I don't know if she was born in this country
if her middle name starts with a J
if she played hopscotch with her friends when she was 11
I don't know much more than that she came from New York
But you never know that much about superheroes

Michele
you are my therapist
anonymous in the crowd right now
but I'm calling you out
Michele,
thank you

'Cause every tear you shed feels like victory
like validation
like the abuse isn't all I can be
like the ghost limbs that still trace my skin
will give way to new memory

Like that time we both sat in silence....
our faces, canyons
tears tracing predetermined routes down our cheeks
as we both sat and focused on just
breathing.......
I've never felt so safe
the way you hold my history in your hands
but it's a burden you take kindly
not accepting but extracting
eyes calmly attentive hanging on to each word I say
like ice cream liquefying on a hot day
you catch every word
as it drips from my tongue
and each glance I cast to my past
is a nightmare you pull me away from

you ask me where I go when I stare into the distance in a room 6 feet long
I traverse back to the carpet
it's softness juxtaposed to the cruelty of his body in me
images of his erectness will always stain my first bicycle ride without training wheels
but it's okay
as okay as it can be
cause you heard it when it first surfaced
you cried as you read everything I just wanted to forget
I pleaded to forget
please just let me forget the way he felt my chest like
it contained a treasure worth stealing my innocence for
like I wasn't just a snowman melting under the pressure my mother's son
like 7 years old was woman enough to understand........

You cried

tears of sympathy
composed of understanding of tragedy
you told me that my childhood was pickpocketed from me
I didn't know when it left and suddenly it wasn't there
But your arms were, caressing me like the wind
gently bearing me into the future

still I tell you I hate everything that I am
that I've never been in love
only been used like tissues for a bloody nose
I tell you that I am disgusting
will never be able to maintain a relationship
that I am broken beyond repair like the way I've sprained my ankle so many times
the joints are likely to pop easily
I pop back to the carpet easily
to the blue lights on Wednesday nights
to his hands on my tummy

You tell me I am beautiful
that I will have meaningful relationships with partners that
place their fingerprints over mine as a sign of unity
you tell me my body is not a battlefield for memory
and that I deserve to feel safe as I stand here

It's not your responsibility to cradle me
it's in your job description to listen
but you exhibit this care willingly
and I absorb it
like whitewater sinks into sand upon coming ashore

you feel like you're the only person trying to protect me
And a year from now I'll be leaving your nest and I'm scared shitless
but please know that I'll make it on my own
only because you've showed me how to leap into flight
proud, wings glistening as I feel survival beneath my feathers

You've guided me through my history so many times
that I've learned how to taste my words
You've held my hand
and now I'm halfway between breath and breathing

I want you to know
from client to therapist
from 17 years old to the age of wisdom
from my pulse to yours
that in the most professional way possible.....
I love you.