mentalhealth
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Seriously, thank you so, so much for reading my horrendous poetry.
My mental state hasn't been the best lately, therefore sorry for no posting.
I also had a long ass power outage, so that's why I didn't post two weeks ago.
She's a pretty loner
Calm, quiet, and always out the way
She doesn’t have many friends
Maybe because she intimidates people in a way
I found myself in comfort.
Tightly tucked within the folds of my own sadness.
Somehow
Despite it ripping me apart from the inside out,
Many lives at risk
Drowned or cut
Screaming their agonies
Washing away any sound of light
Of hope
His power potent and inviting
Society says
You’re not sick; you’re just fine
Society says that you don’t need help
That you don’t know pain
That you’ve never felt
The way it is to have to ask
Am I dying?
Passion is a foreign exchange student
In the boarding school of my mind
She danced through the gates
Swayed through the halls
Told me things
I'll always recall
Passion is the lover
the inevitable question
arises again
and it cuts
just as deep
as it always does
the inevitable question
always asked by someone else
always painful
always innocent
I’ve heard it’s hard
To come to this
A last resort
So don’t resist
The way I ask
Is not quite clear
Some people think
There is no fear
The fear is there
I wanted to be a singer.
I wanted to be so many things
Things you used to tell me I could
Things you told me I would be
But I can’t
I never could
And all I can do right now is
is it because I don’t have blue eyes and blonde hair
or is it because I’m not interesting enough
what is it about me that keeps you away
because I have done everything I could
She was forced to face the evil dragon on her own
She was forced to
Walk into the battlefield on her own
She wished her white and shinning armor would swoop in and save her
She was forced to
And now is wiped away
A single drop
Or better yet
A single song no longer
A somber sound
One Wished upon
Where do I begin?
The end?
Well I guess I could start from the actual beginning.
Which one?
There are so many.
It’s nearly 3am … why do I have such a strong presence of you on my mind. Why although hurt by you still care so much.I drive past you like we don’t have this slideshow of memories filled in our minds…
I find myself waltzing in a field
a place of unfamiliar faces
faces wih an unknown past
I must make this moment last
wandering down a winding road
people living on their own
If I told you I died 5 times today,
would you believe me?
Now,
in the horizon there,
my passion hands on a weak
branch stained of copper.
Ah,
so timeless is the upset of ruin,
It’s hard to believe someone when they say they want you when you’ve spent your whole life knowing your an object for sex.
It’s hard to believe someone when they say they want you when you’ve spent your whole life knowing your an object for sex.
There’s some days when I still wonder about youHow your life isWhat you are up toWho you hang withBut what I really ponder on is if you ever think about me.And if it’s still like before...negatively.I’m not even sure what happened in the past, why
Little things. Little talks, endless conversations. Little laughs, great accomplishments. Progress, just two more steps. Balance, struggles. Shared interests, deep topics. Depression, stress, troubles..
TW: mentions of self-harm
Staring at the mirror while tears were falling down my face
My mind consumed with which punctuation to use
Everything I am is to be dehumanized. All the morals for me are thrown out of the window because we keep our biases closer and my existence is a crime.
Such a disaster , I'm passing by
With distress to live and get tie
My heart says : don't say goodbye
But my mind says: let's die!
An infinite loop it has made thereby
It starts out quiet.
Not a single sound.
Mind is content.
With nothing bad found.
Then your heartbeat increases
Life seemed good.
I felt safe.
There was no judgement on looks or race.
But soon that illusion started to fade.
With time going by.
Down
When the karma comes down;
leaves you splayed on the ground.
Don’t worry about me or if I’ve been set free.
If my voice becomes silent I hope my written words will remain
To help others who struggle with the same pain
If my body is beneath a cement stone
I hope they can use it as a comfort zone
Forgive me my old pen for being
On the front line with my griefs
Writing has turn me away from
Place where comfort increases
My urges and my anger erupts
I've always wanted to give them
There are weights on my chest,
when I try to breathe.
Heavy thoughts that I wear,
upon both of my sleeves.
And I never can tell,
just when they will leave.
These demons that prey,
As I spilled the crimson petals,
The air around me, began to fill with it's fragrance.
And as the sun began to set,
It's rays painted the sky in diff shades of colours.
But the sunset that I created,
Most Days by: RalB most days i felt worthlessi felt irreplaceablelost in what was & what could’ve trying not to be numbbut being is so superbunsure & uncertain most days i felt broken i felt helpless calling out into the darkness silent p
Old friend , here we are again sitting in the same dampered room we were born in.
The same feelings that come rushing over us when we are alone have come crashing in on us again.
My parentsMake neat assignments for meSet alarms for every periodGive me designated eating timesSleeping timesBreathing timesOrganize color coded schedulesWith prim and properDigital lines
I keep on thinking and reminding myself
that I'm worthy,
I have a purpose,
I am strong
and I am loved
Every time they throw words on me
It keeps on stinging and breaking my heart
The nicest girl in school,
Laughs at all your jokes.
Has a perfect family,
A home to call her own.
When she is in bed,
She cries herself to sleep.
The shyest guy around,
I have disappeared.
Disappearence is common.
Allies swallow people.
Lakes surround a soul and rob them.
This is not a dissapearence I have been dealing with.
When we were younger,
Sitting on a fallen log in the creek behind your house,
you always pushed the limits:
making each memory I look back at now feel like an enchanted adventure.
You became a traveler;
Shhh! Can you hear that?
Can you hear the silence?
It's killing you slowly;
Mince to mince.
Look at those people around you,
Suffering the same thing that you do.
They were enjoying peace;
FINE LINES!
Fine lines
fine lines
Between a life of blame and crime
The eclipsed dystopia along the spiteful light of the heart.
I could never understand the purpose of my kind. I remember it clearly, the day the stillness took hold. Confused by your voices, faceless and disjointed in tune. I remember that day clearly, saturated in its emptiness.I was denied the burden of
Everyone is self-absorbed.
No one is observing
But as long as their self assured
Everyone is undeserving
Society is degrading
Contemplating non existence
Death is the only final rest
Eventually it will catch up to us
We don't know when we will go
That's been decided for us
Or is that just what religious scriptures dictate to us
It's 4:25 and i'm drowning in my head, my body aching from screaming silently into the night.
Eyes raw, puffing in their sockets. But all are blind.
When you want to feel, even pain eludes you.
When you want to cry, but tears fail you.
When you're all alone even when you're not.
And "you" feels like all you've got.
I have a question
why do i feel so fearful?
and why do i feel you judge me for my fears?
is it truly in your place to judge me for my fears or show me faith?
why do you look at me with those eyes
I caved and seen a counselor today. I impatiently waited in the office, picking at my skin, filling out monotonous paperwork, checking the yeses and the noes, and more anxious waiting.
In deep like ten feet, trying to stay afloat on a moat that separates you and the feeling of being free.
Prison, Nursing Homes, Buses,
All have one thing in common
Jail, Streets, Graves,
But let’s not talk about it
Sunshine, Rainbows, Happiness,
Are much better things to think of
This one is for the girl with the semicolon tattoo.This one is for the boy who keeps his head down in the hall.This one is for the twins who everyone loved and then--Wait, what happened again?
Numb, I try to get up but I sit blank.Can’t blink so I pinch myself, -“ok I’m awake.”It’s crazy, -sober or not I was wired to hallucinate.Shake it off like it’s just from bein up so late.
A loss of life so young,
The words caught on my tounge.
A loss of a best friend,
Made me feel like it was the end.
She was only sixteen,
It still feels like a dream.
Memories of more than six years,
He molded thee with his own mighty hands
Thy beauty is shown through his fine, personal touch
He madeth thee to beest farest in the lands
Some girls say that they’re not pretty,
and staring into the saliva, mucous, and broken down bits of food swimming in the toilet bowl like fish in a porcelain fishbowl
Some girls say that they’re not pretty,
and staring into the saliva, mucous, and broken down bits of food swimming in the toilet bowl like fish in a porcelain fishbowl
Some girls say that they’re not pretty,
and staring into the saliva, mucous, and broken down bits of food swimming in the toilet bowl like fish in a porcelain fishbowl
I don't know when or where,
But I found myself uncertain
Wondering what could be if only...
If only I hadn't been there
If I had chosen differently would I be better,
smarter, kinder even.
I’m unique.
There is no one quite like me.
I’m a combination of memories,
Experiences,
Goals,
& dreams.
I’m not perfect,
I’m far from it.
But that’s okay.
A knock on the door and I let you in
All that started it was a spark, there was oxygen of course
The fire started in the place that fires do
The fire place is where it started in the first place
Tell me who are you in the dark? Are you the devil or the little spark
Tell me who are you when I'm alone? Are you the light or the huge storm
Trapped in the night
Can't see a sight
Far away from light
Strings around so tight
Every wrong not right
The fire ashes bite
I'm scared of letting go
I'm scared to be free
What if it's not like
like what I've dreamed
Pathetic naive
that's not the least
Come on get out
get out of me
I'm a prisoner in my own body
sweating every time you remind me
Anxiety
It held me hostage at my own party
took my hand just to throw it back at me
Anxiety
In a snap, the mind can have an intense internal battle
The one you could see if only you looked hard enough
You stand by as others aim to push and rattle
I feel like a burden in my own home, I am not loved I am loathed.
I just lie here and cry, I want someone to lie with me
Coded Numbers, flashing light,
Keep me up all through the night.
My eyes grow tired,
and same for my brain.
Is a.i. helpful or am I insane?
They say it's a breakthrough.
There's no need to fuss.
I’m starting to think
my happiness trial has expired.
Im numb all the time
when did I get so tired?
Why does it never stop?
When did the nightmares come back?
Your parents came to this country
leaving a world of hell behind.
They folded up their dreams into a package, and sent it with themselves inside,
to a new world.
I am not evil
When you looked away for two minutes, I am still the same person I was 2 minutes ago.
I'm saddened my phone doesn’t ring
I'm saddened the mailbox is empty
I'm saddened we’re not together
I'm saddened you threw out my things
Empty
So empty
That's how i feel
Like an empty cup
Or an empty room
Emptiness can be more than just on the outside
As you see an empty house
Or an empty bottle
Or an empty girl
O what a charming blue day!
Twittering birds had so much to say
But much duller inside,
where boredom did hide,
When was the moment I realized I was an adult
Maybe when I no longer could place the blame and say it was someone else’s fault
Or maybe it was when I could mentally make sense out of certain childhood trauma
In a narrow crevice
where echoes the hunting hawk's screech,
a cougar asks a bear to explain
Pink flowers decorate my room,
but I don't feel pink inside.
My dolls stare into my soul,
not at the cup of invisible tea.
I prefer Adult Swim than Spongebob.
I throw my childhood away.
I see your guilt through tired eyes,
Two bloodshot victims of countless nights
Expressing dejection in bitter solitude.
I smell your fear through a raw nose,
A ball of anxiety, curled in my stomach.
That bad boy spreads into my heart and brain,
Causing quite a havoc.
Hello, anxiety.
Lately, I have been feeling lost.
Searching around in the clouds.
For something, anything.
I surround myself with my thoughts.
They torture me.
i’m not really sure if i know to express it
my heart has become so confusing
that even my own thoughts have become abusing
Once, you claimed a kind of love, unbeknownst to the receiverRememory*A mother’s desperate love; one in which she sacrifices allRememoryDo you truly love your children, or only what they are able to accomplish?
i. you said they came with rocks
so i built a fortress for emotion
brick by brick from bitter lies
about how you thought it was,
to love a woman.
he's a liar.
fear whispers in your ear,
looks over your shoulder,
places his cold hands
around your neck.
"you can't possibly
do it," he says.
"thinkthinkthink
I stand with trembling hands
in front of a crowd of pseudo fans.
My mouth is dry—cracked from
holding the desert under my tongue.
I am afraid of being the jester in a table of Kings.
To dull the pain of losing you
I swallowed that nectar
Plunged the blade into my leg
But before i was consumed
I reached out to you
Hopeless
Hopeless is how I felt.
In counseling with tears streaming down my face and no regard,
For my makeup smearing revealing I had lost any sense of grace.
She called me again, she always will
Some girls I know went through it
And the fear of it makes me ill
I was up with her for a while ‘til
She's not real
I tried to convince myself as she stepped out of her painting
Her silky voice sent shivers down my spine
And when she outstretched her hand to touch me
Her skin seemed to be made of ice
I' ma lover, not a fighter,
I said it all the time,
Keep smiling, push through, ignore it,
I didn't even realize,
That wading through life like this was the fight,
Checked in the mirror, but I looked fine
You are not the painter but the canvas
As a favorite author has said
Painted by other individuals
Colors are chosen by emotions
Hurt makes the blues
I would try to swim across the river every day,
Just to find myself sinking,
Filling my lungs with a rush of fire.
The acidic water you just coughed up.
I know.
The silent cursing you scream in your mind.
I know.
The "are you ok?" questions that you answer with a lie.
I know.
i’ve seen people
in my own mirrors
come and go like seasons
and just like summer
soaks up the heat of spring,
Lying awake at night, I start to wonder how to make it right
My thoughts take me to a place
A place I do not want to be
A place where cruel faces mock me
I feel around me in the dark,
A wall, two walls, three, then four.
I’m in a box,
I cannot escape,
I’m shouting, screaming
Help me!
But no one hears,
All I have to say is listen
But whenever I try,
My throat closes up,
I feel like I’m about to die,
Paralysed, I can’t get words out,
So instead I say;
I’m fine.
There's that one word...
It keeps me from succeeding...
Failure.
It's bound to happen,
So why try to be
Successful?
I do nothing
Because I won't win.
I miss chances
Do you think biting your nails is gross?
Well try biting your skin every single day.
I didn't like my skin,
How bad my cuticles are,
How badly my fingers bleed and the skin falls off.
and the sun rose in the west today because it thought the world was dead.
but it is alive because I woke up this morning and breathed.
and you know, I have always wondered
what is death to the mortician?
I hate myself, because I'm a pessimist who desreves of the death sentence.
"Hello my my dear.
What is it that troubles you?"
Please don't ask I'll only swallow you.
After I begin to chew, I'll bury you.
Heart pounding too fast,can't breathe,soul locked in the dizzy cageas I spin to the frequency of the world too fast, too loud.It's all crashing down now.I am TNT lit at both ends,
The anger flows strong, bitter,waves pummeling all in their path,winds, waters, sky all swelling, seethinginto unstoppable force, ready to mangle life,mutilate land, rupture lives.
Feeling unknown by most people
yet so similar to most other feelings.
It's like a ground floor rollercoaster.
I ride the rollercoaster looking out.
Doppelganger looking in from the sidelines.
The air is thick, like a hot stuffy summer day but it is fall. You don’t suffocate because you are used to the tension in the air. The house is silent, but loud due to the burgundy rug that lie on the floor beneath the soft noise of the radio.
I met you at the nursing home,
T’was Bingo we were to play,
You brightened as we entered,
as I asked about your day.
There has been a theft
There is nothing left
Everything is gone
I have nothing to lean on
They came during the night
And took everything right
All the things I count on
Her sister is 15 minutes away and she only sees her once a week
She walks over to her in the mental hospital
Temporary home that smells like bad food
<h1>SCATTERED ASHES</h1> <ins> <p>I am from a family where bubbles exist</p> <p>From a broken home and a messed up wish</p> <p>I am from a crippled yet standing still keeping secrets injured an
I don't care if your here I dont care if you're not
I don't care if your a woman I don't care if you're a man
I don't care if you're young I don't care if you're old
Fake smiles and fake laughs stop you from asking questions.
Haven't you noticed yet and learned a lesson?
The depression makes me want to talk and express what I'm feeling.
Lines and curves,
Letters and words.
Poetry.
An output plug,
Decoded just for me.
An encryption to every stressful memory.
Once filled with anxiety,
Now given a release.
What poetry has taught me is easy to see.
It's made me actually deal with, well, me.
I have learned that it's okay to have insecurities.
It's alright to acknowledge the anxiety.
I’ll start with a love poem
Because those seem to be the easiest
And it's been awhile since I’ve tried to write anything that wasn’t
Three pages double spaced
Imagine this.
Up and down,
Through the night.
Your thoughts insane,
To give great plight.
Imagine this.
Tears cannot stop,
But hands can scribble,
On this paper,
Little by little.
i’m sorry
i’m not mad at you
it’s not you
it’s me and my
unwanted guest
she lives inside me
sucking the electricity out of me
sitting in me waiting to drain
every ounce of water
I open up the Groupme appWaiting for the destination that awaits me10-15 people ready to engage in the event of their life: “Never Have I Ever”
I’m not okay.
I’m sitting on the bathroom tiles,
Crying,
Screaming,
Hurting.
The blade glides merrily across my arm,
Slice
the thunder roars in every heartbeat
lightning strikes in my eyes
rain pours with each cry out to God
to take my life away from me.
In my dream, I was flying. Does it really count as flying if your body is vertical? I always picture "flying" as Superman's favorite mode of transportation. I guess I was floating, higher and higher until nothing on Earth fazed me.
In my dream, I was flying. Does it really count as flying if your body is vertical? I always picture "flying" as Superman's favorite mode of transportation. I guess I was floating, higher and higher until nothing on Earth fazed me.
Society
Members of community
Expectations and beliefs
What people should be
Race, age, gender,
Even what people like to do
It's okay to be different.
It's okay to be plain.
It's not okay to keep thoughts trapped in your brain.
If you're struggling with something
Make sure you tell someone.
Life should be the battle
Little Sister,
Please, baby sister
Stop tearing at your body.
Your heart
Your soul
Is crying,
Baby sister
You will never find purpose in the clouds of smoke
Dear Dad,
I'll keep this brief.
I won't pretend to know why you did what you did
Or what was going throuhg your head
That day you pulled the trigger
That changed the lives of your kids,
Bottled up inside, like a fifth of grey goose
emotions I tried to hide
my mind's running loose
afraid of what i might find
if I keep digging deeper
into my melon like a rind
I thought she was a keeper
Cellphone oh Cellphone
Where is your key?
The jailor to my soul
Please let me free
I can’t escape you
Sentenced for life
Dear friend,
You haven’t been speaking to me in a while
It has gotten kind of hard without you
You always made me smile
Remember that time you told me
To cut off all my hair
When I did it
Dear friend,
You haven’t been speaking to me in a while
It has gotten kind of hard without you
You always made me smile
Remember that time you told me
To cut off all my hair
When I did it
The sun is asleep and the moon is only half awake.
My mind is blurry and my heart is half paced.
Crickets are chirping in slow motion as I ascend into open space.
The man's self image,
Thought to be clear as our air,
Polluted by thoughts,
Darkened by Outside voices,
Left to rot alone today.
Have you ever felt like you can’t get out of bed? You feel you literally cannot get dressed? Like you have no energy to pick up a fork? Or put on a shirt? No interest or ability to concentrate on anything?
I saw this man alone in the brisk cold;
He wore an eskimo hat to keep warm.
A passing girl praised the hat, and behold-
The man offered it to her, against norm.
I’ve been contemplating for the past three days,Words to describe my precise emotions,And I become embarrassed by myself,For not even being able to, in such a s
Were you too misinformed to see clearly,Of how they were destroying your own soul?You opened your mind to them so simply,As if there was not a blood-l
Dear Younger Me,
Remember all those conversations we used to have?
And remember them walls?
Them walls were once memories.
What if them memories conspired into black masses of space?
Stay alive for the little things,
Like the sun on your cheek,
Or to see your life peak.
Stay alive for the little things,
To see your favorite band get back together,
Or to fall in love forever.
She still visits me sometimes...
In the night, she clambers into my bed
and causes a ruckus of negativity in my head.
She plays the strings of my heart
like the most beautiful harp,
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Media Era
Taught—to be an Adonis
Instead, became honest
Not a pawn
I see who’s pawning, I want a free mind
Stillborn—Still conscious
Dear School,
I apologize for my absence today.
I would never miss on purpose.
But just last night, I felt I had
A case of yersinia pestis.
Darling I see you there with your big smile
It’s like you don’t have a care in the world
You’re good at school and have a great sense of style
You love your anime and your sweets
I don’t even know what to say.
You’ve stolen my voice.
I can only sit here, fuming in silence.
Pin me to the wall. Puncture my wings.
And hold me there.
Rip the wings off – Rip the floor out from under me.
The first time i heard the words ´i love you´
was also the first time i saw my mother cry
the way this person told me´i love you´
made it sound as if they were telling the truth
Am I worth it? The trouble; the time; the headache. Sometimes I feel shunned out. My emotions flutter I can feel them changing constantly Can it just stop?
Once upon a time…. I met a princess
A special Princess, a rich princess, a smart princess, a kind princess
A bam spankin' bootylicious princess
One glance and the princes were enamored
I found home in his arms, warmth in his smile and a love that I knew would extend for miles
A place I could turn to, when life became hard, a man that would do anything to keep safe, my heart
Because I am a young adult I will reach out to you whenever you are in need.
Because I am kind, I will give you endless mercy.
Because I am a rose who grew from concrete, I will empathize with you.
how do you convincea kid who feels liketheir whole life is a waste not to killthemself?convince the kid that thinksthat their not going to be anything to stop cutting?how can you stop
The ground splinters under her feet
The weight on her shoulders pushing her further into the ground
The ground drops from under her
Falling, her skin flakes
Flaking away with the force of the air
She falls.
These classic fairytales have got it all wrong.
For starters, if the word typical is a synonym for classic, why is it impossible for me to relate them to my life?
These are not typical stories.
The darkness buried within my soul, has the capability to eat my mind whole.
The words that I try and speak the actions I try and keep, are in itself; pure beauty.
She Wanted by Z. Alarcon
She wanted arms to hold her,
Not hands to behold her
Dark days, long nights;
Through it all, she sat
I am 16 years old
I’m left handed
I hate my hyphenated last name
And I absolutely hate bananas
I still don’t know how to play video games either
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket.
I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
I am screaming
Standing still
Face towards the sky
My throat, it burns
But no one hears
It is all in my head
I smile
At my friends
My eyes are closed
My face, it hurts
Sometimes a flower
Sometimes a thorn
Sometimes the gold
Sometimes the pawn
Sometimes the sunshine
Sometimes the rain
Sometimes the freedom
Sometimes the chain
Sometimes the light
She’s only human and there’s nothing extraordinary about her,
Except the fact that she’s dead and nobody knows.
Lying in her grave she awakes every day,
Senior to Freshman all over again
The end of something old
The start of something new
Tiptop shape to Crippling from the outside in
Water
Only clear
Loose and cascading over my body
I cannot breathe
I cannot speak
Cannot
Will not open my eyes
I am drowning
Voices collide
Suffocating me
I can't watch shrek anymoreIt sounds like a little thing but it's notIts the story of loving someone beautiful or notNot just when they're falling apartThe song comes on and i shake
Today doesn't have to be great,
heck it doesn't even need to be decent.
Days are just 24 hours,
Hours are just 60 minutes,
Minutes are just 60 seconds
and time,
we were happy once
back when we were but children, giggling
at the minute moments
innocent, but ignorant.
not yet accustomed to the term depression
What can I compare these thoughts to?
A bluish, grayish, blackish hue.
For when I am happy,
they seem to blend,
But an artist would know,
black is the end.
The darkness usurps any white I recieve,
They're here,
And I have so much fear.
They tell me to die,
And I can't help but cry.
They hold me down,
And make me want to drown.
They love the night,
And it gives me such a fright.
Unbelonging
Creatures of the night
Winding
Untaming
Unraveling
Sweetening
Climbing
Creatures of the trees
Flighting
Picking
Breezing
Unholding
Ungoing
Don't believe the smiles you see plastered upon my faceThese smiles are empty smiles They hold no promiseThey hold no joyBehind the smiles there is painBehind the smiles there are tearsBehind the smiles there is a girl, a boy, or whatever I choose
You see I knew the man, but not the message.Now I know the man and the message.The message is not in the magazines full of airbrushed models.That tell me everything that is wrong with my exterior.The message is that "I am fearfully and wonderfully
She DEFILED herself! Body pains, sunken eyes, flaky, sore, bleeding lips and her body as cold as ice. She chugged the water to silence the rumbling of her stomach as she walked out the door. She gave all the right answers and was
Anxiety is irrational Nana, but you can't understand can you?
I cool my impatience like an ice cube on my tongue, remembering she's no longer young.
Words…
The words I so quickly scribbled
Healed my mental anguish more than
Any medication from the doctor ever could
Or would.
Words…
Feel like home.
The home I have been frantically
Being free from my thoughts is something I've found impossible to do.
I feel as if my mind is caged like the animals at the zoo.
I want to be able to conquer my hindering fear, but the demons in my head are incredibly near.
Have you ever,Been so in pain,That all of your thoughts,Make you insane? Do you ever,Lay awake at night,Wishing you would just disapear,From sight? Are you ever,Just so damn sad,That the thought of death,makes you glad? Have you ever,Taken a bl
To say I depended on you
would be an understatement.
I was addicted to the way we were.
To say you were my everything
would be an understatement.
If life as a 17 year old is supposed to be a walk in the park, then why do I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean? I feel like I no longer have control over my life.
One single word that will be my destroyer
Everything around me, everyone around me is happy
I don’t understand how they can be so filled with joy
2002. I’m seven years old and scared as hell
To make a sound
I start to weep and plead with her
Please, please not Emily
For many of my years there were many tears
tears of great fear tears caused by my peers
I saw an ending near
I grabbed the gun with no fear
Life's supposed to be fun
I was done
my life flashed by
It started with shakes and the violent pounding.
The floor boards matching the beat inside my ribcage.
Japan was beautiful. And it was the shaking that stirred such a thought.
// To continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success// We all have choices in life we push ourselves until we breakdown or persevere until we reach our definition of success.
That beautiful smile
I shall never forget
The smile you gave to everyone
So beautiful
I can visualize it
I wish I can see it again
But you're gone
It has been so long since I last saw you
I remember the first time I wrote poetry,
I remember the blood pooling out of me suddenly becoming ink
How the blade suddenly became a sharp pen-
I love to smile, why? It lights up the room yet hides the truth. What really lies behind you ask? Deep dark lies? Swallowed by emotions, I try and hide it but I'm gasping for air. But why? Why are people so blinded?
I remember it like it was yesterday-
The dripping of rain upon my window, the sound of the wind blowing across the city-
It's hard to tell you the whole truth though because I'm still trying to figure that out myself-
Pills two of them to be exact.
They’re the same, but together they’re a stronger dose.
Together they calm down a savage mind like mine.
Helping to realign the dominos of thought in my head.
My voice
Is something which my ears fail to define
When it kisses the air, it splinters
Into exactly 2 billion and 3 question marks
Hooking round my pores and
Peppering my flesh with pock-marks of stray
I smile because I hidePretending to be optimistic and brightMy hands are shakingMy face is numbMy body feels like i'm floatingI see a crowd, I prepareA pain strikes in my chest
Beginning to realize I'm in deepInside my head, I'm so hard to reachPushing my emotions in different directionsObviously so very out of control
The inside of my mind,
the design is so complicated.
So intricate,
and it seems that thoughts
can be so crowding,
and fear does this rerouting
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
don't unlock that closet [she warned in a whisper]
these ghosts have never quieted
at night i hear their screams [echoing through my mind]
don't you dare unlock that door [she said]
don't you dare
Who am I, through a completely organic lense?
A lense with no skewer or sharpener
no falsehoods or pretends
What am I in an entirely natural glow?
A glow that eminates my true personality
I am made of sticks and stones.
I rebuilt myself from those
I found
Strewn about the kitchen floor,
Remnants of your drunken tirades.
My bones felt hollow
When I learned that yours
I panic between doorways
I count the breaks in stairways
to rules I always adhere
and I do this out of fear
fear that I'll lose my sight
that it will punish someone dear
One, two, three-
Organized alphabetically.
Four, five, six-
this must have a fix.
Seven, eight, nine-
but I hate to whine.
Ten, elven, twelve-
mentally it delves.
After all we've been through
Are you going to throw it all away?
Trash it like it was nothing?
Am I nothing to you?
Was I ever anything?
I am of flesh
I breath sin
I keep to myself
what lies within
But do express
And I'll give you notice
When storms draw near
I feel their closeness
Love one love all
Beauty over Depression
Derailed and Disastrous
Why do I feel like this?
Empty and Eerie
it was innocuous at first.
(doesn't it always start off like that?)
my lips were just a little too chapped and
it looked bad,
so i peeled off some of the old skin.
no harm done, right?
It’s not that simple,
Trying to see the good again.
The grey days just seem to blur together,
In a never ending stream of sadness.
Have you ever felt so sad that you can’t cry?
depression is a war and catastrophe.
you fight yourself,
and even if you win you kill
something of your essence, your soul,
but there is no help because
this world is predatory and only
can you feel it choking you and
are you drowning drowning drowning because
i can't breathe the panic's
rising and
what are you supposed to do when you have
no idea what's gone wrong,
I am sorry.
i am sorry for shredding you to pieces when you deserved to be cherished.
i'm sorry for the six years of abuse i put you through and thought that you deserved.
I am a goddess
I am fierceI am flawlessI am strongI am passionateI am courageousI am powerfulI am a goddess
My body is a cocoon of pungent regret
holding its breath for the metamorphisis to a butterfly of knowledge
my body is a hub of nocturnal imagination
paints my dreams in garish tones and people hues
I still hate myself every day
And it hasn't changed in a single way
Nobody loves me, I love no one
Try to avoid me or better yet, run.
I have no potential, not hard to see
Though I've yet to pull myself together
There's a part of me that seems to have tethered
My body image and self neglect
Are all pure relfections of lack of self-respect.
I starve myself day by day
Do you know what it's like to live every day
Dreading your life in every way?
Fearing you'll never be good enough
The minutes get longer and your life gets tough.
And how about that body of yours
Why do I always feel like nobody cares
And when I need someone, no one's there?
Being alone is a normal feeling
The real me I've been concealing.
The thought of isolation was always appealing
I want to go to sleep
But never wake up
With words so deep
My life I reap.
Lying in bed
WIth the sheets grasping my head
My face turning red
Hoping I'd end up dead.
people will never recognized a simple girl.
who is like other girls, simple as a paper flower.
who really is nothing compare to the real flowers.
whose color and petals are different from others.
"Foster child! Foster child" "I wish you never came here"
"Not my sister, Not my sister!" "Mom, don't call her dear"
Echoes in the hallways, begging for a tear
Water in the bathtub, wash away my fear
Mistakes,
Baby I'm flawless.
What you want me to be ashamed of,
Baby I flaunt it.
You talk and laugh about the way I look,
But don't understand that my ego can't be shook.
You get up just to plaster on a fake smile and laugh constantly,
Because that's what people who have their shit together do.
When Blue Reflects Upon Waves
I’m staring, always staring, forever staring,
No focus in sight, yet a bright future yields token,
Novel, arguably plausible possibilities.
I have fallen into a pattern of
ticking and tock-ing
for those who simply miss the measurement of time.
My mouth is stained red, but my
mind is enveloped in tones of blue, no longer
Have you ever woke up and felt like you were dreaming? Like you couldn't get up? You were stuck?
Disappear in a whisper:
Hello? Are you there?
Yes but are you?
Do I know you?
Do I know you?
No I don’t.
You’re right we don’t know.
We?
You never knew did you?
They say love is a drug.
It's no wonder I'm always so high.
I abuse too much, never sober enough.
His laugh is my cocaine, addictive and exhilarating.
When his lips meet mine, it's pure bliss
I don’t want to not believe
I don’t want her to become something other than what she sees
In the mirror, is a different person?
Researchers say crying is inborn
I had to learn how to cry
I stifled the sight of my tears
Away from the taste of salty crystals on my tongue
Afar from the expression of my fears
Counting the calories,
Secretly loving each bite,
Is being skinny
Worth all this fight?
Seeing your hipbones?
Collarbones too?
Searching for a thigh gap,
even though there's so much "you"?
Who am I?
A question even I don't know,
For this face I do deny,
And body try to hide,
This mask as my disguise,
Every mirror will catch my eye,
To eat I have to try,
Anorexia.
Time seems fluid.
You and I are just floating through.
Time stretches on and on,
Until the day has ended
And the darkness is surrounding.
The rising sun
It hit me one night on tumblr
a blog i
stumbled upon
with a bio that sounded
a LOT like my old best friend
we never fell out
our friendship never ended
We are the Ones.
The beaten,
the broken,
the abused.
We are the Silent.
Bearing our agony with closed mouths.
The quiet,
the strong,
the mute.
We are the Patient.
Masquerade balls in school lunch lines:
I'm fine, why do you ask?
Pretend is all I can do.
Pretend like I don't feel torn apart.
Pretend like I even know who I am.
Who knows what it's like?
To grow without.
We live every day
hoping to find food on our table
hoping to make it out of this world
a trailor world.
We don't look normal.
A simple smile acting as a barrier
Preventing the world to understand
hardships, heartbreaks, hurt.
Daily life is a chore
no matter how many times it's repeated
difficulty, depression, danger
My heart was one of darkness,
pain all consuming.
Scars standing out,
as if to mock me.
I was delivered a blow I
had been waiting for,
one that was going to shatter me.
It's not what they call you,
but what you answer to.
Never let someone else's words
define you.
No one is "normal"
No one is "perfect"
But as long you love yourself
you'll always be worth it.
Sweet Supple Innocence
The press of sinewy hips
Our flesh entangled before the gaze of silver plated St. Peter, the protector
I merged into you, no longer me simply an extension of you
You became my puppeteer
She is a hyprocrite
Full of contraditions
And consumed with a nonconformist spirit
She desires to be loved
Yet all she visualizes is hate
You see, weight is too much,
The pounds are too much,
The scale says "enough"
But the numbers don't bluff.
Below layers of fat
(Which really aren't there)
I woke up on a dirty mattress on the floor of a friends house. It's my 16th birthday. A huge milestone in a young persons life.
This emptiness inside of me,
I really can't explain
how everything I try to do
slowly fades to grey.
Imagine yourself standing
in the bottom of a pit
no way out
no way in.
"Hey, how are you?"
I say, "I'm fine." Totally fine.
I'm always fine...
It's truly a superficial question; no one wants the truth. They won't dig and burrow, they wont try to tunnel into my thoughts.
Crimson substance fills the cup
One is one and never enough
With every wound
A new opening
I am a Painter of Another Day
Another sleepless night,
Another day avoiding glances,
Another day pretending to be happy,
Anothr fake smile,
And another day hiding the scars covering my skin.
I must be a ghost.
Oh, how they walk through me.
It's like I'm invisible,
And no one hears my screams.
It's a lifetime story,
But I hate those shows.
There's things in the world,
You said to me, "I am Lost"
So I etched the constellations
in every freckled part of my skin,
so you would always know where you came from
when you traced your fingers across my hips.
They aren't just scars
They are demons
I fought at 00:00
They are my insecurities
My deepest fear
And my lonely nights
They are my insults
I have recieved and the
Emotion I can't contain
My fingers are on the keys
I just need a release
My head is spinning
I do not want others to have to feel this way
My new goal is to help them
I want to inspire others
I want to tell them
And outside, life Is cold.
The trees are as bare as my bones are hollow,
and through the chains over my window
I can see the world outside-
Moving.
It's all still moving, without me.
Dear Model Minority Stereotype,Why must I abuse my healthcontinuously, clawing, gnawing, eroding my
I met some folks at work today.
It was my first day at the job.
A fellow staff gave me some keys
Then turned to fill out paperwork.
Now I can unlock chemicals,
But how can I unlock a heart?
Beat me down
Pull my hair
A constant frown
It's so unfair
My mind is distorted
It makes me see things that aren't really there
My body is contorted
God, I wish I didn't care
Attention Deficit All Alone
(ADAA)
By Derick Gentner
The crumple of paper in the hall, a pen hitting the floor,
When I hold it in my hand,
I feel much power
I feel like I haven't been crying for the past half hour
When I lay the cool metal upon my wrist
When did it become so wrong?
Despite our desperate need to be strong?
Crazy, weird, spazz, freak
Strange, stupid, loser, geek.
She doesn't discriminate against age, sex, or
race , 4 million in her evil clutches, she and
her minions are taking over our children's minds
leaving trails of broken down bodies,
I walk on a Sunday afternoon in 2013.
I walk to the store candy and a lil bit of ice T.
I walk wondering who this man is behind me.
I walk till I can't walk no more and I run
I run and I run.
Let the asystole
Voice the matter at hand
The mind of she who wishes
To broadcast her innermost thoughts
Her suppressed desires
Goals, methods, plans
But fear the shatter
I take eight tablets and capsules a day.
They help hide the unreliable wiring to my mind.
Giving me this false intoxication.
Frenzied sometimes, but dispiritedness always.
I just get this abnormal logic.
Your body is a temple-
And I have burned mine to the ground too many times to count.
I have slashed it and scarred it and bruised it and marred it,
And tried to break the bones of this battered flesh home.
Maybe you fall down sometimes
Maybe the voices speak up again
Maybe you get lost easily
Maybe you don’t have to have everything figured out
Maybe…
Maybe some days are harder than others
These are your hands and
This is how you tell the world you’re not all bad
These are your wrists, those are your scars,
This is your story
This is how you dodge the shattered glass around your feet
I may sound insane,
but the voices I hear are not of a lunatic .
They are of someone suffering of OCD ( Obsession Compulsive Disorder).
"IT NOT CLEAN!"
your words, they stingjust like a razor blade upon my skinsinking deeper with each cut you slit
I am quietbecause were I to open my mouthand let out the sugardemonscrouching behind my teeth,they would make you cry.I am tiredbecause were I to stay awakefor an hour or so more
When I was little,
An itty bitty child in an itty bitty house,
My mother told me:
“Now don’t you hate.
“Hate is a strong word, a bad word.
“Hate makes people weak.
“Hate drives out love.”
So lost, still lookingWhere's the never found?I gaze with fixed eyesThis dark quest has me cemented My heart is dementedMy whole solution is buried Underneath the land of the hopeless
PTSD, bi polar, adhd, and borderline personality disorder they say. Born dependant on crack cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol. Two weeks in the niccu, which I was lucky it was just two.
I thought it would be cleaner in here
That makes sense, right?
Perfectionists and all that
It should be neat lined shelves, glass, platinum
It's not
Hiding behind her own reflection
Having to deal with her satisfaction
The mirror tells no lies
And at night she'll refuse to cry
The knife will show her a new way
To express what she has to say
“Wow, what a psycho”
Says the girl sitting next to me.
How clever she is
Laughing at the uncontrollable misfortune of others.
The pieces never fit to begin with.
Given fragments of things that don't match;
they weren't even close...
Wanting rain for every moment,
lost in a place with no way out,
Red-headed beauty
with the brightest green eyes...
I watched as she threw herself away.
The heart's wounds more hidden
than the scars on her arm,
she wanted nothing more
There might be thoughts inside your head you can't get out
You might not know what is wrong
why are you so sad
I will listen
you might have had people in your past
I wake up every morningTo see those eyes staring back at me
Broken and bruisedDying and confused
Living every dayNot wanting to live the nextWeighing downMy still-beating heart
FUN
Going out on weekends
Lampshades on heads
Do you remember what you did last night?
Better yet WHO?
If you don't check instagram
FUN
Channeling my inner hippy
Shifting eyes, tight throat, hiding my face as I watch the class make fun of a girl for sharing her issues about PTSD
i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts
im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past
i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt
and i have lost control.
I had never noticed as a child, but she was always there.
Veronica clasped me close, and held me in her stare.
Her fragile reflection pursued me to the broken footsteps of my home.
Falling slowly,
Lightly adrift
Every single one is different
Everyone is unique
It has its purpose
Falling down,
You wipe them away
More than a nuisance
They frustrate you
When life gets difficult,
And your cup over flows,
Things go haywire,
Objects explode,
Theres no air,
No air,
No air you cant breathe,
Your brain cant conceive,
Wrong,
Wrong,
clickclickclickclick
goes the key board as i sip my morning tea.
Spiling, gushing ,spewng my deepest trauma and heatache.
My therapy, your guilty pleasure.
The best job, if you ask me, is that of a writer.
Marked by shades
Chained by judgment
Being blinded by false imagery
Colors of white to dark
Long plagued our kind
fading with age
brownign, blurring
suffering every day
but continues stirring
mindlessly lingering
mythodically fingering
blades of a razor
and quaint gassoline flame.
I stare out the window, watching the rain
It rolls down the window like the tears on my face.
This pain, this fear, I’ve been trying for years
To make it go away, to make it disappear.
Shadows I see, self loathing, self harming, suicidal thoughts is all I'll ever be.
No one will ever want me, he was right
The monster that came into my room to get me every night
An obsession
An addiction.
It tortures me,
but I need it.
I got to know
the number on the scale.
Restrict my food.
Binge eat.
Purge.
Thoughts of laxatives.
I once was
A girl caged in lonliness; living nightmare
The devil on my back
Crawled in my head
Cold, frim, lifeless,
Laying on cold steel,
Water trickles down the drain,
Washing the dirty away.
Incisions are made,
Inspection makes way,
Hunting for the cause,
Success.
i do not have sunken eyes
nor do kitchen knives at midnight
sink deep into skin only to rise
sometimes my limbs shake without any breeze
but never with the accompanying screams
This is all in your head.
This is all in your head.
This is all in your head.
That's the most terrifying thing of all,
That what is destroying me
Tears stream down her face
To let go the pain
She closes them tighter
To hope for a brighter future
Wrapping her arms around herself
To hold herself up
Her body trembles
As she sobs
this void, this emptyness inside.
what'd you expect of me?
i'm an empty vessel with out a soul.
I read somewhere that every 16 minutes
give or take a few seconds
a suicide is commited.
Ice cold veins, her heart is what controls it.
She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s the only one who’s frozen.
There isn’t always a cause.
It may be a product of her always planning mind;
Always on the go,
Always impatient,
Always demanding.
Because she must make up for lost time.
The loss no one can predict.
A tsunami sent by one line of text
Adrenaline floods my veins-
emotions are drowning, tumbling
just trying to catch up with my brain
My heart jumps, flips, flies out of my chest-
Would you tell a blind man he needs to open his eyes more to see?
Would you dare say “just walk it off” to a recent amputee?
Of course not. You know that the solution isn’t to be strong willed
Welcome to my world!
Would you like to meet my friends?
They're on my left wrist,
and they're scabby and red.
Do oyu know who introduced me to them?
How we got to meet?
My ****** should know,
I never fully understood an addict's continuation with drugs.They acknowledge it's doing them physical harm, yet hunger for more.Caught up in the vanities of this world has shed light to their way of thinking
I can ride a wave of light to the stars and
swallow them whole, spitting out
constellations and fireworks.
I’m the heat that will leave third degree
burns on your eyes if you look
Oh how the clock strikes past a quarter to noon
Finally Ill be rid of this dreary math full of gloom
I am not angry.
All I want to do is
place myself far from view and release
a shrill demonic sound.
I want my voice to carry,
for my scream to vibrate the air.
We are the ones shot down day after day forced to tip-toe around our own shattered remains. Reality surrounds us. Holding us in its painful grasp. Never daring to let us go and give us a chance to breathe.
Who hears the voice of the mentally ill?
Who feels for them when they cry from the pain they feel?
It seems they are feared and everyone worries
Is their problem contagious or more comfortable ignoring?
Please, riddle me this, oh math teacher-
When will I ever use the inverses of matrices in my short, artsy, creative life?
When will I have to solve an equation to obtain a wife,
The Quiet Room with its white, padded walls.
Sometimes I wish they were a different colour, any colour at all.
Sometimes I wish there was noise, even the most annoying noise in the world.
I am wispy mist that is quickly blown away by strong wind.
I am the dust bunnies under the couch-- hiding so I’m not swiftly swept away.
I am a blanket of snow that melts away when the scorching sun arrives.
Age thirteen, beaten black and violet,
she hid from a man who was too often violent.
But Daddies aren't supposed to be mean,
or leave awful marks for all to see.
Daddy promised, "Never again."
It came upon me like a shadow
and the whispers that followed said,
"Delirium -- thank God." Thank God:
it was only delirium. No;
it wasn't.
It was the music –
Spacing out.
That look in my eyes
that you despise
but I am too far gone,
To notice.
When you ask the question
If you’d ask the question
Not, “Wake up, Miss!”
I am the creature that calls you a loser
I am the thing that tears you apart
I am the monster that makes you sadder
I am the creature that destroys your dreams
What am I?
Dear teacher, have I ever told you that I loved Math.
Dear teacher, have I ever told you that all my dreams are about 2x+4=y and "Jonny had 5 bannans and gave 1 to
Peter, how many bannans were Jonny left with ".
I can’t help it
That I must walk
In out in out into your classroom
I can’t help it
That I must sit
In the same place
I can’t help it
That I must go wash my hands
I can’t help it
That I must walk
In out in out into your classroom
I can’t help it
That I must sit
In the same place
I can’t help it
That I must go wash my hands
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pour your heart
To the stranger on the bus.
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pace back and forth
in your bedroom
Contemplating
Im making my mind up to express.
Living this way is just a mess.
Laughing at nothing
Is funny when its serious.
Im Living life to the fullest
So im a gangster.
Living is dying.
You sit behind me in the midnight sun
Urging me forward toward the edge
Always there my dark twin
You are the sin to my light
It takes everthing to fight the pull
Oh how sweet it would be
Staring at your crooked handwriting on the blinding whiteboard,
As crooked as the dark thoughts circling my mind like vultures.
My eyes are-
Maybe She Would Be Alive Today. If I Spoke Up And Said What I Needed To Say. If I Thought Differently and Choose A Different Path. Crazy Thing Is I Didn’t Think She Would Last.
Strained thoughts fly through my mind
Like cracks in the pavement.
Each line deliberate and
Jagged.
I stare at my hands that are
Holding a pair of scissors.
I turn to face the mirror.
Look into my eyes.
I want you to see, sweet angel,
That it's okay,
Not to be okay.
I know you are sad,
broken.
I am too.
I want you to smile,
Because you are perfect.
I've returned form Never Land,
To the place where you're told how to dream.
I've never enjoyed it here.
These sadistic people who want me to think,
Think just like them.
Into the melee I sink.
Who are you?
You are not my mother today.
We do not know what you will do,
The children must leave
So they are safe.
"Safe from what?", the little ones ask,
His lusting hands grip
and weakly protest do I,
I'm not ready, but here it comes
the months endless in which I'l cry
and you'll apologize, but it's not enough
and I'l apologize, but you don't deserve it
Teacher, TeacherCan't you seeWhat this life is doing to me?
Can't sleep at nightDue to memories and fearAnxiety chewing away at meA family that doesn't care
I told him...
"Pretty girls don't have scars,"
And I cried.
With a finger under my chin,
He made me look into his eyes.
He told me that's what makes me beautiful
And kissed every tear
Her condition is that she is a walking contradiction, for she is a soul burning with hot fire and coals born into the coldest winter ever.
She’s living in hell amongst demons yet some say she looks heavenly.
The darkness doesn't always mean evil,
Just like the light does not always mean good.
Thinking for yourself isn't always a bad thing.
Right and wrong is an opinion.
Decisions blind.
Outcome unpredictable.
Why, my daisy,
Do your petals droop?
Fading, falling to the ground?
And why, my daisy,
Do you bow down to the wind
When gusts growl and roar with rage?
Nothing –
Seeing clear as day
In the suffocating black of night
But cringing with confusion
When the sun sheds its light
Knowing there’s an answer
Not caring if it’s found
Maroon- the color of crimson love, fermented
Of December midnights, mingled with the tears of flesh
Of sweet agony, smoldering behind hazel eyes
Of you and I, trying to escape Desire
The first time I saw you,
everything in my head went quiet,
all of the compulsions, all of the obsessive urges, all of the racing thoughts that stole my breath,
but
you stole my attention.
Who are you to determine my state of mind? Where is this "Book of Rules" that fits certain characteristics to determine one's mental health? You said that I am mentally ill. How so? How was this determined?
Have you ever seen someone going through a anxiety attack?It's not an east to thing to witness.
Their body tenses against their willThey shake and cry with no cause or relief
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.
As she covers her arms, she covers her whole world.
A world rooted in pain
With no gain
Of freedom from The Blade.
They say suicide
Is a selfish act.
Although I never could fathom why
When it is so difficult to acquire the help one needs
For when problems are spoken
And cold words form in the warm air
Sometimes I wonder.
Was it a gradual thing?
Or did she wake up one day
Suddenly suffocated by the ring.
When did she realize?
I see the line of water
Kissing the the top of my head
My hair sticks out slightly
The cool breeze of life caressing it
And there I stay
Rooms,
Inescapable prisons,
That present our
Feeble minds with
Conforming individuals,
Unfavorable probability,
Discomfort.
Rooms,
Incase emotions.
While hallways,
Somebody once told me
that Life was like clay,
no matter how much you fiddle around with it
the clay will eventually harden.
What did they mean?
Somebody once said
that Life was beautiful and
Men or Women
Have the power to kill.
Though we blame objects
Like guns, knifes, swords, etc.
Why are we blaming these objects
When we should be the one to blame
The people that hold the gun,
Cast over me, a sheet of confusion and foolishness, and yet it took more than one rude awakening in my life to help pull this sheet off my head but I still wonder why do so many tragedies had to come for me to finally understand a part of life.
You follow coincidence down the path of least resistance
Your decisions dictated by circumstance
Your every move driven by nature and nurture
It is not too late
To live intentionally
Jugular venous pressure is estimated by positioning
A patient’s head at a 45-degree angle.
When the veins in the neck
Are swollen as high as the angle of the jaw,
Blood pressure rises.
There's a point in time when sadness becomes unshakeable.
and becomes a being whos thirst for bearing pain is insatiable.
When you allow it to, sadness will find a voice of it's own and start speaking
Eyes are like the doors into our minds.
You can tell just by looking into someone’s eyes what kind of world they live in.
Whether it's dark and night or happy and light
Hey little birdy,
The one by my window;
I see your colourless wings so sturdy
And those dark eyes so hollow.
Birdy, take me with you.
I want your freedom;
I want to fly in the blue.
Wouldn't I be pretty
If she wasn't tan and skinny
Knew all the words to country
Like you do
Wouldn't I be pretty
If you drank too much whiskey
Drove home at two
And I waited up for you
From as far
well as far as I can remember
From the cold fronts of December
to the hot summers of July in everything
I've done it was to prove that I could do
anything as long as try,
Can you see her?
can you see the acid rain falls from the skys,
every time she crys?
She walks through life with her head held high,
There I laid as the darkness of the night crept in through the windows and proceeded to engulf my body into it's rich depth.It was swallowing the details of my bedroom.
I live for the simple things;the sound and smell of rain,the flash of lightning,the boom of thunder.
She screams into the night.
Howling in pain.
No one hears her desperate pleads.
Blood pulsing through her veins.
Thump, thump, thump.
Today
We Fly.
Today
We Cry.
Today
We Sigh.
Today
We Lie.
Today
We Deny.
Today...
We Die.
(Written in Trochaic Monometer)
She steps inside
a world unkown.
The place is dark
and stars don't glow.
She starts to cry--
she wonders why--
she thinks she cannot
be fulfilled
with just her dreams.
He had a bad habit of catching lightningHe strode along the streets collecting the lightning that fell from the eyes of people he passed.
Lost without an identity
Anticipation and resentment
Where will I go from here?
Names, faces, and a language that I do not understand
My face is a plastic smile
Behind the façade,
There was once a world of simplicity and tranquility
But man has robbed us of that ability
Progression is the obsession of today’s generation
When will we learn the needed forms of interrogation
We are a fast food generation, and in love with instant gratification, facing complete and utter annihilation, erasing the very blood line of the planet, look I get it, it’s easy to go to foreign countries to rape the world for its oil
Keep moving. They'll push you down and they'll put up a fight. Keep moving. They'll leave you broken and beaten. Keep moving. They'll laugh at your dreams and feed your fears. Keep moving. Until you find the one. Then stay.
With you? The monsters don't seem so scary.
And life? Not so tough.
You are the sunshine to my darkness.
You keep me safe beside you.
When I close my eyes all I can see is your face wanting to get me.
That's why I write
When I go to lay in bed at night all I can feel is your hands on me.
That's why I write
"just be happy"
is never the appropriate thing to say
to somebody who doesn't know
what happy is.
Adorned with dark brown skin
The constant teases as if it was a sin
A Sin that my melanin was a little more defined
4/20/2007
Dear Diary,
I write this poem in memory
of all lives lost in the tragedy,
to give strength to their families,
and to prevent any further calamities.
***
-You lie through your teeth
When it comes to how-are-you’s
“I’m good” or “I’m okay,”
Is what you’d instead say
-Feeling lonely day by day
Not that you weren’t alone in the first place
As the sunlight slips between my fingertipsI watch the shadows fallThey fall in lacy breaths over my skin,Making darkness and light seem so intricate
I sit in my room staring at the wall,
trying to quiet my mind
from its own chaos.
I picture in my memory a beautiful color red,
darker than a cardinal’s breast
spilling onto the floor.
I stare at your glowing face in the light of the moonI wonder where it is the person I loved has goneWhat has happened to our loveI also look into the space where your heart,the heart which beat so strong and true,
My heart rises and falls
As a tide on a moonlit beach
With each movement comes pain and also fulfillment
I feel the sweat drip, down my face on off my cheek
The pain, brings its own form of motivation
Is it really worth it?
The heartache the pain that you leave behind.
Is it really worth it?
A mother who has to bury a child, do you really want that?
Can you see what you will cause?
I’m heart broken,
Playing more games, this is my last token,
But I got change
Emotions never spoke.
I’m neck deep in pain, so I’m always choking
My heart remains as empty as the dark canyons of your spirit. If not for your words I’d be blind to your thoughts; for they are forever hidden from the eyes of onlookers.
Anxiety ruled
Emphasis on past tense used
May have saved a life.
In a world of darkness,
Subtle waves pulse agaisnt my skin.
My lungs feel tight and cramped,
My heart slamming against my ribs with brutal force
Working against the lack of oxygen.
As I write to whats to come
Some say fate others destiney
I wonder what may happen later
For my eternity
Maybe it'll be gnomic
Maybe it'll be an incubus
For what the future holds atonomy
Day by day
The sun rises and the sun sets
The stars glisten and the animals are at rest
All you do is just wonder, wonder what brought me here
That of course is logical, your parents
I was so close to nirvana but disaster had to come
Trembling, sweating dripping, heart beating like a drum
It could be all over in an instant
Leaving me crying in my bedroom, seeming senseless
blood clusters in a lust
massive starvation to the heart
slow beats of death pound; reaching the finale
no time to waste on love
murderous love led to blood
barely moving as short breaths weap out
The sun casts its blinding rays onto the snow-covered ground to create a glittering reflection that has always reminded me of broken mirror shards.
my skin holds many secretsboth outsiDe and on the ineach scar has a stOrybottled deep withiN.and jusT because a mark is absentdoesn't mean that patch is pureCuts will scar but scratches fade
On the inside,
I'm writhing.
Dueling against myself,
Fighting,
For possession of the blade.
My body is too full,
bursting,
with emotion.
With tears.
with Pain.
The sun cuts in through blindsfingers of light brushing bare shouldersFour steps, and daybreak is snuffed out,curtains drawn
I dont cut ,
I just pierce,
Never to deep,
but just enough,
The pain was never all that deep,
Hour one
Spread poinsettias drug to the surface
Effervescing their wicked kinship
Branching over her body
Swarming in depths,
Drinking her body
She traces herself
Bubbling in the bathtub
This is the house of 100 pound chairs.
Where the tables are nailed to the floor.
Where the windows are made out of bullet-proof glass
and the neighbors broken and torn.
I wobble my way down the narrow hallway
my thoughts are an epic mess
the bright light I'm following is so far away
yet I feel I can grasp it I must confess.
What makes the hair on your arms rise,
your palms sweat,
the breath catch in your chest like a wild thing caged?
Is it the dark?
A fleeting memory of a bed ime story,
Two sad boys none knew were falling
They fell so damn fast.
The world beat them so hard-
They had no chance.
-What a strange relationship we had
yet the only time I felt love was then
The Refrigerator Mother was far too cold
my back against his warm chest felt just right
The blade
to my wrist
I'm alone
I saw with the knife
back and forth
back and forth
It hurts
but not enough
I push harder
back and forth
back and forth
The blood
You're sharing time with each of your loved ones
The clock strikes the witching hour
A well-dressed man steps into the room with burdens that could drown a man
Yet no expression is told on his face
Remember when you were young and everything was…perfect?
Ugh. The word stings both tongues and ears.
Perfect…ha.
There’s no such thing as “perfect.”
It’s an idea, infectious and taunting.
Sun shines through my small window
the light drips down the walls like golden raindrops.
My eyelids flutter open,
retinas burning in the unexpected light.
I look around at the blank walls.
No detail, no color
"If I should die before I wake," Fingers slip into the lake Queen Anne halo Floating lace "I pray the Lord my soul to take," Reeds do pull From leagues below Tendrils snaking to and fro "One world was not enough for two," Such eyes now clouding Th
I stepped on a slug today. It made me wonder how you were doing. Leching your way across town no doubt. Filling your pockets with our disappointment. Recycling nicknames, sex games, growing pains. It's just growing up. It's a part of life.
To have your health is to feel that relief. A heartbreaking pride to not be the one in the quiet room, separating their M&Ms. Their MAOI's, SSRI's, antipsychotics. Nap time, snack time. Institutional itinerary of the insane.
Tears stream down my face as my mind begins to scatter
Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm my being
Depression is no longer a word, it’s a part of me
I can’t breathe
Coping mechanisms have increased
Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder
Relapses from what I once was
From what I once did
I like the way things are now:
How I can stand at the edge
The sidewalk stopping
Cars flying by, missing everything
Without feeling so tempted to run
To get away
Because where I am now is fine.
