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Clouds roll in
As darkness falls
electricity dances over my skin
And the voice in the void calls
I scream out to reach you
Dead People In The Bathroom
Mama’s in prison,
why ain’t she here?
There’s dead people
in the bathroom
and a rat over there.
The water kept rising,
Danger.
Warning.
Don't step there.
Please.
Don't step that low.
Don't go high, either.
Don't even move.
The mines are all around you.
When she flies.
When she lights up.
Heart soaring,
people bright,
this is the feeling of flight.
I cannot explain much,
there is no explanation,
Looking down over the edge, trying to make a not make a tough decision,
Trying to remind myself there there is more too life than this vision.
The thoughts in my head are not true,
You know, I thought if I just kept writing about my pain
That the pain would get better
That I would get better
That maybe by sharing my hurt
I wouldn’t hurt anymore
But the truth is that
The earth she has a fever
And a nasty cough and sneeze
The fear of every planet
A human-like disease
They spread across her surface
Removing all her trees
Polluting their own oxygen
Nobody notices me
I feel like a ghost
They assume that I'm fine
Though I'm worse off than most
I'm not even sure
If I'm dead or alive
I not really living
I just want to survive
Everything I am is to be dehumanized. All the morals for me are thrown out of the window because we keep our biases closer and my existence is a crime.
Ears pounding from the sound of my own disappearance
My feet forever ceaseless in their own escape
Limbs burning, gazed focused solely on the exit
Running
"I'm fine," I say when asked how I'm doing,
"I'm good," I tell you when something's wrong,
on the outside I may appear happy and joyful,
but you've never seen my hidden world.
DarknessSinking, deeper, drowning in the darkest colours imaginableGoing lower and lower until you reach the bottomLonely, cold, distantBut one wants to be that way after a whileOne gets used to the fact they will always be aloneThe hurt and torme
TRIGGER WARNING :: mentions of suicide ::
I think to myself ‘This feels like drowning,’
As my tears fill my bathtub.
This feels like dying,
as my tears tie themselves around my neck.
A war both sides to lose
Soul and mind fighting
A glitch fights the dark
A soul is cracking
A victim of his own art
Left to lie alone in the dark
In a fire the war comes to end
I have listened to your song on repeat
Over and over again in the dark
Different styles and different artists
But still your song
I have listened to every note, every lyric
And I realize only now
i cry for help
but my mouth stays closed
you see my cries still
you know I am crying out for help
but you ignore me
because
its so much easier
to ignore someone's cries
when you are
- Stanza 1: Son
Hello?
Who are you?
You are me.
But I'm not.
I mean I'm what their I's want me to be.
I am who they are.
And they are who I am.
But now I look at the I AM,
In times like this, it is easy to feel scared and alone,
When you have no idea what's going on in the outside world because you are stuck at home.
With your loved ones so far away,
Sometimes she's trapped in a room surrounded by glass, she's dying inside and lets just say the person who put her there, well he doesent doesn't want her to last.
Extra tiny dinosaur
Walking over there
Covered in scales and dust and mud
For you life is not fair
Hunted and stolen
Lost and beat
I want to save you
Because you are neat
Me: "Was it easy?"
Him: "Was what easy?"
Me: "How one day you considered me your everything
and the next day you decided this love was nothing.
That we were nothing. That I was nothing."
That pain that I felt in my chest yesterday
is in my gut today
And I don't know if it's the heartbreak
moving through my veins into other parts of me
or if it happens to be the alcohol
I am your burden
The God you called out to that did not answer
They failed me for the final time
I came begging on my knees
Skin torn and bleeding
Having walked thousands and thousand of miles
Depression grips my wrist like a child in a storm
Holding me a hostage, in my head and in my dorm
Filling me with sadness that cannot be explained
Like my head is full of cannon balls and my ankles all but chained.
I hold all my tears in my hand
so no one will hear them hit the ground.
My tears are so heavy.
They weigh so much.
They hold so much hurt, sorrow, and rarely joy.
She rises with the morning,
She lights all that she sees,
Her warming rays embrace me,
Reminding me of my worth.
She never stops her shining,
She dries all of my tears,
The world is on fire and flooding as well,
The most powerful country is going to hell
The princess and prince have stepped down from royalty
And rights are debated as if we aren’t dying
You know, when you’re drowning, you don’t actually inhale until right before you black out.
The instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head’s exploding.
The mind has a funny way of playing tricks on you,
Even though you have it planned in your head what you want, your mind still takes over and tells you what to do.
The familiar scratching at the inner linings of your throat like a cat scratching at the walls, screaming to be let out. The sensation of your airways closing like that time when a man you did not know choked you for reasons you did not know.
Everyday I walk though these fucking hallways.
Sit in this fucking desk.
Talk to these fucking people.
Look at this fucking teacher.
Read this fucking book.
Do this fucking homework.
Some slash their wrists.
Ingest a bottle of pills.
Jump off a high building.
Hang themselves.
Blow their brains off.
And it is at that moment when they feel the most alive and will to be free.
Ours is an untamed love
Fearsome
Crashing like the waves on the shore
Destructive
Our love is the wings of a dove
Uplifting
Pulling taut each heart string
Unbreakable
No one asked me what I wanted
No one cares when you’re not wanted
I am not the man I wanted
But no one asked
No one asked me who I loved
No one cared I wasn’t loved
Bleeding hearts like broken glass
The only thing left to remember the past
Dripping down sidewalks like silicone tears
A face made of plastic to hide all your fears
So Many CLAIM They Want To HELP ... !!!
But Seem To Me To ... " Help THEMSELVES " ... !?!
From Charities To Families ...
Who Help Long After ................... " TRAGEDIES " ..... !!!!!
I’m lost in a forest with no one around
I’m lost
I see eyes in the bushes and stars in the night
I’m lost
I can't do this on my own
I need someone's hand to hold
Just to know I'm not alone
And to know that someone knows
That I'm trying and I'm struggling
And I'm doing what I can,
How are you?
Im fine.
Are you sure?
Im fine.
You look sad though...
Im fine.
So no cravings?
Im fine.
I need a hero.
I don't know how to save myself
Somebody help me
I'm tired.
Of cutting into my flesh to numb the pain
I am here!
Or am I not?
I remember the first time I attempted
The girls up front went on
To me they made it seem like a joke
Athena stands on the front lines
Forever battle ready
Armed with words and a shield of silence
She's going to break down the enemy.
I’m unsure of who I am,
I’m unsure of my identity.
I’m unsure of my sexuality,
I’m unsure of who I want to be.
I’m unsure if I even want to live,
I’m unsure of my religious beliefs.
I am depressed.
I need help.
Save me.
These are the words I can never bring myself to say.
Like if I say them out loud, it might make them real.
Can you save me?Can you pull me from my pit?From my dark and endless jail?Can you tear down my walls of anguish?Burn my fears or failure?Can you help me?Can you teach me how to feel real again?
Why is the world so judgmental?
Like people,
Hungry animals choose their prey
By looking for the weak or wounded
They pursue them—
Sweet sage. Tears. Hands clinched around another's as we sink, slipping below the original position.
The land shifts like dreams. Massive. Mother loves and cries of her blessings eternally.
Cycle Synechis.
Path to the Heart
She's the wave just ere it reaches its crest
That perfect moment as it picks you up,
right before it breaks into a beautiful surf,
Reflecting the world in her eyes.
men only fools
can't help love you
stay?
sin
help you?
Like a river to the sea
You know what they say
and you’ve heard what they’ve said
Go seize the day
Don’t stay home in bed
But my head is too heavy
And each move is a battle
My bones are not ready
You hit me hard
You played your cards
You broke a glass
And caught the shards
you broke my heart
tore it apart
You left me here
Nowhere to start
So the story goes
A loose excerpt from The Icarus Complex:
There was a child named Icarus,
Who always dreamed of touching the stars.
They had wonderful intelligent parents.
God were they intelligent,
Living with anxiety is like living in an invisible box. It has 7 walls, one for every day of the week and a glass ceiling to remind you that you’ll never escape. The box’s name is fear.
What if I could live in a world in which I never fell for you? What if I never fell for you? What if I never fall again? Never feel the scrape of my knees hitting earth again.
You know, there is a possibility that I am not spider man. Probably a small one, but it’s still a possibility. I mean Spider-Man must wake up with an emptiness in the left side of his chest looking to the right side to the emptiness of his bed.
LET GO!!! yells my brain
my heart still just hangs on to that one little strings
my hands left with tears and blood dripping from the wounds
but still I clinge tightly
still I think I can make it better
Limbs numb,
Hearing lost,
Tears dried,
Anger Concentrated,
Frustration built-up,
Spirit broken.
I see the world differently.
I grow taller and everything is smaller,
But truly the world seems bigger
And badder. The world is a mess.
How can I do anything to make it better?
Monster of greed
Longs to be seen
Ransacks the spark
It leaves its mark.
The mourning wind blows
Taking what it must.
****Trigger Warning****
It’s like I want to tear my skin off.
I take a breath and hold it.
I can’t let it go.
The questions pop up like fireworks
Sparks flying out
I cover my face, evading them
while fire licks the dark sky
I push my hand over my ears
I don't want to see, to think
It hurts, my head straining
She's just a little girl
With her eyes full of tears
Her heart full of dreams
But those dreams are broken
They are destroyed by reality
Dear God,I don’t understand my purpose,I don’t even know what’s destined for me, I don’t know why you have given me this life,But can you help me understand?Can you lead me down a path,Regardless of trials or tribulations,To become the woman I’m s
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
I was raised with all the correct tools
resources, books, experience.
Yet, I struggle.
Struggle to realize I schedule my own doctor's appointments,
swipe my own card at registers,
Pay for my own gas.
One day you're home,
and then another you are left all alone.
Abandoned, gone, and lost.
Looking around like theres been a holocaust.
People say life is black and white-
The school I went to had no after school activities
Never had a dad to play with
He died the month before I was born
He was an OG
Will you still be here, when my fingers fall to pieces?
Broken glass beneath my toes, a reminder of my own fate.
Will you still listen, when the words mean nothing?
It all started years ago
When I decided that I had to let go of my old life
And leave the world of strife
I had to let my life escape me
I had to be free.
From the time you are born to the moment you die,
You’re stuck inside of your body,
And the mere thought of that used to make me cry.
Why do I look like this?
Oh God, I hate myself,
When did my feelings become second to yours? Why are my opinions wrong and absurd? When did my silence become your turn to speak? Why, to you, am I small and weak? Why am I bad even if I’ve done nothing to you? Why, when I give the world, do you a
Sharp cold crashing waves.
They rush over me.
They drag me under.
Until I reach the bottom.
The ground with sand
coursely rubbing against my skin,
getting into my mouth and eyes,
What is failure?
For me, failure is unhappiness.
I want to be successful with my education to form my future.
Will my future be filled with happiness?
Or will it be filled of missed opportunities and regret?
From the gold-wired peacock in mass man,
Entrapping us like the black singer in his bear trap
And to the expendable, brutish, savages that we are
Reason is God, and fear is the Eve who horns him.
Shadows cover my face
It’s no warm embrace
In case you didn’t notice,
I am not a pompous little lotus.
I see what some cannot
The hours passing through an empty lot
This place is far from home
I am only overwhelmed with pure joy;
It is when I take in that sweet fresh air.
The smell of rain lingers as a decoy,
It's a distraction to the lack of care.
I stole a friend, I took them hostage, I held them here to listen.
You didn't know me when I pulled my gun, you didn't know what I wanted.
You begged for your life, I begged for you to listen.
A tight emptiness in my throat
A quick consideration of options but endlessly told to say nothing
Youth does not hide the terror in trying or the knife swallowed as i do nothing
There's a lot going in your mind
Wishing you could be away from all this
The feelings that drowns out your cries
The confusion path trails down
Leaving drops of years for remembrance
I feel around me in the dark,
A wall, two walls, three, then four.
I’m in a box,
I cannot escape,
I’m shouting, screaming
Help me!
But no one hears,
Firm hands, from shadows on the wall.
Firm no’s, from girls around nightfall.
I promised to protect you all.
Don’t touch, These artifacts are rare.
Don’t look, It’s really rude to stare,
All I have to say is listen
But whenever I try,
My throat closes up,
I feel like I’m about to die,
Paralysed, I can’t get words out,
So instead I say;
I’m fine.
My oh my, what is this deadly sensation?
A sickening feeling, oh how I detest it.
Like a chemical reaction, I feel the explosion
Of a million thoughts, the mind's at the limit.
I need some help
'Cause i wnat to kill myself
I want to die
And I can't tell you why
I'm tired of fighting
I need help thriving
I keep trying and trying
It seems the more I try
Death says to meCome here my boy,I'll take you away
I think, "I can finally flee"I am not playing coyThe pain will go away
It's simply futile treading cold water
Rising past my green ankles
O how its barbarous teeth bite and sting!
My toes are engulfed by sea's spiteful jaws
Veins pierced by blind eyes;
Voice to behold, is a voice to be heard
To have such will, but not to apply now
Would be a fate, which holds no chance to learn
As to be present now, while mind say ciao
Young childrenUnclothedCold unfedThat go unnoticed by Parents Drugged Never home Living for themselves Systems Broken RushedRuined Children with no role models Give us no chance For future The child looks at me I am just a child
Wake up, roll out of bed
Hit the floor, legs like lead
Emotions are weighing me down
Dawn my mask to cover my frown
My mask of Immaturity
My mask gives me security
When tragedies happen
we often think, "it didn't happen to me,
So it doesn't matter as much"
we think we are a safe distance from the violence.
That's what they want us to think.
when the sun turns red,my heart for you breaks;for I knowit's turning was in honorof your suffering.
Am I Okay
September 14, 2018 ~ Friday
Kicking, screaming out for help
Sneakers, gloves, here they come
Running through the halls
Could You
September 11, 2018 ~ Tuesday
I’m gripping tightly
Onto that which makes me all I ever was and needed
The words I heard and heeded
The Question
September 10, 2018 ~ Monday
I came to get help
Not to get hurt
And every time you make a move
Finding your voice is not easy to do.
It all starts with a problem you need to get through.
After trying to deal with it all by yourself,
You think, "maybe I should look outside myself."
i feared you
being a small fragile creature with doe eyes
ready to tuck my tail and hide
and you knew it
you let me know how off i-
Gravitating backwards she declines,Liquefying to earth's compression's,Ruined but intertwined,Cannot bypass innocent transgression.
That darn boy!
I mean he's not even that important,
But he's found an empty corner of my mind
And he won't leave.
What do I do?
How can I dislodge
This adorable male entity
Sometimes it feels like I’m in a ring, and it knocks me down.
Its kicking and yelling, “Can’t get up, can you?”
Other times it feels like I’m drowning, and it suffocates me.
Its pointing and laughing, “Done, yet?”
You creeped inside my mind, in one instance and over time.
I felt you in my sleep, with each breath I couldn’t keep.
You hid inside my brain, and I wore a mussel of your shame.
Whether it is someone not listening or being alone
Thinking you are ugly or not having a solid home
Being told you have problems or other bullying ways
Everyone gets frustrated
Even me
Am I really the same person as I was a couple years ago?
This new person I see in the mirror tells me different
I wouldn’t say that I blossomed physically into change
For the man with a son
who still looks like a child himself.
he writes silly notes and always has candy in his pockets.
How can somebody so young have the eyes of an old man.
How different it is to go from one place and be so invisible, then to come to another and suddenly be the bell-of-the-ball.
How different it is to go from one place and be so invisible, then to come to another and suddenly be the bell-of-the-ball.
my head is constantly telling me
I am scared, I am anxiety
chest hurts, nervous, taking prescriptions
panic attacks, pain, and other mind numbing symptoms
but through and through I try to find hope
This pain that built up inside me,
The screaming that shook me to my core.
Took ahold of what i could see,
Till I didn't know what was what anymore.
And there you were being you,
In a matter of days, I have become addicted to letting go.
Letting go of the food that my mouth consumed only hours before.
The smell of vomit filling my nose like gasoline
it burns.
I remember the day
And the shame that followed
When I asked for help
And my fear I swallowed
They asked me questions
How long I'd felt this way
How my life was at home
If I felt I'd lost my way
A break from heart-acheAn escape from realityAn emotional pause,Or to set a break-down free
What do we do when we are not okay inside and
Everyone around us doesn’t notice and
Make it worse.
What do we do when it hurts inside and
It is too deep to fix and
We can’t ask for help.
The god awful sound of terror sweeps into your mind. You can't wake up from reality it keep you between your morality.
I'm only so young, everything's new I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
it never stops
the noise within
no breaks
no holidays
no timeouts
Consistency
Intensity
waves of volume weigh me down
particular voices come to mind
always pessimestic
I found her sorrow in the
purple and blue lightning bolts under her
eyelids.
I found her courage in the
hollow irises deep inside her
eyes.
I found her stress in the
Let's be lonely together
We'll sit by the fire and you might call me a liar
Cause I stole some Monopoly money while you turned your back
Or I stole some of your food and had a light snack
I see how you suffer
I want so badly to help
But
I do not know how
Will you tell me?
Is my smile okay?
Was my hug comforting?
My words seem so
Very empty
Tell me
What helps
What is wrong with you, they ask,
I don't know, I'll tell them, I don't know.
But I do, how do I, someone obscure, tell them,
That I am tired.
That they have cut me off from those I trust,
I do not decide who I am, for who I am is decided by another
Some may think I strive to harm, but some may see me as their brother.
Hi, my name will remain anonymous for the simple fact it's my heart
speaking not my name or who I am.
Lorde, I've never been a die-hard fan but I am absolutely a fan, especially
of your latest album Melodrama.
You say there is a God,
I ask you where
You say you must believe
And he has a reason
He is hurting me
I am fifteen
This is....
For that little boy wondering why his parents never look at him with pride in their eyes.
For that little girl who when her parent begin to yell, she starts to cry.
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye or even say hello
I wish I could’ve stopped you
And showed you that you weren’t alone
Or if I couldn’t do that
I tried to tell them, but no one listened
They told me my personality was to blame
That I was young, that I had time to learn
But who will teach me?
Who will cure me of the crushing insecurities
Dear Everyone,
I think I'm failing life.
My brain tries to decide what's important,
But it always gets it wrong.
What am I even doing?
Missing homework,
Missing friends,
Missing a purpose.
I have never known what kind of person I am
Except that I like to be alone,
And that loneliness is my best friend.
There has never been a time that I was not relieved
To feel my tears stain mascara to my cheeks.
The coldness you would put me through would make me appreciate the warmth you straightened me with
You thought i would bend
You thought i would yearn for your approval as i did as a child
He asked for help -
they laughed.
He begged to be understood -
they ignored.
He screamed for attention -
they didn't give it.
Every day we pass by,
All the people we saw cry
But do we think of it?
No we just overlook the ones who quit
I sometimes stop what I'm doing,
To my dismay I just end up stewing
Jesus, please guide my way
Show me how to live Godly day by day
Please show me how to love my friends and family
And for all my wrongs, please forgive me
You're my Friend, so I’m glad to hold Your Hand
Hi it's me again
remeber the girl you forgot again
remeber you said you'd be right back
remember you left me to freeze in a shack
Hi it's me again
remeber when you told me we were best friends
You can't blame me for the nights you went out. I didn't claim to save you from that needle when you behave the way you do.
Who am I?
Am I someone who's good at art, music? Or even dance?
Sporty?
Good at writing?
Who am I?
Am I supposed to smile all day?
Am I supposed to follow the rules?
I saw this man alone in the brisk cold;
He wore an eskimo hat to keep warm.
A passing girl praised the hat, and behold-
The man offered it to her, against norm.
"Tell me what's wrong?"
"You've been distinct for so long."
"I'm only here to help."
"Let me know what's on your mind."
"Please do tell."
"Please let me know."
"Come on, let me do something."
Dear Depression,
Are you enjoying yourself?
This is another day.
Why can’t you just leave me!
You rest on me like dust on an unused bookshelf.
You bring nothing but distaste; I wonder what it must be
I know it's not gonna be easy There's gonna be hard days There's gonna be sad days I know that life will sometimes feel like a maze But with God, I'll make it through, because He is good in so many ways My God has never failed to make me amazed I
Because I loved you, and maybe I do,
I sat with you when you got angry.
Because I loved you, and maybe I do,
I held your hand and told you to take deep breaths.
Because I loved you, and maybe I do,
poem by gabbywhat is the problemI'm swooning, I'm crying.I'm trying to see the way you do,but lust is written all over you.i just wanna love youfor now and for later.but you make me cry,
Two people.
Two very different people suddenly meet.
One and the other see each other and finally make a conversation.
It goes W E L L
at least for one
You were beautiful
You could have followed your Dream
You could have kept it cool
Kept your balance on the balance beam
Those tears in your eyes
You never should have hid
I guess no one relaized
“Because I love you, you should stay.
You should ignore whatever they’ve told you.
I love you, don’t listen to them.
I know I hurt you.
Liar
I have one for him and for her
I have one for them and for us
I have one for you and for me
The lies they come
The lies they go
From here and there
They appear
I will listen to society
and I might cry at the words I hear,
but I still do when
she is wounded by her own sword
And I will stand to say
that I love her like a mother or sister
no light at the end to guide you
even though I'm pointing the way
you will ignore me,
won't you
because you think I speak lies
but I wouldn't lie to you
I couldn't because
you're too deep
In the depths of the reflected light
You can catch a glimpse, a girls' shadow
It's a sight you can't overlook
With her eyes so hollow and haunted
Concealing within a ghastly narrative
Forgive me,
For I have been
Born a sin,
A paradox of life and hate,
A believer of fate,
A tragedy that lies awake
And charges forward without hesitate.
A Whisper in the wind,
What a whore?
What a slut?
Oh my God, did she give it up?
Drink some bleach
Get a rope
Didn’t cut deep enough?
Next time try your throat
Ew it smells like rotten fish
Love is a beautiful thing, when done right
Love can be amazing, without all the fights
You should always be happy, never sad
Never tell your partner things you'll regret, just 'cuz your mad
Love is pain
Love is kind
Love is honestly a waste of time
there's no true love's kiss
or a frog turned prince
because love is absent in today's kids
Love is hurt
Love is cries
Fat thats what I am.
Ugly that's what I think when i look into the mirror, that mirror that just looks deeper into my eyes, that sees the hunger that fills them.
Don't forget to take your medicine; because I love you.
Talk to me about how you're feeling; because I love you.
Are you having a rough day? I promise you'll be okay.
Just lay with me for now. Because I love you.
You have consumed my thoughts.
How are you?
You have become a part of my daily routine.
Should I text him?
You drive me crazy.
Why hasn't he replied?
I think I am becoming depressed.
I did not know what love was until I met him
It was not until I felt him caress my skin
He captured my heart
And locked me away
Because I love you, he said
SANCTUARY!SANCTUARY!She cried
The door openedShe was sprawled on the stepsIn her own blood
Too late
I sit in the parking lot of a.drive in diner.
There's a fluorescent light attracting moths and other bugs. I see them flying frantically around, trying to reach the light, darting in and off, too quickly to cause much harm.
She didn't know why
Her anti-suicide talks
Wouldn't work on her.
smoldering duration of piercing eyes lurking
searching & seeking in the midnight blood
portals filled with vast darkened madness
Torn
It bothers me that there's empty trash cans
And trash covered streets
People sleeping on warm beds with clean sheets
When other people are trying to fall asleep
With no pillow on cold hard concrete
Well...I have written all the letters.
So I guess this is goodbye forever,
or at least until I am better.
This mental state that I am in...
I can't even begin.
I hope that the next time you see me
The echoing halls are ringing
with the forgotten cries
comming from a raw throat.
Nobody will turn to look at her
as she cries for help,
dying on the inside.
Nobody will hear her
I sit here
Scared and alone
Am I loved? I ponder
I hear someone call for me in the distance
No, it couldn't have been
I shake my head and look at the stars
My tears glisten in the moon-light
Words I use to build up hope.
These words I use to help me cope.
To deal with the pain, I felt for years.
To help me with these childish fears.
Words I use to express my Soul.
Guns, death, anger at race Too many times have tears rolled a face To cry is to express pain and distress America seems to be in that state of mess
O'Merica,
My brown colored skin was never considered competition,
Instead it's laughed at behind closed doors,
Growing up I often wondered,
Quite often actually,
What people died to come here for,
I am screaming
Standing still
Face towards the sky
My throat, it burns
But no one hears
It is all in my head
I smile
At my friends
My eyes are closed
My face, it hurts
America, the land of the free and home of the brave
America, the land of the enslaved and home of the depressed
We sit here unabled to believe you when we can't even believe oursleves
Please forgive me for what I have done,
This weight on my chest weighs a ton.
The life I have I fearfully regret,
But what I've done I'll never forget.
My arms are scarred here and there,
A broken boy, a battered girl
Soil from which the fern uncurl.
From two lives, were seeped in pain
Somehow we found our hearts again.
A world of darkness, two specks of light
Depression depression you bring me down you make me sad you make me drown.
Drowned in emotions so deep so dark, they melt my soul they break my heart.
The cuts, the burns, the tears feel great.
She wore the smile, she played the part.
She hid her feelings deep within her heart.
She put on a show, faked her smile.
Her feelings and actions are becoming idle.
No one knew, and no one cared.
The whispers of secrets
Tucked away they lie
Seemingly quiet as crickets
Yet as boisterous as the sky
Bending down to touch the earth
Out of the withered hands of an ungodly nook
04/11/2017
Empty ---
A long road ahead of me,
And thousands’ of miles behind me.
I continue my way,
Until I can see.
My vision is troubled,
My legs are tired,
At least
They can’t hear
what goes on in my head
At least
They can’t see
The tears I have shead
At least
Don’t Find the Time to Hide
To Hide From Life
From Your Responsibilities,
Your Wants
Dreams
Don’t Find Time To Stop
Words like rain.
Words drop like a constant rain,
Drowning out all that is humane
Words like rain.
At first start small
People tap and pound on the glass walls of their cage all piled in
like sardines in a can.
Some of their faces are motionless,
some are screaming.
help hurt help hurt help hurt help hurt help
hurt help hurt help hurt help hurt help hurt
help hurt help l help hurt help hurt help
hurt help hurt help hurt help hurt help hurt
You show up
Blowing smoke rings
And making light in the dark
Like my all-knowing caterpillar,
Full
Of intelligent euphemisms
Cleverly
There's something so poetic about watching everything crumble around you
How can destruction be so artistic, so beautiful?
Seeing everything you attempted to build just fall
It's gone in the matter of minutes
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Count to ten.
One.
Two.
Your heart begins beating faster and faster, causing a terrible pain inside.
You bring your hands to your chest and dig your fingers into yourself.
I remember the first time you did it The first time you made me feel like my body was no longer my own I remember the first, second, and third time you made me bleed or when I would hold back tears so you wouldn't call me weak and then you would b
She lies,
And she does it so easily,
She hides,
And she does it so sneakily,
She rips apart hearts,
Built up hatred
Oozes out of the pores of the misinformed.
Can't seem to escape it.
Can't seem to rise above it.
How can I become an example
When I feel like a sample
Of America's weakest?
It’s been a long time coming
But we’re finally okay
We know we deserved this sooner
But we’ll take what we can get
But just as all the pieces seem to fall right into place
You look at me as if I am inhumane
You ponder your thoughts on why I am of use to you
You see me dead in the eye and cut me open
I cannot breathe
I cannot speak
I have no voice
I am not heard.
It feels weird.
Standing along the walls.
Watching everyone have to go through it all.
All the suffering and self exploration.
I'm glad, a few years ago, i gave myself that explotation.
What we do,
what we say,
how we think,
be aware,
and repeat.
Take the fruit from the low hanging tree,
easy to take,
easy to see,
thank you to the low hanging tree,
and repeat.
when you're sad
You need to get happy
but when your sadness runs deep
through your bones
through your veins
through your heart
and through your brain
You need to get help
to get happy.
No Thank You.
I don’t want the stress.
Senior year, college too
No Thank You.
I can’t deal with it.
Not all of the work.
My thoughts are killing me,
my dreams are haunting me.
My body is covered,
with hundreds of scars.
My eyes are liars,
and so is my mouth.
My body disgust me,
I'm repulsive to myself.
I’ve heard, my dear, that you aren’t okay.
I’ve heard you crying, I’ve heard you say:
“I give up, I tell you. I surrender my soul.”
But I promise you that one day, you will be whole.
I’m constantly holding back tears, I hate the lump in my throat,
I wake up, do my makeup, fix my hair, and throw on my coat,
I walk out the door and into the world,
Here I am everyone, just a lost, vulnerable girl,
How can you live?
You. You who want
More than anything to die
You say that each day you look in the mirror
With a knife blade held
Ready to kill
You speak of bedsheets and blood
Shadows line the walls
When sun light fades
And darkness falls.
And into the abyss
The tormenting pit
We find ourselves bound.
The ropes of doubt
The shackles of fear
No light,
Darkness reigns at this hour.
No sound,
Sadness takes at this hour.
Can't feel,
Senses are far away.
Can't breath.
No air left to take in.
My life was a whirlwind of suffering, but only within my mind.
My day to day hardships don't always happen in real time.
My life was dark, dead, and dreary.
Stressed and getting depressed
Fingers cold, I'm a graduating senior... Thats quite old!
I can't with my face, I just may be losing this race.
So many deaths
From disease - war -
Starvation - abuse.
So many tragedies
In Hiroshima - Columbine -
Paris - Boston.
A moment of silence
On 9/11 - Rememberance Day -
I walk 15 minutes to find you when I'm sad.Though it's very rare I find myself feeling this bad.In cold weather, I'll find you, while I'm jacket-clad.If I find you taken by another, I'm rather mad.
If I am lost in a storm of doubts or a cloud of fear, call Lindsey.
If I cannot find the will to go on, get Maggie.
If I am in need of light or laughter, text Isabelle or Michelle.
Being awoken
And opening my eyes
To the sunshine
Every morning
When I could only see darkness
Showed me that
There was more to me
Than my mental illness
It gave me a reason
As a kid
I loved swimming
It was something
That made me happy
As I grew
My love
For immersion
Became fear
As I realized
The mental horror
Of drowning
it is not my shame
for i am proud of love
nor is it my fear
that rises above
above my wings
that ache your name
above my eyes
that avoid your gaze
the one they long for
you don't have to be mine
but i want to be yours
break down your barred arms
and unlock your chest's doors
let me find myself in your eyes
and smile into your neck
it burns where you touch me
you're not magical
nor impossible to believe
you're oh-so-real
and all i can see
i don't know your mind
but i love it so
i want you to take me
to wherever you go
you go in the night
Him. A three letter word that titles my biggest distraction.
My largest secret.
My most unfiltered thoughts.
I don't know how these feelings and excuses came to be titled Him,
Like pink skies and red oceans, each day is so beautifully enigmatic
Mystery and curiosity caress my day in a world so sorrowfully systematic
A chance to touch and breathe ease me into sunrise and poetry flow
10 days:No blade,no blood.
20 days:I'm tired,I'm sad,I want my blade.
30 days:I can't have my blade,I can't put a sharp object on my skin,am I finally clean?
Am I living to work or working to live?
Either way I'm still considered a kid.
Alone in this hardship
or helped by my dad
The latter is something I've never had.
They'll judge you and point,
We each have our own weight to bearphysical, emotional, spiritual we do not careThe thought that our weight could crush othersIs why we do not share
It was what nobody suspect,
And denial begins,
Because how could a girl like me
Who has everything
Fall into this pit of darkness?
Is it really my fault
That I may be depressed?
The week has just started
And I'm drowning in a flood
Of papers and anxiety
In homework and insomnia.
The halls are much too crowded,
There is no spaces in the rooms,
My head is over crowded
trigger touch
to end a life
throw a punch
or grab a knife
but why tell me why?
is it so you feel alive?
or is it because you hate goodbyes?
well look me, look into my eyes
A wag for a smile
A nudge for a pet
A lick for a laugh
A cuddle for a hug
A fetch for a ball
Would you look at that
I'm happy after all
When I fet like I could talk to no one,
You were there for me.
Through my troubling thoughts and feelings,
I could open up to you, Poetry.
My smile always plastered across my face in public
written 08/09/16
So much disappointment,
So much hate,
So much lies,
So many things that I'm afraid.
I seek to punish,
I seek to find pain,
I seek to feel alive,
written 08/08/16
Why speak if I will be ignored?
My words will fall to the ground
Forgotten and left behind
Like dust around us.
Why is it that they aren't heard,
Or simply overlooked?
written 08/07/16
The secrets we keep
Just words between us,
We carefully speak
Perfectly hushed.
But now I have questions
And we are never alone,
So I speak nothing
Be who you want to see in a few years
Enticing, it is. Yet,
Sadness is temporary (just like rain!)
Take your chin up.
I shattered silently,
And nobody noticed.
Not that I want anyone to notice,
So why am I writing it out?
Perhaps it is to escape,
And have the pieces elsewhere.
Perhapse it is so I can see each piece,
You know I say I'm okay,
And that I will push you away.
But I want you to know what I want.
I want you to hug me,
And tell me that you know I'm not.
And hold me though I'm distraught.
Its just another day,
My meals were a blur,
I powered through day struggles,
Knowing nothing different will occur,
I find myself wondering if I could change my life,
Make it a bit happier,
You are more
you are more than the boys who sleep with you and do not call
you are more than the c you got in economics
you are more than the boss who talks down to you and makes you feel small
Mirror mirror on the wall
I can't look at you at all.
The image of me distorted will be,
And my mind from it shackles will not be free.
Mirror mirror on the wall
You hasten my downfall.
I've been left wordless,
As my mind is tangled witth the problem.
The letters float around,
But no words come out.
So my ipod I plug in,
And my heart will live on,
What? No
I want to feel unchained
What? No
I want to breathe free
What? No
This isn't fair
I want to live
I want to care
Please don't do this again
To be one of manyTo be one of many means that I walk around with a flaming red target on my back.And like the Bull you are you try to attack.To be one of many means that I can't walk into a store without your watchful eyes on my hands.To be one of
There are a few things you should know,
About me and my life,
And what I've learned to not show.
You don't know what I feel,
I keep it well hidden,
But maybe I shouldn't,
Seas of people crying for help through hushed screams
In our everyday lives, we pass them by
Letting their voices drown under ocean waves
Eliminating their last flicker of hope with our
For depression had overtaken
But left me unshaken;
As introduced to Robert Frost,
I had not been forsaken.
I took to heart the rhymes of words,
And flourished by my thoughts,
Stop pretending you are so nice,
Hidden in the world like dirty mice.
Faking a sugary smile with a honey voice,
Taking a knife to your victims of choice.
You are weak because you can't keep quiet,
The person who always looks happy
Is the one that gets hurt the most
The person who always care about others
Is the one that gets hurt the most
The person who always works hard
I hear you words everyday
in somhow in some way
you say you aren't controlling me
but I am trapped I'm not free.
You degrade me in public
call me names to make me feel pychotic
The red ink is beautiful,
It oozes from dark to light,
Brought upon this clean slate
With a sharp quill that glints in the moonlight.
Gliding along the paper,
The sharp quill glows,
It is delicious and sweet,
So simple to enjoy,
When not having to worry about a thing.
For me that's not the case.
I love food, at least I did
But the relationship is on and off.
a star shines bright
in the dark night skies
but when the morning sun rises
it hides
a hero lends a helping hand
to a needing man
Way back
Way way back
In the darkest of times
In the dark
In the night
Of my mind
In the screams
In the terror
I found a pen
And paper
Wrote down my feelings
About
What is left after we go our separate ways?
Never to see each other again,
When once we saw each other everyday.
after all the words are spoken,
The things that they said that left me broken.
Who will care when the world ends?
Will it be you or any of your friends?
What if the world ended today?
Would you be happy with how it ends?
Suffocating in this ocean of noise.
Tried drying my eyes that are now puffy and moist.
Where was your love in my time of need?
Where were you when I couldn't sleep?
An oath from you abandoned carelessly.
How much longer can I hold on?
Hold on to this reality,
The smiles that I place
On my usually tiered face.
Hold on to this image that you see
A confident girl that is happy.
You came home late last night
I noticed not because I waited for you
but because when you're outside pounding on the door you were moaning your name
I love you, I really do
But you know we can not be.
We are too afraid to face reality.
We have been to close for far too long,
And found our spot of comfort.
We will never move beyond that,
A song I sing that would make no sense/As a song/Couldn't control the feelings inside/So a piece of paper I hoped would provide/ I write my words like a toddler walking/ Slowly, slowly stumbling/ Soon I gain speed and rhyme/ The world looks differ
One of the hardest things I do
Is talk to you.
It doesn't happen until I snap,
And all hell breaks loose.
I try to tell you,
But the words are impossible to find.
When I do my best it is dismissed.
I'm okay,
When I refuse to look you in the eye.
I'm okay,
When I hide in the shadows.
I'm okay,
When I hide behind my fringe.
I'm okay,
When the world is ignoring me.
I'm okay,
Something overtook me and I did not know what to say.
I struggled with my emotions and was tired of each day.
Abuse in my mind and torment in my soul,
The need to get rid of it so suddenly took hold.
When I call out,
And ask for help
Nothing seems to come.
Just my echoing voice
Bounces back, leaving me alone.
The echo comes in your criticism,
And what you point out as wrong,
Black Veil Brides,
The band that saved me from myself.
I had lost my passion for music and life,
As I was devistated by the world's devices.
It was their music that reminded me...
It's okay to be different,
They don't know about it.
The anxiety I face.
When I have to go to a place,
Where I know little to no people.
From working at the restaurant,
To a party at my friend's place.
Maybe I am ill,
Perhaps I am not,
But the issues many of us face
Remain unseen.
So I ask that people read along.
Look into my head,
And into what I have seen.
This is why I write my poetry.
It didn't take too much
To bring me down to my knees.
To leave me laying on the floor
Covered in bruises and blood.
To leave me laying alone in the dark.
So here I stay on the floor,
Have you ever sat there,
In the ice rain to watch
The droplets crash into the barren ground?
The destruction of their perfect form,
Beautiful and sad.
Have you ever sat there
Turn up the radio, as high as it goes.
Drown out the echoing screams,
That tell you nothing,
But mean the world to me.
The inaudible screaming in my head,
Where the little monsters play.
I never realized how much I was missing out on life
Never realized I was still in the night
You found me smoking a cigarette and you reached out your hand
Why me?
Success is key
In the golden sea that is opportunity.
But in this endless sea,
Would you ever help me find my sanity?
Can't you see?
You are the enemy.
I thought I was a sociopath.
There was something missing in my mind,
No feelings, no time,
The tears that once created streams
were now damned by these things.
Just write.
White as snow,
The beautiful rose.
So fragile its petal,
Hiding the thorns.
The thorns that it hates,
For it ruins its beauty.
It ruins its purity.
Among the red roses
She belongs not.
I know that I know nothing,
Yet what do you know of me?
That I smile and laugh,
That I am truely happy?
I can see that you are hidding tears,
Right behind those smiles.
There comes a time
when your body forfeits the game
and your heart reaches the limit of pain
While your soul shrivels up in shame.
I have the power of a lion
but you allow me to be a bird
locked up in a dark space I sit
Anxiety gripped her,
Its boney fingers long.
She tried to resist its grip.
But it grew tighter
And tighter
With each futile shake.
Eyes close,Swoosh!Vehicle passing by,Beep! Beep!Passing by the road rage,Tweet! Tweet!Passing by a bird’s song,Sniff!Passing by a bakery,
I need help
I need something to hold me ever close
Because everyday that I look out of my eyes to peek at the world that I will admit I sometimes despise
I feel like I want to die
I need help
i guess this is what happens
when people get too close
they see i am too much
i am nothing but suffering
i consume
the love i try to give gets engulfed back into me
with the brutal force of rejection
The cry of a little baby,
The agony of young soul,
The brutality of life,
That streams down from souls,
All this can be repaired,
Walk to that beggar,
Speak to that pregnant teenage girl,
If I were said to be anything
I'd have to be a crash test dummy
I have honor to the front seat
Of everyone else's mistakes
I get to see the explosions
First hand
Forget my own happiness
I've shed so many tears,
I have no more,
And all that is left is a shell.
A shell of a girl that I used to know,
The girl that I still show.
But no one knows what happens,
Verse 1:Breathe into meThe light is fading fastI cannot speakThe weight is tearing me downThe pain of this worldIs crushing me into the ground
In the shadows
in the shade
when the hope of past things fade
forget the past
forget the pain
when all is lost, it's not you, you try to save
it's brothers,friends, sisters,family
Ever since I could remember,
I have been a sensitive man.
I never felt that in the embers,
that sharing my thoughts was a good plan.
Then one day while at school,
My teacher taught poetry to me.
when did innocence become insanity?
even the voices in my head are sick of me
wish they wouldn't feed the beast
that I now have named Agony
but I swear it wasn't really me
it fed on words from humanity
I grew up, expected to be an adult I went through rocks and stabs I know we all fought People watched as if I was a cast No one gave me a hand we all grew up we all went through the wet sand growing with all of my lumps and dumps No one can se
Being stuck on an island, devoid of possessions
A state which may lead to spiraling depressions
Though I were granted a chance to prepare
To minimize the effect of my deserted despair
Yes I've figured it out,
Yes I've worked hard,
But it would seem that only I am proud,
Of my ability to say RAWR!!!!!
I scream from the pits,
The emotions in my heart.
I scream so I won't fall apart.
i always wanted you to call me "princess",
but i was too afraid to ask-
and now you call her "princess",
and you don't call me back.
so dress her in your finest-
make her pretty in pink,
take it step by step
I say when I feel like I need to run
take it breath by breath
I say when I feel I took my last one
take it hit by hit
sometimes it's not about the tears shed
even though they are
it's not about how deep your wounds lead
even if they lead to your heart
it's not about the words left unsaid
or what you did in the dark
We live in a world where morals don’t exist,
Where there is violence, hate and children who cut their wrist.
Where it’s “okay” to look down on others for their lack of things,
Do you remember closing your eyes and thinking of the days you were dead?
Not dead, but dying?
You died once,
Long ago it was.
The world is crying
cause children are starving
while inside your dying
and you can't stop the heartache
the dealers are buying
the people are lying
but you can't stop trying
to fight it
I'm going insane.
Happy as can be in a moment,
Only to come crashing down the next,
Into the darkness of my head.
From a pleasant thought,
To one leaving me distraught,
I sit alone in the dark.
oh hi
how's it going
i'm fine
nevermind
i'm dieing inside
i'm not strong enough
Just too weak
but i'm supposed to be strong
The thing I need,
is what I fear the most.
Hidden behind trees of regret,
lost in a forest of worry
and need.
I need
freedom,
liberation,
and space,
You take the knife and you take the blade
You dig it in and draw some blood
But it’s time to stop, your night is made.
Listen and let the tears flood.
Do you feel like you don’t belong?
Can you shake the feeling of something wrong?
Do you always feel alone?
Even when you talk on the telephone?
rape victims
they are not crazy
abuse victims
they are not crazy
bullying victims
they are not crazy
drug addicts and alcoholics
they are not crazy
people with depression and anxiety
i'ld take my boyfriend
he is making me take him
i'ld rather have sleep
...
WHICH I NEVER GET ANY MORE BECAUSE OF HIM
Tears that awakened him at night already evaporated.
Filled with words that aggressively stroked his nerves.
We cant forgive how lonely he gets.
We cant forgive his thoughts of destruction he starts to mimic.
I have a weakness, its unspeakable.
My brain keeps pounding, breakable.
The sounds of these voices, unreachable.
The pain in my head, unbearable.
Listen to me, pay attention.
Look me in the eyes, dedication.
"Where have all the warriors gone?
So loyal
So true
So bold
Where have all the fighters gone?
So tired
So deep
So cold
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Their stories
"Stop with the lies
And the hate
And the hurt
Filled with their cries
Cause we treat them
Like dirt
A small child shies
At a hand
Raised to hurt
This word is not mine
"Tired of fighting
Chains that you don't see?
Tired of bleeding
Feeling like you cannot flee
So tired of hoping
For a moment of relief
Tired of searching
For the right key
" Contradicting
Try predicting
Always working
Know your earning
But never learning
All are hurting
But the tables are turning
Some are yearning
For the fire burning
"These are just words
Written on a paper
You mean so much more
Than that to your savior
Rocks you to the core
It's quite a view changer
Cause even if your poor
"You want to fit in
But you don't know how
Do you want to be thin
And make your ribs stand out?
Today's standards are
It's okay to cry
And bleed until you die
Make dure you have skinny thighs
The first cry, the first laugh,
the loving look in one's eyes,
so much innocence behind,
just waiting for goodbye.
Time goes by, hearts collide,
friends and family tend to be kind,
The World knows
That there is hunger right beneath their nose
Never waste food and give all you can
People are dying its already began
15 million children on the daily
I am grateful for all those years I had with you
For all those days I didn’t whine and cry
I was just five
I thought you were too cool
Please answer me back
I've checked my phone a million times
I want to die
Am I not important enough to text back?
Do I mean that little to you?
I'm not asking for answers!
I don't know what to write
Only that I must write
I cannot understand these feelings
But I need to epress these feelings
Like a cry for help in another language
I don't understand
Alone upon the wreckage,
Broken hearts on either side,
The dark distorted crater,
Where my last hope came and died.
The darkness all around me,
Not cut through by the light,
My solo isolation,
One thing that was said is that I was wrong
Not understanding why this came about
Haven’t heard something like this in so long
Saying all these things they wanted all out
Don't let your guard down...
Everyone is coming, hitting me left and right
Fists of emotional fury, is there a way out?
How did i come in?
There might be a key... but what do i have to pay to get it?
STOP! NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!
I scream to you
I beg you from my knees
I make so much noise
I cry and plead
I plead to the gods the lords the people the demons the angels and you
And you all ignored me
Worthless.helpless.Hopeless.
These are the words rattling in my head
As I lay down night after night
And fight the demons day after day.
No rest for my weeping eyes.
Warning,
Lost souls ahead,
Do not mind their lifeless eyes and their crying into the night,
They no longer sleep,
Warning,
Broken hearts ahead,
How can you tell,
tell them they can't do well?
Why can't they feel accepted anywhere out side of their home?
All this discrimination caused by a single chromosome?
Some days these words you speak
fly at me, attack me
leaving me overwhelmed, bleeding.
These weeks my heart is overloaded
by your cutting tongue,
your biting opinion of what is right
I Was... Sorrow
I Was... Self Hate
I Was... Without Love
I Was... Suicidal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Am... Survival
I Am... Without Hate
I Am... Self Love
I Am... Alive
So, I poem about me? Well,
Me isn't the me you see.
At least on the outside,that is.
Have you ever looked into the mirror and seen something you're not?
Fix my thoughts, for they aren't always pure.
Fix my fuse so it's never ending.
Fix my voice so it is never loud with my frustration.
Fix my eyes so they do not blur.
So here is a story about how I became oblivious to addiction
with a substance I've been told was something God had gifted
and a gift it was for a while at least
no sense of pain and time's existance just ceased
I sell myself short
with these small rhyming pomes
I could make a da-vinci
and hang it in homes
I choose humour
simple simplicity
I am... a light blub in a small abandoned house, and there is an owner,
I sleep in nothing but a chain
A short, gold chain draped on my neck
It weighs on me, I feel it closing in
Choking me when I am weak
My sister's bones lie beside me
I look upon the moving crowd
Slowly sighing, looking down
Hurting, fallen, angry, shy
Now I cannot just seem to fly
I hear the Rumors in the halls
Now I get unwanted calls
See I don't see
See me I don't please
Tell me you see
Them there
Using me
See, no I did not come with!
I was not with them
I was blocks away!
Her ship is sinking, it's now 20 feet below.
It's already submerged with only one place to go.
Down in the murky depths where the light doesn't show. Her passion is gone, now stagnant, as the water ceases to flow.
Hurt me twice, shame on me,
Right? What about the 6th time?
Am i complete idiot by that
Definition? Am i hurting myself
And knowing that i'm doing so?
Where were you
You said you'd be here
but yet your absence is pretty fucking clear.
The hole you left in me is not done tearing me apart, I am slowing becoming into what I've feared the most; nothing.
I type words and write letters
I listen to sad songs and sing along
I thought by now that I'd be better
I know now that I was wrong
Don't say you're over me when you're not
You say
I'm not alone but
My tears pool
And drop to the floor
None next to me to hear
My sobs
None next to me to soothe
My pain racked body
The blood drips
To splat on the ground
It's dark again.
I used to pray
I used to say it was all pretend
Then no one was watching.
The lights went out
My body was sucked away
I couldn't go back
I shouldn't go back
My heart is a dull thud in my chest. Drained from all life, it struggles to beat once, twice,
I'm not a hero
I am not good like he was
But I am alive while he is not
There is nothing like the guilt I feel
Guilt that shakes me awake
3 AM
I usually wish to take your place
Free
From everything I used to be
Re-writing my history
Picture by picture I’m finding me
I’m alright
My hair plain brown, my face aged with time
She sings a song so soft and sweet
But it's filled with such sadness
It makes you want to cry
This song lets you feel her pain
And you want to scream
How can this be fair you wonder
Maybe I should just run away.
If not a single soul should care,
Why on earth would I stay?
I've tried everything to numb this pain.
But nothing seems to kill the sadness.
My pictures have been fake for years
My eyes don't sparkle like they used to
I try to drown out my mind with music and drinks
My heart and soul don’t quite work right
I'm hurting on the inside
The tears that are surfacing upon my eyes and leaving glistening trails of a salty substance are not there for the comfort you had given me.
Oddly amusing
No really, truly.
A voice akin to honey as it falls
Yet a laugh of a hyena when it calls.
Amber skin,
With hazel eyes.
One who values virtue,
I smile
post
Then continue cutting
What would mom say?
post
And finish my drink
We pose
post
You beat in my temples
Find inspiration
P O S T
What can you expect me to do? After always telling me I'm so little, so few. I'm never enough, not for you.
I am a shadow. I am a spore. I am a seed.
I have not grown yet, but among my millions of siblings, I don't think I'll stand out much.
It's going to be hard you know.
I know.
You'll probably pay student loans until you're fifty.
I know.
These classes you want to take are rigourous.
I know.
Housing isn't free you know.
I know.
I hope I forget your eyes
And that I couldn't look way.
I hope I forget your smile
Because it makes me wish you'd stay.
I hope I never call you
When its late and I can't sleep.
They float in a cataclysm of nothing wanting more
My mind is trapped and wanting nothing but to soar
As I sit and think these idyllic thoughts you come to me and the hurt starts
So I close that door wanting to cry no more
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Breathe in then breathe out
Pitch black
The smell outside
Is the smell of a future
Thrown away into the depths
I am drawing a line
incredibly thin
across my chest,
longer than my arms that quiver,
beneath all of it
beneath all of it
thin thinner
I become
thin thinner
my hair falls
I'm a pest,
And I'm a thief.
Though, I do not mean no harm,
I disturb your peace.
But can you give me my peace?
Can you give back what you took from me?
Only half is fine.
When others dont DESERVE grace,
When they NEED a friendly face,
Go out and FORGIVE them.
Make them FEEL like a jem,
This can KEEP them from disgrace
And in return treat you with GRACE.
Nothing EPIC to write about, clean and sober. Wondering just how much longer until this hell is over. No visions of riches no dreams of fame, no delusions of grandger and nothings the same. The pounds I put on are supposed to be healthy.
So some of my friends recently asked me, want to go swimming today?
And I gave them a foul, foul look, and stated without delay
No.
I clearly don’t want to swim in the pool so you can go play
Gems and Dimonds
and most of the lot
are smeared and bruised
by life's dirty plots
so thus we gems
so thus we diamonds
work from dust
to bring new light
we are not perfect
Grab the outstretched hand.
Take it now.
You never know when your strength will give out.
Believe.
Sadness blankets me
like a dark mist
a book in hand is all i have
the words within are bliss
sweet and comforting
are the words
for my broken, aching heart
Girls.
Overpriced makeup. It
Differentiates those who want to be from those who... Are?
He asks "what's that on your arm?"
I say nothing.
He leans in to touch it.
My body twists away, so he asks again.
"What's that on your arm?"
"Just a scar."
I can't control my brain
The pain makes me feel insane
And I don't need you opions, on my feelings
You can't imagine what it feels like
To wonder why you're broken
You can't imagine what it feels like
they look at her with big bright eyes
little do they know she rages inside
they look at her like she's an angel sent from above
little do they know she's far from being jesus white dove
I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror,
To see who I am and wonder if I need to change.
The media shows us that we are inferior,
That without being slim and muscular we are strange.
Tired Eyes, and broken vessels..
Crimson streaks, and open wounds...
No escape for me, only the passion I once had.
No will left to fight, no life left to live
The way my hair falls on my shoulder,
the mole on my right leg,
and my hairy knuckles just make me flawless.
The scars on my feet,
the way my stomache folds,
and my bushy eyebrows make me flawless.
Brown and White walls
Confinment everywhere for all eyes to see and stair
Thirteen girls five room
Quiet and afraid of ourselves
We are here for a reason
We want to die
The feeling of depression bogs you down,
all the negatives are collapsing over and over again.
No one is there, and no one can help,
No one knows you, and you are all alone.
Imagine this You're in a room with no doors, windows, or anyway of escape. The room is filling with smoke and its becoming harder and harder to see and breathe.
falling through, walking around
time on my hands
the long days and night ' im still confused on my daily days
make it worth while, sleeping peacefully im wasting my time
time on my hands
Be strongNothing ever last for longIt wouldn't last forever you knewBut its okay he still cares about youJust hold on to your heart for nowWipe the sweat from your brow
i am who i am because i do what i say and what i feel. the question isnt where am i stopping but who is going to stop me .
I said i'm going to rise to the top of the mountain....wait wait wait...
I said I'm going to rise to the top of the mountain.
Stand on this stage declaring my Name,say.
Because I am a king, ayee.
Who is this youth?
A lie hides the truth
small truths hide big lies
Who is this youth?
The environment is fragile,
And we're on the gradual
decline and in the stare of mind were losing the battle
we are going down instead of up,
so how are we going to shape up?
Excuses- that’s all you say you hear
excuses for not following rules, I’m a person not a tool
excuses for my own belief, you don’t like when I speak what I think
Close your eyes,
Close your eyes and breathe.
This can’t be me,
This isn’t happening to me.
But it is.
And you can’t help it,
But what did you do?
Why you?
The weight is over bearing,
Waiting for time to pass
Staring at a half empty glass
Who is right
Who is wrong
No one has the answer
I am in a room
alone
Full of friends here to help
me
As they move place to place, I
remain
succombed to any new help or
change
Because the small white ovals are already working to
Hold it.
Girl, hold the smile.
Hold the pain for a little while.
A while longer,
and they'll see...
But then fear gets the best of me.
Hold it.
Must hold them up.
"You'll be happy."
it wispers.
"I undestand."
it tells me.
"It all will go away"
it explains.
"They'll move on"
it says.
Pay no attention
to the woman behind the
mask.
She's just an
illusion
of smoke and mirrors,
of pulsing lights and
then she's gone.
Pay no attention
My name is Jahmire, I'm at a point in my life where I must face my fears and remove the bitter taste of tears. Time to look in the mirror, emotionally see things clearer, finish my intellectual and moral education and be something pure.
Tick, tock, dark thirty, the clock summons the block
Smoke funneled, now comes around in the name of honor
I don't think that I can see it as well as other people
You can do it again and again for centuries
Checking my work
My new job
Making costumes
Doing makeup
The only thing that can make me happy
Now I lay myself to sleep
Pray my dreams weren’t meant to keep
If they’re here to slit my throat
Pray true friends won’t hear me croak
A simple smile acting as a barrier
Preventing the world to understand
hardships, heartbreaks, hurt.
Daily life is a chore
no matter how many times it's repeated
difficulty, depression, danger
One day I'll make it big
One day I'll be remembered
One day I'll stand strong like the cold trees in December
My arms will ache
My legs will shake
and just about all of me will probably break
There are broken things in this world
Things torn assunder by apposing forces
And in the end
Someone, somewhere, always wants to fix it
No matter how small
Or how large
There's a smiling human
Made of steel, built out of sweet blood, and salty tears
Creating the barrier of a lifetime, to guard all your fears
They say it is hard,
You think you can manage,
But it takes a bit,
To really see the damage.
We were packed to leave,
Very eager to go,
I just want to help everybody
Save the world
But at times it gets overwhelming;
We are both a litte messed up, a little dead in the head. We both have messed up lives that no one seems to care about, but can we care about eachother's? I help you, and you help me.
Frost thinks the world will end with ice,Or maybe heat and flames.I think the world will end with us,Mother Gaia would be ashamed.
I'm hungry, but not for food
Instead I'm hungry for the drugs that fill my stabbing emptiness
Drugs that make me stop shaking, but only keep me waiting
For someone to understand it's a part of me
The walls she built
she thought it'd save
the way she hides
the creatures from outside
The noise she makes
bounce off the walls
and don't go through
like usually
This poem is directed towards my eldest brother... who has been on a heavy drug addiction for the past year. He has a 5 year old son who he barely sees and has got himself in a lot of trouble with the law.
Hour Glass of Tracks
"Worthless, good for nothing, immature,
You don’t know what you are doing with your life."
Everyday I hear things like this,
Things meant to bring me down
Things that are supposed to hurt me.
Hello, hello, is there anyone here.
Please hear my cries if there’s anyone there.
Oh dear God, what have I done?
“Can I please have a ride?”
It’s a simple enough question.
But laced with barbed wire.
A huge favor to me
A way for me to work
But an inconvenience to you.
A chore
"The horror, the horror!"
They cry; yet what does it matter?
They hide their faces even as the world
Did THEN.
Ribbons wide
Ribbons red
Ribbons running 'cross the bed.
Ribbons long.
Ribbons short.
Ribbons reaching for your heart.
Ribbons old.
Ribbons new.
Imagine,
during the first few months of when you first understood what words, languange, and feelings were
you were called ugly.
Imagine how for the next years of your life you were reminded of how ugly you were.
From a distances I'm just like you
Get to know me and I'm a little differet
I think about how we used to be
Then I get stuck in my misery
I still remember the way you used to look at me
& how all those feelings came free
But now things will never be the same
What I wouldn't give to be heard. The people that surround me treat me like a bird.
Yes I can fly and chirp, but all that will never be what they're worth.
Help make my world come to a halt.
Solid, you held me when I fought.
Even when all is deemed my fault,
keep the world whole when it seems wrought.
And though taken with a grain of salt,
Get me out of here.
I’m afraid of what could happen.
The mistakes,
The silver gleam,
The blood,
The pain…
I’m afraid of what I might do.
I’m afraid of
Myself.
Even though you were my whole garden, I was merely a rose in yours
At first, I thought flowers were beautiful
That sounds like it nears the Land ofImposible. It's not that I can't write-most people have impaired eyes that make it
Maybe you fall down sometimes
Maybe the voices speak up again
Maybe you get lost easily
Maybe you don’t have to have everything figured out
Maybe…
Maybe some days are harder than others
These are your hands and
This is how you tell the world you’re not all bad
These are your wrists, those are your scars,
This is your story
This is how you dodge the shattered glass around your feet
Sometimes it occurs to me
That everything I struggle with
Is because of you
You will never wear a welcome mat
As well as the porch steps
And now I struggle
To answer my front door
Let me tell you what bullying is
Bullying is mean words that get under your skin
And the only way to get them out is
By tearing open your arms and legs and extracting them
Open skys, please open
Wide.
Hold my wings and allow me
to glide.
Take my pain
that I hide.
And bring through the clouds
a brand new tide.
I'm the man in the sky
I watch you with my hazy eyes
Take my hand I'll set you free
Step into my reality
Here there ain't a ceilin' with walls
Dragon Slugs
Shakespeare said expectation is the cause of all heartache that’s just simply not true
There is no cause of heartache; it is truly unavoidable, expectations or not
Hear me out.
Because I'm breaking.
I don't know if you're listening to me
Maybe you're just hearing me.
Mom
Dad
Sister
Friend
Everybody
Help me.
I
M
F
I'm going back to school for degree number two,
but financial aid has run out,oh no, what should I do?
One of my old poems:
Sometimes I feel like a puppet,
Pulled along in another's hands
Obeying the orders to do this or do that
My every rebellion already orchestrated
How did I get here? This isn't who I am. I've lost every God damn moral even ones I didn't have.
He sits on his bed and stares at the wall.
“Faggot”, “Weak”, “Loser”
He’s heard it all.
No escape, no escape.
He must get out.
His eyes flitter about
And fall on the gun in his hands.
Too young to make life decisions. Too old to depend on mom. Wandering on the uncertained journey of life independently.
Like a puppet with ripped strings I hang limp from a tree that is rooted in bad seeds. I have no direction and no recollection of anything but the present. Everything else is blocked out and I always want to shout.
I'm going to wing it
I'm going to say a little prayer
I'm going to wish on the first star I see
I'm going to wing it
I'm going to make sure that I do my best
I'm going to make sure I'm above my rest
I wake up every morning thankful to be alive
A brain unlike any other im different yet alive
My thoughts questions why im alive
Counselor: How bout we start by you telling be about yourself
ME: *sigh*
So where do it start?
After nine long, strenuous months their eyes finally meet.
She can’t resist but to cradle her in her arms.
Questions
Do I love myself? Who knows?
Do I love others? Who knows?
Why am I here? Only God knows
Backround: The girl’s family has had a lot of problems. Still trying to find her way, she has to deal with her family’s problems and mistakes daily.
Happy Birthday! You are born
Happy Graduation! You are an adult
Freshmen, Sophomore, Junior, Senior year of college...gone
$20,000 debt...not terrible, not great
22 years old going for a doctorate
I am fine,
we say,
Why would I ever want
to change the way
I see myself everyday?
We say.
It's supposed to work like that,
we say.
I'm supposed to act like that,
we say.
I have a mirror.
It’s broken
The girl I see in the mirror is not me.
I am young
I am beautiful.
Is it because me and my gurl dropped out
Our sophmore year of high school, for
becoming 16 yr. parents?
Was it us taking that risk?
Or was it life we decided to miss?
Fear and fear the grades are coming,the destiny awaits and depends on it,your grades will decide if you are worth loving,work hard and study so you can earn profit.
Fear and fear the grades are comingthe destiny awaits and depends on it,your grades will decide if you are worth loving,Work hard and study so you can earn profit.
This is the day when I lost all I had,
The day when my world fell apart.
The only thing left was the sliver of light,
My images were distorted,
a played out fiction book of torn pages and darken memories.
A scripture that I will never forget,
The worst thing about depression is, you don't care about anything.
I don't care if my father knows I hate him for all he has done
The tears, the tourtue.
I have given you everything.
Now I feel as if everything that I have given you
Is being thrown away.
I feel like I'm falling, into an inevitable destiny of disapointment.
Full of empty black space. No one in sight, nothing but space.
Chances are, I'll face the world alone.
We are not bound by blood yet nothing can separate us
I do not know you since birth yet our energies tell a different story
Every man’s life ends the same way.it is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another..People fear death even more than pain.it’s strange that they fear death.at the point of death,the pain is over..Do n
voice mono toned, deaf to all ear.
unable to relent nor express deep fear
controlled by all sides of other people expressions
able to listen but unable to be heard
words struggle to escape the mind
Stuck in a time where
people are confused,
Fail to tell the difference
Between every mood,
Mistaking lust for love
And no longer can tell
Right from wrong,
Steamy hands on the window pane
She takes a breath and slips away
Pulled by hands of a sick step-father
Iron bars built all around her
She threw herself to the men she saw
laid out
spread like butter
on the ground.
i'm melting.
yellow self bubbling
as i seep into the ground.
through eyes that barely see but
straight ahead,
so many different places
so many different faces
so many people in despair
so many places in need of repair
are you willing to share
with those in despair
stop making infrences
Damn, I miss you.
I cannot belive this happened.
Why can't you be alive and well?
I miss you so much.
Ever since that day almost a year ago,
I've been hallow.
Not because your fingers don’t twitch as you shove them in your pockets, hungry under the nails for my skin.
The worst thing you want to be is a failure in life
To put down the people in your life and here them whisper "lowlife"
To constantly show no improvement over and over
To be confronted and insulted
No one ever said life was gonna be easy
You learnt that way too early in life
You carry yourself in a way that says "I'm fine" when in reality we both know you're lying to yourself
I feel like I’m drowning
In a sea of people,
Whose thoughts and ideas
Overpower mine.
I’m just one person
With thoughts and ideas that seem far too alien, too simplistic.
What is Society?
Society is a group of people who set a standard and everyone that is affected by that standard is apart of that society.
A walk along the beach..A whisper in the wind..Without these things, I could no longer pretend.A hike among the trees..A nap in a meadow..I'm never followedby your ominous shadow.
My mind
Is an exploding world of trips and triggers
A field
Of mines and trenches, warring colors
And emotions.
Motion blurs and lines, and ideas!
But YOU
tell me my mind is a hole
Your so curvy and smooth and you catch peoples eyes when you come into a room
But so far with you I can't even look your way
Everytime I see you I know i'm not okay..
Listening. Ears wide open.
Words traveling through my circuits
Transforming words into feelings.
I try to understand what you’re going through
The lights are shining
The voices are singing
I’m smiling like a thrilled child
on the first day of kindergarten
I love this
I want to do this
I want to sing like there is no tomorrow
God, I just want to know your plan.
I want to be able to count the number of setbacks I will have on my fingers.
I want to know if my heart will still have to endure more pain.
I want to know if I'll get divorced too.
Each and every day is like another
Over again, her life is on replay
So much like a broken record player
It can always break her heart to pieces
And bring seas raining from her eyes
I asked you if you needed help and Luckily I came just in time.
Next thing you know we were watching movies, cuddling, and talking it up after nine.
You do this for me,
You do that for me.
But it’s not all you.
I do help you.
I swear darling.
It’s not all you.
A relationship must be push;
And pull.
Speaking. Laughing. Whispering.
We soon take for granted what comes naturally for us.
What's that? A Stroke? Diagnosis of Parkinsons?
I'm so confused
The hurt inside me is so surreal
I can't escape it
It just follows me constantly
Growing, growing
I feel myself suffocating
I just want to be good enough
when i was little i wrote even though my hands could barely reach over the
keyboard without stumbling and tripping on each other, each word; each of
Standing on the sidelines,
Never really seen
Athletic Trainers are the backbone
Of the whole teamWe wrap hurt wrists and anklesWe cover up your cuts
No matter how much pain you're in
When you pass down the streets in Chicago, Cleveland, and Atlantic City, you see it in their eyes.
They’re not yet sixteen, acting eighteen,
Driving their moms up a wall when they don’t come home for supper.
The therapy didn't put things in perspective and the pills don't make me happy
The pain still hurts and the tears still come
I'm broken inside and I can't find all the pieces
I got ideas on my mind,
but not a single dime
to stop this.
Everyday that I see
oh man, suddenly
i feel compelled to give.
They walk the streets.
No baths or money to eat.
What do I do?
Give a baby a hundred-dollar bill
She’ll shove it in her mouth
And immediately spit it out
Because she’d rather suck her own thumb
She hates the taste of strangers’ fingers
That is just gross to her
the faggot in the reflection of my space helmet visor is my only friend.
with shaggy shorn hair and big eyes and a hollow cheek bone that holds in my silent tongue.
i have etched lessons in my skin, leaving silver lines
Education is the key
Learn, discover, explore and play
So that you can be who you want to be
Education is a privilege
Not everyone has the chance
Just look at a third world village
Let’s just think
If there is one thing that could be changed
The thing to be changed would be drastic
It would affect many people and many countries
To help save a life
tears are shed all good and bad,
so many different sizes
all of the utmost importance;
I know
That I am
So Fucking
Lucky.
I have no fears
Of coming home
To fists and belts
To bruises and welts
And tongues
Sharp as knives, and just as cold.
No fears of hunger
White turns to black. Hearts began to crack. Eyes filled with salty tears, one of their biggest fears. Open casket, scared to see. A young girl staring back at me. For then I knew, the girl looking back, was me. - A.B
Battle scars and broken armor
That's how I see you
A beautiful soul in a ravaged body
With nothing there's hope, without hope there's nothing
I remember the day,
Back when it was all games,
Back when nothing was gray
And all you had to learn were names.
The years went by,
The classes got harder.
He is popping pills
Trying to get rid of the pain
But all people seem to realize
Is that he's an idiot and completely insane
Harassed on a daily basis
He can't seem to get off the crazy train
The cold winter shiver trickles down my spine
Soft winds brush against my visage
A faint glow in the twilight as an obsidian darkness drapes over the world
My over-worked hands, calloused and frozen
I wish I were many things,
but to be many things
I would need to be a writer.
A writer creates what they want to see and feel.
Usually I write to a rhythm or a beat
any time I need to speak on a problem that I meet.
But one thing in particular, I think is apt to change,
is how colleges will do anything to catch some change.
When I become a lawyer, I will make my contributionsTo the field of law and society by giving a free consultation.
Things happen in life that people can’t always control.So I know you'll need someone to console.
We are so focused on teaching our young people to dream that we forget to teach them how to reach these things
Waking up every morning to the same tune
Thinking about leaving this place from morn till noon
Stumbling out of bed thinking of who to impress
Having the power to make the weak stronger
Noone deserves to be made little
I would tell the homeless to seak a job
And they would find one
I would lend them a hand to help them
Off the ground
Music Is My Life,
Let The Lyrics Be My Spirit,
The Melody's My Emotion,
So I'm Hoping That You Hear It,
Music Is My Passion,
To That I'm Truly Dedicated,
I've Been Chasing My Education,
they found he razor in the shower today
because i forgot to take it out.
thye looked at me with dissipointed eyes today
but ppretentded they knew nothing about.
they heard me gagging in the bathroom today
Cold, frim, lifeless,
Laying on cold steel,
Water trickles down the drain,
Washing the dirty away.
Incisions are made,
Inspection makes way,
Hunting for the cause,
Success.
If anything could come to mind,
a job, the best that I could find,
I'd take my passion- heart and soul,
just to help a family grow.
No matter how much time it takes
late night hours with no sleep,
In hard times as these
Life has a strong cost.
To be begging on your knees,
And all hope to be tossed.
I too, was the child who longed see a meal.
I saw lavish spending from a friend.
In hard times as these
Life has a strong cost.
To be begging on your knees,
And all hope to be tossed.
I too, was the child who longed see a meal.
I saw lavish spending from a friend.
In hard times as these
Life has a strong cost.
To be begging on your knees,
And all hope to be tossed.
I too, was the child who longed see a meal.
I saw lavish spending from a friend.
In hard times as these
Life has a strong cost.
To be begging on your knees,
And all hope to be tossed.
I too, was the child who longed see a meal.
I saw lavish spending from a friend.
In hard times as these
Life has a strong cost.
To be begging on your knees,
And all hope to be tossed.
I too, was the child who longed see a meal.
I saw lavish spending from a friend.
If I could change anything it'd be the world. If I could change the world I'd make it a better place. If I could change the world I'd benefit the entire human race.
One: The one lie that everyone gets fed from the moment they are born to the moment they die is the one th
Sun is shinning
Sky is clear
I'm Sitting by the ocean wishing you were here
Fish jumping crabs walking
But still I need you right here
Sitting up at night, brick by brick I let my barrier down. In the light of the moon I sit in silence and cry. I've let the world get to me once again.
A disease,
That no ones knows,
But it stings like bees,
Yet still no one sees.
My father,
Has this curse,
He looks at his daughter,
She knows it hurts.
didn't make the teamlast one to be pickedkicked to the curbbefore the chance was givento be all you could bewith the support of a familynow your homeless
Time is short
I took the pills
And now it's time for you to know
what I do when I'm down,
or my tank is running low
I write.
I write every snowy day
And every summer night.
Her hair frames her face in tarnished-golden wringlets
barely going past her shoulders
her face, long, glowing with elegance and grace
her eyes, an aqua blue so light in tint
to say who I am
feels like betrayal,
for I’m never
the same person
twice
and oh how lovely
it is to know
I’m never who
I was before
and for each
A girl oceans away
Crying away oceans
Absolutely perplexed at the notion
That hundreds and thousands of lives can be lost
All of them taken as if they have no cost
The slash of a neck
Life itself, Is our biggest challenge,
yet our best competitor, which makes us unbalanced
As children, Were born with “life” as our Inspiration
Bridges tumble before our eyesOur foundation giving wayAnd all that we cherishedIt’s been falling apart for a while
Bridges tumble before our eyesOur foundation giving wayAnd all that we cherishedIt’s been falling apart for a while
What would you consider calm?
Maybe a tropical palm
Or a vibrant butterfly on an infant’s
Sprouting hair
Yet even a single tulip
Amidst the life that’s bare
Or a teeming cub
He cries alone in the hall holding himself. He wonders how kids could be so crule.he wishes he could stop the teasing. He wants to put this all behind him stuff the memory on the highest shelf. "HOW DO WE STOP THIS!?" he asks.
The salty tears
trickling down her face
These numerous times
can't be erased
The words that have been said
Bitch, slut, ugly, fat
Would you laugh at that?
Would you follow the others
I'm drowning.
I hear this everyday, not with words
But through their eyes they scream
out to me...I'm so alone.
They need me, but
I am helpless.
I will love them, but the battle
Transcript......Check
Letters of Recommendation.....Check
Application.....Check
Finances.....Check
Acceptance.....Check
Happiness.....Pending
I need to get better
I HAVE to get better
but why?
I need to get better for my sister
for my mom
for my dad
I'm drowning.
Weighed down under the surface of the sea,
bubbling, gushing into everything.
Ha! Remember when you hit that blunt for breakfast that morning?
You thought you were on cloud 9 until you found yourself hitting rock bottom by lunch.
There are some days
when all I see is the color grey.
Full of smoke, full of smog
Full of emptiness in the world that's sorrounded with disgusting fog.
You feel it, so do I
I saw your work of art today,
And they say behind every artist there is a story,
behind every painting, an emotion.
So, why do you feel this way?
How much pain did it take to make that Masterpiece?
Let my words trickle into the cracks of your resolve
And flush out the stubbornness
I see your problems and with my actions I try to solve
Live on your knees or die on your feet; Abandon your liver or devour your lungs. Love none and have none to love back so will you Die on your knees or live on your feet?
We live in a world of the sun.
The light casting eternal shadows
Down,
Down,
Down,
Until it hides us who aren't brave enough to shine.
I want to disappear, fade out to black
To become one with nature
The calm, the tranquility, the comfort
I want to be lost, hidden in the trees
But who's going to love meyou only write once
So make these words count but
When all tears are wiped awaywhen all the scars are fadingwhen the wounds are healing
You only write once
A book asked me once: If you could take a pill that would make you need only two hours of sleep a day would you take it?
And I said: I don’t know
I dream of a fun life,
A life full of friends who care
A life that is lived to the fullest.
Before that can happen,
College must happen.
Before I reach the life I want to live
i slide it across my wrist
showing some brightness to my dark life
my heart races
as the pain deepens
i cry out, but not in misery
but for the numbness taking over
i gasp for breath
One-
It seems so small,
tiny,
miniscule
But one can mean tremendous things
One person can do so much.
One person can become the voice of a generation
In the midst of all madness one thing will stay true
a future,a purpose, for me and for you.
Each person, each problem, so big or so small
will only push you to the point of it all.
I think of endless days and short nights
I think of powerful blades and deep slashes
I think of everything and nothing but all that comes out is air and I don't know how or why but I thought of you
Does nobody care?
Can nobody hear
The calls of the dying and hungry,
Poor and restless with fear?
How can we be content with our actions,
Yet achieve no satisfaction
I shudder as my foot is shaken from the sweet dreams I endured as I slept
A beautiful, peaceful, loving Mexican American girl waking up to her hardworking father’s sweet words “Wake up Baby”
This is her prison cell
These walls are her hell,
Making her go crazy,
Telling her maybe,
This life of bitterness,
She cries softly,
Tears drive down her cheek.
Hopelessness fills her body greatly,
And she fears the next encounter.
How shall she escape,
I have nine scars on my hand
I am a hard working man
Or at least i thought
Until I met that girl named Jazz
She work two jobs and go to class
Party's hard and never crash
Starting a new chapter every morning
of my life
I seek improvement, reverence and connectivity
MY LIFE!
I walk on thin ice made of doubt...
I get a lot more than i give
So many broken promises
Piled next to the bible on my night stand
Its getting hard to live
When i fall every time i stand
So I'd rather crawl to God's right hand
I can
Once they said I couldn't do it
I believed
They said I was a mistake and
I wouldn't achieve
Are you serious?
Why shouldn't I believe
Haha listen I will never back down
School and Prision
They're one and the same
They change people's minds one day at a time
School and prison
There is no real difference
They both make people want to escape reality
So much rage, we don't know how to be but angry
So much pain, we pry, "please don't let anyone change me!"
In a sea full of people
The church steeples
Rises...
The Hawaiian flag lowered
I scream for life to hear me,
Waiting for my dreams to become reality,
I just want to be heard,
She cries into the nightAs she heads for the skyHer face is full of PainShe has nothing to gain. She cries herself to sleep
I am from the ancient foreign lands of Misawa, Japan
Of the culture that flow haikus embraces the elegance of nature chime,
Born of Mary and Mike who raise me to be an American dime.
I am from grip tapes and paints,
Oh no!
Not now that it's so late...
There's so much catching up to do.
How exhausting!
What a mess!
How will we ever fix it all?
And Life says,
"Only where entropy exists, do we, too."
Head dropped, eyes drawn to the ground
A little boy too afraid to make a sound
Blood colors his swollen eye
But still his cheeks remain dry
Laughs echo down the hall
Worsening his never ending fall
My soul is like an empty sock
Cold and pleading for a foot.
But my soul is allergic to feet
So it weeps at night for the homeless grass.
I also like to watch the moon smile at the stars.
The bright ominous light as you leave the warmth and comfort of your mother’s womb
You are spanked as if a reminder you are now a part of society
Society
A strange place isn’t it? – Yes?
Thank you.
No, really, thank all of you.
In this society with it's walls of condemnation,
For those of us who aren't as great as the best of you,
My cousin Amber
My cousin was Beautiful
My cousin was funny
My cousin was young
My cousin was the best
My cousin can't be replaced
My cousin is gone forever
My cousin was the one and only
Let's all admit:
Reality is boring
What I don't get
Is why life is so corny?
We spend everyday
The exact same way
Either being a bum
Or working away
That's not me
Don't tell me you're sorry
If it takes my blood
Dripping to the floor
For you to notice
You're not truly sorry
You're just desperate
For a quick relief
Happiness is a virtous gift
Life of how we want to live
to breathe and act
with a sense of joy
and happiness
although times change
feelings move swiftly with the wind
bring me back to that day
A thousand times I've pictured myself walking across that stage;
Eyes filled with tears and a smile glistening with pride.
I am lost.
Now
Teacher, I don’t have time for your ramblings
Teacher, I don’t need your downcast looks
Teacher, stop talking. Listen
I woke up today
Feelings were obscured
My tears have not found a way
Out, now I feel void of emotion
I feel empty and blank
Hey, teach,
I wanted you to know something
I wanted to tell you all about the kind of shit I’ve been through over the years
How I’ve seen the inside of the psychiatric ward and made friends with the other kids there
Where will they be when you need them the most...
Where will anyone be when you desire companionship to feel remotely close to another being.
The only voice you will find in the silence
He walks with
his leather jacket slumped over
his shoulders
and his violet backpack
swinging violently
from
his shoulders.
His mouth is
a motor,
I can hear what you say but
My mind is so distracted
Thinking about living in a room full of strangers
Thinking about if I will ever have a place to call home
A girl is dreaming bout the day she won't wake up screaming
How can she feel like drowning while everyone else is beaming?
Perfect family, perfect body, they're all cheating
So me and my statistics teacher have this thing where I ask something, and he gives me a sarcastic answer. Yeah, it's not funny.
"Hey Mr.Jones, can I use the bathroom?"
Whatever makes you happy Treasure.
Welfare! Welfare!
Give me Welfare!
Child one, two, three!-that's three thousand dollars for me!
I'll sit at home and watch TV
Forget my children and let them be
I seem so sad
What I'm doing is so bad
An idea pops into your head.
It roams around speaking of great dreams, they seem real.
Every time those eyes close, the darkness comes, that life comes to life.
All I hear is speaking in a monotone voice,
sitting here with my elbows crossed 'cause I have no choice.
My summer days were filled with sunshine and carefree living,
while sitting in this classroom gives me a chilling.
They say that this is how my body should look
My hips, like this
My breasts, like that
My legs can’t be too thin or too thick,
My stomach should be flat, and my bottom round
Society has told her she is fat.
But, she is beautiful.
She is only average, her teacher said that.
But, she is a genius.
Her peers think that she has no friends.
Never have I seen such great perfectionThe only thing I need is your affection.That smile of yours "could end wars and cure cancer"To all my worries you're the answer.
You called me baby
I melted like snow
in April sunlight
consumed by your blue eyes
you captured my arms
pushed me down as
I screamed no
But you covered my mouth as
you called me baby
I'll always remember a cold snowy morning in December.
I awoke before seven and ran down stairs and sat by the pine tree.
I was always told to dress the part so
I put on my costume.
A white collared shirt,
A skirt to my knees
And a mask of a forced smile
Along with a face covered in pounds of makeup,
The ship sat anchored to the shore
The captain, skipper, and crew working at her core
Sails being raised and decks being scrubbed
In the absence of a father she's naive.Subject to believe anything that a man says.Subject to looking for love in all of the wrong places.Subject to giving her love, in more ways than one, too soon.
life. life is a chanllage everyone must face.
some good some bad. life can change in an instant.
life can go both ways wether you want it to or not.
life at times can be a bit of a mystery.
When you spend your life with someone
You gain a special feeling of respect.
That feeling is what I’ve found in you
I am from the Rockies moutain,
from tall buildings to small houses,
I am from the branch of Carmen and Clemente,
from glue and paste to crayons and markers,
I am the Jaquez blood i carry,
Its coarse taut roots embedded themselves within my chest,
making it harder to finish my quest.
Its icy cold petals blossomed within,
As I walk through the hallways everyday,
I am completely surrounded.
I am overwhelmed by a sea of strange people and faces,
Though some are familiar, I always have nothing to say.
Life is like a girl with mood
Swings you love her but sometimes you hate her
She is sweet and warm
But at times she can be as cold as a winters breeze
She is full of mysteries that you can explore
Put down the knife
Let down your hair
Abandon those thoughts
You're no longer there
I was there
Watching from above
Answering your prayers
Sending my love
Little girl
don’t listen to that mean voice,
little girl
suicide isn’t the only choice.
Little girl
Before reality hits you, problems are
small, issues fixable, and faults
acceptable. Everything easily
correctable.
Before reality hits you, life seems
easy; no regret no fear no pain.
I’ve spent so much of my life trying to conform to what others want me to be.
To the stereotypes, the expectations, the judgments.
And at the end of the day,
once upon a time
I liked to press
my fingers
into the sides of my neck
because it helped keep me quiet
when I heard all the bad
trying to sneak into my brain
but as I grew
and grew
To be the one that you dont see.
To see the world from the other sea.
I try to fight, but your too strong to beat.
Bananas are like
a summers moon
soft, yet bright,
colorful
and
delicate.
They are edible boomerangs.
A magnificent fruit
inside
a single peel.
Its peel is its
They say global warming is a hoaxI say... "thats insanely wack"I am sitting here, trying to convince you allTrying to get you join my one man wolfpack
Punches and bruises,
Laughter never seems to come my way.
Yelling, screaming,
No one seems to hear me.
Day by day,
I wish life will end.
Then somthing happens.
Walking down the hallways
Seeing these faces of sadness
The broken hearts, plastered on the sleeves
Of forgotten ones, of lost loves.
Seeing people hurt,
slammed against lockers,
I hear voices
Go see the school psychologist
I am not eating anything
Go see the nurse
I am cutting myself
Go see a guidance counselor
I am pregnant
Go see Planned Parenthood
High school has taught me lessons
Both small and significant
I have met people like myself
Hopefully one day I'll benefit
I've networked and networked, trying to find the help that I need
Waves crash against the shore,
A storm is on its way.
I cling to my desk in a bitter hope
That it will all pass over me.
But as they walk by,
Their lightning strikes—
Cold, hard stares
Every day I am in your classroom
You call my name and occasionally speak to me out side of class
But what you don't know and can not see
The cuts that run deep
The knife in my side
blistered skin,
that whispers flayed.
my life, a cage,
to which I'm chained.
Haunting voices,
following close,
the creeping utterances,
my subtle foe.
feet trimmed by velvet,
I am from being enclosed aloneFrom lying in bed listening to musicFrom light shining in my mirrorFrom wanting peace and quiet to readI am from home where I like to be alone
Words. Words have power.
Words can build you up,
Up, higher, higher,
Till you feel as if
You are in the stars.
But words can also
Pull you down, pulling
You down so deep, that
“Conform to be like me,” they say,
“You have no necessary need to be like you.”
“There is no better way to play,
Than the wondrous way I do.”
But what if I want to be dangerously diverse,
Have you ever looked up and seen the sky blood red? Turned to look at your best friend to find cuts up and down every inch of his body, deep and screaming. Never ending. His lips pale white, his finger black and dripping; the bright green that on
You've got me pacing back and forthYou've got me doubting what I'm worthThis is it now, I'm all throughI'm living my life and it's not for you
I met a girl made of silver
Her eyes shone like mirrors
You could glimpse your soul in them
But you could never match hers
She told me about her dreams
I looked the other way
Look at you sitting behind that desk, acting all high and mightyWe are not your toys to fuck withWe are human beingsWe are teenagers, hormonal brats that need help during this crucial time
I need money, and i say this with all seriousness.
I need money, I am alone in this world
I have no home in this world
will i beg, no, but i will ask, please give me a dollar,
will you give no, because you assume.
Hold me down,
Like an anchor
You keep me at bay,
Save me from the dark waves
That try to pull me under
Secret caves,
You're the light that directs
Me to the safehaven,
To hear, if only I could hear. To hear those words so soft and fruitful. To hears suchwords when I am youthful. Time goes by and so does this rhyme, but riddle me this,
Notice me
No wait
Don't
I need help
But I can't
Won't
Ask for it
Your damn sense of superiority
Makes it impossible .
You don't bother to question our understanding
Day by day
We wake up
What do we say?
Day by day
We get out of bed
All the words we say
Are just made up in our head
Day by day
We paint a picture of ourselves
I see you walk down the hallway
Staring at the ground dully
When you lean your head up you give a weak smile
I can see the pain in your bleak eyes
You look like all the happiness was whipped out of your brain
Teacher you went and got a degree, so why wont you just help me? I ask a few questions, you say I should, so why is it so hard? I wish i understood.
It's just another day, still hanging by a thread.
When I open my eyes, to see a pillow and a bed.Where I lay my head, I think to myself thank god
I'm still alive and not found dead.
We all cry for help don't we? We are in need of help for every little trouble or bump along the way in our path. But there are others in the world and in our communites that are in BIGGER trouble and they need OUR help.
What the hell is your problem?
cant you see
I need help with this problem but you ignore me
I hate you u always pass me up
and then you wonder why i dont turn in my work like you give a f*ck
Still pulchritudinous,
I can see you now,
No Mystery here; nor why or how,
~
The color of perfume caressing your arms,
This damn velvet scent will never change,
I want to scream, scream, scream at the top of my lungs in anguish because I need to know that everything's okay. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of something. I can't craft words around it. I just need your approval.
How are you still here?
Jon, how are you still here
through all my pain and all my tears,
through all of the fears I've laid out
right before you?
I delved into my heart and rambled on
There she goes, falling
Down into the unconquerable abyss
Lost inside herself
There’s no escaping
The terrible monsters that live in her soul
They lurk in the looming blackness
the words flood around me
become part of me
people laugh in school
calling me freak and others
words but into my skin
forever scaring me
i go through everyday
wondering, hopping
You sit in the front while we're stuck in the back,
what is this lesson on? oh yeah, you don't even know.. You're whack!
I'm trying to learn will you please teach?
"Child sit down, quit being a leach!"
I believe in harsh standards
I believe that all females should look the same.
Females should not have hips
Female's ribs should be exposed.
If females are as thin as a rail,
They are the ones I display.
You always say "don't confuse success with wealth"
so would you shut up about your salary?
You chose the teaching life,
the teaching life did not choose you.
"Are you happy?" my therapist asks me.
"I do not know." I reply.
Because in the midst of all the partying and hanging with my friends,
I still feel alone.
Have you ever thought of suicide?
If you’re strong enough to put a blade to your throat?
Or a gun to your head?
Where footprints in single file
Where hearts not in denile
Where rose's petals fall
The Emerald braced for Finale
to revenge son's fatality
The lion runs over the sun-bathed plains,
Into the mountains where it rains.
No longer a lion, but a goat,
It treks up high, and then shakes its coat.
Fur turns into feathers; it is now an eagle in the sky.
Listen you say to get an A
and do your work to succeed
you say to ask questions about things i don't understand
because there are no stupid questions
but here I am infront of you
Dear Mrs. Grouch,
How you make me want to scream.
We do the same old crap each and every day.
Don't you think we know you are busy,
But don't you think we need your help?
Turn off that old dead music,
No
I wont fall into those traps
Go away
I know I can function just like everybody else
Stop it
I will get over this myself
Let go
I can fight this
Quit pulling
Help me believe that youre the right man for my heart..help believe that you can stand to be the mother of my future childrens...
I want to tell you
How much I care
About your broken green bottle
How much I care about the sea
And dandelions
And cracks in the sidewalk
Like you do
The social media has built up bullying
And the principals won’t do anything
They say “kids will be kids” or “we’ll figure something out”
We see them every day,
But never see them crying.
We claim to care about them,
But underneath, are lying.
We shun, we tease, we taunt them
As if death didn't matter.
Liar, Liar pants on fire
“Mama,” her body began to spark more and more with each step
“I’m going to Emily’s house,” her eyes began to glow hungry for fuel
Get up, run, shower,
school is in an hour.
Wait...
No! My clock is slow.
Sh*t. I'm screwed. I gotta go.
Throw powder on my face,
hope my mascara is in place,
grab my keys, sprint out the door,
The truth has been spokenWith the words that was suppose toSet me freeBut instead hurt more feelingsThan my ownI didn't intend for this to happen
I am writing this poem to get a scholarship, you guys have some extra cash and I need a lot of it.
Telling the untold story of my childhoodRewinding the despicable memories that withdraws me from fully happinessTo me when I was a little girlpeace meant warand joy meant agony, because it came with sacrifices Rewind.......... Back to the time w
Sweet like soda pop,
Bubbly like champagne,
You make everyone around you laugh and smile.
The misty sky
That makes rainbows appear,
A kaleidoscope
Beautiful like gems in the sun,
Hatred and envy seep into my veins.Wrath courses through my body, arriving at the brain.My hands are shaking, shuddering. When will it end?Things are getting dangerous. I can no longer pretend.
There are things teacher never teach you,Like how to be yourself.I was never taught to be different, while others remained the same.I was never taught that the cost of clothes didn't matter and that life was never fair.I was never taught that help
There's a piece missing from my heartStomped on, shattered, torn apartA feeling hangs over me, the feeling of dreadFrom that moment that everything was soaked in redIt pooled around and pulled me deeper
It’s music note coming at you
Throwing these facts down so you’ll understand where I’m coming from
I mean the point of me stating these facts
Teacher, TeacherCan't you seeWhat this life is doing to me?
Can't sleep at nightDue to memories and fearAnxiety chewing away at meA family that doesn't care
Teach meTell meExplain to me the significance of your systemAn A, a B, C, D, FTeach me the meaning of your systemminus ten, twenty, thirtyTeach me the meaning of it all.
If we are late
Why give us the death stare?
It's like we've murdered a whole population.
Seriously?
How about those assignments?
Why so much?
When ypou know I work to provide for my family.
I can't believe I was so blind,
To see the mistakes I made,
To see all the chances I could have taken,
To see all the things that went wrong,
To see all the things I could have prevented.
You do realize a have a life, right?
Status quo, all about the numbers,
Make up this and that,
Submit one or the other,
Take time to...
Think about my life.
I convinced myself that the world hated me.
I saw there's no good I could be.
In reality I was the only real bully.
I beat myself up and called myself ugly.
I saw that I all I ever brought was pain.
Understand, this is not right.Listen, hear me warn you.This is not a fair fight.You will fail, win, lose.
I am the hunter, she is the bird.
I reach and reach but cannot hold.
Opporunity is her name.
She flaps her wings and flies away.
I hit my head, again and again.
On the cold hard ground in pure frustration.
Trapped deep in suicidal thoughts. Just one life. Just your life. That's all it will cost. You don't think anyone cares, but I promise. I promise; I will always be there. You don't understand. If I lose you, I'll never be the same.
Death is her wish
and life is her bliss.
There are cuts on her wrist
because she can't hide the pain.
The only trace
of words filled with hate
are those wounds on her skin.
I go through the day, acting like its all okay.
I try to go unnoticed.
Try but fail.
Failing...
Failing...
Fail...
I strive to impress.
Craving for their approval.
I am lost in a sea of unknown faces,
blurred and unimpressionable.
Blending into the class room walls.
Spending the school year doing nothing but filling in a desk,
and saying present when called upon.
Another year, another round.
Third time's a charm and yet none I've found.
Thy upper division courses slay me,
The level of work is damn near deadly.
One would think I'd crumble,
Why am I here? What have I done to deserve this? Shampoo in my eyes. Give me cancer for a cause. Rush smoke in my lungs. I am an animal, I want to live free. Why cant the just let me be?
Dear Lauren,
Your head is on moving mountains
While your heart is broken into thousands
And today you fell off the track
But I'd like to guide you back
As students we come to learn
Getting good grades is our concern
But if we look at the page
And we feel our minds stuck in a cage
We tend to give up in turn.
So as a teacher, pay attention
Rooms,
Inescapable prisons,
That present our
Feeble minds with
Conforming individuals,
Unfavorable probability,
Discomfort.
Rooms,
Incase emotions.
While hallways,
Little bird,
Your voice is heard.
I see your tears,
I understand your fears.
I will fight for you,
But you must fight too.
Little bird,
You mean the world to me,
Here and there you disappear,
an aparition in the dark.
Fading into the past: mistakes.
You're not what I imagined.
In three thousand feet deep, I search...
For what, I'm not aware.
The day is cloudy, no man in sight.
Not even the crows who cry in flight.
She looks up and she looks down, but no salvation is to be found.
You follow coincidence down the path of least resistance
Your decisions dictated by circumstance
Your every move driven by nature and nurture
It is not too late
To live intentionally
Am I a princess, so clean and polite?
Or am I an outsider, who will greet you with a bite?
Do I prefer a perfectly made bed?
Or will you find me with messy hair on my head?
Am I a free spirit or should I be tamed?
This world at my fingertips
that spins and twirls
takes it’s time with flips
that makes me want to hurl
Keys to the very end
I looked in the mirror todayand saw all my thoughtsthey were irrational somewhatpainful, negative and suppressed
I can see, but I am blind.
I can hear, though I am deaf.
I can speak, yet I am mute.
I find myself wandering, like a spirit,
Walking the same path over.
I cannot tell if a dream has taken me
Let’s play a game, we’ll start with you
Tell you what I feel, not of use
Arrogant, lazy, always crude
Tug another knot, tie the noose
Cowardly ways, I’ll take the blame
Honestly, where im from success doesnt come around commonly
You're successful if you survive a lifetime in my shoes
Successful if you're not related to violence and are broadcasted on the news
Ever feel like your trapped
In a bottomless hole so deep
but yet comfortable to your new surrounding
familiar with the dark walls
and the ordinary smell
that become your only companions
Please listen to me as I speak, I speak truth, I speak wisdom to you, hear me now as I say you are more
to God than anyone today. Look up in the night sky, do you see those stars? God loves you more than each
I write because I never could throw a punch.
I never could run fast enough jump high enough or beat you in sports at recess,
But I could run circles around your head with unparalleled linguistic prowess.
I spoke daggers,
I write to escape, to embody myself in a world free of space and time where my pen can't keep up with my mind as I overflow with rhyme expressing my love, expressing my life.
Walking with a cloud of despair over my head
dreading what the future holds near or lack there of
mourning the loss of all sanity I started with
now it's me against high school Bermuda
There was once a world of simplicity and tranquility
But man has robbed us of that ability
Progression is the obsession of today’s generation
When will we learn the needed forms of interrogation
I write to release,
I write to not feel.
I write to express feelings that I know are real.
I write when I'm confused,
I write when I'm alone,
I write when there's no one but myself at home.
We are a fast food generation, and in love with instant gratification, facing complete and utter annihilation, erasing the very blood line of the planet, look I get it, it’s easy to go to foreign countries to rape the world for its oil
I cry out. Help!
I wimper and gasp with racing drops falling down my face. Help!
I am stuck in a dark, molded sphere, running into the same sides and corners. Help!
I have grown to be strong, but this is torture.
Keep moving. They'll push you down and they'll put up a fight. Keep moving. They'll leave you broken and beaten. Keep moving. They'll laugh at your dreams and feed your fears. Keep moving. Until you find the one. Then stay.
Every day,
The hurt,
It wakes me.
I am the feline,
Across the road,
coddled by mange's kiss.
Who am i?
I am he,
The pitbull,
My selfish self wants to stand out and shine,
Like the glowing eyes from the roadside in the night
Making many folks alert of my existence.
Yet, all my life I’ve been watching from behind those dazzling bright eyes,
He looked so sad in photographs;
He looked so scared, so lost, confused,
and yet he laughed.
That tentative half-smile, those distant eyes,
portray a struggle, wounds, and damage.
He feels so isolated
I'm lost.
But I remember you.
"I'll give up everything.
I love you."
These words were meant for you.
I needed the fire burning in your eyes.
Otherwise I'd be unable to see
They told her
Not to cry-
As if tears were anything more than
A lifeless bit of memory-
And sent her away.
Eight years later,
The sun still rose and
Her heart still beat to the same
i write because others write
one day i heard someone speak without making a sound
the book opened on my lap spilled with words that were so loud
at the end of every sentence and/or phrase, was a bold statement
Kids cryin’ and dyin’
Whites and colors never getting along
How did everything go wrong?
Have you ever seen a troubled Mexican girl walking alone?
Or a little boy behind a glass on the phone?
You see, I have
I see the stars a-shining.
I hear the birds a-rhyming.
The moon, sparkling.
The moon, charming.
Time is passing.
Nothing good is lasting.
Time goes on.
I know God listens, but what of them?
They hear my rhymeless poetry prayer
Gratitude, Hope, Joy, Peace-
Laid as a naked newborn
I know God listens, but what of them?
They hear without thought or compassion
Why I write
The externalization of my internal fight
My words take flight
What I convey not always a delight
The emotions are real,
Flashing before your eyes
Masquerading in my desguise
Adorned with dark brown skin
The constant teases as if it was a sin
A Sin that my melanin was a little more defined
I used to be depressed
And at times I even desired death
My feelings were strong and extreme
It was the consequence
Of trials and times
That clearly took a toll on me
When I sit down with a paper and a pen,my mind starts to assemble a puzzle of words.I paint a picture in my mind, over and over again.Sentences for brushes - my imagination is the color palette,
They just need a lighthouse keeper
some light to pull them into
and a person to hold the light steady
steady for them to see
and follow
steady like a tree
a tree that stands tall in the forest
God, I feel like I'm not knowing
And that You're supposed to be showing
Me where I'm supposed to go and...
I'm so confused.
I don't know what to do.
But I continue to stay strong and faithful and run to You!
I stare at your glowing face in the light of the moonI wonder where it is the person I loved has goneWhat has happened to our loveI also look into the space where your heart,the heart which beat so strong and true,
POETRY helped me read.
I hated long words,
I hated long sentences,
But I saw something simple.
POETRY helped me read.
To me it’s quick,
To me it’s to the point,
I record dreams.Not because I believe they are full of meaning,But because they were something I experienced,And I don't like to forget,That which I have experienced.
ITS IN MY SOUL TO EXPPRESS MY INNER THOUGHTS
THAT SCREAMING VOICE THAT NO ONE CAN TOUCH
TAKES OVER MY FINGERS
THAT BRINGS NO FEAR
IM UNTOUCHABLE WHEN I HAVE A PEN NEAR
Sick severed lipsHolding my bare hips.Like Achilles heel,The emotional appeal is severed.
And though I have no brainI can't really complainOf the wonders in the skyAnd how high I can go.
Is it really worth it?
The heartache the pain that you leave behind.
Is it really worth it?
A mother who has to bury a child, do you really want that?
Can you see what you will cause?
As her head lays on my chest,
I feel the knot in my throat grow.
Tears begin to fall down my face.
And all I can feel is sorrow.
God will never leave me empty.
Why I write
is simply so
when my words sprout wings
and take off into my soul
my mind and spirit
filled with dismay
writing is the ticket
as I take on the soul train
Why I write
I believe that in order for someone to truly develop and mature
they must invest in themselves.
In order to invest in themselves they must recognize what type of person he or she is
Poetry is more than words
put together in rhymes and stanzas.
It’s more than a couplet
Or even iambic pentameter.
To me it iss utter expression.
A way to scream and shout
You use them to communicate,
you use them to express your hate,
you use them to depict your fate,
you use them to inovate.
but i use them to fight,
i use them to make things right,
Words written in led or words written in ink;
whenever I find a chance, I really begin to think.
Words written in red or words written in pink;
When I find the chance to write, it feels like it was meant to be.
limit of limitations are limitless when i script dreams onto a blank page filled with ideas just awaiting to happen. The thought that no one or nothing could say that im wrong.
Home was sweet once but now mommy and daddy fight.
Daddy hurts me!
Quiet he’s coming; it’s time for daddy’s special time alone.Mommy hates me, she blame me for everything.
Sights of empty faces crawling on the fences
Who can reach fate with a license plate?
It's the long road of a sad soul
Where seeing is believing, seeing is for grieving
In a world of darkness,
Subtle waves pulse agaisnt my skin.
My lungs feel tight and cramped,
My heart slamming against my ribs with brutal force
Working against the lack of oxygen.
As I write to whats to come
Some say fate others destiney
I wonder what may happen later
For my eternity
Maybe it'll be gnomic
Maybe it'll be an incubus
For what the future holds atonomy
Day by day
The sun rises and the sun sets
The stars glisten and the animals are at rest
All you do is just wonder, wonder what brought me here
That of course is logical, your parents
blood clusters in a lust
massive starvation to the heart
slow beats of death pound; reaching the finale
no time to waste on love
murderous love led to blood
barely moving as short breaths weap out
There is a dark ledge
a precipice
into an even darker abyss
that everyone seems to know
yet everyone seems to hope
there is no such place.
We all deny the place we know
All it took was one shot
For you to spiral down the drain
‘Cause though you may have fought
You couldn’t evict the pain
All it took was one thought
For you to decide it was time
As the ocean draws in from a hard days work I stop and think of the ongoing state of things. The sun's rays strech out from the horizon giving the sky a firework of explosion. What has my life become? Where is it leading me?
Music is for the broken whose will has been abandoned and suicidal thoughts have nested.
So quick to contemplate death.
Instead a track plays to vibe with the heart and mend the mind to health.
"Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble...CRACK!"
I groan as look down to see what my pencil had attacked.
The words seem ok, the sentences intact,
Sitting in an empty roomContemplating on what to do.Eyes filled of tearsA smile to hide her fears.Not even her closest friend knowsOf the secret she withholds.Blood running down the drain
pain
feels like the air rushing out of your lungs
looks like someone trying to hold themselves together
tastes like bitter tears running down your cheeks into your gasping mouth
It's your crooked fingersreaching for mywrinkled heart.
It's yourstraight teethsmilling that songmy soulhums
Just breathe
That’s what they all say
It will all be okay
Just breathe
That’s what they ALL
Say, time and time again
Over and over
There seemed to be no way out.
I couldn’t scream and I wouldn’t shout.
I let it go in a dangerous way.
Too much has happened for me to say
What might be okay today
won't be okay tomorrow.
When your mind allows impulses to take over,
it's like you're giving up,
you gave up your strength.
Strength is usually what helps me through,
I step away, As he slowly approaches, Hidden out of his sight. Evil he has come to do… But I must do right. I will just wait here, If he does not see me first, My heart is beating, I’m about to burst!
I step away,
As he slowly approaches,
Hidden out of his sight.
Evil he has come to do…
But I must do right.
I will just wait here,
If he does not see me first,
My heart is beating,
I'm running, but going nowhere.
I need help.
Help me try to get through all these nightmares
that keep racing through my mind.
How long will it last?
Someone, anyone, help me.
My mind is a prison
The prisoner locked inside the cell
is me
Why you may ask
because i can't gain control
so i lose it every time
and when the control is lost
the pain takes over
Pinches and medicine,
Needles and a poke.
This just has to be a painful joke.
Their squirms are minimal,
Their cries are silent,
Allowing the ‘caretakers’ to be violent.
Just Listen…
Just listen to the words I have to say ‘cause it just might make a difference to you and me
The pen is mightier than the sword
As the cut is weaker than the word
And while your body is greatly scarred
In your heart you are even more scared
So I write for you
And give you words to heal
The Lost wander, searching for an answer. They grow weary and wonder, where is kindness? What is kindness? Kindness is Home.
To be successful is hard
Yet, to fail is a given.
It's ok to be '16 and pregnant'
That’s the world we live in.
I look up at the TV screens
And think they got it great.
Watch the news and here the bash
The waves crash over me. Suddenly I'm lost. Lost. So lost. I try to kick my way to the surface, but there always seems to be an invisible boundary. One that I can never cross. But I suppose it's okay now.
You won't take the time.
So you don't know.
She has a good heart.
But through her exterior that doesn't show.
All you can see is the poverty that her family has been cursed with.
Here I sit, ah this black chalice
so alone, and silence embracing my
every thought,every emotion.
Poetry came in my darkest days
In a rehab far far away
My thoughts were a constant battle til we met
Poetry at first gave me my sanity
Now I write to help
To get my story out
To reach out to others
It has bestowed upon me
The final year of my academic career in grade school
Through all the truimphs and failures that goes with each year
i' am the 12th Man
I saw the surface above me,
Shimmering, bright.
The sunlight pouring in,
Golden rays through the waves.
Sinking,
Farther down,
No matter how hard I kick.
Thrashing in the water,
I try to help
Everywhere I turn
Someone else is there
I feel obligated to stay,
Turning from person to person.
I never just push through the crowd
The sea of people never parts,
Stuck in an abyss, knowing I can’t resistFacing things without big risksEven if I’m bleeding from my wristsI’ll still look for happiness, even if it didn’t exist
Your life is a struggle, heavy burden can't juggle
Your hunger is like a animal don't stress no more cause god is here
Have faith that he will see you through protect and love you years and threw
Graduation in 8 weeks , because i didnt graduate in june
im not complaining , kinda anxious , gotta go back to school
eighteen , known to slack off but when i want it , ill go and get it
Knots
Twisted up inside me.
I'm dying just to breathe,
to cry.
But I can't.
Not here.
I want to just
give up.
What if this feeling lasts,
Threatening waves crash over me,
they pound the life out of me.
I hear what seems to be
screams in the distance,
But it’s me.
Remember when the only thing that scared us was the shadow in our room.
We would be scared to look under the bed. And the closet was our only enemy.
Life seemed simpler when we were young.
Prepare yourself,
For this will not be ordinary.
To express the way I feel
Is to look upon the people of this earth with a smile in my heart
To see the distraught
the unloved
the wanting
Shadow of a smile
vacant searching eyes
hollow echos of laughter
hidden by a disguise
Every heart ache forms a new crack a crumbling piece of art
trying to hold it all together
Have you ever seen the rain come down?
Those days where the grey is less white than the pain,
Desolated days where the chains hold you at bay, yet the wind ceases to balm
I was introduced to poetry in the everyday mentions of the topic
though it never intrigued me until quite recently.
One of my best friends has always written,
though she never wrote poetry - just stories.
As sons and daughter of the most high God
We have standards to uphold, as we are representing Zion
And as we live in a dark and hateful world
Help me!Help me!Can't you hear my scream!?The pounding of my heart -the grinding of my teeth!?Dear goodness,somebody please!My Anixiety it's eating me!
(poems go here) Walking down the road,
Deciding where to go…
This will change my life
FOREVER.
(poems go here) I feel it...
Kick
Kick
kick
Inside of me
Your apart of me
Sweet child of mine, please forgive
Forgive me for having to bring you into this world
For only having love to give you
Take me away from here.
Take all my fears and let me watch them disappear.
You better hurry.
Take all the unnatural scars on my body and recreate them into untouched skin.
She was just a baby.
Just a little girl
living in a harsh cruel world.
My mommy wasn't there,
and neither was my daddy.
I was almost on my own
except my sister maddie.
Maddie was the older one
I know that
When you’re alone
In the middle
Of the night
And you want someone
To hold you
And tell you
That everything’s
Gonna be alright,
That I could be
That person
For you,
As long as a need exists,
I will write;
The innocent must have voice,
I will fight.
For babies in the womb,
They must see light.
For a beaten woman,
They must not fear the night.
Old and wise
Has loved and lost
To help he tries
Any, at any cost
Old and wise
Still needs love
Searches the skies
Carried on the wings of the dove
Today I am graduating from High School. so i want to tell you things i have learned in high school that the classroom cant teach you.
I have something on my chest
That is clouding up my mind.
What if we overlook everything
Without taking the time,
to realize where we went wrong,
the things we do or say.
Enough is enough you tell yourself.
You wish you had a sense of stealth.
You wish to leave this frail life
Even if it’s with a knife.
I turn my music up loud, wondering maybe if I turn it up enough, someone might notice I’m crying out, I’m drowning in my thoughts but my words live in a drought, my actions give me away, but I inspire no doubts, in those who walk by me as if I wer
Lately all we do is fight, can’t seem to get it right.
Why should we pretend we’re more than friends?
Can’t you see it’s hard for me?
Trusting you is what I do.
Seems like all you want is to hurt me.
Calluses riddle his palms that were tender once
Marks of the weary
Marks of the worried
Bags under his eyes darken already dark skin
Traces of the teary
Traces of the tired
I don't know what to do.
You don't look at me,
The same way I look at you.
I don't know what to do.
To think it had only begun,
And already, we're through.
I don't know what to do.
Here I am, once again
Sitting in the same place, same routine, same faces
I’ve mistaken a change in pace to be progress, a step out of this mess
I’m discouraged at the realization, no longer through the rearview mirror;
No glance or furtive peek needed,
I already know.
They are me, all respiring to one united beat and breath--and we’ll die together at death.
When I am stressed you release me
You remove a veil from the blind
They now see
When I feel overwhelmed by the commitments I have made
You clear my mind
I now see
she silently stares at the monsters under her bed
chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.
I wish you could see you as I see you,
So for a little bit, let me break through,
Through walls of stubborn mortar and hard brick,
I promise you I will be very quick.
The life that we live
Can dictate our character
Our actions today
And the ways we serve others
Can help us find who we are
The Hope,
It sits there.
Right there.
Trapped.
The Hope,
Is yelled at,
Is tugged at,
Yet it sits there.
Right there.
Waiting.
Sadness floats around me
Hovering
Always with me.
Like mist,
It creeps over me
Settles down and suffocates me.
The fog of depression hides the sight of happiness.
The shadows are dark,
sometimes you dont know how you will feel,
sometimes you dont know how you will react,
sometimes you are so bottled up you dont know what to do,
sometimes you do things you didnt realize you did,
she sees herself as a nobody,
and to others shes a nobody
by the time shes a somebody
she'll again be a nobody.
darkness the scary and dark place
being afraid of something that's not there
it may be concealed in the blanket of night
doesnt mean its bad
I feel these emotions
They come in waves
I breathe thick fury
This hateful rage
It turns around
Pulling me out of the deep
Offering me a hand
Pulling me back on my feet
I know it wont last
Never been on top
Never been good enough
Had a couple of blessings
But I never had good luck
Always underestimated
Nobody believed in me
But I see why because
I was never in the lead
Numb is
always my
emotion
I've become
so bland
nothing
effects me
anymore
I only cry
to know
I'm still
alive and
because I
know they're
right.
Save me;
I'm dying on the inside
Lift me;
Pick me up from where I've fell
Wake me from this sick nightmare I'm in
Someone get me out of this hell
Help me;
Am I too weak to say something, but too strong that I may break them?
I am too scared to show them my skin.
My mind is blurred by the images of doubt.
By their stupid ways. Why?
For some reason they like to hold us back.
Even though they seem to have the control, we are probably our strongest.
I've never felt so strong, beaten down to one finger on a rope.
I've probably never had so much hope...
Get away from me.
I don't want you to visit again.
Last time nearly killed me.
The pain; the crying.
The worthlessness.
I have no strength to continue.
Alone at the piano,
Tears track my face,
As my fingers a melody trace
In the dark.
Light
That is all I ever asked
The stars are receding
And I have failed my task
I wonder
I wonder
What did I fail to do?
Put down the knife another day is coming
No more red drops and keep life going
Battle scars are worse in the heart, I know
Don't let them on your skin, don't let it show
What I'm asking you is please be strong
A dark hole called home, but it's not even mine.
Not living only existing, no hope, no worth, dealing with what I've been dealt.
Keep it all inside, the words inside my mouth. We'll all be the same, lying in the dirt.
I've wandered into the morbid side of life and I don't plan on coming back.
You can chase me all you want, but you'll just get hurt in this dark place.
It kills anything positive.
But I don't have to worry,
The prisoners treated life as game
Yet, surprised to be locked in rusty cells
There's nobody except themselves to blame
Harshly punished if anyone rebels
Droning through the masses,
Clutching at my chest,
This pain is hardly bearable,
From the bullet just above my breast.
Heart feels so overwhelmed
I look into your eyes
And see the unexplainable
Twists and turns of unexpected
Happiness and sorrow
All rolled into one smiling face
I’ve been broken down and restored
Set back
Been attacked since the day I was conceived inside my mother’s womb
Attacked by gallons of liquor bottles,
Making me kick within my mother’s belly,
What is a best friend?, I ask
I can sit and ponder all day,
But I can't pretend the thought doesn't last,
Someone I can confide in, lean on, laugh, and cry,
It's something, a feeling, that most people would die
When al is lost, and hope it seems,
has left me here deserted.
When friendship's cost, of life and dreams,
have proved too much to pay.
When solitude, and loneliness,
are not enough to comfort.
Through the glass,
she sees a person she hates.
A big pile of ugly mass;
a twisted game of fate.
The person never forgives and never loves;
a person unfamiliar with kisses and hugs.
The ugly personality
One quick fix
Will fill the cell
Yet who in this
Will become well?
A man is sick
His brain is blind
A lobotomy will clear his mind.
A night in the park
A house, a house
Intimidation
Trepidation
My child, my child
Innocent victim
Silent victim
Dry tears
Hopelessness looms
Eyes closed
Eyes open
Bliss
Standing at an intersection
Holding a cardboard sign
Scrawled on with a sharpie
Found lying around
Cars pass
And pass
And pass
This is humiliating
Still they pass
The hot sun beats down,
Im young, I Am Dumb,
I Grow, Then im Grown
In this short period of time i have learn much
At times like this i wonder is it enough???
At Last its my life and I Set The TOne........
On the outside I'm strong
But on the inside I'm in Hell
I make subtle cries
But no one who notices will help
(poems go here) On the outside I'm strong
But on the inside I'm in Hell
I make subtle cries
But no one who notices will help
Coping mechanisms have increased
Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder
Relapses from what I once was
From what I once did
In New York City, you’ll find two kinds of people;
those who see something and say something,
and those who see something and assume nothing is wrong.
As I walked to the South Street Seaport one weekend last Summer,
Safe is a word that bounces in my chest, it holds my breath in after thoughts like "future"
Take it away, can you arrange my life so I don't cry at night?
the scars on my back show the long nights i had to work.
the scars on my back show the srtuggles i been through
the scars on my back show the pain i indoored when i lost my grandmother
Everyday I walk down these halls terrified
I can feel the stares and read their lips
Calling me anything they can think of
Just to hurt me
My mind fools me
Making me think I'm strong enough to take it
The metal soothes the skin.
The red ribbons wrap
'round the wrists, flowing, endless.
The waterfalls cascade down ebony cheeks.
The laughter echos through the mind.
The waterfalls dry.
The ribbons end.
Of the darkness
emerging from
our souls, beyond
threshold of
the black mire
falling
headfirst
into the pits
dying, our souls
Forgive me father for I have sinned
Repent both for the friend and foe
See the sorrow, the agony
Sought to aid the misfortunate
Diminished by bureaucracy
So fists to cuffs, the guns appear
Walk right in and take a seat.
Can you smell the tears of defeat?
The seat is warm, and toasty just like your dinner with Aunt Rosie.
He speaks to you, and your body gets tense.
Normal... it's such a strange thing
With its hum-drum ring
That makes you want to wheel it into a hospital wing and just let it die
Help.
The further we walked, the further away we got.
Help.
Standing here never seemed so scary; This view never seemed so wrong.
Help.
They say smiles fix everything,
And I’d like to agree.
But that’s hard to do,
When my smiles kill me.
Looking down at myself,
I feel hatred, disgust.
Looking in to myself,
I don’t know what to trust.
For You I have changed my ways
I have gone from that nice little girl to someone older in age.
For You I have turned my back on all things that sing
A sudden fear approaches
As foot steps draw near
Tears release from pain
And words of lash at my heart
The monsters want me dead
But I keep fight...
To find a light in this
Forever Nightmare
I can't see the future but I can't dare look at the past.
I told myself I was done and this was the last.
I can't handle the pain!
The guilt or the blame.
But I can't escape this life.
This toughness and rage.
A beauty with wings and beady eyes flying higher than Everest
It's ego soaring with every flap as it gains momentum
Sharp mustard beak contradicts its soft feathers
Gorgeous svelte body helps it ascend
Come
Take a seat
Take off your load
Tell me about your day
as i try to rid your stress
let me take your hair down
as you let your hair down
unload your troubles
for today i am your psychiatrist
Running numb
Blind to the path in front of her
Crushing everything she's been taught
It's not fair...
There's a prettier place where women can smile
These four walls hold me in
Blank and bare, so naked, I stare
The dimmed light from the screen
Makes a
Glow.
A dull glow because it is dark, past 11.
They tell her she isn't as alone as she thinks
But they never lived everyday alone as her
Unable to form real relationships with people
Because of her fear of rejection
With only her thoughts to tempt her
Sturdy and strong,
From the outside nothing could go wrong,
Crumbling on the inside, this tower
So tall and so bold
Colorful yet vague
As it watches and stares at all that pass by,
Rainy days, sunny days,
Brighter than the suns strong smile
Her eyes have been searching for miles.
Miles to go, miles to go*, oh how she wished she’d know.
Never stopping to take a breath,
When I read,
their tearful words appear to echo in my mind.
When I listen softly,
Their desperation clings to my soul.
When I ponder,
Their fate may rest with my words.
You are hurting her,
more than you know.
Cuz she won't admit it
Her feelings won't show.
You lacerate her,
stroke after stroke
then you kiss that bitch
she's been broken.
I am standing alone
walking in a place
I call Numb.
Surrounded by nothing,
but white,
no one but you.
A smile falls upon
your god like face
as you hug me and
BANG!!
Can you see them?
The ones hurting
Crying
Dying
I can
You go on with life
As if nothing’s wrong
Everything’s perfect
But I know you hear them
Look at her and what do you see,
a happy, cheerful, girl, full of glee?
Well look behind that mask,
that has been so neatly painted on,
for your little girl is long, long gone.
Only one answer.
Why so much killing, from north to south, from east to west?
Why so much pain that no one should endure?
Why so much sadness, we cry ourselves to sleep?
Their here, their there, their everywhere
You may not see them, but their everywhere
They need your help, though many turn their heads
If I could I would help every single person
Another night,
The chill aches in their bones,
Trash-can fires light up the cold night,
Some dig through the garbage,
For something to eat,
Others try to find warmth,
In a box,
Every week I find myself, heavily, halfheartedly, hopelessly, ...alone, in my addiction councellor's office. The clock pounds out the conversation, tick tock tick tock, because quiet honestly I refuse to talk.
Need somewhere to go
Don't have anyone around
Praying someone's searching
Hoping you'll be found
You think you’re the only one going through this shit
Well there’s one to many others
Look at me
Look in my eyes
I’ve seen your pain
I’ve felt the same disgrace
I watched my mother suffer
And cave
Inspire me beloved poetry,
surrounded in nothingness,
alone and lonely,
no place to call home but hell,
but if hell is my realm then what next may come,
asked I the suicidal bastard son,
Afraid it will come back
Up like a shadow
Up like his smoke
Rolling in with the tide
Even when I hide
I'm afraid it will find me
I'm afraid I'm still to week to fight
Because I remember how
Listen to Me for once in your life!
You don't know what this pain really feels like.
No one knows what I'm saying to you.
All you hear is a bark or two.
I lie neglected all day, every day.
