i cannot find

those words

i wrote

how can i

when i wrote them

long ago

weeks

years

months

seconds

lifetimes

how can we

find anything

in this world

when we're

sinking

swimming

stealing

breathing

still breathing

am i alive

and breathing

hot and ill

and tired and dead

and running low on steam

ache

cough

cold

cancer

life

death

in between

and in the beyond