I'm always thinking and I'm dreaming

I'm always creating and my eyes are gleaming 

With the thoughts of what can be and what will

My optimism is why I cannot keep still

and some people wonder where it comes from

To be honest is the sum of a multitude of pains added together

And my way of fighting back and keeping myself tethered to this earth is by fighting for happiness

Truth be told, I live as a shell of my former self

Looking within the library of my memories and searching every shelf

Trying to put the pieces together and figure just who the hell I am

I've been disillusioned through betrayal by the very people I never saw it coming from

Still trying to figure out the reason as to why it was done

Wondering what advice was real and what said simply to keep me quiet

I try not to be in denial but I simply cannot fight it

I just need to figure out what it is that I am seeing with I look in the mirror

I need to convince that I am not inferior 

I need to remind myself that I am good enough

It's just difficult when you know how weak you are but the world sees you so tough

All my life I have been a tool for my parents to use to hurt each other

No one to fend for me.  No sisters or brothers

When you're used an object most of your life

It confuses you so now I'm trying to set things right in my mind

And time is precious and I don't have much it to waste

and I'm not trying to spend my adulthood trying to paste the fragments of my mind and heart back together

I guess what I'm hiding is the fact that behind my hilarious jokes and fun

I secretly have a broken heart and the pieces are everywhere

Where to begin to rebuild? I simply do not know where to start...