A First Time For Anything

The first time i heard the words ´i love you´

was also the first time i saw my mother cry

the way this person told me´i love you´

made it sound as if they were telling the truth

and i said ´i love you too´

even after the words they threw at me hit so hard

my heart may have bruised

i still said ´i love you´

and because i thought this was love

i took every hit your right hand gave me

even though i never said i agree

i let you yell at my body

the same way you yell at my mothers  

because i thought that was what love

looks like

that may be a reason why i never see love around me

because your love consists of chains and rules

while my friends love consists of hugs and acceptance

You wrapped your idea of love around my head

So much so, my brain became bruised

I wanted to scream so hard when i realized

This isn’t love

This is wrong

You can’t just engrave your ideal of love

in my head

Without my consent

You can’t break me like you did with my mother

And expect to fix myself

But because you know you never left anything on me

Not a scratch on my face or a bruise to my stomach

I couldn’t tell anyone i was being abused

Without showing them some kind of proof

‘Because i love you, this is for your own good

Mamita’

‘Because i love you, you will stay under my roof’

Because i love you

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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