How do I sound?
Through the smile I place on my face
Sometimes I sound like tears (I’m choking back)
From the strain of all of this weight on my shoulders
From simply living the life I need, to be the person I know I am
To get through to the person I know I’ll be.
I know I’ll get through if only I push.
It’s hard some days, but still I persist.
I fight through the muck of mental illness and scorn
But I don’t sound like the limits unto which I was born
So how do I sound without trying to please?
I sound like my (eccentric) personality
Not the taboo subject of my (ab)normal sexuality.
I don’t sound like the name my (dead) mother gave to me
Through the lips I got from my (estranged) father’s family.
I sound like a struggle and a crushing sense of hopelessness
But I more often sound like the music I sing
And the determination I hang onto (by the skin of my teeth)
But in spite of living on the brink of homelessness,
I know I’m not completely alone.
I may feel lonely, but I know there is someone on my side.
There is always someone there to help me
Even when they are not there to touch, to hold me.
I sound like the courage these people give me,
And the support I (sometimes can’t) feel from them around me.
I may be a small piece of this (in)finite world,
But I am mighty in my own fleeting life.
For me, life isn’t short.
Life is the longest thing I (any of us) will ever experience,
But that is what makes living it that much more precious.
So I will dance to children’s songs,
I will sing at the top of my lungs,
I will love in spite of the walls I put up,
And I will succeed in spite of the objects in my way.
I will push until my limbs give out
And I will not let anything tell me not to dream
For I sound like hope (when I thought it was gone)
And I sound like bravery (when I thought I’d run dry)
And those objects are merely obstacles that only I can navigate
They are not boundaries unless I allow them to be.
I'm healing, I'm growing, I'm learning
I'm making my way through the journey
So I suppose, most often I sound like me.