There are a few things you should know,
About me and my life,
And what I've learned to not show.
You don't know what I feel,
I keep it well hidden,
But maybe I shouldn't,
And yet I feel like telling you is forbidden.
I know how to smile,
And make it look real,
But that's not the truth of the deal.
There are days I don't want to get up,
And face the world at all.
I don't want to look at you,
I barely want to look at myself.
I don't want to say a word,
But my silence will only bring questions.
So I smile and talk jovialy,
Pretending I'm okay,
But inside I am dying today.
So the exaughtion sets in,
It's tough to act all day,
But you won't know the difference anyway.
I want to be left alone,
But I know that won't happen.
I want to dissapear and never be seen,
When all I can hear my mind scream:
Fat, ugly, worthless, freak.
All these words used to describe me,
All by me, and at times yourself.
No I don't want to get up.
I want to lay here in bed and wallow in sadness.
I don't want your questions, nor pity today.
So I apologize if I seem distant.
If I am snapy when I respond to you.
I just can't handle others
When I can't even stand on my own.
I'll lay in bed, exaughsted and sleepy,
Sad and alone.
I don't want to see anyone anymore.
I want be left to my own devices,
As I try to ignore my own degrading thoughts,
But it is so much harder than anyone thought.
I'll just face everyone with a smile plastered on,
Tell them I'm okay so that they will move along.
I'm not okay, and you know it.
But you'll come by and ask,
But I'll give you the answer I give everyone,
And you'll just move along.
But I am not there, at least not fully.
I am stuck in my mind,
Fighting myself, my own bully.
So I'll just stay in bed and sleep it off,
Prayig that tomorrow it will be alright.
I know it won't be, but thats okay,
I'm sure I can survive another day.