You

Beyond my window, beyond the stars in the sky, beyond the many planets, within the heavens, there you are. Pictures are worth a thousand words yet none of them are your words that once filled my ears. Mornings I'd wake up wondering about what my day is going to be like. Evenings I'd watch TV and someone would come into my room. It would be you with that smile, that smile that could brighten up the world better than the sun. It would be so unexpected which was the best part. Night would fall and we'd stay up till dawn of next day. It's not like that anymore. Now on mornings, I wake up with thoughts of us making breakfast. Evenings I watch TV and want to be alone. Nights I stay up and I wonder what you're doing or who you're with up there. I remember the dreams you gave me once we buried you. My favorite one was the last dream of us speaking to each other. You said you was fine and that you'll always be here and that you're my guardian angel. That you'd come get me when it is my time and that I'd know when it was then you vanished then I woke up. No one knows when their time is until that day and I often get scared but then I realized, that I can't spend my life being scared but live my life as long as I can and follow the dreams I want to pursue for myself. The motivation I have is you. Living the life of which you were cut short of. When I miss you I go to my window. I tear for a bit then smile and look up to the sky because I know that out there somewhere, you're looking right back at me with that same smile that could light up the world better than the sun.

Comments

jmedwards8

Hi!

First, thank you for sharing your work with me. This is a beautiful, heartfelt piece, and I admire the courage it takes to craft such a personal poem. 

I can really feel the emotion of this poem; your speaker has a very clear voice, and I am with the speaker as he/she visits each emotion. You did a good job leading your reader through the changes the speaker was feeling--good work.  I also really loved how you started with a zoom out effect that then refocused back in on the speaker. Your play with space was excellent. 

One suggestion I like to give poets (and myself!) who work with prose poems: try this with line breaks as well and see if it becomes even more powerful with that white space adding to the emptiness and heavy emotion the words already have. 

The dream sequence was particularly powerful, and I would love to see more images like that of the angel spread throughout the poem. Work that shows and doesn't just tell carries much more weight. 

A great start--I look forward to the revision!

Thanks again,

jmedwards8

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