So many preparations, regulations, expectations,
so many people expecting me to people-please their purposes.
Since when am I your puppet and
since when are you my planner?
Since when can I not make the choice
to make my own decisions?
Why should I stay in your hometown? Keep living in your house?
Your house, your rules. My life, my rules?
Or have I just conformed?
Are you right when you say that I won't be okay
if I make my own decisions?
Will I ever have a moment when I let myself show
what I am truly capable of?
Or am I playing Cinderella, folding laundry, washing dishes,
watching life pass by from the sidlines,
waiting to be handed a happy ending
that I know will never come?
You expect me to make my own destiny
because no one gets handed their dreams.
Yet I can't work for what I want,
I can't fight what I'd rather not become,
because of the demons still inside me
and because I'm trapped in your reality.
I try to chart my own course
then you hand me yours
and I lose myself in the confusion
because deep down inside
I don't know what I want
and it's easier to just watch it happen for me
even though I know it never will on its own.
I want to someday stand up and make my own life,
my own choices, my own destiny that I can be proud of.
But until then, I'm all yours,
under your roof, your rules,
waiting for the day when I can take life by the reins
and find a way to my own life course.
I hope that in the end, I'll meet your expectations,
but it won't really matter if I can't first meet my own.