slam behind the curtain scholarship
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Sister dearest who was swaddled in the same fleshy crib as I,
I am your fortified backbone when you
cannot carry your brittle burden
When you feel the pain of day to day life
There's too much discrimination, too many uncaring hearts,
Some people only laugh when others are torn apart.
Whether its racism or sexuality, no one seems to care,
We're all suicidal telling others that suicide isn't the answers. Telling the confident to set their ego aside. We can all be good but, the good one's tend to hide.
To My Fellow Believer,
I know I should not be asking this of you, because this is the sort of thing a person has to figure out for themselves...but could you carry something for me?
Lugging around emptiness
Whispering sweet nothings from my honeysuckle deceitful lips
Obliterated in a basin of self-pity
Pathetically gasping for air
I am a visage
Who bothers to risk their eyes
to look into the light of the sun?
They cover their eyes and turn their backs
and take advantage of the warmth and the glow
Me I am the sun
Everyday I rise and my rays
Yellow Brick Fool
I represent the lollipop slang,
my language marks class,
well spoken, or gang.
The wonderful wizard of ostracization
prompts concealment of character
to defy my creation.
I am a river
Steady and strong
In the mornings I wake to the bird’s haunting songs
As the sun ascends
From its watery grave
It shines down on me
In my misty haze
The morning is innocent
Dancing in private in a secret place.
Looking for ways to win this race.
Thoughts of the mind,
Tick tock with time.
Fear of my very own strength.
Wondering if I will go the length.
Drastic emotions,
Smile.
Don’t let them in,
don’t let them see,
keep them all at arms’ length.
Perfect.
You
Must
Be
Perfect.
We live in a society
where hating ourselves
Yes I have the blonde hair
Yes I have the soft brown eyes
Yes I have the slim figure that doesn’t grow
Everything is checked off on the list
One day they decided to seperate
I felt so desperate
Lost and Confused,
Fighting and yelling all the time
It felt like I committed a crime.
My grades were slipping like slime,
I was caring to much
I can paint with all the colors of the wind
Even as they turn against and break me from within
Nevertheless I pick up the paint brush and make pretty pictures that
My color for years has been gray,
Whenever I showed my true colors poeple would stray away,
They dont realize my enthusiasm was my raw ambition,
Although their opinions sting its their ammunition,
I sit, alone or companioned, staring out to see
The faces of those around me:
Familiar, yet discordant; seemingly
Omnipresent yet never truly there.
I am an artist, I strive to make
Dreams
“You’re not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence…”
Blared loud into eardrums
Eardrums of an emotionally unhinged fourteen year old boy
Sometimes people tell me that I'm perfect
All things considered, I am-
On the outside of course;
My inside still needs work
More work than I'm willing to admit
A fake smile she pulls,
The weight she bears rips her soul apart,
The words, the rejection, the hurt,
She sits alone,
In the dark,
Crying for someone to turn on the light,
She tries to please them,
Throughout lifes seasons I have gone from a gangster, loner, drug user, finally to a christian. I have
always searched for the meaning of life. Now that I'm in college I naturally want to hang out with
I just want to say, THANK YOU
THANK YOU for breaking my heart
THANK YOU for making my life fall apart
THANK YOU for the endless nights
THANK YOU for the arguments and fights
THANK YOU for making me cry
PHENOTYPE=Me?
I'm not satisfied.
Not just with me.
Or my actions.
But unsatisfied with life.
Do my feelings even matter if I'm plastered- generic,
A Phenotype?
Traveling companionless through the dark snow
Lonely as a ghost wondering around
A black chasing shadow continues to follow
A huge treasure that can never be found
Loud laughs can be heard from far away
When you think about yourself,
and who you really are,
do you picture someone in the shadows,
or a blinding bright star?
But who you really are
is completely up to you,
because everybody has
The doors of a shuttered house stand closed
You walk up to the desiccated grounds
No true path
No sign of color or vivid life
No way to get past the hound
Put it onThat mask I wearA smile for my friendsA laugh here and thereDon’t let them seeWhat lies with inTears that threatenTo flow over the brim
There was a musician who rode with us
Anything else he would rarely discuss.
His only tool was his guitar
Keeping his skills quite above par.
If I didn't change methen I don't know how I'd beI've lived my life through broken memoriesof who I once wasmixed with all the people who have shaped meinto the thing I am today
Driven through darknes she lies, looking up in the skies to fake a smile filled with nothing but lies.
Brown and White walls
Confinment everywhere for all eyes to see and stair
Thirteen girls five room
Quiet and afraid of ourselves
We are here for a reason
We want to die
inhale and exhale
our lungs never seem to fail
why is it that breathing comes so naturally
if a speck of dust is in your eye
although you’re not sad you’ll start to cry
Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain
Peeking is not allowed.
You want to see her?
Well you can’t.
Direct your attention instead to the façade standing before you
We sore we fly, we fly into the future, present, and past.
As a baby is born new, smooth, and warm
This is a dark world we live in,
you can't seem to be weak.
That even goes for little waifs
of young women like me.
So when my sister looks at me
scared
with her looking glass eyes,
A mass pool of children are labeled and mixed together
All different cognitive thinkers, forced to pay attention
To topics that don't matter
iPhone. math. advertisement. distractions.
Taking subtle breaths,
I glance both ways
and take two steps ahead.
Away from the threads
that bind me, I push on
toward the verge.
Sleeves and wishes
Reyna is an undefinable person
Every characteristic of hers contradicts the other
She's smart, yet so foolish
She's friendly, yet so anti-social
She's strong, yet so weak
She is like a thief in the night
She is the fear of all ages
She is the killer of all races
She is no where to be seen
She is a toxic waste
She is unpredictable
She is the one that changes lives
BEHIND THIS CURTAIN I AM, IS A MAN WILLLING TO REVEAL HIMSELF
BUT IN THIS WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN, WE ALWAYS WANT MORE FOR OURSELVES
I WAS AFRAID TO EXPERINCE THE DEATH OF PEOPLES REJECTION
She dries her eyes with tears
and tissues
ruin her mascara.
She wears a
suit of armor,
to mask her
weak defenses.
This girl hides
the so many things
that make her human.
This is the me that they know,
A smiley, carefree me that they know,
The girl who is always happy,
The girl that always laughs and is Godly,
.
That girl that gives the best advice,
B e h i n d t h e c u r t a i n
are props.
Scales,
pencils
tie dyed
colors
d a n c i n g
on objects,
objects
used on
A smile on my face as the sun shines through,
Another wonderful day enters the room.
The same routine is what is done,
Curtains
Everyone has a curtain
Because of this curtain no one knows who you are
No one knows who you truely are
Not even you
Curtains hide things
They hide the real you
They hide the real me
I see the world in words, not pictures like everyone else.
I write and jot and scribble to fend off the monsters in my mind.
Don't we all hide behind some curtain?
So selfconcious of who we are,we lie for the approval of others.
I am guilty of this sin too.
I hide behind a facade,to hide my weakness.
Today my life starts again.
I am done complaining
Or asking Why me?
The obstacle that I am choosing to overcome,
was not the trial itself, but
My Refusal to Believe,
That I could do something about it
It over casts my shiny day, leaving me rejected and left behind
A smile shadows my life, as tears are behind the scenes
I see others up ahead of the path, running and cherring in the light
I open my oral entrance to express my thoughts.
You criticize harshly.
I design a breath taking image.
Standing behind the curtain
I look out and see
white porcelain staring back at me
Now I know for certain
There is nothing here
for me except shame and fear
No one will want me, someone so broken
“Curtain and the Wind”
A curtain
Flutters and flies through the
Dark days and bright nights
It hides what is hidden
forgiving lies that shouldn’t
Be forgiven
Every morning she stood in front of the mirror and was ashamed of what she saw
She hated the kinks in her hair
the sea faring bridges of her nose
the fullness of her crimson lips
So she sought refuge in makeup
I have a voice worth hearing but will it ever be heard?
A song worth singing but will it ever be sung?
Rejection is a feeling that can cripple the tallest building.
I have strong opinons but I keep them to myself.
My mother stumbles and falls
As my father grabs he bat.
Her head bangs against the walls
My mother stumbles and falls
My father muffles her calls
In her face he spits and spat
No one knows the real me.
I am a nobody disguised as a somebody.
Filling my life with sports and good grades.
I feel lost, insecure, and sometimes depressed.
Always trying to impress, full of stress,
Beneath the lattice
Of heavy vines,
A garden grows
Where no sun shines.
No roses bloom
In neat, straight lines.
Weeds they call them
In groups like shrines.
A rabbit hole
To all the ears listening in this noisy world,
This is me screaming.
And though my head is not in the pillow,
Or my mouth yelling,
THIS is me screaming.
Just as pencils scream across pages,
Who lies there, unseen, in the darkness of day,
While soaking in silence, saying all is "okay?"
Who mumbles their words to the worms and the birds
Since their own kind just bellows and screeches and brays?
I am not a piece of meat for you to devoure
But I may tease you just to satisfy myself
I am a woman
I am not wearing tight clothing just to here the cat calling
But I may smile to myself to now I am wanted
Poem
The vast, vast field
A brush of air
Wind that pinches my hair back
A micro whisper that is the sound
of wind against a window
The screeching void in my ears as I dare to stare
“Lies are a thief in the night,
cradle-snatchers that whimper in their blood-drenched chains,
and the truth is but a thrice-broken bone, snapped again.
Humility is a coward's
cross
deserved.
I love the way it wakes me.
It helps me rise up and start my day.
The way it refreshes my mind helps keep me open-minded.
It is my first love.
A mask on a scarecrow
An alibi for an ant on a hill
A sleep for the slumbered
A reality where nothing is real
Can a nobody mascaraed as a no-one?
Can a rock mascaraed as a stone?
Did not see him till I looked back
he watched with niether intrest or indifference
by his left foot he kept a small sack.
I chocked at the sight of it for it was oddly reminiscent
When I was 6 years old,
my hand would soar to the clouds,
beaconing an answer to every question.
My teacher’s praises would help me fly,
while others took aim and with a BANG,
shot me from the sky.
You see me, do you really?
What you see
Is not me.
I bottle up what I feel
I am like two different people
On the inside I am wild,
Crazy
But on the outside
I’m timid.
Hey what's with the frown
I was just crying in the shower
Don't worry it's just something I do
From time to time
Don't give me that look
I'm not one to cower
The world to us is all sublunary.
We are all ever changing and imperfect.
We hide behind that mask so no one sees us.
Because we are all ever changing and imperfect.
But I?
Paint my face with make up,
Make sure my hair is perfect,
Buy the most in style clothes,
Thirsty Thursday, Tailgate Friday, Turn Down for what Saturday,
OH SHIT what did I do this weekend sunday,
When we met i didn't know i was gonna fall for you like i did.
You weren't my type. You was just a friend ,you was just a date but you ended up becoming more.
We were just friends until that one dance.
There is a shadow over me. It keeps me from being myself, scared of judgement. I wear a mask that gives the illusion of normal, everything I am not. This shadow, this curtain hides my wants, hides my needs, hides me.
I dont like you talking to him
I dont think thats a good choice for you.
i dont think you should dress like that
i dont think you should talk to them
What "you dont think" i should do
Behind this mask i wear, behind my fake face, there lies my true image. Broken beyond repair, shattered into million peices, a tortured soul
I have a curtain in my life,
One I cannot deny.
If I pull this curtain back,
My life I would defy.
Behind this curtain lies a voice
That desperately longs to be heard,
But if I let this voice cry out,
I will not reach for the curtain.
It is safe behind the curtain.
I know what is on the other side and I cannot face it alone.
Some have seen my feet peaking out from underneath the curtain.
My name is Destiny
I was a believer in great things before you came inside my life
Look at me.
See the smile on my face?
You'd never guess the effort it takes
To pull my lips back;
In front of the world I’m not myself
I’m always smiling but there is something else
I walk around with the biggest grin
I hurt you.
I bring you down.
You cry.
I hit myself,
I scream,
I put my face in my pillow,
So I won't breathe.
I love you.
Why can't I say it anymore?
My body shakes,
My days were dark, the hours slow
Out of bed I could not roll.
This dark, eery feeling crept into my heart,
When will my happy days finally start?
I pushed and I kicked and I screamed in my sleep,
Fourteen years
Bright eyes, skin and bones, beating hearts
And all I've got is a handful of broken pieces
And there's the emotions
Wrecking havoc on this soul of mine
Tearing it apart piece by piece
I am a maiden,
Tall and strong.
I am outgoing,
but it all feels wrong.
I wear a mask,
and i feel ashamed,
to have the whole world
try and make me feel tamed.
My silence kept me alone.
I remained invisible to everyone around me.
My thoughts stayed closed off to the world.
No one understood who I could be.
Slowly but surely I grew.
I've got a 2 A.M date with a pack of smokes
in my friends back yard where the grass is over grown
and I've got a 9 A.M date with a group of people that always make me late
for school or for life.
How am I to know?
My life of which is made up of,
Scenes just seen by those of whom
Who do not know my daydreams
I am not known.
By witnesses to every act,
Knowing what I do and say
In my heart you will find,
A thorn bush grown with time.
Rose buds are here and there,
But not one blooms anywhere.
In my mind you will see,
Scattered thoughts floating endlessly.
One time this classmate told me I had no personality.
It wasn't my fault that I couldn't hold a conversation for more than two minutes without feeling jolts of anxiety run through my body.
When we were younger we looked at masks as beautiful ordornments, not realizing as we awed at the creative mind behind the maker that we too would wear a metaphorical mask when we grew up.
They walk around
Without a clue
They are bound
To remember you
You hear the whispers
You see the stares
They already know you're scared
But do they even really care
You're tired of fighting
Words --
Looks --
Society --
Fear --
Pain --
Insecurities --
Peers --
Rejections --
There are infinite reasons of why we do not show our true selves.
MOSAIC
Time slows as the vase
falls, almost as if floating like a feather.
--She works hard, you know.
Pull back the curtain,
The elegant curtain,
With pattern and pleating and frilled applique;
Still the back of the curtain
Is tattered, decrepit.
Someone could help you if you'd let them in.
Pill after pill after pill after pill
why do i have to take these pills i take them everyday
ADHD doesn't seem like a medical problem to i get to be me
full of and energy and ready to go and i still have self control
I wear a mask ,which is why no one will ask
All you see is my beauty ,
the dimples behind my smile ,
But it turns upside down ,
as I'm working to get around.
My mask is all you see ,
Some may call me Ash,
and if they do, they know I am after this cash.
To further my education,
and eventually improve this nation,
in which I live,
because my true desire is to give.
I am no poet
I am not prepared for life
Yet they think I am.
That my head's on straight
And that I'm ready to roll
Sadly, I am not
I have no plans yet
I'm as fake as my eyelashes.
The current of cosmetics I hide behind
isn't me.
In truth, I've always wanted to be pretty.
I've spent money, time, tears, trying
Behind this face reveals another mistake
From true beauty hidden by folds of uncertainty
The smile once on my face, prevails to be inside in another place
Joy and calm is on the face
while a torrent of misery should take its place.
Calm to the world and all to see
all because I must hid the real me
with concerns and worries all in my mind
The girl behind the curtain
projects a better face
than the one hidden
in another place.
The girl behind the curtain
wants to be seen,
but she doesn't have courage,
My alarm goes off too soon
I hit the snooze button to put life on hold for a few more minutes
I get out of bed, start the coffee, get dressed
I already dread the day ahead
Her Jupiter eyes,
Hold so many wonders,
With so many questions
What is hidden inside?
She skips through the dark
As nobody sees,
She giggles with laughter
As she burns quite a spark.
Look at me for answers,
Thats what they do, And I gladly provide
Ask myself for answers, only to met with silence
Calm and collected is what they all see,
If you were to meet me, you'd see a shy girl.
Someone who sits in the back corner
Someone who talks as little as possible
Someone who keeps to herself
Emotions backlash into submission
Unevenly balanced between reality and illusion
Controlled by a nonexistent force
Hung by strings
puppet!
My actions involuntary, bounded by a chain and allot a limit
Look in the mirror, and what do you see, but an intelligent young girl with integrity
The outside exterior, all dressed in spendor, able to communicate with different worlds, instinctively
I am strongFor others, and not for myselfNot wanting to be a burden
I am strongShowing no fearYet inside, I'm curled up underneith my blanketLike a child afraid of monster under her bed
I step out of its walls.
Familiar faces smile back
Others just walk on by.
I get lost in the crowd wondering
Who am I?
I step back into its walls.
Laughter bounces off the ceiling,
Locked away, the feelings stay
Inside my heart that’s torn
Apart,
Wishing they
Could see the day
As I do.
Don’t you ever
Yearn to sever
The counterfeit person
Inside you?
Standing in front of the mirror,
Just myself
And I.
I love the girl staring back at me from behind the glass.
Strong thighs,
Brown eyes,
Every flaw and ounce of fat,
Is me.
This is my facade
My mask, my security
My assuracnce of no judgement
I walk around, unhappy
Not okay with who I really am
I pretend to like guys, and only guys
I look too serious, call me deliriousI am too quiet, but they never seem to defy itI seem too angry, can you really blame me?
Because I am in a world
Where love and peace no longer exist,
A year;
To you,
It has been a year.
A year ago it happened.
When the words were yelled,
When the words were hushed.
You stood there,
Silent as a fearful rabbit.
I frantically packed,
U sually my face holds a smile and my smiel tells happy stories.
N evertheless, my heart holds a sadder story.
V ersions of my thoughts are told to friends and family,
Headphones always covering my ears
Blocking out the sound
No one can see my feelings
I am a stone
No one knows what was taken from me
No one knows my reactions
I do everything calmly
Once upon a time
there was a little girl
who lived as if
inside of a snowglobe.
She would stand and look
out the window at all the children,
running and playing and laughing,
Why did I do this;how could I let myself go?I'm not the samegirlthey knew a year ago.I may have cutall of the strings
Behind my curtain there is a show to be made
I have yet to write script, and the director is late
The future is bright, the sky is clear
But my eyes provide both my sight and fear
Never know
the depth inside
How dark She is
How well She can hide
To keep Her self up
and hold her mask high
To lower these mirrors
and reflect a smile
i
bright eyed typhoon of giggle fits over a ridiculous picture where my nose looks too big for the screen
I stroll down the streets of my town, through the hallways of my school, through the rooms of my house,
And what do people see?
I've stumbled upon unfamiliar territory,
a stranger in an unfamiliar land.
Foreigner, I guess I am
Who are these people staring into my soul?
Reading the secrets I swore would stay untold
Exposed
I am the wandering one
Walking in crop fields
Listening to the wind
I am the little child
Singing along the slough's edge
Dancing gaily beside wild daisies
I am the listless mind
I'm sorry mom.You love your son. He's wiseand charming and always does what he is told;he's clean and smooth like the surface of a nice carand he always says swell.Because it is swell, isn't it?
Everyone wears a mask.
It's as if we're all at a ball.
Who are you really?
I may never know.
We open our eyes to a light present to us every day, yet forget why we truly need it.
We breathe in puffs of air, yet we are unable to realize it's true essence.
Notice the pattern.
You look in the mirror and tears fall
You observe the face yet deny
The beauty in your possession outweighs all who attempt to pass your wall
You look in the mirror and tears fall
Just as I have gotten up and my feet have hit the floor
I am rattled by the soft knock on my door.
It is my mother who comes in with a smile as wide as can be
She says a quiet good morning as she approaches me.
When You look into the mirror and see
Yourself as a bloated, grotesque, monstrosity of a being,
You should remind Yourself that the mirror lies.
When You look into the mirror and think
There sits the girl-
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
For a simple gesture,
if not a grand gesture.
There sits the girl-
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
To yell,
If not scream her lungs out.
Behind my curtain, I am a man
In the front of my curtain, you don't see a man.
My entire life I have been confused,
Most of my life I've been abused.
What you see isn't the real me,
Why do I hide who I am?
Do I hide out of fear?
Do I hide because I’m ashamed?
I am one of color
the shade of a box
I am a twin of a brother
who is straight, when I am not
I am not confused
This is reality
I do not need time to grow up
My face is buried in a state of confusion.My inner self begging, begging for release.Can’t they see?! It’s all an act.It hurts to be hiding behind a cold hard mask.Every day, every night hiding behind fear.
I am me
I am not her
I am not him
I am not them
I am not a stereotype
I am not a fad
I am me
Do not tell me to keep quiet
I will speak up
Do not tell me to stand back
Held within is a battle. No one ever see the strenuous batle, for they aren't intended to. For me, the masking of the internal battle is all but usual. Pull back the curtain? Unveil what lies below the mask?
The Devil's on your back
And you know
You can shake him off
You'll drive in my car
The three of us
Just tell me
We are going somewhere
Where the stars meet the sky
To wake up in the morning to another winded evening of fast learning walkers, I notice that I can view the lies. If one over many can hear my cries for seeing them is unknown.
Hiding
Making everyone think you are just fine
Is perhaps my greatest talent.
It is not my acting
Not my ability to learn quickly.
No.
It is never crying
Never telling them about the blackness
My mask has the bright colors and various gems that sparkle in the light.
The bright colors and various gems are only just a lie.
Hidden underneath the mask is:
Who Am I?
The girl with fiery temper and wild hair?
The extrovert everywhere? The bookworm?
Am I the one who finds the best company
only in a book among imaginary friends
and surreal scenarios?
You are more important
And you shouldn’t feel my torment
I tried so hard to hide myself
Despite signs of declining health
When I descend into the chasm
Of my idealized phantasm
You tell me you love me
That I'm your only true love
But how you going to tell me that
When we can't even go out
without you trying to hide
Your always so paranoid
I got up for myself today.
Got dressed for myself today.
Put on makeup for myself today.
Today I smiled.
I drove myself to school today.
I walked to class today.
Turned in the work, took the test.
My body shrinks at night.With all five feet and ten inches tuckedUnder the blankets.I become just a head, mounted on a pillow-A head trying on dreams behind its eyes,And dreams are one size fits all.
Who am I ?
What does it matter to you ?
All you would see is a pretty face and a nice body to boot.
I'm still trapped behind a curtian of sadness and fear
I'm scared to let anyone in
So i tend to force everyone out
There are few that know the real me,
only few took time to seek,
I'm more than just my book cover,
if they'd only take a peek.
Outside I can seem timid,
sometimes quiet, meek, or shy,
Alright its a celebration clap clap bravo, give it up to the people thats living life like a model, cought up in this life emotionless its just all bottled, nothing was was the same the game changed it brangs pain, so I try to maintain my sanity
All along, throughout my life, I have followed a piece of advice.
"Be brave, be smart, and have a kind heart"
Something my dad created to make me sophisticated.
It is an inspiration
This is me,
But take another glance,
What you see is not all there may be
I am more,
I am a gem in the rough,
There are hidden things in store.
Still I hide,
Afraid to be me,
You are my 2 a.m thoughts
No one can replace you in my mind
You were my lover
A person so mesmerizing is hard to find
Click click click
As I close my eyes
My feet make the movement
You can’t hypnotize
My mind is the maker
I have players and rules
I keep to myself
So I can’t make a fool
This illusion of me
does not define or
confine my
unconventionally unique
design.
Quiet, I seem,
my passion yet
unseen. I rhyme to
the beat of the
stream.
I don't have super long hair, or pearly white teeth
I don't have rich parents and in my room, no, there is not a huge bed where I sleep
I don't have a Bentley, or even a license for that matter
They call her adorable,
They do not know that she finds it deplorable,
Because outside she may be a mouse,
But inside she roars like a lion.
In times of desperation she will find release,
Hiding behind curtains seems to never be workin’
Sometimes outsiders try to find you and they manage to burn through
However what we see and what they see varies,
They may see hard work
You told me, that one day, I would be the Queen of my own kingdom.
You said that the bullying would stop, and that I wouldn't remember all the hateful words that had been said to me.
Hardworking and Happy; no stress to be seen.
Hardworking and Lonely; no time to have fun.
Everyone has a mask whether they want one or not.
Oh Kitty, Oh Kitty
My stuffed animal dog
How I enjoy your company
Even when we don't have long
You sit, you stay and wait for me
As I swim all day in the education sea
On the outside, I am laughingOn the inside, I am cryingOn the outside, I am smilingOn the inside, I am dying
A plain oak door. A gateway to Heaven
or Hell, lest you veil yourself in shroud.
The sins are great. Devotees of the Seven,
The sinners are better. To the eye they are proud.
It moves too fast. It moves too slow. It never feels paced. Did I do it right? Did it all go awry? What did I do wrong? The noise keeps distracting me. Tick, tick, tick. Please make it stop. I’m not ready for the end of the act.
