The sun reflected milky white off my skin outside the gym

When you asked me where my sister was

I told you that she was sick  

You asked me what I meant  

So, I spelled it out for you  

"A foreign pathogen has invaded her body and she's having an adverse response to it"   

You gave me a smile, strong like the body you maintained at that gym, the place we met

Strong foundations  

My sister gave you my number   

We went on our first date a week later  

I took you with me grocery shopping

I remember picking out ice cream to eat with you  

By the way, I really, really like dairy   

Ice cream, cheese, milk  

I didn't want to like you, but

You felt like a glass of warm hot chocolate    

Warming me from the inside  

I kissed you the night before you left for 8 months

And you asked me to be your girlfriend

We wrote each other all the time  

At high velocities, high words/time^2  

That's kinda the form for acceleration  

But you made me feel like time sped up, not us

We seemed unstoppable  

And you told me you loved me over the phone  

Nobody ever loved me before you   

I never loved anyone before you   

Saying "I love you". Felt like warm milk gliding down my throat  

And I did really love you   

We were a team  

I felt so strong, calcium fortified  

I thought you made me strong,

but you were weakening me,

prepping my body for the poison   

The poison that I should have foresaw  

The week that you came home  

We reached our expiration date  

I waited eight months to actually hold your cold hands again  

Why did it have to be then that I felt that poison go straight to my heart  

The poison that curdled my blood when you told me you didn't love me anymore  

The poison that made me feel weak when you told me there wasn't a reason  

The poison that made my body burn with feverish jealousy  

when you told me you were in love with my sister  

When I saw your devotion to her, like you once had for me  

She told me she wouldn't have you but   

To you she's still more worthwhile than me   

What really hurts is that you think I'm obsessed with you   

It's not you, It's what you did  

How can I not be obsessed with the events which scents make me feel sick to my stomach  

How can I not be angry  

How can I not wish for the person I was before you changed me  

Don't feel like life is fine and normal, because I'm not who I was  

(Did I change you, too?)  

I'm obsessed with what happened because my definition of love is now sour  

And when I think of you I feel spoiled  

Like the very chemical constructs of my brain have gone bad  

My heart is denatured   

You make my stomach hurt like I ate something with deathly consequences   

And I'm scared now  

Because I can't imagine why  

Anyone would want a girl  

So nauseated by the scent of love