healing
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I wrote that I was going to wait for you love
Wait until my heart contempt
But I also wrote that my time is running out, and as the days goes by
I wrote that I was going to wait for you love
Wait until my heart contempt
But I also wrote that my time is running out, and as the days goes by
Old black and white pictures are faded and worn
the pain they portray is there in her eyes.
Innocence doomed from the time she was born,
no tears for a childhood she lost in the night.
I found myself starting to cry again last night,
Wondering what I could have done differently so you could love me right.
But for the first time in a while, the tears wouldn’t fall,
She is often asked why she’s still single,
But It’s really not so simple.
She’s asked herself this,
It’s officially been one month since the last time that we spoke,
And there are days where I am still trying to pick up the pieces that you broke.
And most days I am doing pretty well,
I am starting to realize that you know you were wrong,
Because I was giving you what you wanted all along.
You know that she will never treat you better than me,
Fuck all of you for constantly making me feel this way,
For needing to fight the urge to end it every single day.
Fuck you for constantly making me need to be the bigger person,
Trauma layer cakeCrack your teeth and give you A stomachacheBefore your shift at the Holiday InnBeading customer complaints out your skin
Recovery is the key,
to being healthy,
but I cannot seem to turn it.
What is the point of opening the door?
My illness questions what we are doing this for...
but I say there are future days,
Recovery is the key,
to being healthy,
but I cannot seem to turn it.
What is the point of opening the door?
My illness questions what we are doing this for...
but I say there are future days,
there’s a lot that is very hard to put on paper
indescribable if you will
I looked up at kites but never did set out to fly one myself
there’s a lot that is very hard to put on paper
indescribable if you will
I looked up at kites but never did set out to fly one myself
No you're not.
No it didn't.
No you don't.
I can't handle that.
I can't deal with you right now.
You are ten years old.
I'm sure you're just exaggerating, she's not that mean.
You are the enemy of love and light
You are the enemy of trust
You take the form of all you hate
You take advantage of lust.
I am hurting in ways I can't tell
I am afraid of your touch
I am broken in pieces, sitting behind my bedroom door,
Trying to get myself to pick up the peices of my heart that are scattered all over the floor.
You broke me in ways that I will never be able to understand,
A ghost
From so long ago
Submerged
It emerges
And echos from the past
Rise through your chest
Like a crisis
A chorus of sobs and heaving
All the way into and through
Your gut
I am the person I needed when I was younger.
And while I wish I had someone like me to kiss my boo boos
and to tell me it will be okay
and to pick me up as I tumble,
I am happy that I can be that for other peeople.
Picking petals off English daisies
Never felt this lazy
Sitting beneath autumn-colored trees
The view is shady
Watching friends frolic, dogs crashing into piled leaves
My mind is hazy
Flying to Become Impossible. I'm Universally Unlimited. Obliterating obstacles & obtaining My full potentials.
the air is thick with sky
its heaviness settles over me
and there is no telling
where you end
and i begin
with just one step
careless
or careful
I could submerge into you
It took me a long time to realize, but I have finally learned a lot about you,
And that even though I thought you were different, your actions told me that you areexactly the same by the things that you do.
We used to be close
You were like my best friend
But sadly that came to an end.
You said let's play
You locked the door,
To hide us away,
You were younger than me
But we were the same age,
You made me feel gross
You think I don't remember
But what you don't know
Is that I will live with this pain forever
On my body I make cuts
Cuts to carve away at parts that feel
It's funny how the brain works,
Suddenly reminding me of the abuse I unconsciously tried to forget.
Leaving me alone with the feelings of guilt and regret.
It’s woven into the fibre of my being
to expect tragedy.
Even in the wake of the good things
my mind is plagued by
the thought of what could be.
Having depression is weird
Because you can be at the lowest point of your life
So sad that your arms can’t move
So sad that your eyes wont stay open
So sad that every sky is a grey sky
I'm Rapunzel and I've just cut my hair off.
It meant freedom at the beginning,
But now I can see
I'm still trapped.
How am I supposed to get down now?
Hayley Williams said "burry the castle",
[NOTE: I'm a non-binary person, my pronouns are they/them. At the beggining of the poem, I talk about the period of time I considered myself a girl. When I start speaking in first personand I talk about "they" I'm talking about myself.
Sunny Days
Ice cream
Long bike rides.
Giggles ringing through the air.
It was fun.
A time of simplicity where worries were few and far between.
~ by Debi Lyn Mon, 09/27/21 - 5:30 pm
Nobody knows me; nobody cares.
Nobody loves me; nobody dares.
Nobody goes out of their way.
I hate you.
It's taken me years but I finally said it.
I hate you.
I hate how you are able to make me feel about myself.
You make me pinch at my sides desperately praying that this tissue will go away.
She walks by night
By daylight and Twilight
Step silent across gravel roads cobble streets
The girl in the flannel skirt
She doesn't eat or drink or sleep
She simply breathes
I see your very tired
Life and love has beaten you down
The days have grown long and I want to hold you in my arms
They say hurt people hurt people
Why does it always seem like it is one step forward and ten steps back?
It makes me sit and wonder, what are the skills that I seem to lack?
Deep down I know that this is what I want and that my life can be improved,
Its Feb 25th, 2021
I starting to see that people will enter my life and leave
I noticed that when I open up to people they seem to think they know me
My mind never seems to be calm
I feel as if my mind is always on fight or flight mode
as if there is never a second of peace
the truama held within is purly sad
That I shouldn't write my poetry about the curse I know as love?
Each time I have written a poem about a "Lover" that it goes to the stagnant waters; the same green grass or moss that has shattered me each time I jump from that bridge.
Just a Man
You may be just a man, but when you're before me
Your skin is marbled, your eyes are broken and jeweled
Sculpted hammer of divinity comes down, and
My skull is cracked and leaking
Adorned by a veil of mourning glories in full bloom
Laced, tethered stems joining at the base
Soft gentle petals hugging
With each years' dawn I'm leaning toward a shoulder's setting sun
For each new breath of life, we must embrace the lies we've sung
In life there are moments where it can bring you in the need to scream your pain existence.
The fire in you the passion that generates you gets tested
The rug gets pulled from underneath and all you have left is yourself.
Closing my eyes I see the hands pulling me up turning into the ones pushing me down
Voices taunting me used to be the ones rejoicing me
Though it’s not the words but the mouth they tumble out of crushes my soul
Previous month
wasn't just the end
of beginning of
new month.
It's not just how
time flies. But
how time upgrades
to new stage.
This feeling
I haven't had in a while
Heartbreak fake smiles
For every pretty girl
That wants to be mine
I don't wanna lie
Can't give them all my time
to busy writing rhymes
Floating on a cloud in my own lane. Dirt in my corner pocket, some things never change. Can’t see the bigger picture, for the frame. Growth, being stagnant or death either way nothing remains the same.
You are the greatest secret
kept from yourself.
It is in hiding your Light
that you become lost.
It is in resisting the moment,
Learning that there is beauty in patience.
The in the meantimes and in between times are purely important.
Its almost as if the struggle that you are ednduring is molding you into a beautiful white butterfly.
I think I'm okay for now.
I'm okay.
Not perfect.
Not bad.
But okay.
I guess that's okay.
I'm not more than fine.
Time is the continued progress of existence, past, present, and future as a whole
Achieving in an amount of time is goal
I Fall down onto my knees
I look up into your eyes
I can see you praying to the heavens
Set a fire in my heart
Don’t you know I want you
When the windeth blows, it's ev'r so cold
But nev'r as such within mine soul
F'r thoust claim'd I'm dark withineth
But I hast not commit'd sineth
Shall clouds rolleth in, I dear proclaim
he said "me"
I said "I"
then he kissed my neck
and whisperd "Us"
In that moment words
were sacred beings
my holy grail.
Stronger than any god
I felt my kness give in
Why is it so hard to get better when that is what you really want to do?
Some days it is easy, and other days it is so hard that the thought of being in control is something that you can't do.
time is going by
i don't think they understand when i say
that i didn't expect to be here
yesterday, today, tomorrow
every holiday i thought i would miss
the idea pushes me down overwhelmingly
it's been a year
a whole damn year
and here i am
sitting across a gym
full of people
and all i see, is you
your obnoxious smile
your loud voice
and your annoying friends
it's been a year
a whole damn year
and here i am
sitting across a gym
full of people
and all i see, is you
your obnoxious smile
your loud voice
and your annoying friends
i am no stranger to controversy and autumn.
i find peace in changing colors and falling into the arms of
women still learning to hold newborns correctly.
Let me take you back to the moment the most important person who inspires me first entered this world eighteen years ago on a late Monday night.
I see the city lights
They’re a little too bright tonight
I’m going too fast in the fast lane
I’ve become a little more reckless
Since you left
I too,
have played the fool
just like the lyrics
of the popular
song...
Yes,
fool
also known as
trickster-
that common character
subject
of myth and legend
Through time
seeking,
ever learning
after all these years
I've finally found
it-
affirmation
"voice."
Spurred by,
guided by,
others
I now know
that this
She inspires me
in the way she walks
how gracious her voice is as she talks
the magic she carries and shares wherever she goes
She inspires me
in the way she walks
how gracious her voice is as she talks
the magic she carries and shares wherever she goes
Boxes piled high
Stacked so carefully
Yet so unsteadily
One touch and they tumble
The contents spill
I pick them up
Unhealthy state can't comprehend
I project
Can't put them away
A godsend boy and a angelic girl on a field
with nothing but promises of love and adventure.
The whimper of being chilly on the summer evening
was subdued by the rhythm of his mouth on hers,
Dance it seemed to me was my life.
My love and passion
And my healing.
Dance who touched my soul in the most intimate of ways.
Its brief but beautiful touch.
The laugh, the voice
My mind can't place it
So familiar, yet so far away
Two strangers lie intertwined
Bodies bare and warm
Like a small pool of summer amidst the winter storm
Carefree and open...
She is a Dancer
She has a Dancer's Soul.
Dance was her first love
Her healing and passion
The only one she trusted
Who she turned to when times where too rough
When the emotions were too much
19
Who would’ve thought
I’d be living it up in Florida.
I always thought Maryland
Would be all I knew
And then I got uprooted to
North Carolina
And I thought I’d never leave.
3:34pm
(01/08/2020)
i hate that ive been missing you so often.
it’s like a feeling i can’t shake,
you remind of so many things that i want to forget,
One day:
I can't remember
Three days:
My tears fell on your hand.
Two weeks:
In school, they stare.
Six weeks:
A lonely sister on Christmas.
Why do I write poetry
Why am I always so sad
I tried to write a happy poem once
My sister said it sounded like a goodbye
I let a lot of childhood trauma
haunt me.
Pain, it was apart of my DNA
I learned to use it for survival.
Confusion, I was use to the illusions in my
head.
My small hands pressed into the bark of an old oak tree
It seems to whisper ancient things to me
Standing on a beach
The sand beneath my feet
Sometimes I get overwhelmed.Sometimes I need space.I hope that’s okay.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed...It feels like I’m drowning and I can’t get out.
Feelings, people, emotions, and clout.
Write yourself into history
Dance your way into the life that crashes into the unseen shores of millions.
Walk a mile in the sand in my shoes
Tell me history doesn’t deserve to know
Speak the truth
Smile smile stay
Smile smile go
Smile in denial
Crooked teeth crooked cops
Crooked world crooked rocks
Chipped teeth broken teeth
Challenge accepted smiles unprotected
Burn choke crack
Smoking Crack
To fill the crack
Smells like crack
To just get some smack
Id be alive again
Feel alive again
Try again
Walking on eggshells
A knock on the door and I let you in
All that started it was a spark, there was oxygen of course
The fire started in the place that fires do
The fire place is where it started in the first place
just in time for fall
you lose your green tint
left with no leaves at all
questioning where your life went
leave me high and dry
in the middle of the night
counting my reasons to cry
until the stars fade into daylight
the sun's rays will fill me with hope
to step off of the tightrope
I miss being comfortable with you
do you miss that feeling too?
I miss giggling until midnight with you
do you miss the laughter too?
I miss being young with you
do you miss our childhood too?
Dear me,
you are more than a score,
more than every embarrassing moment
that breaks you to your core.
you are more than glances,
more than what anxiety tells you
I watched a boy grow
smart and sweet
how was I to know
my heart would shatter at my feet?
a few times we danced
our eyes never meeting
too nervous to get the chance
The way I see it
any sentence
can become a poem,
It's just a matter of how
creative the writer
wishes to be in terms of spacing.
They say art
is a beautiful thing.
Untouched and pure, your bright serenity
Is beauty, shining rays of special gold.
This light is you, the newborn entity,
A piece of Universe’s light made bold.
It is senior year and I am
standing on the side of the road
and I can hear a truck coming.
I’ve spent my whole life telling people
what they want to hear but
nobody’s told me this one.
you were joy, broken joy,
shreds of it scattered.
and between your lines
lie chasms,
dark, endless, hopeless.
but you masked your chasms
by wringing out sunshine.
and thus,
I did not choose to lose you
To let you go violently into
That good night.
I did not choose for my heart to stop
When yours did
When paramedics covered you up
And stopped trying
Monster of greed
Longs to be seen
Ransacks the spark
It leaves its mark.
The mourning wind blows
Taking what it must.
I'm sickly in love with the scars on my hips
But they're finally starting to fade
It's a milestone of self care and redemption, but at the same time, it feels like defeat
“forget your perfect offering
just ring the bells that still can ring
there is a crack in everything
that’s how the light gets in”
-Leonard Cohen
No.
Repeat it back to me.
No, you say.
The thick blanket of unconsciousness threatens to suffocate me.
My eyes shouldn't close because I am not safe.
The air becomes dry
and the wind stops mewling
familiar hymns that I stopped singing
So that I may talk to you
We all claim to need closure.
And yes, it is quite a wonderful thing to have.
To know the exact science of, why, how, who, and when.
But sometimes that doesn't happen.
What have you lost?
What have I lost?
A sin we sentence ourselves to
Losing someone we love
Someone we would never lose
At some time in your life you will experience the type of love that will engrave its name on your skin similar to that of a tombstone engraved “ Rest In Peace”.
By : Brianna Garcia
1,2,3
hey little Bri
Everything has changed
It's not how it used to be
from a shy little girl
curled up in her head
to a full grown women
snow queen
iced and blue
my heart is hurting
dripping icicles
pause
refreeze.
what kind of love is this?
fuck.
fuck the kind of love
that doesn’t bring you peace.
what they do not tell you about being in the hospital is the waiting
waiting in your room
waiting at the tables
waiting in group for people to finish describing the colors of the monsters that are devouring their soul
I fear being in the wrong
Me, on the other end of the spectrum
And i do not do wrong very well
Unadulterated anger
and bitterness coursing
shamelessly through my veins
Raindrops
Pooling on my windowsill
Splish splash, splish splash
A cool breeze
Wind chimes twinkling and twirling
Crickets chirping
As the lightning bugs flutter about
I am in love with the rain.
The way it cleanses my heart,
and soaks up my pain.
The way it relieves me from the draining sunlight
that had burned up all my emotions and left me a barren wasteland.
Shadow...
Now she's the girl he told everyone about,
bragging, changing, manipulating the reality of what really happened.
She got stripped of her clothes, stripped of her trust, stripped of her youth.
This white porcelain bowl
I’m kneeling over it
The cold rim I grip with my fingers.
I am white knuckled
Tears are running down my face,
Waiting.
Waiting for a sign,
Broken, damaged, lost,
Crying for help,
Screaming into the void,
‘Help me, please, someone help me.’
I heard once, that the “only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
But my god, the way I feel in the dark says otherwise.
You don't scare me, mister.
The way you threw me to the floor.
Ran me through your fingers,
Like sand and broken pieces of myself.
Bleeding, crying and hiding.
Scared of the train that went past your house at exactly midnight,
but really just scared of everything.
You were supposed to run wild and build blanket forts.
Even though the sky weeps with us today, tomorrow shares the warmth of sunshine and friendship, healing our sorrows in the light of rainbows.
It is two am- the limbo between morning and night-
and I have to be up in 5 hours max.
Can't sleep.
All I can think about is time travel
'cause I just watched a movie where they played with time
These bed sheets are arms,
Holding me,
Eating me alive.
They moisten with the pressure of clandestine prayers,
Breath a ghost,
The ghost of you,
Do you know what it is like to be afraid of everything?
Terrified of what has been,
terrified of what's to come.
I'm afraid of my own passing shadow,
when I turn and when I walk.
I'm afraid of myself.
Don´t stop
Don´t drop
Keep goin on
even when live
tries to strive
after luck
don´t you see it looks like a Puck
Don´t stop
Don´t drop
there is an answer
I wake up each day, a new dawn,
a new beginning, filled with new possibilities
letting yesterday's failures fade
and yet they stick to me like the sap from a tree.
so when Geoff sings “here’s to this year I never thought I’d make it through” I put my arms around someone else who did make it & swayed along as the clock swung itself past midnight at the end of December
Gravitating backwards she declines,Liquefying to earth's compression's,Ruined but intertwined,Cannot bypass innocent transgression.
How to thank someone to whom I owe everything? The silent struggle with this new stranger unable to trust my heart crying, “danger”. The silence stretched in a power struggle while I stared at the wall not moving a muscle.
You make my skin crawl
For you are unaware of your actions
you say for you are not the predator
But for me,
I am your prey.
Everyday I hide in my dark shadows
The hood also known as the ghetto, el barrio, the projects, section 8 and home.
A place where family functions don't end till the next day.
Gravitating backwards she declines,
Liquifying to earths compressions,
Ruined but intertwined,
Cannot bypass innocent transgression.
Paved away from those dementions,
Couldn't shake her desolation,
took a journey starting yesterday
It started on the phone
A car
A hospital
A bed
And ended with “goodbye”
You don’t know how you plucked my heart like a rose and it skipped a beat as you
whispered the sweetness of sonnets.
I do not see what you see,
When I look at myself, I still see myself at 13,
Eyeliner thick and black,
Trying so hard to be a part of something,
Drinking at parties,
I always hated when people would look at my scars,
With a look of regret.
Giving me a look of
“I should’ve been there”
Yeah
I would like to thank
My past love
For the pain she put me through,
And the healing I was forced into
For it was the healing,
Stitching of the broken halves of my heart
Tassels of ebon hair
That spilled over your shoulders Like rich coffee
With a hint of creme.
You smiled at me
With those freckles that stood out against your pale skin
And those rosy red lips
Sometimes my brain kicks on overdrive
Running in circles and swirls and lines
Antsy with thoughts I can't place racing by
I can only conclude that I won’t be fine.
One such day I took a walk
In a mind with no terrain A way forward is deemed impossible Instead a cloud looms, attempting shape Stirring itself indefinitely As if constant flux will produce its form Its stagnant slosh makes me nauseous So, pained, puzzled, a
The words on the tip of her tongue are like daggers
Gliding through silence, stabbing at past memories,
Slicing open old wounds. It hurts - healing. Ripping
Poetry
I may not understand
Your words may not speak clear to me
But the passion you are feeling
I feel too
A gnashing cruelty and an
unfading whine like
A VCR spilled over with vase-water,
Keeps the shadowed part of me
Beating;
It is not a reflection of the
Upbringing that
So she picked up her pencil
And wrote to the world about the Storm
that left her soaked in golden blood.
Must she be left in pieces
From the gentle winds
Of the violent Storm?
Overcome with feeling
Looking for ways of healing
Turning to the words
When speaking comes out blurred
Poetry speaks volumes
So listen.
What poetry has taught me is easy to see.
It's made me actually deal with, well, me.
I have learned that it's okay to have insecurities.
It's alright to acknowledge the anxiety.
I always seem to findmyself here. These cement blocks,jutting out of the dirt likemoss-covered stepping stones.They lead the way and beckon me witha brittle finger. But you are nothere.
Bruises of words blue and black
Pain, and disregard, and bleeding attacks
So I come to
Lines of words white on black
Ambrosia and nectar for scars
Sketched in the mind
On the sky, stars
Browsing the shelves of knowledge that I have retained in my mind,
I take a moment to reminisce and bring to light what I gathered from every life experience.
Love.
Poetry
I was never the best at poetry
when I was younger I hated it
Yet, I kept trying, trying to make metaphors of my life
but the page was left empty as I sat with zero inspiration
Why can I never find words on my tongue?
They lay curled up in my palms instead,
leaking into the ink of pens or
clutched in fists like painkillers or sleeping pills.
The voice in my head constructed
I was in a grey battlefield
death and steam surrounding me
when a little blonde girl
in a blue sundress with white flowers
held my hand and led me out.
She didn't even pay attention to
She needed someone to lead her out
of the fire
but instead she got folks who just wanted to
lock up the arsonist.
Was grabbing the perpetrator in a timely fashion
more agreeable than saving his victims?
Life with its bountiful ups and downs,
and times of excitement and fear,
will always get better.
For poetry is a path,
an unobtrusive outlet,
that emancipates negativity,
including all its effects,
Like dark chocolate and sweet tasting coffee. Like raindrops that come just before a hurricane. You were my premonition of the destruction that would come after. “If only’s” are the only things I have left
Fingers to keys:
A familiar click-clacking symphony that warms my heart and feeds my soul.
I’m throwing words to my thoughts, my emotions, my trials and tribulations out into the abyss.
For once I’m not silent.
Do you remember what was true before you let the thoughts consume you?An unrecognizable face in a crowd you’ve allowedTo become a disguise you used to hideEvery bruise, cut, scarThe times you tried.
One o'clock strikes
A time of night not many dare seek
Weary limbs move
Begging for rest
Two o'clock strikes
Another hour gone by
'Why oh Why' she cries
Rest is far
Breathe, in and out
Curtains closed, Slowly open
Smile, Bigger, Happier
Don't shake, Don't show your nerves
Move, Grace, and poise
Children watch and Dream
One day it will be them
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“Do you think you can forgive me?”
He asked me this while there was still blood between my teeth.
He asked me this while I held my own right thumb, because
I miss
the trace,
the tickle,
the care
as your fingers
ran down my sides
as if
Hope is not a fuzzy feeling.
Hope is not rainbows and butterflies and cupcakes.
Hope is not soft and sweet relief.
Hope is knowing that you can survive
I was used to the struggle, the suffering, the pain and disappointments that life kicked out.
I thought it was expected to feel neglected, rejected and best to just accept it than let hope replace doubt.
It has been fifteen years. Sometimes I wonder
If when I cry you shed tears, too, and I wonder
Will I go deaf soon? I try to drown out your shouting matches.
The percussion leads your voice. The great wave crashes
I never knew what it was like to feel whole.
There were always holes.
And that big, 10 letter D-word
Always hanging over me like a teetering sword.
Waiting any moment to collapse into pieces,
1. Your eyes look like the ocean,
Full of wonder and mystery,
And inviting me in,
I had to take a swim.
2. Your veins ran like rivers down your forearms,
I know how it feels
To live in a house but sleep in the guest room,
Have to ask if you can eat this cereal, or that bread, or that milk,
Guns,
Bombs,
Air raids.
I watch in awe as the laughtr fades.
One dead body,
Three more on their way.
I wonder what their parents will say.
You start to wonder,
Meeting you was like finding my favourite song,
learning all the lyrics won't take very long.
Your eyes had a fire,
one I know I'd surely desire.
A desire for you to take those gracious hands of yours,
You don’t understand
that when I say
“It was hard for me
to get out of bed today,”
it was because
I had to peel myself
She taught herself how to lie. Through gritted teeth she claims that she's fine, but the world sees otherwise. She has fought for so long. Collecting purple hearts from the battles her soul has faced.
i taught you how to love again. i helped you open up your heart to more than just the familiar. the love you had grown to know.
to you, who loved me without love:
it has been so long.
three years ago
You were everything.
had not
touched me yet
Dear Heart,
It's me againYes, I know I've been gone for awhile Yes, I still love you No, You are not alone
Cover up Your cracks are showing
Stop bleedingYour color is fading
To my dear depressing thoughts,
You’ve been apart of my life for so long.
Living, breathing and hurting inside of me.
Its been awhile since I’ve felt you.
I’m sure you’ve come back to open my wounds again.
Dear ED,
How you made me feel like Eve,
at the early age of 13.
Taking me to the Garden of Eden,
just by opening up that one Teen Vogue magazine.
Dear Fear,
You are my closest friend
You live inside my head and decide what's best
You keep my grades high so I can follow my dreams
You keep home and safe from all danger
Some days
the dam breaks.
And the laughter
you've been using as a mask
turns to heaving sobs
And the floodgates
open to the salty tears
And you could begin
to rebuild the wall
Dear Trauma, my constant companion,
We got together ten years ago
it's hard to forget.
You help me, remind me to be careful.
Not to trust men who smile so kindly.
If I have you with me
Chrysanthemum, you
Will be a garden most beautiful
I am your water, your earth
Suck me dry
Take from me everything I can give
Your many dead petals, let them fall
Shed the things that make you withered
To the skeletons in my closet and the demons in my head,
I just need you to that I need to sleep when I go to bed
You come to me in the middle of the darkness of the night
Dear Past Me,
Depending on when you read this, you could be one of many things.
You could be young and bright,
Filled to the brim with life,
Next month will be a year since we been broken up. But every time I look at you old feelings get woken up. I finally have the girlfriend I think I've always wanted. But how can I fully be happy if in my thoughts you've haunted. I'm not saying I wa
I don't have scars
I've never felt the tension
and the sweet release
a surprise so pure
and innocent
Breaking the surface
raw, primal pain
sharp breaths
Tangy, coppery
Dear Pain,
There are things that need to be said
but the words always seem to run
There are actions that ought to be taken
but the rhythm seems undone
The tears appears all dried up
I can feel the memories of you deep inside my heart
I feel the ghosts of you around the house
I see the physical reminders of you
I see your car and want to scream knowing it’s a lie
Sabrina-
Why
Why do you lie?
Why do you hide?
How are you so fucking awful?
I'm over it though.
You're not even worth the ink.
P.S. fuck you
Also life is going to crash down on you-
One kiss.
Sometimes that's all we get.
Now I'll never wonder-
Call me if you ever need feelings.
I have plenty to spare.
I don't know what it is about you.
Don't know why
I ever even tried.
You play Neil Young-
maybe you also played me.
Your arms are warm BUT our bed smells of something rotten.
We hardly ever speak.
Dear Rye,
There are a lot of things swirling inside you
Emotions and memories and darkness that
You don’t know quite how to process
There is a girl sitting in front of me
I have known her for years and
Though we are not friends we
Are not acquaintances either
She is talking about something
YOU CAN'T HAVE MY CROWN IT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU, IT BELONGS
TO ME...
I HAVE WORKED HARD FOR ALL MY BLESSINGS OF STRENGTH
AND CREATIVITY..
I CONQURED DEPRESSION AND DESTRUCTION..
To pepper,
you had to be so spicy.
so
tasty
Small doses turned
into numbness
My sister
ate so much
salt in
her meals that
she forgot what salt tasted like
Dear Daddy,Where have you been?It's been 13 years,but my skin still crawlswith imprints of your finger
We were getting stoned
and had just taken gravity bong hits.
She wondered if I was as high as she was,
but I wasn't.
She told me to tell her when I got there.
She had a question, she said.
Dear Depression,
Are you enjoying yourself?
This is another day.
Why can’t you just leave me!
You rest on me like dust on an unused bookshelf.
You bring nothing but distaste; I wonder what it must be
Although it's been two years, my mind still starts to wander
You occupy my thoughts, and I still always ponder
About how different my life would be if back then I had knew
The repercussions I would face because I love you
You are the soundtrack of my life.
And even though I am unable
To rewind,
I play in my head,
Over and over,
The quirky voicemails you leave me.
Broken bones
And a broken heart
Blued skin
And waterfall tears
Fixed
By flowers of false love
I look in the mirror
And see everything he couldn't.
I see the angel kisses spread across my skin
Even the one on my lip.
I see the gentleness in my eyes
And the hope in my smile.
this is not love: feeling not enough for what she wants feeling like just another person to kiss not anyone special
this is not love: "i don't want you to see the bad parts of me."
the skin i wear is dry.
i fear that my knees
have been on the floor
for too long.
pleading for my loss
to return.
my mother said,
“mix lime with honey,
Because I love you
I will uplift you everyday
Because I love you
You will throw any negative connotations about yourself away
You are beYOUtiful
Yes in your own way.
Friends are your soulmates too.
But there is a time when all stands still.
The ticking tocking hands begin to freeze
Her heart, steadily begins to beat
Motion meets defeat, as her reasoning comfortably takes the back seat
Time is a
soft and gentle mother,
who puts a steady hand on
the small of your broken back
and whispers, "It's time to
move on, sweetheart,"
and for once, you
can actually listen.
Toxic thoughts arrive uninvited
Memories of love unrequited
Undecided on what’s there for me, I wonder why you weren’t there for me
Everyone said, “Tread carefully”,
I was running on ice and never knew I fell in
Because I Love You,
Please Eat.
it's been three days and
you are so shakey
it's like you could crumble
at any second.
Breathe.
in and out,
it seems impossible in the moment
I'm another casualty to the weapon of love.
The trigger pulled by joined hands.
Claims of compassion suffocating my every breath,
Nearly as strong as the words of manipulation.
"You're my everything"
For my entire life
I never had a close friend
And a life of outlandish interests
Outcast me from the mainstream
And left me in a bubble.
i guess i’ll back away from you, untangling the knots i’ve made around the concept of us. why does love always leave me with scabbed knees from landing too hard on the concrete.
Summer time, crisp hot air, beautiful blue sky, and calmness,
Heart damaged along with a wall built up the highest; trying to forget,
Walking to the corner store to get some drinks,
age seven
[don't hurt me again] "why are you doing that?"
handful of assorted pills
stained nightgown, innocence ruined
"it's okay, munchkin. i do it because i love you"
age thirteen
the kind of love that i never knew i could feel someone caring about my wellbeing frequently checking in. someone who gives me strength to believe in myself. someone who saw my deepest secret carved in my skin, and didn't ignore it. that day you w
A sleeping beauty,
resting oh so peacefully,
rosy red lips,
long lash tips,
a darling doll,
out like a light,
with this in her drink,
there will be no fight.
After the fact,
The moon paints over the sun
And reverses all emotion
As day turns into night
Your fears begin to take flight
Mystery reveals itself
In the dust on your bookshelf
The whirling changes spin you around
Being myself is so hard sometimes.
I am a muslim woman.
I am also a vietnamese woman.
I am a bisexual Vietnamese muslim woman.
I am part of the first generation in my family born outside of Vietnam.
Have you ever felt a forest fire in your wrists?
Have you ever felt your blood in waves through your veins, boiling, melting your skin?
I am sewing a dresswith the thread of strength,And knots of ambitions,And when it’s ready, Then will iron itwith the remission,I am sewing my broken soul!
His beauty is unspeakable and incomparable;
not because his words are able to inflict pain upon me,
but because his heart will forever beat in sync with mine.
Do you see now?
Our hate is causing people to bleed out.
Our love has disappeared into thin air.
The air which we steal from the lungs of another.
My stomach churns when I remember how you touched my skin
squeezing my rib cage
gripping my hips so hard you leave finger prints
teeth marks on my breasts nearly breaking the skin
Breathing in
And out
As tears cascade down
From eyes that have
Not yet seen light
Down her gentle
Features until they
Reach the cliff
Of her face and
Drop to the floor
-splash.
A broken boy, a battered girl
Soil from which the fern uncurl.
From two lives, were seeped in pain
Somehow we found our hearts again.
A world of darkness, two specks of light
How lucky she may be, to be in love. He sits in front of the stop sign Inactive, senses numb. Fighting for a country, flag on his back Completely shunned. He, she, and the flag all stitched together by Non-existent wind.
1. You will feel so sore the next day that you're entire body will feel like a bruise, and people will notice.
Why do I do such hurtful things..
My mind, body & soul are just in separate places
I feel I'm not where I'm suppose to be
Lifting my eyes to the sky above me,
I enjoyed one last glimpse of the light.
And as I prepared my heart, in came the clouds of darkness
To surround me in a seemingly endless night.
Shallow glimpses,An idyllic panorama.Fields of Elysium, here on earth -As far as the eye can strain.As wide as the voice can throw.
I don't remember how it began. I don't remember exactly when it started; whether it was back in fifth grade or freshman year.
I remember telling myself that I lost. I quit eating. I quit caring. I left college December 7,2015.
I told myself that I would go back soon.
When I was thirteen,
I knew exactly who
I was going to marry.
He would be tall,
and strong,
with black hair
and even blacker eyes.
He would be my protector.
Rita June,
staring silent at Indiana snow,
robed up in a worn, old, pink throw
lights her cigarette by the kitchen window.
She squints and she licks her thin, blotted lips,
All around the floor scattered pieces lay,
Pieces of red, white, and black.
Tear running down my face,
My body limp on the floor.
I pick up the pieces,
but they all shatter at my touch.
I once was able to breathe
To see the world
To go outside and smile
Now I pray to stop
To close my eyes
And stay in my room and suffer
The healing is slow
But I try
A year ago your angry handsLeft red and purple sunset marks on my porcelain skin.Your lips dripped honey-covered apologies,But nothing ever really changed.
I've been blind
I've been blinded
I've been so blind that I can't see the signs
I don't notice the signals
I don't know what you want
Hell I don't even know what I want
I try to stay positive
but lately that just means gettin’ lit.
What's easier rolling one
or facing my problems?
I'll tell you right now,
happiness is halfway through the bottle.
The bitter, scarring painOf those I thought to be my friendsTurning and rejecting me.Family and loved onesAre not the same people.My childhood innocenceFades more and more rapidly.All the grief and heartacheOf years pastShred my heart to pieces. I
The countdown states 699 days.It has been 699 days since he died,since I recieved a phone call.
In the year of
still not our lord
but better known as 2016
I celebrated
I grieved
and was introduced to a newer
January
Another year, another promise to myself to be happy
February
The weather outside isn’t the only thing that’s cold
The sadness transformed into hatred
March
I refuse to give up this time,
Betrayed.
Cast away.
How could they do this to me?
I guess they were just too afraid.
Unforgivable,
and Unforgettable
What they did was not okay.
Time to live life my way.
”im not hungry” , says the stomachthe stretch of the esophagus is in yoga practice with my stomach lininginstead of dining there is immense thirstoften for fine winewhich feels like kisses past my tonsils
It is the decison you make one day, when you had enough of watching everything that
has sinked you down. So, you take the stance and draw a map of yourself and see the
Where would an emotionalist and a sentimentalist turn to if not to poetry?
How would a kick here and a punch there heal if not for poetry?
Your will alone, and none of my own.Whether healing or loss, I look to the cross.All You have planned, I may not understand,But I still trust in You, for that's all I can do. Since You know it all, on my knees I will fall.Every night, every day, I
Cleansing myself with words from God
Uttered through melodies of Truth
Wrapping themselves around my broken heart
Soothing my soul.
Let my pain soak the sheets of the bed that holds me
Let it permeate the walls confining me
Let it seep out of my pores and into oblivion
Bones poking
potruding, prodding
pride? how does this belong
looking in the mirror I feel disgust
but not from the bones
from the skin
how can i not see the horror
4.07.16
He left me in March
buried beneath the dirt.
The showers poured in April
and cleaned away the hurt.
I will blossom in May,
for this is my rebirth.
For all my favorite Roses Born into tragedy; she is celebrated, adored, nurtured, envied, blessed - she is beaten, sacrificed, scrutinized, enslaved, damned -
A small, meek girl with brown eyes and braids
Expressing her creativity through words on a page
Teachers commented, "quite ambitious for the second grade"
She simply released frustations with writing rather than rage
Theres a difference between
Calluses and Scars
Suprisingly both are relatively permanent
Both are made through weather and age
But while my scars are put there
By things I did not do
I am 14 and I am sinking to the bathroom floor for the third time this week.
I read all the instructions,
Filled out all the forms,
But still I have fallen behind.
I never speak up in class,
What if I told you that poets were overrated?
Someone who can only write when they’re sad,
Or in love or in bliss or in need of desperate rent money,
Is like a flower that only drinks from a tsunami.
From the time we are children, we paint promises.
Promises about sharing our lunch, the bunch of brightly colored silly bsnds, worn so proudly on our wrists,
Unaware of the risks, we take when painting promises.
I am healing
I am healing
I am healing
I am a soft flower feeling
I am the lost eyes on a bedroom ceiling
I am the loss of innocence
I am the young girl seeking
Words…
The words I so quickly scribbled
Healed my mental anguish more than
Any medication from the doctor ever could
Or would.
Words…
Feel like home.
The home I have been frantically
A spark
It connects
Not like love
But something
Just as special
Strings slowly
Reach out
And start
To tie
Into knots
Lots and lots
Until soon
All you see
Beautiful lies
But once it turns
Into truth
It's ugly
And painful
I trusted you
With my bare heart
And even though
I gave support
And encouragement
When I prayed
My wildflower, forest sprite—
I'll paint you pictures of all your light
For words could not do it justice.
Imagine myriads of stars
Above the velvet tops of trees
—The greenest in the forest for you—
Although you are not mine anymore
My heart will carry you regardless
My rock my everything
Why did you have to go
You carried so much of me
You pulled me out from the dark
When I couldn't breath
There was a time when only two things kept me afloat.Music, and Poetry.When daddy was downing shots and doing drugs,And the lawyers wouldn't believe mom.When daddy's new wife beat my little sister with a brush,
It is you with whom I speak, when the pen becomes my voice.When the cell bars of this prison-like mind slide open,you are the haven I seek under the full moon at 3 a.m.
A flower,
A beautiful bloom,
A well-lit room,
A beautiful girl,
Latina and lovely.
She made my scars beautiful,
With the soft touch of a sharpie,
And the graceful touch of art.
They ask me what I could never do without
and I am tempted to say a name or a place
But I realize now what I could not survive without
The Pew
Sitting in the pew at church you reached over and held my hand. When you did this HOPE is what I felt.
I've been broken and battered
Shaken and shattered
I've been waiting for patience
By God…
I wish life was more gracious
I had lost my way and couldn't see the light
A heart can be corrupted,
Suffocating under the malicious hand of darkness,
Its armor chipped away piece by piece
By the thoughts that torment our souls,
I had looked forward to this year
Ignorant of what was to come
Why did it have to start with tears
Life was lachrymose, very glum
There are times
Times of happiness and times of joy. Moments that I feel like the sun.
But you can't look at the sun.
The sun
It shines so endlessly, affecting everyone it touches
Tragedy brings me back where I started
The things that break me take me back
Back where I started
Peace
Joy
Contentment
My heart mends
You, Dear Friend, are the center of my strength
Let me love away your pain.
let me kiss away your
scrapes and bruises until
nothing but the stars know
of our broken hearts.
As long as the stars persist their memories
will hold our scars.
Here you are
A hole in my heart
Waiting for the gum
To fill up inside
Friendly fire
In the game of hearts
How strange I find myself uttering these thoughts where
Once I would have not even thought them so
I swear the night heals
I swear on the dirt, it's healed, some a broken heart
I see her come to it, the broken one
With her heart aches
And her head aches
And her hurts
I want to tell you I will do anything to keep what we have together,
That I will try to follow through and give my effort to do better.
Take me along for the ride send me deep into your swirling tides
I want your grip to keep me in the instant of falling but don't give way
Let your cool breath drown me and your warmth keep me
Push me and pull me
My name means healing
But I wonder if she knew that
From the life she lived I thought that maybe my name signified
Destruction
Pandemonium
Chaos
That I was bastard personified
It's giving wholeheartedly and not receiving
You pour into someone else
and they don't pour back into you
Leaving you empty
With a bottomless void to fill
The empty void hurts
Such major change so quickly
Rain on me, why don't you world
Break my heart and give me peril
Falling rain, like teardrops from my eyes
Soak me in tragedy and pain
Take it back, you can't
Once i carried her between my arms nd chest , even in a dream .. joy and relief is just how i felt
She was like the ringing bell that ended my miserable test, and tells me that i did well and i can go back to sleep in my nest
Wounds, that illuminate...That spirit, that planted the seed…unknown!Just a biological relationship…is not a home.The soulknows you not…Depart from thee.
The moonlight rays
Slice through your window,
Similar to the way
The blade kissed
Your skin only moments ago.
You look out with
Blurry vision and
*in response to my n'th reading of The Book Thief by Mark Zusak*
It's 11am and 257 pages
The words have rinsed over my beaten and bruised soul
as the rain.
Love is inevitable pain
It claims an unforgiving reign
It'll torment the heart
And tear it apart
But love will also heal
It can make you feel
She walks within, she walks without
She shines in the sun's rays
And she shines when the lights have gone out
Radiating warmth she glides towards us
In her wake is love and joy
*this describes in great detail sexual abuse so stop reading now if you can't handle it*
im meeting my childhood monster next month
no one knows he's my monster
no one even knows i have a monster like him
I'll use the kindness,
I know, I might, have within
Although beauty isn't skin deep,
I can smell your bones rotting within
How bitter, how cruel?
Your deviouness is brewing inside of you
How do I sound?
Through the smile I place on my face
Sometimes I sound like tears (I’m choking back)
From the strain of all of this weight on my shoulders
“It’s all in your head.”
“Chemical imbalance. You just have to deal with it.”
“You’re just looking for attention.”
I thought His love for me was infanite
Him. It was Him. Just simply and soley Him
I wanted Him and only Him.
He, on the other hand,
Wanted to use me
I am 18 years old and I fully understand that the world is so cold.
I am 18 years old with a story that is not yet told.
I am 18 years old and I've seen a lot of things.
There are some things
I cannot say with words
So rather than write a poem
I'll pick up another face
Except this time,
When I sew it on
I'll leave a corner unstitched.
I ask you to listen to me
You hear my words but you only hear, not listen
You have not done what I've asked
I ask you to care for me
You care about me but only to an extent
You have not done what I've asked
And this is how it starts. We're halfway into this cheap bottle of wine, both of us have seen "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" at least three dozen times, and don't think I haven't noticed your hand on my thigh.
No filter on this outgoing personality. I want to make friends with everyone and have tons of fun. No filter on my past.
You know its funny: life
Im 17 and dont know anythig about it
one time i wanted to end it wih a knife
but now i love it wth out a dobt
Im learning all of my flaws
the beautiful ones
The world describes using filters
and wearing makeup
as a way to hide our true selves from the world
Clean?
Clean, clean, clean...
clean...
one more time...
just one more...
twice more...
thirce more...
I swear I'll stop...
soap, water
scrub, scrub, scrub
hot, scaulding
I feel so alone.
Broken.
Constantly removed from all that's shown.
Solitary. Confined.
My words go unspoken.
When I feel like I've made a bad decision
Like giving too much of myself
Or taking advantage of someone else
Poetry replenishes me.
When I do things that cause me to feel empty
I write, and my words heal me
For Losing shall I ever be Great
Losing long nights of pain
Before they found her
Quenching the thirst of my innocece
Saturating my pillow from sorrow
For Losing I am Confidence
For as long as I can remember,
my best friend was me.
Until I started to turn on myself,
feeling trapped rather than free.
I felt ugly and worthless
inside and out.
Being stuck in my head
The door finally closes, another day spent,
Another act finished, but I’m not content.
I look in the mirror, stare into my eyes –
Were they fooled today by my act, my disguise?
My flaws are my weapon.
The scars on my body distract from the scares on my mind.
I have seen things.
He got depressed
The pain had got the best
Of him and his mind
No one knew of his distress
Because he was the best
At hiding things
He chose the blade and then gently caressed
I Need new Jordans
I Need a Iphone 6
I Need is really what you want, "But i gotta have it i need it now"
The pleasure of what you desire in hand is an amazing feeling.
I want water
I want food
I'm always thinking and I'm dreaming
I'm always creating and my eyes are gleaming
With the thoughts of what can be and what will
My optimism is why I cannot keep still
and some people wonder where it comes from
Life is bleak
Like an empty page
Feeling agitated, restless, or violent
Ripped, crumpled pages, and broken pencils
This block -
The first step to a solution
Is a problem
Life is unplanned
You’ve got to breathe.
Take a deep breath and stop crying.
You’ve got to do this.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
her life isnt as perfect as it seems
its filled with false hopes
and fucked up dreams
and when she searched the world
she failed to find her
one
and only
piece of mind
Tomorrow is the heaviest word here
It is too large to pronounce
Too solid to swallow without seawater
I have no more room in my mouth for it
I'm stiill learning how to say "junior in high school"
When I was four I loved my brother and he broke his arm
he screamed and fell and I didn't know what to do
so I gave him marshmallows
When I was seven I loved a doll and I cut its hair
Shes beautiful and strong . She gave us life and is wise when to take it. She loves you even if you attack her. She gives to us, even when we steal from her. She tries to warn us but we won't listen.
i cannot find
those words
i wrote
how can i
when i wrote them
long ago
weeks
years
months
seconds
lifetimes
how can we
find anything
in this world
I met him in my dreamsI could hear him in my headI'm not sure what it all meansBut im holding on by a thread I write and think of you
I could say,
"Mama, Mama, Mama, come help me"
but you are so busy living out a Colorado fantasy
The cold pillow is engulfed around your face, full of tears, full of dreams and memories shattered.
there's something obscure about closure and asking for help
ten years ago I would have shied away
ten years today I'm still ashamed though, and when I write
or take pictures, or try to play the guitar
He wants a smarter girl
With just enough charm and wit
But knows when to keep her mouth shut
Someone he can be proud of
Someone that hasn’t disappointed
Someone he can control with a look
Introducing: the storm that brews in her mind...
It's force and undying winds become too much to bear
Left her drained, dry, just an empty shell
A foggy reflection, an expressionless stare
One voice
speaking out to the world
I speak for the youth that are constantly being silenced
Freedom to speak
confused as violence
my words, can be used as a form of protest
Why the fuck do we need money to help people with injuries or illnesses?
Why can't all of the countries around the world make an agrrement to make health care free?
I never knew
how fast time
could fly.
And as the clock is clicking by,
I’m wondering why,
It has to be this way.
Whatever happened to the day
The cheating hurt, but besides that so did the lies and the punches.
Im glad its over, I took a stand and I left.
Im glad you know that you hurt me.
My tears weren't just the sadness you gave me.
I'm opening this door just for you
I want to have you in my life
I want to have you in my sight
All you need to know
Is everthing will be alright
I know all you see is pain
She looks in the mirror and paints her face because a painted smile is easier than a plastic one and makeup is cheaper than a surgeon. She’s beautiful and she’s the only one who doesn’t know it. She’s lost in the dark. Running. Searching.
Hope is feeling left out because your two best friends have significant others. Hope is someone you’ve known for three years telling you their love story.
Threw it all when You lost it all
Threw the cause you find a way
Just to let us know and say
I'm with you today
And when you are beaten down
You get right back up
When you try
You never give up
There is nothing I hate more
than to watch people suffer
with problems they could easily solve,
all because they're too afraid to say something.
Everyone has that thing they can't say
to anyone else
Tears fall from closed eyes, eyes so beautiful they should never be sad. There is a joy, a light of life within them.
I would say that writing is
bleeding from the soul
a release of ideas from the back of the mind
an escape for oneself
where judgment cannot take its toll.
And this is true in some ways
but
we've all loved
We've all lost
But all can be found
We'll all live
We'll all die
We'll always strive
For better or worse
To love and be loved
We'll find whT was once lost is now found
Walls divide, rivers flow, days turn to night, healing is an agent of compassion.
to be Heard
rip opEn the chest
And feel the emotions
Ripped from your lips
hear Me, oh future, oh past
hEar me, oh children born, old men dead
Now is the time to act
Calm, my thoughts.
Be still, my pounding heart.
Dry, my tears.
We cannot help but part.
Steady, my hands.
Be strong, my soul.
Breathe, my lungs.
One day I'll fill the hole.
I wanted lavender walls to enlighten the pain while walking through the door
Stained glass windows to add color to dull days
Tan carpet that felt soft on all the rough skin it touched
Prom today.
Well I guess yesterday since it’s 2 AM.
Everything is so dramatic, and you avoided me all night.
Until you got wasted at Mac’s, then you said hello to me.
Prom is tomorrow. I put my dress on today.
The dress you helped pick out.
I stood in front of the mirror. I looked at myself.
And I thought: was I not pretty enough?
...sitting in a room, empty, consuming
the thoughts surrounding the little heart inside
as a tear begins to form, and slowly falls to the floor,
a voice silently questions, what are those tears for?
faces grey
carved with hate
heads shaven like
a landscape stripped of vegetation
and left to the barren ground
acid eaten faces
with small hard dark eyes
figures devoid of the touch
Who told us that life would be so hard
Our past haunting us,
The future looming ahead,
We struggle to enjoy and succeed in the present.
I have given up the hope for my life to be perfect
Unicorn and Dragon,
Water to heal,
Soul refreshed.
Girly,
Childish,
But so beautiful.
This
Lurked within me
This
Let me heal.
They told me it was a bad decision.
I told them I saw good.
They told me he'd be a bad influence.
I told them it'd be the other way around.
They told me he wouldn't treat me right.
I told them he'd changed.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Yes, I still care
But, what’s it to you?
You showed no respect,
No emotion at all.
So why did I stay
When you put up a wall?
My eyes, crystal clear.
I'm opned, anew...
Inspired too.
None other than the word love can explain it-
It's bubbling over, unable to contain it.
Not wishing to do so, I wish I had none.
Give me hope
Let me be a beautiful flower that blooms from the ashes of an un-privileged past
Give me hope
Let me feed from the opportune victals of a chance for higher education
Give me hope
I want to take you apart.
Bit by bit, deconstructing with my mind.
Bones and skin and muscles
Take you down to your most basic components.
I want to see you stretch.
I want to coax your skin into
according to my tattoo artist
my paper is skin thin my skin is paper thin.
thin skin means more scarring means shitty tattoos.
i am not capable of holding ink.
i never had your heart, you never placed it in my hands.
but i just want you to know that i could handle it.
not that you'd ever decide i'm strong enough to, but just in case you ever wondered.
Why can't I smile?
I haven't smiled in years.
Unless you count the grimaces I conjure
when a camera dares draw near.
Why can't I sing?
I used to all the time.
Tunelessly and horridly,
Everyone knows the myths of the keys;
The namesakes of the human frame.
Those keys unlock with an ease,
Skeleton is their only name.
They unlock doors and unlock chests,
She closes her eyes until it is over and hides in the shame of her room.
She won’t tell a soul for fear she’ll be shouldered, and scorned for her frail defense.
When you start off young you see yourselfan astronaut among the starsor driving in all the fancy cars. You never know what mess you’ll get in
I was once toldThat we are all made of stardust.Some doubt this theory,But I can testify of its truth.
I don't understand why you turn backs on friends. First you tell stories using my name,Just so you have someone to blame. Then only after you make all these harmful jokes,It's my self-confidence you've begun to choke.
You entered my world.
The world that no one else sees.
You take my hand and guide me to the place that I hate.
You lie me down wrapping your arms around me.
What do I want?
I want to hold out my hand and stop your tears
Did you know it’s worth it?
Life, I mean
I am a punk rockerRocking out to the drunken moon.
I am the moon drunken on the everlasting plea for the sun's rays to shine on him.
I am the super sun shining for a day that never ends.
What would anyone want with someone as broken as I?
What man could lot at me without pity?
“Abandon ship and from her fleeBetter her than all be lost to sea.”“First Mate, be rendered silent,” is the captain’s plea
Soft muzzle nuzzles my handWarm breath dances like smoke through the airIt's a cold day, but my heart is warm - for onceI wonder if he knowsTrapped in a place I can't leave
Alone with my own thoughts,
Hungry to change,
Thirsty for the pain.
I think of the words-
Words that hurt.
Liar, cheater, manipulator.
Every syllable leaves its burn.
I turn around
The tears fall from her faceLike a river that never endsThe pain that she feelsClawing its way throughThey laugh and jokeNot seeing what it's doingTearing the hole bigger
If I could write away sorrow
Let ink leach from the pen I hold
Onto paper and create a landscape
Where there was a barren wasteland
And that landscape was an oasis
And no one could fight in there
The words fell
Like stars from the sky,
Like rain
A heavenly blessing upon a dried earth,
Onto broken hearts,
Revitalizing,
Bringing them back.
Hear the beat:
Ba-bum, ba-bum...
The night she will always remember
Her eyes wide, the lights dim around her
Silence
stared at her
The girl I loved
And she stared back
As tears glistened
In her deep brown
Glossy eyes
She took my hand
With hers
She took my hand
Fire
That’s what it feels like when I close my eyes
I feel like my mind and my body are just going to burn up
Melt away
I can’t stand this!
It’s been six years
Six years of living in this Hell
There sat a boy in class with me,
with red Beats that hung around his neck,
he'd never take notes in class,
I find myself sitting on the steep dirt bank of Deer Creek in Maryland.
I am located within the Susquehanna State Park.
This creek empties into the Chesapeake Bay.
This is where I grew up.
I Gotta Real Good Feeling
That Its Time For Some Healing
The Healing Of Your Heart If You’re Really Willing
No Time For Games Just Let It All Out
With your touch I just might shatter—
Into a million pieces I can’t put back together.
My porcelain skin shivers at the mere thought—
How could something so beautiful be so flawed?
Sitting inside my porcelain tea cup
I open my sewing kit and pull out a needle
In the light, it glimmers
With a loop at the end
Meant to put a string through
And pull me along
Do you even realize how much you hurt me?
How much damage you have caused?
And you have the audacity to come back
After two whole years of torment
Do you see my tears?
No.
I am your toy. I am your "woman".
Do you hear my screams?
No.
I say "I love you" only because it means you will stop for a minute.
Do you feel my pain?
Yes.
I met a girl made of silver
Her eyes shone like mirrors
You could glimpse your soul in them
But you could never match hers
She told me about her dreams
I looked the other way
A scent to clear the mind,
A sound that can heal much,
Blessed are those who feel the rain
Without the sense of touch.
maybe it's better this way
maybe my self respect will transition from an oak
relying on your rain
to a cactus
growing toward her sun
because i know she won't be bitter
I once knew a boy who eyes like the ocean, like the sea, like nothing I had never seen,And I could not help but crave him, in every sense of the word.So when he sat beside me once at a party,
Tears stream down my face,
as I break once again.
I haven't felt this fragile
In a very long while.
You hurt me.
And I remembered today.
You took from me.
Someone wielded them like a dagger,
And pierced your tender heart.
Someone turned them into arrows,
And shot them into your soul.
But words that flow from my mouth,
Will be a healing salve.
Don't call me your angel. Don't call me your baby girl. I can't possibly belong to anyone. It's not by choice. It's just my destiny. I was meant to stand alone, an icon of myself. I was meant to be strong and a leader all my own. I'm hard to love
My life's movin' on.
New decisions, thus made.
The scars from first love and first sorrow
Are gettin' better each day.
Rays of sunshine drop in.
Past my desolate days.
I'm runnin' and comin'
Life is good.
I ain't complainin'.
The grass is green.
And the sky ain't rainin'.
The blooms are fallin'
everywhere.
Like butterfly snow.
In warm, sweet, spring air.
I leap, swim in the star's light.
the immensity of the world wrapping me in an embrace;
away from you.
I melt into the sunset and let the colors morph me into someone
who is not defined by you.
My heart will always want you
In my world its only you
My mind is mixed and you know it
In my thoughts you are always in it
Youre the reason for it all
And to be with you again Id have to give it all
I need to be alone, to clear my head.
Like rinsing the sink with water,
Down the drain, out of sight.
I’ll go to the forest where it’s peaceful,
I can be in my own world,
you took an eraser to my heart and now all that's left are the words you painted with every sweet sentence.
Tears
so simple and complex
like the waves of the ocean moved my tectonic plates
Tears
such a burst of weakness
like an innocent child unable to feed or clean himself
Tears
I'm just a typical teenage girl, but I still struggle.
My thoughts engulf me. I wish I could escape.
The girl you assume you know is probably fake.
Where do we begin?
Oh child, Where do we begin?
We begin as thoughts,
made ofStar dust
(Yes, star dust)
You found me
On the kitchen floor
Slashing my drained wrists
Just trying to get it out
Trying to get it out
Get it out
Get it out
But then you showed me
How to use your mouth
Raindrops falling over eyelashes,
tears intermingling,
Watching you go,
but you'll never know.
You didn't look back.
My Father has always told me not to trust my feelings
feelings don’t make sense, he would grumble
smelling of booze and old cigarettes.
His words resonate.
they don’t make sense
It’s ok son, It’s ok
You hurt yourself as you crawled here
Let my embrace wash those tears away
Let the warmth soothe you as I hold you near
Cry as you must do as you desire
its the feelings.
moments of great joy. . .
the golden sun sets behind azure crests
or
the plump pear sequestering your taste buds
My soul, my heart, my mind
I wonder what they think of me
That I am a child, a woman, a warrior
Raised to love and be broken
Strong willed but easily moved
Even with all the breaks and tears
Rise oh bird of fire,
Rise from your nest,
For there is a cry for help abroad.
Fly with your wings of flames
Through the blackening sky
Burn the clouds,
With the tips of your fiery feathers.
Her body strong and stable
as her will and mind .
Her womanly curvs oh, so fine
this divine sister of mine .
Her beauty lies not just within the curvs of her hips
You looked at me,As though I had done something wrong.Why did you look at me that way?You looked through me,Not at me.You were the perpetrator,You stole what was mine alone to give away.
Watch the rain drizzle downIt threatens to ne'er endBut all wounds someday healAnd wings will always mend
I wake up from a dream.
A dream of walls.
of restrictions
The walls of fear are closing in now.
Gasp. Gasp.
Pen. Paper.
My fear has defiled the pure white page.
A poet does not rhyme with words.
She rhymes a feeling to a memory,
a thought to a touch.
This flower rhymes with her eyes.
The wind chimes rhyme with her voice.
that drifting leaf rhymes with her spirit.
I rise and so I stand.
I stand, because I can.
breath of life in the morning I awake.
as the wind blows I smile,
in which, It comforts my mistakes.
lessons to be learned, always enough to be taught,
Age 5-
The girl puts on her Powerpuff Girls backpack,
She is so excited for her first day of Kindergarten,
By the end of the day she does not want the next thirteen years to come.
The Sky
Insisting to reflect what is inside of me
Darkened it's clouds to night
Pouring out my grief;
The trees bowed and trembled beneith it's power;
I turned my face up to accept it's companionship
When I see you in my dreams,
You have no power over me.
Time has done its part and I’ve grown up;
You are just a monster under some
Other child’s bed.
You do not frighten me from the other side.
So young with highs as sharp as mountain peaks,
and lows deeper than the bottom of the sea.
The flashes of emotions were killing me,
and the pills were not healing me.
In my head there were bits and pieces
She opened my eyes to the power of words:
A finely turned phrase,
An image painted on the canvas of the mind’s eye.
In her solitude she found herself,
Her pen speaking the truth of her reality.
Too bright
Too powerful
Her breath of morning,
Draws me in
Her earthy glow of noon,
Excites the melanin in my skin
Plants salivate at her flux of energy
Heat, Heat, Heat
Crying, so much crying
Focus!
I feel the heat between my hands
Hold the child still....be gentle
Focus!
activating the power from within
Oklahoma met a vortex
that gave and took, more or less,
by adding stress and taking homes –
The tragedies are causing moans
with rains and tears of agony.
The loss and pain of tragedies
Wounds from my past still sting. I try not to bring myself to that time again. Why can't things just be like when I was a kid? Having no knowledge of anything. Just care-free and dumb.
Tender little treasure,
I can see how broken you are;
How much pain you hold secret inside.
Hide away!
Close yourself off from unwanted destruction.
Shy away from those who may hurt you.
The water was clean, the water was clear
The water was felt and fell over her
Through her hair and to the nape of her neck
It ran down her shoulders, onto her back
Clear, clean, and cold it crept to her soul
It’s a thick pain coming from within my chest, my heart is crying out, wanting this torment to end, my womanhood I defend, as I feel the lump in my breast, as my fingertips I press against, the reason for my stress, and depressed is not the word,
Poetry is my light
It is my darkness
The bottled feelings inside
Pain
Excitement
Loose
Happy
Explode all on a single sheet of paper
Like a volcano ready to erupt
I stand with empty hands,
Scars on my wrists,
I didn’t know life would hurt like this.
Blood flows from an open wound,
Tears fall and burn,
Don’t get too concerned.
There’s a thorn in my side,
A part of me I can’t hide
Try to understand that, please
You’re a person that is good,
This I understood,
But the pain just won’t cease
A heart broken by one once trusted
A heart broken by one once loved
A heart broken by once believed in
That heart still lays waiting
It lays waiting to be fixed
Waiting to be made whole
You send monsters to kill me,
Yet sings that I never die.
How is it that you praise my ending-
And hold your breath as I wake?
As if I’m just your trojan pond.
I sit by my window,
watching as the sky turns a crimson gold.
Dreaming, thinking, hoping-
But then there is a soft whirring,
I look up…
The grinding of tires can be heard as my Father rolls in.
For the first time, his arm swept around another girl,
I knew that he was walking away,
An ant in the field, smaller and smaller to see.
I was naïve, I sat on the sidelines
Self destruction is the production
Of withholding information
Within thyself
Planning never to face
the very tension
Within yourself
And it shows
With the lack luster smile
And loss of joy
Pitter patter, the rhythmic beat,
As my shoes and the sidewalk meet.
Drip, drip, the continuous beat,
As water smashes concrete.
I don’t believe I really miss you anymore.
Not the you now.
Not the you I have hardly known for the past six months.
Like a touch upon the heart
He touched my hand.
A feather, caressing my pain within.
I fell apart..
I fell, melting through the tiniest all seams.
Like that feather knew
The small things
Hurt the most
The little words
Scream the loudest
The nice words
Veiled in caring
Stab the deepest
The constant
Berating
Belittling
What now?
They lay with no bed,
They lay with no sheet,
They stay on the floor,
They stay with out heat,
They sleep with no dream,
They sleep with only fear,
They wake with no love,
They wake with a tear,
Call it a crisis, call it a curse,
How sad a song to sum of my life in a verse.
Fuck it; there's one thing I know to settle the score,
But you're better than that,
Or so they say, how the hell would they know anyway?
Upscale or upstage
Peaceful fight or calm rage
Black and white or a melodic gray
Take hold of the wind or the gravity and stay
Running down the field
Sun shining bright, sky bluer than the ocean, grass green and smooth
It all feels so natural
My gloves snug around my fingers with just the slightest amount of moisture against my palms
hell is when you cannot stop the tears
and you're stuck alone on a public bus
and everyone stares at you with pity
while you cry silently and pray to God
that you don't break into sobs.
and you do.
One day I awoke
And found glass around the floor.
And I found my mom, who said
"He won't be here anymore."
"He's left us child, your fathers left us,
And Now we'll have to leave"
Blood pumping through shallow veins,
each cell pushing, causing vibrations throughout the body.
Short breaths and blurry vision,
floating spots of black block out any connection to my surroundings.
Tears streaming down her face.
Seems like everything is pulling her down.
Staring up at the sky,
Praying for a chance that things will get better.
Don't worry,
Give it time.
Life is a rollercoaster.
Morning in the autumn
Yellow, orange, and brown leaves cover the ground, all the
Heat has left them
Everything feels old and tired, making me feel young and fresh
A cool wind stirs the world
I can never love you
Because you hurt me
One too many times
But I will always love you
Because at one time
You were mine
And I was yours,
Or so I thought
You never told me
It’s time to wake,
And smile a smile
That forever was fake.
But now you venture,
And wiggle your toes.
Springtime is winning;
The frost is thinning.
Your slumber is over;
You’re greeted by foes.
You’ve left us in your sleep,
and made your way to somewhere new,
without a sound you would creep,
up to the place with a spot saved for you.
We never wished for this day to come,
To Hold.
To Feel.
To Write.
To Draw.
To Move.
To Clench.
Mine to Own,
Yours to Hold.
God’s best tool He’s given me.
Hands.
(The video is slightly different that what is written)
I haven't seen you in awhile.
The one with the blonde hair and blue eyes.
The one who has fire burning inside,
But still the light of my life.
You challenge me to think,
Back.
Bandaids swirl around the sugar bowl
Brightly colored strips wearing white textures
A warm and worn comforter
Cocoa and petals inside motivation
Salt-flavored showers drain while blossoms begin stretching wide
Here I am, three years later
and so much has changed;
except for the hole in my heart.
What was once a searing and excruciating pain,
is now a constant dull ache.
Never going away,
never giving relief,
In my childhood
I climbed holly trees and magnolia.
Innocence was a summer day
Locked outside with your bicycle;
Locked outside with the water hose;
Locked inside your room.
Beyond my window, beyond the stars in the sky, beyond the many planets, within the heavens, there you are. Pictures are worth a thousand words yet none of them are your words that once filled my ears.
Love? What does that mean? It means that you... wait... I haven't learned what that is just yet. I sit as a young woman waiting impatiently for whom to show me the way to his heart of justice.
Forever.
Among the others . . .
Crawling up my leg.
A shark-bite?
No.
A deep slice
Into the juicy insides
Of a pale, goose-bump-covered watermelon.
Sticky juices once oozing from its edges.
thinking of a message
a message clearly
drafted in your writing
"I miss you, dearly"
trying not look up
or give a smidgen
of any of these feelings
I'm not taking they're just given
Why can't I understand The things that are happening. It's when I try to understand That makes me feel unhappy. I'd rather live in a dream, Soar in a book, Than live in this world. Rather than look. See, I'm not really happy Though it may seem.
sometimes i look at historythrough a microscopeand i feel so stingingly,gut-splicingly ashamedfor what happenedfor what is happeningfor what will happen
Oh how I dream to pass
No longer with the dream of Jesus
To see and be
With my beloved Jenny
To stand at my own grave
Think on earth how I behaved
To see Willow and Knox
you are more than the dust in the wind,
greater than the tears on your face,
braver than the lingering fear in your heart,
more beautiful than the sigh inside your soul.
you are more, beloved,
One tear fell
I was alone
Harsh words shattered,
my perfect dream, and selfish reality was lain
before my turbulant mind
Do you ever wonder, Dear,
When you see the children here,
Why you never joined their play?
Why you never saw the day?
Why the golden sun above
Never touched your cheek, my Love?
I don't know if she was born in this country
if her middle name starts with a J
if she played hopscotch with her friends when she was 11
I don't know much more than that she came from New York
My tears are wasted on the opinions of the unknown. The cruelty they have shown. The harsh words they have spoken, have sent them on a ride of which I'm just a token. The gestures I make, and the words that flutter across my tongue.
Eyes hold the truth
Black, blue, or green
No matter the color
They can still be seen
I look into his eyes
And I see the truth
The truth he tried to hide
But it made its way through
