That pain that I felt
That pain that I felt in my chest yesterday
is in my gut today
And I don't know if it's the heartbreak
moving through my veins into other parts of me
or if it happens to be the alcohol
I've kept my count, yeah
The last four weeks have been hell on my immune system
And I've been hell on my liver
I shake from withdrawl, from a lack of, from thirst
A few bottles of water
A lot of bottles of something else
They can't read my eyes when they're glazed over
I was going to stop it all, the drinking
I was going to be careful because I'd never do to you
What your father did
I wouldn't let it get the best of me
I'd be dry, clean, sparkling even
Never again would a beer pass my lips
Never again would wine touch my tongue
Except by the Holiest's command
but that would be it, the end, no more
Well, you aren't around to stop me now, are you?
You aren't around to keep me from drowning, are you?
I'm greasy, oily, fiflthy on the outside
But my insides are cleansed in the drink of the Lord
And I wanna get clean, I wanna be okay
But I don't have to anymore
When no one is pushing me to be better
I'll jump of my own volition in the opposite direction
When there's no way to go up
I'll force myself down and down and down
I know they'll never find this poem, and you won't either
Because I never want you to
I don't want you to know how close I was to letting you save me
I won't give you the credit
And I wont let you know how far I am from God now
You didn't want to be my sin
well trust me, you aren't
I took care of that all on my own, by myself, no help
So if you'll excuse me I have a bottle opener to find
And a final paycheck to drink away
I have a mind that needs numbing and lungs that need slowed
I have a body that needs forgotten and, over everything else,
I have a heart that needs healing
So in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen
Heavenly Father, bless this wine
bless this glass, bless this bottle
Because I won't be drinking any Holy Water tonight