confusion
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It was black like the left side of the moon
I wanted to love the darkness, the abyss
Like on a tragic stormy afternoon
I hate how much I love the night rides
Thinking of a past while looking forward ahead
What it was, what it means, what has been said
A long road of reflection the ins and outs of pain
Pieces are put together just to fall out once again
Fireflies glow in the dark.
Lightning always strikes something.
Rain pours down.
Lightning and Rain like to speak to each other a lot.
I tell myself that I don't want anything more to do with you,
But it is hard to convince yourself of that after everything that we have been through.
I tell myself that I don't care whether or not you leave me on read,
you drop a bombshell on me that you might love me again
again, you never stopped, you're unsure
but you gave me hope
that delicious, foolish hope that I gobbled up
because how could I not?
And after all, all these, my love
I adore you and will always love you, my dove
After so much hubbub and confusion
They say our generation tries to grow up too fast
But we live in a world where we are to live to others’ expectations and grow up.
Missing you often feeling blue
These emotions are like shocks dude
I'm feeling all these weird sensations
I really wish i had a basement
Missing you often feeling blue
These emotions are like shocks dude
I'm feeling all these weird sensations
I really wish i had a basement
Missing you often feeling blue
These emotions are like shocks dude
I'm feeling all these weird sensations
I really wish i had a basement
Why am I not enough
Why don't you love me
Why don't you want me
Why am I disappearing
Why am I still here
Why are we still in this awkward silence
Why
Why
Why
My thoughts linger hazily in my head.
My heartbeat no longer pounds in my ears.
My stomachs is numb and hollow.
A faint high pitched buzz consumes my vision.
My thoughts linger hazily in my head.
My heartbeat no longer pounds in my ears.
My stomachs is numb and hollow.
A faint high pitched buzz consumes my vision.
So I love y'all and y'all love me? I don't know, but I do believe, our worlds exist separately, together simultaneously. I'm not blind, but I cant see. What tf y'all want from me. Is it money, is it laughs, is it honesty.
To start this I'd like to leave some insight into why this poem and my username is the way it is. I am not good at writing poetry and my writing style has been refered to as like an idiot Dr.Suess. Which hurts, though i dont know why.
Waterproof speaker
On, pressed soft against my thigh,
Your bass shakes my nerves
𝔜𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔞 𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔩𝔢
𝔉𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡
𝔇𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔯𝔬𝔴𝔫
𝔄𝔫𝔡 ℑ 𝔴𝔢𝔭𝔱, 𝔣𝔬𝔯 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱
𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔠𝔬𝔯𝔢
𝔅𝔲𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔬𝔥 𝔰𝔬 𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔫
Where was your paradagigm when the world took a shift?
Does it resonate? Can you figure why youre so miffed?
Was it closer than you thought and now so far away.
If you were forced upon a crowd, what would you say?
you pace around my mind like you don't know where you're going,
and i don't have a roadmap.
i think i'm even more lost than you are.
So many preparations, regulations, expectations,
so many people expecting me to people-please their purposes.
Since when am I your puppet and
since when are you my planner?
Since when can I not make the choice
Make it stop. The rasping of my heart.
The uneven breathing that manages to escape.
I don’t like the dark.
As the rain slips from the roof, a soft pitter-patter.
I reach out my hand—emptiness, is that you?
You are the light to my darkness as the moon is to the night
You protect me from the lies that lurks in the shadows of the night
The lies that I myself should not hear
I begged you for forgiveness
But you sat on your throne a laughed
I know you gave me my time with him like I asked you too
You gave me his love so you could watch me
As you took it all away from me forever
I was talkin about this topic to a frnd . I asked him *how can we let them go?*
OH RIGHT I SEE ... It's The Things I Speak ...
That ACTUALLY Affect The Way ... " YOU Feel " ... ?!?
OH So Things I've Said Have HURT ... YOUR Head ... !!!
Pain is physical
It is counter productive to love, a conclusion in the mental
When Pain refuses to try again, Love breaks the deadlock
When Pain instigates the feud between man and fear, Love encourages boldness
You broke me , with no remorse
Broken pieces , lonely people , sharing the same empty place - with a scenery so memorable it’s painted a home in my heart.
You seem far to lonely to be saying you don't miss me
Could it be chaos is just in our genes?
You seem far too lonely to be saying that you'd rather leave
It's okay to say to you're lying to me
I wonder how our bodies would fit together
Would they clink like wine glasses on a fine cruise
Or rattle like chains around a dead man’s arms
Would your body rough against me
FIX
Sorry I forgot to note,
Attimes i wish I could be nothing more than a quote,
Don't mind the energy it's just another eulogy,
Sung by the cranky components in this broken heart of mine.
...I wasn’t always like this you know,
there was a time when I saw beauty in life,
electricity in the magnificent mechanics of life,
Girls These Days Are So Confused ... ?!?
They Seem To Be In ... " Alices' Shoes " ... !?!
YES ... " Wonderland " ... ?!?
Stuffy nose, pale raindrops. Bloody crotch with cotton swab remains. Breathe in his scent and cough out the weed.Tight smiles with longing glares...toothless grins with bold hazel eyes. I'm craving. He's beautiful to me, fucking beautiful.
My face, is just a face,
You can’t say you know me
after just one glimpse.
My face, is just a face,
The smile I wear
i think i was 11 when a stranger first asked where i hid my money
it was a cold winter day
you could see your breath sway and stay as the snow flew your way
i glanced back at his face
He's a stable smithyThinks his genius words are pithyAs he pounds, pounds, poundsInto the night.Swings his big word-hammerNever minding lies and grammarCuz he's gotta, gotta, gotta
I don't know what I'm doing at all;
He looked at me and caught me in a trance.
The blood in my veins sludged to a slow crawl.
My heart, my aching heart wanted to dance.
I don't think I've ever been in love;
The teacher told me to study more.
My family wanted me to do well in school,
And because of the teacher, my grades began to soar.
Studying soon became a chore,
Like a dog who chases after his tail, I chased after you.
I know it was something different for you but just like you, I was scared too.
There are times I wish it would always be the middle of the night.
Everything is calm, still and you can hear everything beyond your door if you listen well.
I think I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore when
Everything changed. I don’t really remember…
Did I wake up one morning and it was all different
After everything,
It was all meaningless
What was the reason?
My mind and body so young and sweet
Ready to grasp the world and be free
Questions always spreading from my mind to my fingertips
Young and wild and full of joy
Another year older and brought to different standards
I don’t know how
How to cope
This weight inside me feels too much
My life laid out I thought I was fine
Meeting you brought sunshine to my darkest days
I now had this marvelous motivation in this game we call life
You never had to speak words that could melt gold
how do you tell someone something so crazy
that you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel
that youre an angel thats just been begging to go home
how do you tell someone something so personal
What is it about you that leaves me out of my mind?
All alone in the dark reaching out for a sign.
Remember when you were all all mine.
Resurrect my smile.
Resurrect Me.
i feel nothing
as he puts his arm around my shoulder
except for maybe discomfort
i don't understand
why doesn't it make me feel excited or loved
like the media says it should
I've got creatures caged in my mind.If I look, they are easy to find.To others though, is not so clear.They only hear what I let them hear.Most of the time these creatures are tame.
I have no words to say
Let the silence pass me by
I meditate and I pray
Yet I can't fathom the one who calls itself I
It's an empty abyss
It's a one-way turn
It's a star-kept wish
I lie awake thinking
While staring at my ceiling
About so many things
To name a few: my day
Tomorrow
The paint chip on
The wall
What is it like to be eighteen?
Eighteen is driving down a dark road
Blasting music
At 12 am.
Eighteen is a baby eagle
Just leaving
There you go again.
Leaving me behind.
Take me with you!
No, don't take me.
Not this time.
I yearn,
And when you finally offer,
I reject.
Because if I accept,
you say i used you
but i discovered you
discovering me
you say i hurt you
but you hurt me
hurting you
you say i used you
but i confused you
confusing me
you say i loved you
Whether it is someone not listening or being alone
Thinking you are ugly or not having a solid home
Being told you have problems or other bullying ways
Everyone gets frustrated
Even me
Take care of the matter now
You are going to run out of time
Opportunities will go away
And you will be left in a bind
A whirlwind will form
Along with massive confusion
There will be a state of turmoil
Today we formally say goodbye.
It seems like all I do.
Today I'm sick and snotty,
Scared.
It's hard to be told,
Something unwanted,
By a loved one-
Heart and mind daunted.
Yet I'd go beyond limits,
If that's what they ask.
I'd break my heart myself,
For them to bask.
Him. Me. Tranquility.
I feel safe but strange, it’s not my game.
My chest feels small
I'm lost
I'm lost in a sea of colors I can't seem to understand
Red, Blue, Green,
What diffrence does it reall make when I just feel them slowly absorbing the wavelengths that are meant to keep me sane?
I feel like I’m on the brink of something
Like I’m right on the edge
Like I’m right about to get to it
Like I’m right there on its tail
And I only have to reach my hand out
And take it...
It all started with a purse. A beautiful deep plum crossbody. Embossed with a household name.
Kate Spade.
how funny it is
that after three days of lying next to someone,
sharing secrets, matching heartbeats, and pressing lips together,
one can fall in the first stages of what may very well shape up to be love.
Life is not a box of chocolates.
Life is an endless ladder that each of us have to climb.
It is nothing but an empty dream.
You would think,
that because we are a country
of freedom and oppertunity
we would hold open our arms to people
in need of hope.
You would think,
that because you've given him
Girl, why do you tolerate his mess?
You did everything for him
He never appreciated you
The look on your face is really grim
You put your heart into everything
But, he often made you feel sad and blue
I'm confused
Isn't a mother supposed to make her daughter raise her siblings?
I'm confused
Don't fathers always abandon there children?
I'm confused
What comes before the calming stormThan chaos, unfiltered, unfettered, noiseDay by day, night after unrelenting nightI am only clear unto myselfFor the ones, them and theyCan not understand, or is it won't?
One day she is totally convinced it’s true
the next the doubts crowd her brain
A wonder to which fate is due
It will not refrain
Tears set in blood on a child's face,
A child betrayed by older men,
Dissolve with a blush of embarrassed shame,
As five long years of silence begin.
Confused hands tremble in a disoriented state,
My life consists of heartbreak,
It's all made up of shit.
Confusion is synonymous
With life and life with it.
I hate to look in mirrors
To see what's looking back:
The sunken eyes, the fatty thighs,
Why do I dislike your company?
Why does the conversation run dry?
Why does your presence elicit disharmony?
Why do you render my plans awry?
I find your interests to be drivel,
Was it me who said it's unreal hard for me to feel afraid to chill
because your mouth can't conceal your too damn quick to reveal
the unreal
Just a thought already caught up deep down far in denial, naive
Can you please make me remember,How we started this fight?‘Cause I can't remember,our last good night. What are we doing?I said I loved you, You said you might. This is a jumbled mess,Do you realize?I look at your face,You look away from my eyes.
The baby was tucked into bed,
Quietly breathing, slightly smiling
The mother was laying down right beside her,
Mentality breaking, silently wondering
My heart-- you are my compass.
You guide me.
But if you keep pointing me in so many different directions
How am I supposed to find my destination?
You fickle thing,
You keep on looking,
For your reflection in others,
Anxiously sending out,
Clouded rays of light to broken mirrors,
When will you see,
That the light reflected,
I want to find the words
The words to explain
explain how I feel
as a kid today
You try to listen
To whomever decides to read it:
I don’t know him well. I never will.
I’ve heard of him before, through the others
They speak highly of him:
A friend, a brother, a son, a loved one
As you embark on this journey of life
It is imperative that you know
I am with you
Although we're miles apart
In distance and in heart
Somehow, I will remain with you
Once again that my heart shattered
Lights went blackout, no more flickered
My head went full blank
My life I had hang
I thought my life doesn't matter
Dear any and all,
It starts with a search.
“I think I might be sick,” you type, fingers hesitant because each word, each letter you feel like, is crying out to the world, with the quietest of voices. Look at me. Look at me.
Ever just want to write down how you feel,
But the way you feel just doesn’t seem real.
How can one be so happy yet feel so bad,
It’s like my luck tends to be so awful I sometimes feel sad.
Dearest Vincent
I'll never understand how...
I'll never understand how you could do it.
Your heart was so big, never meant for mortal men
You loved too much for us to understand.
The sun reflected milky white off my skin outside the gym
When you asked me where my sister was
I told you that she was sick
You asked me what I meant
To whom it may concern,
Actually, you’re the one that should be concerned.
I would say your name but even when I call on your name
You still don’t listen.
Remembrance dark, a shadows faceA name, my name,“Jason Grey,”That name,A bitter tasteRolling off my tongueWho is he?I just don’t know
Because I love you, I keep secrets beside the ones you know.
Like how I’ve already named our three kids and two dogs, because I’d sound like a creep.
Or the nonsensical conversations we have when you talk in your sleep.
Off in my own world either day or night, Images flow behind my open eyes. Over reality and stirs a fright. Never thought I was
I guess you could say
that I'm a girl in love.
No?
I think so anyhow.
My heart definitely does
when it leaps as you walk in the room
My eyes think so too
becaus they always seem to seek you out.
Who am I?
In terms of religion,
Who am I?
I'm plagued with confusion.
When I die,
What's after life?
Is there nothing?
My mind's full of strife.
Is there Heaven?
There are many things in life that don’t make sense.
Why are we here?
What is our purpose?
How were we created?
I wish I knew.
There you go again
You think you can get to me
but you can't.
I’m impossable.
Isn't that right?
I mean, it's not like I listen to your every word
my day-dream dresses like you.
i just thought you ought to know;
nothing i am is true.
this stupid mask is all for show;
sometimes i can barely see through.
right now i can't even make the words flow,
On my last birthday, I met you.
When I first saw you, I noticed how attractive you were
but looks alone doesn't get to me anymore.
It wasn't until you started talking to the group that I felt something.
I dunno if this happens to anyone elseMaybe it's the thing that makes my feelings hard to developOr to care or to act out in the air,But the funny thing is in irlthere are people who don't think about the same strife.
It's 7 in the morning
I'm off to my first place of learning
Imaginative Writing
When suddenly
The lady whom I've given the best 3 years of existnece to
They tell me not to give up.
But I didnt understand what they meant.
Not to give up on life? Not to give up on myself?
Ah!
Wait.
But I had already done that.
What is itWhen you can't decideWhat you like,What you dislike,What is there inside you,What you want,What you need,What you see,What you feel,Or, what you are?
The message is there
Words have been unspoken
It is crystal clear
That hearts will sadly be broken
Proper communication
Would definitely alleviate the situation
Those clouds would disappear
He isn’t my boyfriend.
He isn’t an ex.
He’s something so much worse.
Sometimes he spoils me.
He’ll call me beautiful and real.
He’ll says he doesn’t ever want me to leave his life.
5/19/17
Blue
when I see you I act
if forever is this table and never is that spoon
does chicken noodle soup for the soul actually kill you?
if forever is this table
When I was a child I was told that I was black but not black black. I didn't quite fit into the pre-packaged, tick-one-only boxes society had for me. Which made it difficult when trying to find my place.
You're the one i want to tell all my secrets to
I want my fears to dissipate when I'm with you
Black Birds
Black birds, black birds
fly in the sky.
Oh black birds, black birds
why aren’t your words being heard.
Thought I could stay,That what I felt as strong enough that I would'nt feel like walking away.Thought I could stop this;All my doubts,But they keep me up at night,Trying to win this ceaseless war,
Alone and staring at the wall
Surrounding yourself with darkness
Hanging around the wrong crowd
Has sadly, robbed you of your happiness
If you do not take those steps
And move towards the right direction
“I need some inspiration!”
Don’t submit to frustration.
“But I feel like I’m falling short.”
You will always have support.
“Really? From whom?”
How do you feel?
Are you in love?
Or is it lust?
Shall I be a port in the storm?
Or will I be with you for as long as we both want?
I remember
The stones
They way they pelted.
I remember
The girls
The way they laughed.
I remember
The fear
The I fought not to tremble.
I remember
He wondered what is life trapped in the unknown?
Waking up to a beautiful morning, all sounds monotone
He cannot recognize his identity or deeper emotions
Dazed and confused
She sadly feels used
No one was there for her
As she took lots of abuse
With all this happening
No one seemed trustworthy
Always living on the edge
It feels like yesterday
It all happened to quick
I cry from it still
Why did you have to go
So young
So bright
So handsome
So sweet
The pain to know
He's done unspeakable things
He's torn lives apart
Yet I still hear wedding bells ring
They ring within my heart
Oh, love, you make me foolish
The lack of you makes me weak
“If”
All we do now is just question the feeling
Always thinking the other plans on leaving
I told you my goals a long time ago
You the one to decide to stay or it let go
While my heart does bleed
For new life never born
My mind does heed
The pain of a mother torn
The decision to forestall
Life's seed to full bloom
Is a powerful anguish
of hellish gloom
What mind enlightened of God
Could reconcile a forsaken entrustment...
To guardian the yet unborn?
What eye that sees by Light
Could blind itself this darkest deed?
For once, I have never felt so desperate
judging myself for what I am destined to be.
Most don't find themselves until
it is no longer expected from them.
I am afraid to wait too long.
When you hear or say a word too much, it stops sounding like a word and you question it, yourself, like, “am I spelling it wrong, am I saying it wrong?” and then “is this even a word?” that’s so odd, isn’t it? Why does that happen?
Pull me close.
Don't talk.
Listen to it,
It beats,
Growing stronger,
My heart.
Pumping blood,
Don't let me run.
Make me fight for you.
stone walls I build around me
though my smile falters none
it's as if my will is caving
and i wish that i could run
run from the problems
run from the promises
My chest deepens as I think of what words to say.
I can not speak.
I am filled with fear, and it scratches at my surface like claws.
Who knew the sins of the past,
would resurface in the future?
Might I ask,
What would you do if you made
Lord, I am a sinner.
This I know for certain,
Yet I am not actively working towards self betterment.
Lord on the rare occasion that I get down on my knees to reach you,
Most times I do not know what to say.
I have been in lust,
jealousy
pain
anger
depression
confusion,
but never have I been in love.
One is torn from the inside out as the death of life and the consequence of the original sin of \mankind manifests its estrogenic massacre;/
The red of the fruit \of the knowledge of good and evil pollutes /white linen so neatly;
A mountain to climb, an emotional high
A divot in our path, and suddenly we crash
Into the ocean, drowning in waves
I lie in bed, pleading for you to stay
A sky to navigate
The Great Unknown
no more.
this is the last of the Elder days
I belonged to the Elder days,
their wars were personal
I fought them
I knew the lost soldiers
I am the last
the last of the Elder days
I'm falling deep,knees are shaking,I'm feeling weak.I don't know what to say,When I open my mouth to speak. All these fucking feelingsAre attacking me. Weighing me down,
Which way should I go?
My heart says yes, but my head says no.
Should I go up the path,
or down the road?
My hopes are high,
and then they're low.
Waiting for answers,
chasing dreams.
Gravity, a reality
A slumber a tragedy.
What I found out is maddening,
Into the waves it’s dragging me.
Lies, anger, chaos, passing.
All around the lights are flashing,
Hey you!
Yes you!
The one with the rhinestone eyes.
Take me on your magic rocket-ship and fly me off to Mars.
I know that's where you're from.
the hopeless romantic came out in me.
such a short time it took for me to realize what I wanted.
it’s funny, though, because I assumed through your soft words and gentle actions that it came out in you, too.
I hear the words whispering in my head,
"Lonely, alone, lost, forgotten."
"You don't belong."
I look at everyone around me and I ask myself,
"Why are you so far from me when I feel so close to you?"
We’ve been going at it for so long
Why do we keep doing this?
It starting to hurt to see you
I’m feeling unwanted
Why do you do this?
In the moonlit darkness of my heart,
I see icy cold silhouettes of desolation;
Bleak figures concealed with masks flaming bright.
Phantoms dancing around those dead trees,
Frozen in their one final reach,
Dusky days waiting for moonlight;
White flowers lost in teardrops of a bleeding heart;
Ladders crumbling to dust;
Hidden inscriptions of shadows;
Fragile pieces of sky,
Stuck in strands of cobwebs;
On my way to morning walkI met a centipedewalking leisurely in the parkI asked him"Which foot you move first"He stopped in his wayThought but could not decideI moved onleaving him there
"It's your name i call
Until my throat is raw
Because i know you saw
How, with my fatal flaw
I felt your absense like a claw
But still more poisin there is to draw,
Out from the wound
The rocks beneath the earth that shelters the lava away.
The gravity that holds us inside of this earth day by day.
The people that try to help me even if I push them away.
As i watch you breathing
I look deep into your eyes
I try to read your face
For clues of any feeling
Pain or peace
I know your body is tired
His eyes are full of warmth.
Mine are nothing but stone.
He pulls me into his chest and his lips graze mine.
I feel his heart racing and I know the words are on the tip of his tongue.
He says it.
"Everyday the rage within me dies a little more
But everytime I think it's gone
It comes back stronger still
It kills my heart
Everytime
To see the hurt
And the lies
The hand print of my hurt
My Prince which calls out in the silence,
coaxing me back into the strange world of wondrous kisses and leagues of intensely painful emotions overtake my fevered mind.
Call on, sweet prince.
A circle of unfamiliar colors filled the air as I walked, astounded.
A deeper, winding street caught my attention,
A child, I walked forward and my imagination knew so much more than my eyes.
A million swarming voices,A thundering, roaring crowd,The silent scream of reason,Deafened in the noise.
They say mankind will kill himself
But what am I supposed to do if I’m born in a war
If my life is on the line……play victim, inflame my heart with fear?
When the only thing I fear is God
Love and lust hold hands
You touch my face and smile
What do you mean?
I like to think that the way your grin invites is safe and out to make my day
but how can I know really?
Imagination ruins and creates us,
We run with the wind or get blown behind,
Letting others distort our perception of the perfect image,
Searching for the one person to the end of the world,
Where is it?
I've missplaced it once again.
I'm looking for the threads, and the needles and the numbness.
Oh... Nevermind about the numbness.
The trails are getting foggy, I'm lost.
This is so tangled,
I can't figure out what happened.
He loves her and she loves another
and now I love him.
Funny how you think this
kind of confused doesn't exist.
I’ve questions upon questions.A quest just to find the answers.And I still have yet to head back home.The Valley is where I live,Where all the questions lie.The answers,
Is what I want what I need?
Will you fill the void?
They say more than him is greed
But I want a voice
Does that make me faithless?
Am I too immature?
It’s what I address
But nothing is sure
mind twists like a hanger that’s rusted and bent
dangling off of the clothes rack all metal and dents
if you asked me I’d tell you I don’t have a clue
When asked what I remember about my childhood, I will answer “smoke;”
There’s a lingering, hovering cloud in all my most recallable memories.
Think of you
Puts me at risk
An avalanche just waiting
Waiting to happen
Let me think
Of stealing a kiss
Something innocent,
Saying goodnight
Maybe a bit more
All these marks.
All these thoughts.
All these memories.
Brings me even closer to the edge.
Nothing is clear anymore.
The second-guessing.
The cloudy state of mind.
The shaking consuming my body.
Is it a question
or is it simply an act?
It seems to be unquestionable
because by questioning it you are automatically
doing it, so what is it?
We walk with a planned destination,
Air so strong
Though none breathe in
The awe of dreams
Which come from within
The choice is here
What will it be?
To dream a dream
Or die in fear
Setting in the dark head full of thoughts the voices are screaming and screaming who are you?
Do you even recognize this horrible being you call yourself?
In one hand I have safety
In the other rests my heart
Every time I try to unite them
Everything falls apart
Why can’t things be simple
Easy to figure out
I once was so sure of the love
okay, so maybe I'm not the most experienced gal,
and I'm probably going about this all wrong.
You see, when you say my name you make it sound pretty
not like a curse, or burden like he did.
I'm out of his league.
I'm too good for him.
They tell me out of pity so I can pretend
That he’s the problem.
He’s crazy.
And selfish.
But if that’s truly the case, why do I feel so helpless?
I don’t feel anger.
Not that simmering rage that slowly grows inside of you,
More and more being poured in every day until you just
Explode.
I get annoyed
Green eyes envy more than blue
Fields of emeralds feel softer than ocean waves, but not to you
Absent anarchy fills absent minds
Your tsunami still fills mine
Uprooted by shrieks and horrors,
I've recently mastered
Showing no emotion
In needed situations
Too many judging faces
Harsh words
Are shelled out
Ripping the rug
From under me...
I pieced all the evidence together and found
that I, most likely, came from a ripped up piece of latex,
one snowy summer night in a cabin down in New Mexico.
Yet, though I came from broken things and with unexpected news,
I know you love me, your love is true
But you have a funny way of expressing it,
And with that I haven’t figured out what to do.
“Love”
Did flowers bloom and birds sing?
Did you think of your first, or second teenage fling?
Did you think of the very first time he caught your eye?
Or did you think of the very last time he told you a lie?
Lately things haven’t been real
But maybe that’s because what’s real doesn’t matter anymore
Don’t act like I’ve ever been okay.
Because it’s in the smile when I’m angry
The straight lips you demanded when you couldn’t take more
The obedience you looked for
It’s all in me
and it is me
I once I had
a team building exersize
In which we told the team
our biggest fear
when it came my time I froze
not because I was afraid to tell them my fear
but because I couldn't choose one
I'm tongue tied yeah I don't know how to put this
I've been through so much, no sound comes up, zip
I've got battle scars, bruises, wounds that won't heal
But I guess it all started with that first tear
Knock, knock, knock.Love's arrived and his fists leave knuckle prints apon the door in front of me.Knock, knock, knock.Love's knocking earthquakes at my feet
Madness is ambiguous, just like reality
When life is too sweet, you get bad cavities
Because there's beauty in the struggle
The ups and downs, concavity
It's been a good life, so my concious holds
Flickering lights
Sleepless nights
I wonder
When will my home be in sight?
I travel alone
Like a dog to a bone
I search
But never once glance for a phone
What am I looking for?
I thought I heard you say "Frido-lay"
Oh, I was so happy.
But then I realized you said "triolet".
I thought I heard you say "Frido-lay".
You said write a poem, I said, " Oh, okay."
Now I feel so sappy.
This poem deviates slightly from the suggested topic explaining, instead, the psychological state of adolescents and women in this day and age who aspire to a level of perfection that doesn't exist and how the failed attempt to do so leads to
One day feels like an eternity without you, I feel like it's been so long, or is it just me? Am I in this alone? How long has it been this way? Have I been that blind? That in denial? That naive? Or was that me just showing my feelings?
Somedays I want to run and hide. Somedays I want to proclaim my life. It's somedays I feel I'm loosing my mind and other days it's all in my sight.
Inside a world of chaos
She sat on the stairs.
Searching through the memories,
She tried to make pairs.
Happy? Sad?
Or was it both all at once?
Like a heist,
It will be a while till I am fine
Until this jumbled mess in my cold chest
That used to pump in its warm nest
Is recognizable enough… to be called mine
My life displayed upon a screen-
I live behind a filter;
I never say what I think.
I’ve been trained to keep my mouth shut,
but my lips glossed and pink.
Without the social media, I am like all the rest.
It's stranger than normal,
this feeling I hide,
and it's an ominous feeling,
that I'll tuck down inside.
And my chest will envelope it,
this horrible truth,
something I can't get rid of,
I left her. Afraid scared and alone. My guardian angel needs me. I didn't know my heart was her home. I felt I could fight alone. But I proved I'm weak broken and a wreck. I didn't want her to see me use, I always hated that feeling of regret.
Do you ever just
have one of those days where
you wake up and
nothing seems right?
One of those days where
you look down the hall and
someone has turned off the lights?
Monday morning drag across the 7:25 bell
All inside my head my mom screams worthlessness, failure, disappointment
I have a lot of things to say. I view these things as important. Are they important to others? No, they are not. The things I want to say do not interest people, so I attempt to believe these things are not important.
The layers of tears that I've cried have stung my eyes to that point of where seeing just becomes painful. I don't want to give up. But I'm being forced to give up. Or am I? No, this whole situation is fucking bullshit.
Sometimes things just seem to fall apart,
and never fit in again.
Sometimes the sunshine fades away,
and never comes back again.
The emptiness in my soul threatens
to eat me from within,
In life we have many choices to make,
Some simple, some more complicated.
I have a choice as to how I live my life,
do I live it free or do I live it controlled?
Do I let my fears and problems rule my life,
or do I determine where I go from here?
I am tired and lost in my empty world
Looking for answers to my questions
Where do I belong?
Where do I go next?
What am I missing?
Am I in the wrong life?
Is it my hair, too short and too straight?
I think my problem is,
I don't want to have to fall in and out of love several times
Before I find the "right one."
If life easy was not hard
then attempting is not available
If half of me is going insane
And point five has a vision blurred
You must be crazy two
Thoughts of suicide are not scary
I'm more than girl,
I'm a woman in training,
Caring, obsessive, just a little crazy,
I'm a geek, or nerd, whichever is preferred,
I cook, clean, sing, and do just about everything,
There are days I get lazy,
Collapse.
In that moment you know there is a loss.
Another tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear.
A simultaneous explosion and disintegration,
Clearest voice, sincere talks
Laughing mouth, slow walks
Walking with Him by my side, living with such heavy lies
Guilt, guilt, with nowhere to hide
The silence that fills his ears mirrors the emptiness that lives within him.Yet the chaos that controls his mindpenetrates as deeply as the scars that litter his skin.
My depression seeps down deep within,eating my happiness, leaving me weak and thin.A monster of despair curls up deep inside,biting, clawing, scratching at my mind.
Life is a muddle
of different opinions and beliefs
What do I belive?
It's all a whirlpool of confusion
Swirling me around
Until I no longer know what is right from wrong
Love isn't for me, darling
It's like a poison;
Keep it away from me
Everything feels like an explosion
I just want to be left alone
I can't even feel my own body anymore
Am I the movies I watch?Am I the books I read?Am I the classes I take?Am I the feelings I feel?Am I the food I eat or the drinks I drink?Am I the air I breathe?Am I the skin I live in?
"My thoughts
are stars
I cannot fathom
into
constellaions."
Shooting across
the sky
of my brain.
I try
to change
their position
to avoid
the pain
I am twisted
I am new and different
yet, blind to the new body that is my mind and soul
I am fear
I feel fear
I can't think anymore
I don't trust myself to think
Whoa buddy
Slow down
Take the Turtle Road.
But no,
I have so many places to go.
Let me hop on the freeway
Breeze on through
Ignore the distractions
Keep your eyes on the road.
An unreliable narrator
She was always at a loss for words
Expression never came easy, nor was
Compassion, understanding, empathy
Love
Was not a word in her dictionary
Minds are crippled from the so called cure.
The doctor says "here take this" now people are passed out on the floor.
Your friends think its fun to take, your parents think skipping doses might be a fatal mistake.
Why am I so hung up on a stupid message
It's nothing
I'm nothing
At least to him...
But what if we did
Look each other in the eyes
Remember each other at night
Is it really love?
Or is it desperation and loneliness
possibly?
Hearts are so...
Minds are:
Numb.
Baraged.
Attacked.
Is it really love?
Happiness?
I cannot begin to imagine
What comes within this baggage
Friendship! What a slippy, messy slope?!!
A non-romantic relationship
Where two hearts begin to elope
Stop pressuring me
Stop telling me I better hurry
Stop forcing me into a corner
Stop making me choose
Stop making me prepare
Stop making me grow up
what am i doing with you
i know you cant hear me saying this
and i know you never will but
i cant tell the landscape from a back drop at the moment
the lines between reality and my mind are blurring
I don't quite understand
How someone can open doors
And slam them closed
Never wondering what their rooms held
I don't understand
How you can not have the curiosity
To run your fingers on the walls
He does not love me,
he just takes away the pain for the moment,
exchanging laughs,
caressing me,
looking at me the way no ever does,
never judging,
no worries,
but just for the night
Being vivacious is my exact definition
Right?
Of course, It is the veil to my grand facade
I'm lost.
I'm lost and I don't know where to go from here.
I'm being battered by the whirling chaos that is my mind.
I'm doing things that I never thought I would.
We all have choices in life
At our own free will we make our decisions
In order to better ourselves and our lives
I have choices
But I do not make the decisions
You don't love me anymore you said.
When did this realization occur?
Off at camp with every letter I sent?
Not in vain like you think,
because I knew this was going to happen,
Oh, the days are getting longer it seems.
This technology is getting smarter than me!
Now the sun seems much stronger than the breeze,
This heat will bring my closed mouth to speak.
Existence lies creation
Of the world with extreme variations
My breath is gone away
A kiss that's long to ever stay
My delusion of my farther reach of the cosmos
How is it with so many people around, adoringly screaming on about how much they love you and how you're an amazing person.
How?
How do I rid my mind of your presence?
You linger like the scent of incense, drifting through my thoughts.
What is Love?
Is love a spark that grows inside two people who enjoy every moment of each other?
My future depends on
How alluring I am
As a combination
Of a few words and numbers
Do I stand a chance?
I am not creative or possess a talent
I’m sorry I have not experienced horrible, painful, branded, unforgettable pain not just physically but emotionally
how do i get through?
do i take the long way?
do i take the short?
how about the easy?
no, what about the hard?
how do i see through?
do i look right?
or do i look left?
There is a river inside of me,
It always flows, impossibly deep
As it holds all I can be
My dreams, my passions, memories
The water is cold;
It chills my bones
No one knows where it flows,
In the greatest strings of logic, and the most concise and thought out stretches of time, where do I stand?
Continuity,
Four, five, six, three,
When I die, are bones all that are left of me?
Immortal,
I find myself conflicted
Full of rage
Tears held behind
Just for their sake
No longer do I see the love
Just the hate
I'm ready to scream
Tell me how I found myself in this place of such confusion
I try to get my bearing but I truly don't know what I'm doing
Every step that my feet take seem to always be the wrong ones
You know what I hate?
When men procrastiante with love...
Either you in or you out boo.
Don't string me along and tie me
down like a shoelace supporting the
souls of your feet, of our feet.
I planted you a rose; sat and watched it bloom
the rose didn't feel me watching,
or notice that I was trying to forget you.
Who do roses grow for?
Surely mine for you,
I have memories of past lives sewn inside my brain
They come rushing at me in the night like an oncoming train.
In between sleep and awake is where I most feel at home
I drown in my thoughts--
I think I'm gonna be sick
But it's not because I took a hit
It's because of the way I felt
I don't feel that way anymore
I stopped loving and you started
Theres two of us hereOr maybe threeI don’t know anymoreI stopped knowing a long time ago.
Or was it recent.But it doesn’t matter because theres not just one.Thats bad.Right?
I have this weird obsession with the cold.
Perhaps I’m simply
Fascinated
With familiarity,
But it knows just the right ways to freeze to the bone
Leaving the numbness of my heart
It is my serenity
My escape when reality is too much to bare.
Freedom among that unexplainable
And you are the guide.
You guided me here,
To this vast wonderland of beauty.
I see light ahead of me
Darkness Behind
Clouds to the side
Fog making me blind
I see the oceans above me
And stars underneath my feet
I see a door
and my voice is the key
Winding roads and fairy tales
junk mail and seasonal spirits
Nothing, empty; all the time
Cluttered half the time by words and numbers
Voices screaming, trapped in a place where no one can hear or see
I can’t help but wonder when the birds fly above do they see the mess we’ve made?A place for nesting hard to find because the humans own it all.
The future seems far away yet linger like a looming cloud
The goblins of adulthood cackle with their ugly yellow teeth
Awaiting your lapse to fall ino the shroud
Falling in eternal doom until eventual death
I am so lost.
Lost in my world of make believe,
full of dreams and fantasies
and that's the way it ought to stay.
Infatuation and passion,
Demons in my heart
Loving is an art
LonelinessIt eats at me like aninfectious diseaseIt crawls on my skin and digs into it like bedbugsIt stifles my heart
Not Sexy but Handsome
Not Perfect but Redeemed
How confused am I?
About who he seems.
Heart for God
But a big new agey.
Smokes and Swears
Yet loves God
And deeply cares.
This poem took a minute
Cause I had too many thoughts
Going on in my head
So many things were changing
That I couldn’t comprehend
The world I thought I knew was gone
Nothing I do can make me forget you, Everyday is your smile on my mind and your touch on my cheek, your eyes on mine as if we look away we'll go blind.
I don't know what happened,
For everything just went black
Feels like the world just stopped
Now everything's just turning bad
I Cant dry the tears falling from my eyes
With my heart beating so fast
When you trust someone with your heart, you don’t anticipate it to be broken.
When you love someone completely, you don’t think it will end.
But one day, that one betrayal can change everything.
I'm trying hard to fulfill my mission
But with all these snakes hissing
And all these people dissing
Trying hard not to listen
As a child she was instructed to stay upon her knees nightly, for forgiveness, for praise. Life progressed on; and times turned for the worst.
I miss you
I don't think you realize
At night, I feel so alone
You come and go as you please
It pains me
when you come to me, saying
"I miss you, I need you"
And leave.
What am I to you?
what is there left to tell
anymore? I'm presenting my case to an empty room
filled with silence that illuminates my hurt.
Don't worry about it,
you're worthless to me now; you
At the end of each day, my parents kissed me goodnight and put me to bed.
Don't know what to do.
Can't have my cake and eat it too.
I can go to one school and then transfer. Or I can go to another school and transfer somewhere else.
I don't know what I want.
I am
A ship without a captain.
I tread water quietly, lap-ping at my sides
It pushes and pulls me softly...
Calmly I sway in the direction the water calls,
Just as I always have.
Jimena hates living in this world
She comes to a point where sanity and insanity become whole
She struggles to understand the meaning of her existence
You make me confused.
When you held my hand for the first time,
I felt uncomfortable.
You rubbed the knuckle of my thumb
With the soft pad of your own,
As our fingers tangled together.
Blank mind
Empty canvas
Open body
Free spirit
Ready to begin a sketch
Cant decide where to begin
The picture's unclear
Foggy and distorted
Colors are dull
A flash of light and you wake up in a place unlike anything you have ever seen
Constantly changing with each step, inhale, eye blink, and gasp
Away, away
I will not come back,
remind me, yes
remind me of sin and wrong
remind me of why red so satisfied.
Confuse you?
That is the point.
I am a driver, halting at stop signs;
only staying briefly at each one.
I am concentrated on a single mysterious destination.
And perhaps I veer off the road
running into a stop sign and leaving a mark
We might show each other love but my hearts too broken to fall for them tricks againLike a gambler in a casino I would always fall to my demise over some crap...
I asked you if you needed help and Luckily I came just in time.
Next thing you know we were watching movies, cuddling, and talking it up after nine.
and to this day
i still don't know if
i like the things he says to me
or if
i like that he says them to me
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Vessel to vessel
Trust to trust
On someday in March…
I remember distinctly
Listening
To yourheartbeat
That moment you told me
Down and I mean really down,under the facad of reality,under the illusions of life.Under what man percieves to be right and wrong.
Staring out at the rain
My heart shattered inside
It’s the end of the world
Where I felt alive
My heart is on empty
Hopeless, alone
Lost in a world that had seemed like my own
The condition of being anonymous
I keep to myself, and hide in the shadows
The depression is continuous
It's trying my soul, it's hard to swallow
Confused emotions, it's all a blur
Leafless branches obscure my vision.
They block out so much more than
The frilly obscenities that blossom
From flora of the fowl.
Things you don't expect to hear you listen to but don't gasp or screamAs though you expected it to happenThings you don't expect to see you watch but don't gasp or look in pityAs though you expected it to happen
Hello, my name is
"Chinese"
"Japanese"
"Dirty knees"
"Look at these"
"Criss cross"
"Apple sauce"
"Do me a favor and get lost"
What am I doing wrong?
Why do you hate me?
Is it because I'm quiet?
Is it because I'm sad?
I just don't know anymore.
I want to be with you
I want you to be happy
But you don't want me
You don't care if I'm happy
Why do I love you
Staring forward into the meaningless sceneries.
My eyes dart side to side
As if to comprehend all they see.
My hands caress what they grasp,
Hello world
Do you hear me?
Do you see my existence?
Yeah I keep on trying
I’m filling applications
These tests are so bias
Forcing me to take them
Criticizing knowledge
While demeaning
Everyone has a secret to bury:
The girl with the blonde hair, enticing smile,
brand new car, the quarterback boyfriend...
The "perfect" life.
Her life isn't as perfect as it would seem.
Confusion is a girl in a candy shop
A shop full as many candies as you can think of
She looks around to the red lollipops
Because that's the candy she thinks she loves
Confusion is a boy In New York City
Where am I going?
To the unknown, far but close. Scary yet wonderful.
Where am I going?
Who knows? Do you?
At times I may think to know where.
At other times I may feel lost.
Where am I going?
To the unknown, far but close. Scary yet wonderful.
Where am I going?
Who knows? Do you?
At times I may think to know where.
At other times I may feel lost.
Boys are meanand I should know.We as a sex have a false ideal of ourselves as the Vikings of our times; noble barbarians taking what we want and dying for honor and family. Even the Vikings had limits, though.
Ducks, scorpions, a big wave randomness just came to my mind
Luck I hoped to have when I wrote this line
I am confuse what it is to win and what it is win forever
What is to be confused and not be aware of it
His fingers were gentle, flowing as they flew over the keysThe sounds were pure and feelingWe heard the piano play, carefree as a childThen it jumped in chaotic movements chasing a little mouse
I feel cold.
Colder than someone should feel.
I want to be alone
All the time
What is there to live for?
There is no point
Without love, life is pointless
And here I thought that we would write books
Magazines of controversy to be shouted at and intellectualized
Unrequited Love, you see, that's my life story,
There's times I wish I could go back to when you didn't exist to me.
Nothing's worse than knowing the person you want to be with
is a made up myth.
I write because it seems that's all I can do.
I write because I love you.
It's a matter of understanding, of liberating
The heart and soul and mind
And find the talisman that will bring you spirit and joy
An unanswered question
Haunts us for generations
But no one knows why
We start to question
But find no precise answer
If we think too long
Hoped for its' exit
Living as different people, different species manages to dictate our lives somehow.
I am an aquired taste,
a leap of faith you shouldn't take -
Bitter to the core,
still you long for more.
Oh, the Confused as they call me in my home
In my head stuck inside, raping my outs with lies
Provoking the truth , basking in youth
What does it mean?
Popping electric blue –
Daily times two
Doctor says, “you’ll feel better, it’s true”
But you don’t even realize
Sad eyes, manic eyes
Just a teacher
Everyday I come home crying.
Everyday I hate myself a little more.
Everyday I hope to die.
Everyday my limits are pushed.
Everyday I am laughed at, taunted, and abused.
Everyday I hope I don't wake up.
I wish I knew how to communicate
That I want to go slow,
But instead I’m walking home
Alone.
We can’t talk without it feeling awkward.
Well, to me it is.
I know we’ve talked about it,
Why am I always the one to get hurt?Does pain have no compassion?Let the fierceness of the stormCalm downCause the waves keep pushing meAway from life and reality
You would never believe
where i had landed
Far from the world
but still empty handed
does it change a thing at all
i guess i'm not one to make that call
to fall or stand was my only choice
My dark god
standing in front of our feeble minds
as He feeds us brainless material
over the matter of
civil rights.
But nothing seems civil about this.
And He preaches these
Close to breathClose to touchClose to in-betweenHardest rockAnd breathless nightCover beneath the seamsAre you there?Or are you not?Our eyes darkened like cavesYour black night cave eyes
People stand behind me
Supporting me
Cheering me on
They're my closest friends
In front of me
Are my enemies
I know they hate me
Their faces filled with disgust
Blue is red
Red is green
My thoughts are mud
Mud is dirt
Save for me
What you have
And I shall save for you
Things I do not even have
Be careful, Be careless
A nostalgic lust—a crush.
I had it for some body.
Something about their sitting near
Probably the pheromones and molecules of shampoo
That I breathed
Was actuating
Of a lurching in me
A fraternity of lame,bland individuals;awash in a sea of ignorance,stupidity and sycophantic conformity.Uninteresting, immature childrenwith no personality to be seen.Or, is it pretentiousness?
Dust, dirt and sandsFill the airChocking the life outta me.
Behold the desertA crappy place to liveWhere cactus drink waterAnd lizards shed their skin.
I never know who I am or what I want
everything I see is colored, tinted
by the biases that eat away my logic
so I can’t see it, and before I know it
I can’t see anything as it disappears
nocufsoin
Confusion, oh the deep waters of confusion,
It swallows you whole and stirs up your thoughts.
You feelings drop down to the bottom, dark and sandy,
Mr. T, I do NOT pity the fools who mess with you; I pity you.
I see you stand on your soapbox, acting like you have a clue.
You preach. Profess what you don't know, Professor.
1. I am a princess.
I am a mommy's girl
Innocent and preppy and loved
by my family.
I am done with baby bottles,
But only barely.
I am still a child.
2. I am an Arizona girl.
often;
I must fight against forces of which I have no power over.
certainly;
Those around me maybe able to overcome such obstacles, but..
surely;
Confused
With no one to talk to
I'm so confused
How will I vent to hold down the tears
For no one seems to be here
My mind is so dark and weird
With no one to talk to
I'm so confused
Become again my Rose of No Man's Land
You no longer give me medicine, but I still have the tattoo.
I would sing the body electric if I thought I could stand it.
Subject wakes up.
Two dozen lashes.
Leaves spring from the trees.
Subject falls asleep.
It can’t stay awake it seems.
Doors: A, B, and C
I'm tired of feeling like there's nothing I can do
about my life
and what i'm going through
Now i'm starting to wonder is the life i want for me
should i give up
'cause i'm not feeling very happy.
Persona,
the mind of the self, is perhaps
what is least seen
when we go to our daily bouts:
No Pity for a Pedestrian
By Irvin Eden Ortega
I’m looking
I’m looking
I’m looking
Why, why, why?
Always a question,
never an answer
Why to do this, why to do that...
It's all about the reasoning
The why
Why, why, why?
Always running through the head
Why, why, why?
You tell me you love me,
Yet you treat me like dirt.
Everything is a game with
You; and you play with my heart.
It gets me to wonder,
It gets me to wonder.
The way we share smiles,
Yet my heart flutters, my gut repulses.I crave his company and voice,even though every mutter of his breath will be of her.The way his lips move when he speaks,oh it melts me to the core with crave.
My fortune renders me silent.
An expression of the lost
Finds a hole in my chest.
I see the parallels in the death of a star.
in crispy cold, the wafer moon flies
there's a loneliness that backhands this repeating demise
all the stars around me seem as pores to the sky
and my pores breathe them in like millions of eyes
Should I write you letters,
or a post card maybe..
Do you even listen to me,
or do you choose to make me wait?
Dear God, are you listening?
I can hear it's heartbeat,
can you hear mine too?
By Chanda Bynum
I see this girl
And she is a girl with straightforward eyes and blank expressions.
The Maker has sculpted curvaceous hips and thighs into her gene pool
Pounding
Anger like a hammer struck thumb
Self inflicted
Mind conflicted
Noise
Everywhere I go
Everywhere I look
I fear myself at times.
I struggle to know.
I question the truth-
Unknown
I feel at a loss.
No words emerge.
These lips, they stumble-
Diverge
With life, comes a change.
Remind me why
I try-
I try to please
With mounting ease,
Without ever questioning why;
Remind me why
I’m here again,
Emitting the same cry
So shrill and filled with pain
Why, my heart, do you love another soul?
Why, my heart, must you hurt the other one's soul?
Now, my heart, I see why you have fled me.
Now, my heart, I think I should be quite dead.
Where now, are you my soul?
What journey have you departed for,
Leaving me behind to feel the absence?
Where now, are you my soul?
What skies do you seek,
While I await in shades of grey?
Angry to the point of no return
The rambling thoughts begin to overflow
Temples pulse, hands shake, tears flood.
The world around you has completely shut down
As you try to set your mind on
Let's go back
to when we were new,
We didn't say love,
But our hearts
they flew,
We used to have everything,
Some say we still do,
Should we repair,
Or leave it in the rear view,
Innocence…Enlighten my eyesYour memory haunts my soulWill you forget me forever?Is our separation an eternity?Innocence…Vileness consumes meDarkness blinds me
While you were busy resurrecting instances of critical synthesis the head nurse beat you to the sliver of hope, rinsed it out and out came a question"where am I?" I don't know kid, that's what we're all trying to find out "hey, where's Tweedl
Faith... Grace... Mercy... Salvation... Redemption...
I am told that I have these things.
I am told that these things are given.
Free. Free of charge to me.
I write to find myself. I write to sort this all out. I write because my heart and mind have much more to say that my mouth could ever accurately convey.
My mind tormented and briefly captured …
Caught in this “one day it’ll happen thought …
Chasing pavements so frequently consistently I run out of breath,
I think to myself ‘where is my place?’
One day I found
Poetry needed no rhymes
So unlike,
when the piano clunked,
when my sobs sogged keys,
when my fingers clumsily blundered,
The keys I was taught to play
Displeasing Mother’s ears
Hi, my name is Stacy
I'm the girl who smiles every time you say hello
I'm the girl who has all the good grades
I'm the girl who you let watch your kids and animals
I'm the one that fell too hard, too fast.
I guess what he felt wasn't happiness.
He saw her for the first time in six months.
Everything he had felt came rushing back like floods.
Who was I?
Nobody now.
Every day is spent imprisoned in my own body
I try to change, but nobody ever sees me
Wishing things would go my way, but
knowing they never will
I would like to welcome you to my hell
It seems to always start the same way,
just like a cycle I might say.
The way a bottle slowly fills up,
drop by drop reaching the top
until it can't take it no longer,
it starts to suffocate in its own water,
I lay here writing the words I can't say
And the longer my mind fights wondering and wanting to say hey-
And the longer we go without a word, this becomes a never ending day
Unsurpassed, unwavering, unthinkable fear. There is no assurance of tomorrow. Any known stability, ripped from my grasp. The voices without end. There is no escape! They will be coming for me. Too late!
I'm falling, fading
But I've already done this.
Black glass
Chasing the past
Future.
Unsure, no cure
No sense but suspense
Only not.
Nothing, pure and new.
I haven't got a clue.
Don't try to explain yourself
I know the truth
I never want to be by myself
never wanted to hurt you.
I have rotted in the ground
Beaten by the howler’s hounds
Galvanized another bound
And, I escaped it
So many thoughts running through my head
All day and all night
Thinking as I lay in bed
What to do
Who to be
My future clouded
No clear path I see
I've looked and searched
the sound of footsteps i dont know.
the footsteps on my heart, on and off they go.
In and out, up and down,
they come from all different directions.
The joy they bring passes with the grief of their deceptions.
Feelings. internal
Expressions. external
The vastness of the mind. immeasurable
All the reason why. Unfathomable
How do you begin understand something. Untamed
How do you understand your self. Deranged
always told to love you unconditionally.
after all, you loved me enough to sacrifice your son for my sins.
sometimes, i wonder if you would have sent him down to a world of homosexuals.
Take a bite of the poison
It’s the fate that you’ve chosen
Eat it slow, swallow fast
Making each sensation last
Bittersweet tastes of heaven and hell
Take more; go on, you might as well
He was born with these genes
That got him wearing tight jeans
And he didn’t have a choice by all means
Living differently with sexuality that leans
Towards another direction that caused scenes
I am a scared mouse running across the floor.
I am anxious candy waiting to be picked.
I am a soldier in the back line too scared to fight.
I am a lion without courage.
I am a tin man without a heart.
I fly, sometimes, I really do
In space of endless, sticky goo
And even though this flight is free
I find it hard to be just "me"
Its words and trends trade in my own
For styles and tones of the well-known
My heads hangs out of the picture frame
As my eyes look up into a bright abyss.
They say that you live in the clouds watching over life.
I'm ready now
Ready for your bullshit
I can take this fight
this battle
this war
This never-ending game of drawing circles while you hog all the pencils but I
Have the eraser
I have a vase
Of sad forget-me-nots
On the bedstand
Next to Emily
Rose-wooden eyes
See what mine still hide from me
Behind the thread and the needle holes
I know we still holds my memories
Bottled up with emotion sadness running deeper than the ocean hatred and love such a thin line between both sometimes it is the cause of maturities lack of growth i love you I do but these situations life throws makes it seem like I hate you feeli
Hidden cries behind sweet, innocent eyes
Faint whimpers of mistaken trust
Confusion from the hand that is held
A future dried up in the dust
Where is the love?
The tenderness of the heart where people join together.
Arms all around and hands held.
I miss the feeling of it
And where has it gone?
The place where I'm in, is all but hate and despair
I feel strong
But I feel weak
I feel proud,
Yet I feel bleak
I feel gorgeous
And grotesque
I feel pretty
When I’m dressed
I see fair girls
But I wonder
Are they really
Look around and see eyes staring.
Wonder what they see when they look at me.
Can they see what I feel or can they see the disguise i cover myself with.
Do they see the confused and scared girl?
He took her hand and lowered himself to his knees, but the words couldn’t come out. He told himself, “All the practice was for nothing? No way!”
A sweltering sea
overtook my
nimble and anxious
body.
The salt had
burned my
pressed eyes;
the
waters were
deeper and heavier
than the
hidden
I yearn for a forever love
A man that aint intimidated by me
put me in my place when i aint acting right cause i do be bugging out sometimes
Wake me up
Before I lose it all
This nightmare's a little too real
Pick me up
I'm starting to fall
Pretty soon I'l forget how to breath
I'm not asking. I'm begging you now
i’m not sure if i like
tea or coffee
fruits or vegetables
cats or dogs
math or reading
running or sitting
tears or laughter
gloves or mittens
I gave you all the love I had
You were the only girl with the power to make me feel so sad.
I want to hear you sing to me again
But then
All the memories rush back to me
And the pain attached to them.
here we are
all alone,
each of us
a dry,
dead
bone.
NOTHING left
to loVe or haTe
a barren wasteland
of empty fate
Every time I’m with you,
I feel it building up.
You know I’d never hurt you,
So why not open up?
There was a time I thought there’d be
A little thing called you and me
And now I try and you don’t care
But I can still feel something there
You haunt my mind every day
You plague my dreams but you won’t stay
So this is my first poem on here.
What is it supposed to be?
Is it supposed to be about me?
Do I show who I am,
As if my clothes are sheer?
Or should I just go grab a beer.
Why do I chase after you?
Someone who's nice, smiles brightly,
even though you're not perfect-- you're so bright.
You could have held my hand you know?
I wouldn't have minded.
You could have held me longer than you did.
You don't know what sweet sorrow your parting really is.
You could have brushes my hair aside
The mind is a maze of mirrors.
Every which way you turn you run into yourself.
But which you is real and which is covering up the path that you must follow?
Is that all that you are?
All that life is?
Tell me, have you ever had to lie?
Have you ever had to cry?
Have you ever fought for approval of your peers?
Have you ever tried to fight your fears?
If you have, it’s okay. I will catch your tears.
All I can think is
I don’t want to go there
I don’t want to go there
I’ve always refused to go there
Tour there
Talk about there
Other than the dropping of a name or two
I thought I knew the road and where it leads;
I came upon the fork and felt so sure,
Until the trees in shade began to tease;
My confidence was shook, I closed the door.
My heart is closed and locked, I am afraid;
My paradise
My sanctuary
My place of saving
When all else is lost
A confusing mess
An sweet escape
From the brainwashing
And self-harm
The confusion I feel
When you make me feel
Ice as black as coal,
trees with black, brown souls
walls caving in, and ceilings breaking down
lost in a world of an upside down town
looking for direction,
introspection for correction,
Drowning in the confusion that is my soul.
Begging for mercy, from this unknown path that I'm taking.
Reflecting numbness, but I'm only searching for it, always calling out in the night.
Dear Ailurophilia,
Sand spreads across the line
of an unbelievable amount
of time
in which we
we're cursed to feel
unwanted emotions
and travel a road
so unworthy
I'm tired of writing all these letters to plead,
hoping you become this man i need you to be; i see
why it's my heart that you continue to lead,
'cause immature hearts and minds only make things bleed; for me
The Ocean pulls it’s body back and forth like my lungs that breathe in life.
And my heart that drums it’s final beats.
I’m sitting on a bulk of sand from the high tide line.
My heart longs for you,
But its broken,
Can it ever trust you?
With you I could fly,
Now both my wings are broken,
I love you,
But I'm scared to trust you,
And so is my heart,
Who I am
It’s hard to describe
But something lies in between both eyes
A vision to be greater
More than me
Bigger than the bigger picture
More than free
Who I am
I may never decide
Which way to go,
Which way to turn…
Im so confused,
Is it everything I should burn?
Make it all brand new
Start from scratch.
Considering I'm lost,
Is that my best match?
There's Something in the sky
Just because the lights turned off when a car went by.
There's Someone to share the pain
Just because you heard a name in the rain.
Possibly destroying my own future
But I can't bear to see those faces.
If running from the people
Who are supposed to always be there for me
Helps me feel free
Then run I shall.
