Beneath the Surface
Location
One of my old poems:
Sometimes I feel like a puppet,
Pulled along in another's hands
Obeying the orders to do this or do that
My every rebellion already orchestrated
My attempts at freedom ended before I can try to run
Will I never be able to live as myself?
Or will I always find myself obedient to someone else's will?
Sometimes I feel invisible
Empty
A ghost
Like no matter what I do,
I'll never be able to draw a breath which is mine
I look in the mirror, and ask if that person looking back is really me.
Am I that thing in the glass? Isn't that a "Stranger"?
I don't feel like it's me.
Who am I, anyway?
What am I?
How do I know that I'm real, that I'm truly alive when I don't know that I've ever lived?
Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in the animal,
I want to scream at the world
Beat at my chest and roar.
I want to escape this cage,
Rip open the door,
Tear off these shackles.
I want no longer to go from master to master.
I want the power now.
And yet
And yet....
Do I?
Shackle me
Claim me
Master me
Open me
Free me
Make me choose.
Until you do
Until someone dares to draw near the cage
And put their fingers between the bars
I'll remain the beast.
Whether I lurk in the corner, my voice lost and broken by fear
Or I rage against the iron, bearing my fangs to all who come near
It will be the creature who reigns.
But if you should tempt fate
If you might just draw closer,
And look into my eyes
You may be surprised by what you find.
There's more to me than the surface hides
More to the face and the smile that lies