the ceiling