I have listened

I have listened to your song on repeat

Over and over again in the dark

Different styles and different artists

But still your song

I have listened to every note, every lyric

And I realize only now 

that I have listened to you

Your soul, intermingled with the song

Touching mine in the process

Teach me this

The art of projecting your soul

Every poem I write is an extension of me

A branch from the trunk of my soul

Rooted in an existence I still can’t grasp

So Thank you

I know I have trouble saying it

It’s always so hard saying it

But I’m sorry

And I love you

And I forgive you

And I need you

And I miss you

And words are somehow easier 

when I don’t have to speak them

When I can write them to the sea

Like a love letter that no one reads

But I have listened to your love letter

And I understand

I just understand 

So at the end of the day

Even though I am scared

Even though I cannot speak to you 

About the things that whisper in the dark

Or the knots around my heart

I still want you to find me someday

I want you to find the suicide notes that I burned 

The ones that almost became obituaries

The ones that I had to hide

Read my heart, spread across the pages

Collect the tears that have become part of the paper

I am not ok

But every poem is another day closer

To learning to breathe

Another day closer to being ok

Dropping the weights off my shoulders 

Shattering into words

Screaming to be heard

And I have listened.

This poem is about: 


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