Listen to me. I'm sorry, for lying--
For trying to survive--
In this ugly world by pretending to be beautiful.
I'm not alone.
Not just me.
So tell me why everyone looks at me like that--
Looks down at me through deepened pity--
Unless I am not one of them.
She is perfect.
You are all so perfect.
You wake up free, free of shame--
Free of the cold-footed, petrifying fear--
That turns my stomach over, hearing you knock at my door.
No. Turn back! Close your eyes!
You can't see me. Can't see me like this--
Like a tree stripped barren, naked. Wait for me
To cover it up and sweep it under the rug.
I trust you. I trust you with everything--
Everything except myself, my true self.
She's trapped underground, buried beneath her insecurity.
I want it off!
Break through this illusory confidence, be vulnerable! It's a drug--
Addicted, pounding, thumping, fighting, caged heart
Trying to escape my pulse the way I want to escape this life.
Facing the truth.
With my real face. No, I'd much rather save face and go deaf
Than face the facts or the music, go blind--
Save my eyes from what plagues my heart.
It kills me.
To hide from you, from happiness--every waking day--
From the mirror, from the pictures, the images in your own eyes--
Memory, fleeting, lasting, all of it.
My beautiful days in the past
Should be now, not then. I'm growing old--
I am drained, washed away, given up this battle.
Tell me I'm still beautiful, but that'd be a lie.
I've wished, I've tried--focusing on the good
Only leads to the bad screaming out:
"Look at me!
Look at me.
I am what defines this girl; I am her crutch, her weakness--
Everything wrong with her lives, breathes, through me--
I am her and she is me."
Listen to me. Take my hands, lift my face towards the sky.
Give me the birds chirping, the sun shining.
Help me feel beautiful in this ugly world.