(The video is slightly different that what is written)

Black hole, destroying the soul
From the inside-
Out the door I crawled away from you
I only looked back twice
just to find your devices playing on
repeat

I’m tired of defeating myself
Again and
Again
And again
just to prove my imperfection
I don’t make sense
But in my defense I’m only just like you
Only not at all

And as I watched you fall
Into the clutches of a man who
Desired nothing more
than to see me cry
I choked up my heart in disgust
Trust became a stutter
and my heart was misplaced
in an ice chest filled
with cheap beer
and bits of grass.

I’ve asked God for answers
To unfinished questions
No, I do not take suggestions
so put your hand
down.

It’s my turn

I’ve heard it all, and this time I refuse
to soak in those religious juices
you feed off so well

I have no need of your
Useless encouragement
The nourishment
Abandoned that rotting meat
long before you devoured it.

And if you don’t mind
I believe I shall be truly angry
For ONCE
In my truly blessed existence

For in striving to not be
What you are
And be what you
Are not
I took the remains my heart
And attempted to swallow it’s pieces
Only to gag on the rotten taste
Of fallacy.

So everyone
Give a round of applause for cynicism
Congratulations Nihilism
You Win
A special place in my heart

And though I try so hard to love you
because I do love you,
The need in me demands for expectation
for the relation of brokenness
Spoken without fear.

And I can still hear
The echo of your voice
weeping in my ears
Aching for something more
But it’s not me.

And I can feel the reverberations
of God’s supernatural hand
Beating, beating, beating,
Down the walls of your steel armored heart
And it’s not me.

I’ve heard it said
That the truth will set you free
But the truth is,
I hate each and every one of you
I hate you
because the truth is,
I love you so much that it hurts.

I stand bravely but
The truth is
I’m terrified
Petrified
Breaking at the seams
I feel your pain because
The truth is
I hear myself in your
Echoing screams

The truth is
nobody knows the answers
and we must
lie on the floor
with our arms stretching
to the sky, begging,
“God take me!
Because I am a
COMPLETE
and
UTTER
FAILURE!”

And I can feel the supernatural
hand of GOD
Ripping open my wounds
Squeezing out the bitterness
The infection
Of rejection
And abandonment,
the embarrassment of being
A nobody

Specially chosen to be
A nobody
Specially chosen to be
Alone

And I felt the supernatural
hand of GOD
push me off my cliff of
Self-Righteousness

into the valley of death,
the valley of my brokenness
Where I confess, that I am
A nobody
And you
don’t
need me.

Do you know what happens
In the valley of death,
In the valley of brokenness?

You die

And God stripped me of my life
Since I told him yes.
At the bottom of this crevice,
there is no hopelessness because
Hope is all
that’s left

And hope marked you like a beat up sign
Posted on the borderline of my resignation
“Destination up ahead, just keep going”

You were the evidence
The proof that I wasn’t
Believing in nothing
That I wasn’t
Dying for nothing
that this war that I’m fighting, the
wounds that I’m licking, this
pain that I’m baring
Isn’t in vain.

And upon admitting defeat
I witnessed the supernatural
Hand of GOD
Shatter the walls of your steel armored heart
And I laughed at myself
because God didn’t need me
to help him.

And now I am learning to die,
So I don’t need you,
to need me,
to help you,
to love me,
because you see,
We can’t, because
The truth is
We’re human
And we hardly know how.

I’ve heard it said
that the truth will set you free
and the truth is
that the truth hurts
and I am just a
“Nobody”

But that’s perfectly fine with me.