Well I guess yesterday since it’s 2 AM.
Everything is so dramatic, and you avoided me all night.
Until you got wasted at Mac’s, then you said hello to me.
She got wasted too, sitting there swaying to and fro.
But actually I suppose I had fun.
But mostly I didn’t feel much, except when I was talking to the third brother I ever wanted.
I realized something.
I’d become so tangled up in you the past two years, that I’d…I’d left some of my dearest friends, because I was busy with you.
And tonight when my rock hugged me tight, picked me up and spun me around,
I realized that even though I left them, they still loved me, and they will still love me when the memory of you is distant and faded.
My brother and I fell back into our usual rhythm, even after two years.
And my rock, three hours late tells me: “he’s an idiot, you know, and you looked beautiful tonight”.
And that helped me through the night.
But mostly it was my own stubbornness.
My tenacity to not back down.
To look the present in the eye – all burning bridges and friendships in ashes – and with resolve say “soon you will be gone, and something brighter will be put in your place, and I will be better for it.
So I suppose in a way you helped me find myself again, the person who I had lost in you.
And she’s not quite here yet, but she’s coming out again, slowly but surely.