A First Time For Anything
The first time i heard the words ´i love you´
was also the first time i saw my mother cry
the way this person told me´i love you´
made it sound as if they were telling the truth
and i said ´i love you too´
even after the words they threw at me hit so hard
my heart may have bruised
i still said ´i love you´
and because i thought this was love
i took every hit your right hand gave me
even though i never said i agree
i let you yell at my body
the same way you yell at my mothers
because i thought that was what love
looks like
that may be a reason why i never see love around me
because your love consists of chains and rules
while my friends love consists of hugs and acceptance
You wrapped your idea of love around my head
So much so, my brain became bruised
I wanted to scream so hard when i realized
This isn’t love
This is wrong
You can’t just engrave your ideal of love
in my head
Without my consent
You can’t break me like you did with my mother
And expect to fix myself
But because you know you never left anything on me
Not a scratch on my face or a bruise to my stomach
I couldn’t tell anyone i was being abused
Without showing them some kind of proof
‘Because i love you, this is for your own good
Mamita’
‘Because i love you, you will stay under my roof’
Because i love you