With Myself


This is all in your head.
This is all in your head.
This is all in your head.
That's the most terrifying thing of all,
That what is destroying me
And breaking me apart is
My own mind.
There is literally no one else in the world
Who knows what is happening to me
Because mental health is so phenomenally unique
To the person who suffers from it.
There is no cure against yourself.
And I think that's why us 
Mental Health Patients feel so alone
Because a broken leg or runny nose
Means something is wrong with your body
But Anxiety, Depression, and Schizophrenia 
Are disorders of the mind
Meaning there is something
Fundamentally wrong with who you are;
The very core of your being is messed up
And it's completely out of your control.
It's all in my head
But it isn't enough to cope with
And live with anxiety as it 
Lurks at the back of your mind on your way to class
And as it presses against your throat making it hard to breathe
When you wait at the bus stop
Or even as it turns your blood cold and makes you
Shiver uncontrollably for hours on end
Until seven in the morning when you're sore, awake, and exhausted
And your dad wakes up for work,
Telling you it's all in your head and go back to sleep
Even though it feels like you'll never sleep again.
It isn't enough to put up with yourself.
We are fighting a battle for control.
We are fighting a battle for freedom.
We are fighting ourselves.
I've knocked myself out so many times
But my anxiety is a part of me
Embedded in every tissue and every nerve 
That cannot die unless I do.
And I wouldn't be fighting if I didn't want to live.
Spare me your pity;
Pity doesn't win wars, soldiers do.
Let me be alone in this,
With myself,
With the terrifying things in my head.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741