Not what I had planned


United States

Ever just want to write down how you feel,

But the way you feel just doesn’t seem real. 

How can one be so happy yet feel so bad, 

It’s like my luck tends to be so awful I sometimes feel sad.

They say the Lord won’t give you more than you can handle, if that’s really true..

I should be able to lift a house with all I’ve been through.

It’s always one thing after another, when does the battle ever stop.

Will it ever be my turn to end up on top...

I know I’m not alone, many struggle everyday.

Just seems every time I start to go forward, there’s something in the way.

I’ve been told “maybe this is God’s way if saying I need to stay home.”

I’ve tried that before it’s no good for anyone, I’ve always been the type to roam. 

I tend to crave many forms of social interactions.

Love to talk and dance, watch others reactions.

I know I’m a special needs mom, but that’s not all I am.

Just because I enjoy going out doesn’t mean I don’t give a damn.

Madden is and always will be the light of my life, no one should ever doubt it.

He’s my miracle, my fighter, my teacher, my strength I wouldn’t change him one bit.

I truly hate how hard he’s had it and wish I could take all his pain away.

But I don’t think he’s done teaching is so I’ll treasure everyday.

He can sense when I’m not happy, I know that to be true. 

He went months without talking, and I had no idea what to do...

But once I started enjoying life again, so did he.

It was an instant improvement that everyone could see.

Others might not like it and some will never understand.

But the life I live now, was not what I had planned.


This poem is about: 
My family


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741