Nothing EPIC to write about, clean and sober. Wondering just how much longer until this hell is over. No visions of riches no dreams of fame, no delusions of grandger and nothings the same. The pounds I put on are supposed to be healthy. The full nights of sleep I get are supposed to help me. But knowledge is power and pleasure is pain. No hope for sunshine, just clouds that bring rain. Yes my life is saved, but I'm not having fun. There's no magic cure to a craving. What's done is done. Once I've looked the devil in the eyes, that memory will always be there . The courage to refuse a constant supply is definitely rare. I can change my location and I can change my name, but if I don't seek guidance from my higher power, nothing will change. I feel like I punched my ticket, on this plane headed for disaster. The cravings keep getting stronger, they keep getting faster. I do know one thing, that I'm not defeated just yet, not ready to give up what I worked for, the pain I caused my family I won't forget. I try to sit back, and then I finally realize, I made it this far so I can be there, for them six beautiful eyes. Jaxon, Kennedy and Lennon, you kids don't even know how much you helped me. One day I hope you understand, that I was my worst enemy. Rationalize and make excuses, whatever it took to stay in defeat, took God completely out of my life, still he was there for me. I get to be SOBER and I GET GET TO BE FREE! Thank you God for listening, and thanks to my family for saving me.