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Trauma layer cakeCrack your teeth and give you A stomachacheBefore your shift at the Holiday InnBeading customer complaints out your skin
I don’t write poems.
To relay one’s thoughts
into an arrangement
of pompous words and
literary contrivances is awful.
To use calculated words
and chaotic stanzas
just to appear
When my uncle bought me a gift, it was something I had to bury.When I opened his Christmas present, I received a dead canary.He put it in a cage and wrapped it on the first day of December.
Copernicus was given a box of Sun Maid Raisins, as he was eating them he saw writing on the box
Approximately 540 rooms, 658 windows, and 850 doorways. All to house the 435 lumps of dried glue and 100 paper weights we call the US Congress.
Do you remover the first time you saw a plus sized man in a movie?
On TV?
In your local theater show?
What did he look like?
Did he smile?
Did he laugh so full his tummy shook?
I'm an ex-prizefighter and my name is Glass Joe.If you're wondering if I could win fights, the answer is no.I got my ass kicked by a shrimp and his name is Little Mac.
Skiing down the steep slopes
twisting and turning then
skidding to a stop
sending up an arc of frosty flakes
Beginners follow like ducklings
Pizza slices ridging up the snow
You Know Sometimes Within This Life...
You Have Those Nights That DO SURPRISE... !!!
Now I've Shown That I...
Am INDEED A Dark Knight of A Different Type ... !!!
You know when your dad decides to move out on a whim?
Yeah, then it's confirmed that you hate him
He takes the dog, something that was keeping you hopeful, oh Willow
Heeeeeeeey there....bud. Listen, I'm bad at this.
Remember that time I was weird and it made you uncomfortable?
I was probably trying to be funny, clearly it was a swing and a miss.
When my friend and I finally got chicks, they decided to leave us.My friend's name is Butt-Head and my name is Beavis.I thought that I was pregnant even though I'm a boy.Because Butt-Head and I are stupid, people get annoyed.
When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
A passing thought while strolling through the dale.
With their limbs , on hikes , I’ve bumped my head.
Roots caught my boot ,on the floor splayed I spread.
Passing glancing, perhaps giant nemesis they were.
And so are the shambles that make me weak,
The brambles and tangles when soft I do seek.
They yank and they pull and I'm filled with dread
"Mother dear," I beg, "You are hurting my head."
I walked out onto my verandah one day,It was at a place I’d gone to stay.You wouldn’t believe what blocked my way,It was a bloody big Funnel-web Spider.
I walked out onto my verandah one day,It was at a place I’d gone to stay.You wouldn’t believe what blocked my way,It was a bloody big Funnel-web Spider.
Now let’s see, there once was a cow named Betsy. She was as cute as could be, you see. She had a bow upon her head; she would make the grass her bed. All the other cows loved her, it’s true. But one day, Betsy felt so blue. Why you may ask?
Milkshake, O milkshake; so thick and creamy. I take a sip, you are so dreamy. Should I use a spoon or a fry? If you spilled I would surely cry. If I drank too many of you, I would have a heart attack and die.
When I set out I really try
to drive relaxed, not be that guy
but then some jerkwad cuts me off
and I forget words kind and soft
My hand grips tight my steering wheel
You miss every poem that you don’t writeYou miss every battle that you don’t fightSometimes it’s ok to miss a thing or twoBut I’d never want to miss a birthday for you
It seems funny to have a thing
A song, a place, a movie
Associated with a person
Yes, this is our song
We claim it
No, it cannot be your song
Because it is our song
We hold on to this
Bigfoot the most excellent cook had moss and fungus growing on his foot.
His hot dogs and burgers everybody hesitantly took.
The food had hair in it that was thick as a book.
Man has searched
But has not found
The great city
Of Atlantis
A utopian city
With great technology
And tolerance
Of homosexuality
Caveman and dinosaur
Friends forevermore
Teach me how to hunt
Shelter me from the rain
We live together
Side by side
You will live forever
In this paradise
I saw you there
At the renaissance fair
All alone
Churning milk into butter
I got down on my knees
And I said the Lord’s prayer
That you would be mine
In an hour
Count Dracula is a tale which is thousands of years old
But yet we don’t understand why he seems so bold
If I had a nickel for every embarrassing or ridiculous situation that I somehow squeezed myself into I would definitely have a few nickels. A good example would be my class trip to Washington DC when I was a junior in high school.
The squonk is so sad
In the dark forest it cries
Because of it’s looks
In my yard lives squonk
If I tell it it’s pretty
It becomes water
Funny things are only funny when we have time to laugh,
To sing on about jolly nonsense until reality gives us a bath.
The tough thing about the rules of funny is that it must begin in pain.
You know, there is a possibility that I am not spider man. Probably a small one, but it’s still a possibility. I mean Spider-Man must wake up with an emptiness in the left side of his chest looking to the right side to the emptiness of his bed.
For Luc, because he wanted a poem about Bananas:
This poem about bananas
May seem like lots of fun
But I’d rather write a poem
About an apple, pear, or plum.
My hand shakes as I knock on my mothers door
I’d been a believer since I was born.
She promptly appeared, an eyebrow raised.
I then proceeded to make my case.
Some sort of sour stench seeps into my senses as I stroll across the sidewalk.A split second -- my sixth sense smells somethingseriously sinfulserenading through the streets.
How to pick you up
One
Are you French because Eiffel for you
But if that doesn’t work
Or move on to plane two
Two
Say
Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
Grateful
for the shit on my shoes
and the shit on my floor
for the pain the the head
when you run out the door
for the ruined rugs
and the ruined naps
I grew up hearing
All that I’ve missed-
‘Cause I still hadn't hadMy very first kiss.
So I came up with a plan-
Ring… ring… ring…
Voicemail.
“I guess I’ll try again”
Ring… ring..
“Hello?”
Shit.
My voice sounds like someone else.
The way I run my business is something my employees don't like.Just because I do them dirty sometimes, they go out on strike.They're on strike now because I cut out their coffee breaks.
When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
One moment
That was all it took
For the realization to settle
That I would never be a child
anymore
It happened in the bathroom
In front of the mirror
When I couldn't see myself
Tap Tap Tappity Tap
Tapity Tip Ta-
Wait, what?
Click
Is that even...?
Click Click
Tap Tap Tap
No no no no no no pleaaaase no
TapTapTapTapTap
I used to write poetry
and then I stopped
why?
I don't really need it anymore
Kind of like how you stop
taking a medicine
after you heal the sickness
(the illnesses within)
Butter
I don't really like butter
In any way,
Shape,
or Form.
And speaking of form--
Do you know what butter
will do to yours?
Why, you'll bloat and you'll bloat
Dear Shakespeare:
‘Tis One P.M.
The Clock tick-eth slowly
‘Swounds!
My face is all a-glower
In this lone, tort’rous hour
Oh, agony! Oh, villain!
Oh horrible deed,
Three Convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.Those Three people said that I won a thirty million dollar lottery and then yelled "April Fool".
A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.But people have discovered who the two hostages are and they are not concerned.
I broke one of God's Commandments when I stole an extension cord.I was struck by a bolt of lightning because I angered The Lord.God is cracking down on those who break his Ten Commandments.
When I titled this poem 'ED', it doesn't spell the name Ed.I have erectile dysfunction, I can't take my wife to bed.I don't get any action because of this limp thing of mine.
In the dead of night I close my eyes
But cannot keep these thoughts outside
I hear it scratching at my door
And moaning from beneath the floor
THUMP THUMP
Alone for the first time
THUMP THUMP
It got louder everytime
THUMP THUMP
I hid for sometime
THUMP THUMP
My dog began to whine
THUMP THUMP
Alone for the first time
THUMP THUMP
It got louder everytime
THUMP THUMP
I hid for sometime
THUMP THUMP
My dog began to whine
I want you to know that even though you're away, not a minute passes that I don't think of my Bae
I love every part of you and I don't just mean aesthetically, although, of course, you're gifted genetically.
My little brother is obsessed with bananas.
He's twelve.
That makes it slightly less weird.
He calls ordinary people "Bob" when laughing
and his current favorites "banana."
There is an annoying orange fruit,
Who considers himself as quite cute.
A sprite would start raving mad
Then beating this funny lad
With some leprechaun magic, "Hoot, hoot!"
There is a gas manager named Hank,
Who puts his currencies in a bank.
He values handling propane
Over him handling methane.
He stuffs his work shirt with a gas tank.
There is a jerky employee
Who delves into a fantasy.
One day, with a smirk,
The person goes berserk.
Right now, he is stuck in China sea.
There is the tall elf named Buddy,
Who is Santa Claus' quick study.
Throwing a lot of snow balls,
"Hi, daddy," the human calls,
He falls down and gets all muddy.
I have a sad story that requires music that's played by a fiddle.I've been wounded and I'm spending Black Friday at the hospital.Gamestop announced that they were knocking 80 percent off of Playstation 4s.
I love rhyming
I do it all day long
Whenever I start rhyming
I want to sing a melody
I love rhyming
It’s all that I can do
The creaturesThey singThe creaturesThey danceThe creaturesThey ringThe creaturesThey glance
A/N: I found this in an old journal from when I was a Freshman. Woke Freshman amirite
Knowing is only half the battle
Finding out makes you the best
Fighting back is not the rest
M&Ms; and 7upHershey's barReese's Peanut Butter CupSnickers and a drink of Mountain DewThere are three flavors of Charleston ChewTwix; Twin BingSalted Nut Roll is kingI really could eat them after / with anything Breakfast, lunch, dinner and
I’ve always liked the idea of slam poetry;
The passion that translates through the poets hands,
As they excitedly emphasize each word with a new gesture.
Two twins named Chantelle
with buckets and bells
took to the road
to scoop from the well
bending right over,
Chantelle, who, quite sober,
slipped off the end
and tumbled and fell
My Uncle joined the circus,
which is okay,
I guess,
if you like that sort of thing.
Truth is,
that sort of thing really
creeps
me
out,
like how
Lunchables
There once was a cave,
There lived three bears,
A momma, a daddy, and a cub.
They lived happily hunting and hybernating.
Once, they were out hunting.
There was one more word I needed to say
but he left before I could say it
So I texted it to him
It was Bye and he never responded
It didn't even say he read it
He had deleted my number
Dear my future college roommate,
I’m Camille Howard,
An absurd blackbird,
Taking my broken wings
And learning to fly.
A dog without a feather,
A car without a sail,
My life without you pointless
As a frog without a tail.
As warts are for a princess,
Your love is for my life.
I need you like a daisy
It's funny how stuff works out,
No matter how loud I shout,
You can't hear.
It's funny how shrill I cry,
Funny how much I try
To disappear.
But it's the holiday season, so what is my reason to die?
Your toes, hand them over.
Without toes I'm sober.
To see your little piggies dancing-
It's all so entrancing.
If the socks come off,
I'll never be far off.
I was five years old,
On a light Christmas morning.
I drank a glass of milk
It was a chocolate tradition.
Foolishly wanting to play,
I left it to sit and spoil
Until I wanted it again.
I search for you,
I feel like I need you, you’re the most important necessity
When I feel depressed, lonely, and lost
I always know where to go
I search for you,
No matter what time of day
With a life on the sea
Pirates hardly ever see
The beautiful pie
The Pizza pie!
Anchovies, pineapples, mushrooms galore
Orange, white, black, and brown,
I know you won’t let me down.
Round, fluffy, chunky monkey,
Why are you always hungry?
Playful, smart, clever, beauty,
You are my splooty booty.
I don’t think I can take
Writing another poem
There’s only so many I can make
They’re so bad, I can’t show ‘em
I am like a mattress
Not just because my personality is flat
My bouncy curls akin to the soft padding on the inside
My good fellow, you are a fool.
You shine as bright as th' sun
Yet your head is as an empty cave.
One can! ~ ~ ~ yell in!
Your! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ left!
Your nose is for blow, your mouth is for blowing,
because pimping and hoing is the best thing going,
Your smile is for show, your body is for showing,
because pimping and hoing is the best thing going,
This journey begins in the golden state,
Where waves well and traffic too turns time late,
And travels to the prideful lone star realm.
Trust me -- I am not the man at the helm.
There is a rich Wall Street investor
Who is a digital wealth master.
One day, crypto prices rise,
Thinking that selling is wise,
He lost and faces a sequester.
Dear Donald Drumpf,
I don’t quite see the appeal
Of a walrus wearing a toupee
Shouting out obscenities while I stand here in dismay
The country is in shambles
I'm Popeye the Sailor, I'm sure not Popeye Doyle.
Things went down hill when I married Olive Oyl.
Bluto showed up at the wedding and started a fight.
As usual, I ate my spinach and punched out his lights.
My new Russian bride can only speak one english word and that word is no.
If she doesn't start behaving like a wife, she will have to go.
When I paid her way to America, I didn't know things would go sour.
Hey,
I´d like to say I´m a bit shy but let´s give this a try.
You and me, together, this is the linear regression of our love.
Dear friend:
As a person who wants success in such a small town
Filled with gloom, praying I prosper and don’t reach my doom.
There is an abnormal businessman
Who is a corporate partisan.
He taints all oceans with oil,
Which contaminates the soil.
Afterwards, he is a garbageman.
There was a commie named Sanders Claus.
Most youths adore him with an applause.
He gives citizens free stuff,
But critics call on his bluff.
One day, he pinched himself with his claws.
Dear Passat,
Or should I say Piss Ant-
You left as fast as you came,
but aged, as though every wheel rotation
was the mark of a century.
I wasn't the first to own you,
I’m stuck here alone and broke, just my luck,
What can I say? Growing up sucks,
I’m getting fat because all I do is snack,
Don’t grow up, it’s a trap,
A humble peanut lies in the ground
Secure from anger, danger, and sound
The peanut knows not from where it came
Only to grow, exist, and to stay in his game
Then just when his world was perfect it seemed
Because I love you- when you fall, I'll fall too
Beacuse I love you- when you laugh, I'll laugh too
Because I love you-I'll even watch your favorite anime
Cool, then maybe,later,we can cosplay
There was a blue creature called a smurf.
His tiny mushroom home was his turf.
One day, he picked up berries,
And he's guided by fairies.
He was itching because he had scurf.
Here's a villain named Robbie Rotten
Whose bad deeds are nearly forgotten.
He wants to continue sloth
In order to hamper growth.
His efforts are then misbegotten.
To find my true loveable princess,
I'm told is a probable success.
All of the dates I must try,
And all without being shy,
But she now wears a mundane housedress.
I watched countless amounts of comedians,While working on my political essays.At one point, I thought of two funnyAnd gross personalities: Pee-Wee the Child and Gilbert the Parrot.
I heard of a waxwing\Who very near died\Flew into a window\We all nearly cried\\\He banged his head hard And here’s why:He ate fermented berries And went for a fly.
A hockey team skates slowly over thin ice.
Lonely but not alone, the goalie stands,
Guarding a meaningless area
That has been assigned temporary meaning.
Her head held high, she takes the puck,
666
Or 17 years of age
I was 18
When you messed me up.
I tried
You tried
Money was
And is an issue,
And I only got 6.66 dollars
In my bank account.
It sucks.
Oh ...
I suppose
I'M
The one
Who
Was supposed
To
Fix the
WHOLE
FUCKING
WORLD!
no?
Then
why
isn't
it
done
already?
"Five dollars," said the Wolf to the Boy.
"Five dollars," agreed the Boy.
The Boy went out like usual, for he was a shepherd boy.
He glanced around, at his sheep-
then back at the Wolf.
“Ariel!” Prince Eric shouts to his fair maiden after Ursula kidnaps her back to the sea.
Eric jumps in the water with the appearance of aiding.
Battle after battle, breath after breath.
The Unwanted Kiss
She shrieked when our eyes met
as if I was the odd-looking one,
just because I'm small, have warts, and jump rather than run.
But had she seen herself lately?
Maybe if I were fast enough
I'd finally outrun the tortoise.
I've studied closely: patience
is key, patience is key; and yet,
he just doesn't understand
that speed is what I'm built for.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"
"No, I don't want to! Why are you there?"
"To save you, my princess, from horrible demise."
"Please don't look at me with those eyes!"
"Why not, m'lady? I truly do care."
You love my purfume I can tell
By the way you close your eyes
I trigered something
Wrapping your hands around
My small frame fits perfectly
You grip me tighter so I dont slip
Once upon a time In a land of mystical experiences,There stood a bank of dimes,A woman dawdled of little significance, Where a man of Gingerbread entered,Grabbing the sweet drops and chips,Holding as much as he can muster,Pushing an old man by the
Rapunzel:
Prince, Prince, let down your beard to me
I've never been kissed by someone so hairy
My mom is on me to find a man to love
I was trespassing and saw your stubble above
Once upon a time there was a Red Hen and her three friends
whose lazy behavior lead to their gruesome end.
"Who well help me make corn bread" said the hen
"Not I" The Cat, Dog and Goose
Composed with envy atop his brick wall
A gust of wind coursing through his veins
Humpty Dumpty sat and pondered, with tears in his eyes
as he studied his broken remains
Once upon a time,
There were these magical fairy tale creatures and such,
Cinderella, Snow White, Pinocchio are fine,
More was to come, but that was the bunch.
There was a table with juice cups,
The gingerbread man felt as if he would never stop running
He even knew that the demeanor of the fox was especially cunning
Once upon a time...there were three bears. Yeah, I bet you think you know where I'm headed with this story.
I can assure you, it's not what you think.
Many Months Ago
America Elected a President
His Skin is Orange
His Hair is Fur like a Dog
Your Tie is long
I drank a pint of beer.
I chased it with a glass of gasoline.
I filled it to the brim with the stuff.
Yea, thats the stuff.
I walked over to Joe.
"Hows the wife and kids?"
I took a swigg of Gas.
To the Woman Who Broke My Heart
You can keep this piece
Mostly cuz I don't know how to glue it back on,
And tape is too weak to hold it together.
See, I thought super glue was supposed to be super,
Each poem I write isn't good enough...
So I wright this.
words press against the inside of my skull,
Something set them off.
I spray these pages with phrases like horse piss.
Then I gain control.
I wrote a poem to choke my sorrow.
Like a blot of gauze to staunch the blood flow.
Drops of blood drop and drip between my toes,
from wound that punctured lung like jagged bone,
Your tiny hands rap around my throat.
They reach and grope like hangman's rope
to break a neck already broke.
snap crack and smash these sinews
That hold my head up in the sky.
Something fell on the ground,
Gravity is responsible for that.
I fell on you,
Gravity never does that.
But when I fell on you literally,
Well, never accuse me
Accuse the gravity.
Once in a while, on a Good Friday,
I might get the chance to have you.
To see you fall into the smokey sauna,
Brings sweet pleasure to my bubbling taste buds.
I love hearing your sweet sizzle,
As the year began, I switched from the food industry to cleaning house
I also became pregnant and got married to a wonderful spouse
I have seen uncovered food blasted all over in the microwave
Chilled pulp dribbles down my chin
And my hands stick together like an
Ankle length dress to my sweat drenched thighs in high humidity,
However, the miniscule struggles only increase the ecstasy in each nibble.
I'm really not a good person,
Not a good will kinda gal.
Around the masses my attitude tends to worsen,
But I still make a good pal.
Maybe I'm dark and sarcastic,
Perhaps I'm too quiet or loud?
Eyes dark. The Joker’s grin,bares yellow teeth.Hair,Looks as if rubbed chicken skin was rubbed upon itHunk? Not in the least.Beef cake, yeah, thats it.Nose,Takes up the entirety of the mess that is your face...But it works man,Somehow. I watch
My body's in school,
My brain's still in bed,
And my soul went to Hell without me.
When I want to feel good, I watch How to Train your Dragon.
It is about a viking named Hiccup.
He is shunned for being unorthodox and careless,
but he befriends a viking's enemy; a dragon he names Toothless.
I am rather annoyed
To be studying Freud.
The ego, superego, and id.
I wish to take an eraser
When the bad days come
And life is not fair
At least it's better
Than Donald Trump's hair
Though you may be stuck in
A terrible position
At least it's not during
The Spanish Inquisition
I've had a hard day at school
I think to myself, "you know what would be cool?"
No need to reply, my stomach already knows
What horror has appeared on screenWhat ghastl things that can be seenFrom cyber-space an image bearsUpon my monitor with a thousand shares
When I'm feeling down
t turn to my friends, who are clowns,
and they help me turn back around
I spotted you in the aisle of the storeYou were so beautifulSo amazing that I couldn't look awayYou stared right backAnd I could tell, in that moment...That you could ruin me.You were it for me.
Ideas stream inside my mind,
The purposed ones-
They retain pride.
Never, no, no never die.
Barricaded by the sheets
Upon my mattress, intention sleeps.
Caffeine laughing from upstairs,
When you broke up with me and you said you needed space i was fine with it
Because i thought you meant it in a normal way
Rather than applying for a job at NASA.
I was the first,
the first of 8 kids.
I want to sell the rest off.
So start sending in the bids.
Of brothers, I have 4. Of sisters, only 3.
But sometimes I think my mum regrets,
My first love was you, tiny but expensive bottle of insulin. I love you and I know we fight a lot and forget about you sometimes, but I truly appreciate you for everything that you do for me.
I had a math teacher
When I was in eighth grade
We' d hang out at his house
And play video games
I thought it was a little strange
I thought he was weird
But, he let us smoke weed
Sweating spoons settle in a drawer
They're stuffed inside like sardines
They kiss in there, they don't want anything more
They're acting like "celibate" teens
Those silly slippery spoons fancy spooning each other
In front of your doorI paced,Stooped down and retiedMy shoelace,13- the numberThat was glazed,Rung your doorbell since your keysHad been replaced. Once the door opensIn a haste,And you'll stare at itIn amaze,With a motive ofA nutcase,I'll smash a
Can't believe my life lately man,where do i begin?
It's been a crazy few months, dont know when it'll end
It's all been negativity no positive spin
Fighting a uphill battle assumin i'd never win,well
I hate wiener dogs
I don't care what you say
My uncle had one
And that dog was gay
With his ugly wiener face
And his long wiener body
His long wiener toe nails
I was in a big city
And got a hotdog from a street vendor
It taste sooooo good
Ketchup, onions, chili and cheddar
As I walked home with a smile
My stomach started to dance
I was walking in the woods one day
In the merry month of May (couldn't resist)
I was smoking a fatty
Hey, what can I say
I stopped by this stump
I had to take a wee
When a big hairy dude
Woke up this morning sweating
Laying in a wet spot
The heat must be on high
Cause this house is freakin hot
I look out the window
The sky is dark and grey
I drank a lot last night
The time has come
To put the nonsense aside
I've waited all day
Now it's time to get high
So, I lock the door
And I load the bong
Turn on the stereo
To my favorite song
Laying in the bed
With my girl last night
Trying to get some booty
But she's putting up a fight
She said "Leave me alone,
and let me watch my show"
But you know I can't stop
I saw a UFO last night
Right up in the sky
Don't you say I didn't
I wasn't that high
It beamed it's bright light on me
And sucked me through the sky
They ripped the clothes right off me
I said "Stop the car"
I have to go pee
Oh, won't someone please
Listen to my plea
I've had too many beers
I can't hold no more
Slow down just a little
And I'll crack the door
I will love you
Till the day I die
You can't stop me
Don't even try
I will love you
No matter what you do
Till the end of time
I will be true
I will love you
In the morning on the bus
On the way to school
I sometimes get a boner
And it really isnt cool
Cause its hard as a rock
And I dont know what to do
I try to pull my shirt down
Walk the walk
Without it, I can’t.
Talk the talk
Without it, I shan’t.
We all have one.
Actually, two!
Lifeline
The EKG spikes and flat lines
All I hear, are my beagle’s whines.
As I lay here trying to survive
There’s one thing in my life that is dear and ethereal
And that dear and ethereal thing is called cereal.
Mornings and nights, without a doubt
On an island all alone you say?
Do you want me to decay?
A companion is all I want,
I didn't even as for a restaurant.
Sad and alone is what you think I'll be?
fuck that cat with two fists covered in molten lead
If I had a nickel for every day I spent in hell,
It would be the last three years with my ex-girlfriend.
I don’t know what that equates to,
My Lord My savior
My breath the marrow of my bones
the thing i can't live without
He's worth more than gold, persuasive words, & status
My comforter in midst of unbearable pain, broken promises and shame
On an island, all alone,
most people would be in need of their smart phone.
Instead of brining a book that will eventually end,
it makes more sense to bring your friend.
Together you become a team,
Wilson is brave
Wilson is round
Wilson will be there, and even roll around.
Wilson can't walk
He can't even talk
Sometimes you'll need to set him on a rock.
But Wilson will listen
My folks and I are quite weird;Crazy for the wild.We're always after danger,Never anything mild.
I sit on the eve of adulthood
Having seen and done things
That would have made 5 year old me
Thoroughly uninterested.
I have witnessed the beauty of loss
The same sterility and cruel coldness
They call me crazy; I'm not.
Your incompetence just drives me to insanity this time of the month.
The squeak of a desk, the laughter of a child, the sound of someone eating a meal
I could not live without it
It is the banana to my banana split
Why, you may ask
Well, let me unmask
I could not live without it
It is the banana to my banana split
Why, you may ask
Well, let me unmask
I could not live without it
It is the banana to my banana split
Why, you may ask
Well, let me unmask
Wandering Soul Seeks,
Consumed. Searching for the Truth,
Scarred for Life, Page 2.
So I’m actually stranded here on this deserted islandIt’s kind of ironic how many times I played that game when I was youngerWhere you pick three objects to bring with youThe heat is unbearable
It's hard being funny. They wait for you to ease the tension. "You make awkward situations comfortable!" You cool the place down with an allegory that's so random they'll reminisce about it for weeks.
What if the cookie moster
Was real
He would follow you
Everywhere
If you had cookies
Then
He would pop in front of you and say
¨C is for cookie and
Its good enough for me¨
I can't live without my lipstick
The same way I cannot live without lips
My face would be incomplete
And my social life would fall apart
How awful would that be?
To lose your lips, but worse
You can not tell me I'm short,
I'm just lacking in inches.
It's rude to ask me if I showered,
rather ask me what that stench is.
1. Sometimes you have to start from nothing
2. I never got to listen to Jimi Hendricks with you
3. We only got as far as Pink Floyd
4. I'm afraid that I'm no good
5. Beauty is vain
6. I am a gypsy
All this noise
All this anger
Capable of penetrating the thickest alloys
Like an ex commander
Red as the demonic
Making me frantic
Flinching at every word
Feeling absurd
Closing my eyes
Darling daughter...
I know it's too late to save you now
But I sit back and ask myself how
Am I supposed to see
When you always hid it from me?
You should have...
Seen through my lies
taste me
taste me
please won't you just taste me
taste the sweetness of me
take a luxurious bite from me
Oh you opened me
OH OH
YES YES YES
Finally!!
enjoy me
enjoy me
Angry villagers put the Munsters to death.I adopted their pet that has a fiery breath.He is a monster and his name is Spot.I thought I would like him but I do not.It was a mistake when I got him from the pound.
Oh sandwich of ham how great you are.Your taste and tang must be from a far.Delectable are your properties,Your bread, ham, lettuce, mayo, and cheese.
I think I made a mistake
It's not that I meant to be mean
It's just that I wanted the tension to break
It was just one little mannerism not meant to be seen
She gave me this look
I have a friend named Ryan
He wishes he was Hawaiian
He’s a bird
On a turd
Flyin Hawaiian Ryan
Dylan Lautzenheiser (Limerick)
I looked at the map with wonder,
and saw what I never have seen,
people were walking all over the park,
and settling down on its green.
I looked over to where the shops were,
I'm a prizefighter and my name is Little Mac.When I fight my opponents, they end up on their backs.I defeat all of my opponents even though they're twice as tall as me.
Call it beauty
Call it beauty when the stars blanket the night sky
When the birds sweeten the morning air
When the rain rejuvenates the fresh soil
When waterfalls look like falling pristine sugar
I reach the bottom floor
and turn west, toward home.
If I hurry, I’ll make it back before
the kids, and Karrin’s lethal words
can question the hickeys,
burning like Red Stars.
Laughter is crying
From the mouth instead of the eyes
A constant reaction
Carried by the human nerve
Sort of a chemical reaction in the mind
Solved by society's viewpoint of life
Humor is sadness
to drink is good; good for the soul,
though only if, you lack self control.
imagine this; picture it quick;
you've drunk until you're not quite sick,
My Cousin scared the hell out of me when he bought a space shuttle.When he blasted off, I wet my pants and was standing in my pee puddle.A con man sold him some property on the Moon.
A Revenge bounds across the open plains with speed and beauty looking for payback
Hooves pounding into the ground, jolting the surroundings with every step
Snap!
Something happened when I lit a cigarette in an oxygen tent.I'll tell you what happened instead of just giving you a hint.That oxygen tent went up in flames and I got burned all over.
Some people say she was crazy, they think that she was out of her mind.She paid the price when she decided to use a power line for a clothes line.She thought that the electric current would dry the clothes faster.
Mary had a rack of lambBasting oh so slowAnd everywhere that Mary wentThe rotisserie would goFlocks began to wane and thinThis Mary was a gluttonAnd everywhere that Mary went
When I nanny in the smallest space,
They forget the tissue and use my face,
I smile in their choking embrace
Cause making money is awesome!
A thug was set free even though he committed a crime.The reason why he was set free was because I'm a Mime.I was on the witness stand but because I'm a Mime, I wouldn't talk.
People are laughing but I don't think it's funny.A dirty rotten crook stole my stolen money.I was very happy because I successfully pulled a bank job.But then that man pulled his gun on me and I was robbed.
Riots all across different towns, everywhere you look you see dirty frowns
You look at a world filled with sadness, but do you succumb to madness
I'm a Gungan from the planet Naboo and my name is Jar Jar Binks.Senator Padme put me in charge once even though I don't even have the ability to think.George Lucas brought me to life with a computer, I'm a product of CGI.
(This poem is based on the Star Wars movies.)I'm the Emperor and my face looks like a prune.I have dark circles around my eyes which also makes me look like a raccoon.
Three witches gathered round a pot,
the first witch said "today let's make something new
I'm sick of all this baby finger gluck and newt tail glue
and I know just what we wierd sisters should do.
When she asked me
what love meant
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
and cried suddenly.
The memories were stinging and burning and itching
and searing and lightly seasoned with salt and vinegar.
My mind is my gift
I use it everyday
From making good decisions
To deciding what videogame to play
Though being on Honor Roll
and seeing the world in a diffrent way
Here’s a silly poem I came up with. Disclaimer: It is NOT to be taken seriously. I was inspired by a Limerick poem which is meant to be silly and weird. Often times they make little to no sense at all.
Chunky, Munchy, Crunchy,
Peanut Butter or Chocolate Chip,
It can be Thick, Thin or Crumbly,
Its what Everyone like to eat.
It could be round or squared,
Sometimes Big or sometimes small;
I still dont get why you love me so.
It's a funny thing when i think of me.
And i never understand why, you won't leave my side.
Telling me we're gonna be alright
When my mind has drawn a blank,
If my hair looks different, I probably washed it today.
I find flossing to be inhumane.
I sleep in a nest of dirty laundry, and it's the most comfortable thing ever.
#SweaterWeather means I am #NotShaving.
burned 4 Fingers by hitting
my Lamp instead of the snooze button
dropped my phone on my cat, earning a huge scratch on my Arm
Oh squiggly line in my eye,
Why can't I see you, why are you so shy?
Oh squiggly line in my eye,
You always tend to leave to 'walk right by'.
Oh squiggly line in my eye,
Every day at the crack of dawn my flawless iPhone is there to wake me.
Each afternoon my flawless iPhone reminds me to make some tea.
All day long my flawless iPhone fills me with joy.
Thinking, thinking, what am I thinking?I can feel my eyelids close as I continue blinking.
Because shrimp comes from the ocean
Because it's impossible to lick your elbow
Because lemons are sour
Because patience is a virtue
Because muffins are just ugly cupcakes
Because I'm allergic to avocados
1. As the sun peaked through the shutter like an unwanted mister
The trees sang their song in a wonderful whisper.
There once was a girl named Lou,
Who took her first trip to the Zoo.
While escaping a snake,
She fell into the lake,
And that was Lou's last trip to the zoo.
The clock strikes twelve,my hunger abounds,
The kitchen groans with too much food inside,
The food sits heaped upon the shelf in mounds,
My mother scolds me and by law abides,
On a Saturday morning, I wake at nine,
My stomach growls and I'm ready to dine,
I smell the breakfast in the air,
The smell is pleasent, but first, a prayer,
I close my eyes and bow my head,
My next door neighbor is very stupid and a little strange.When I asked him if he had ever been abroad, he thought that I was insinuating that he had had a sex change.
Poetry makes me happy,
it fills me with glee.
Some poems are crappie,
like one, two, three.
Some like to rhyme,
Some make me cry.
Some take many time,
Others are quite dry.
no soul in east williamsburg
thinking about something other than walk my baby to school today,
pour me a cup of iced coffee and put the lid on,
someone spare me some change for a metrocard,
She walks the halls with her arms wrapped around her books that are strapped to her chest.
Everyone makes fun of the way she is but her posture tells a story few will ever know.
Hello
This is your subconscience speaking.
Who is currently being repressed by your thoughts.
It seems that the person who you're trying to reach is temperally unavailable.
Don't you belive me?
We are trapped,
We are lost,
We need to get out,
But we do not know where we are,
We are slaves to the rich,
Lets get on the piss,
Lets charge the gates of gold,
Lets break te chains,
Jenna we are so glad for you and Frank.
We hope you make him walk the plank.
Make sure you are aware of the shank.
He usually keeps it in the shark tank.
Maybe keep yours in the bank.
It’s funny to think things very unfunny
Since funny is all things can be.
Seriousness is perhaps
The most funny thing to me.
You might leave your lips un-curled,
Your eyelids may sag unamused,
Boredom .....
leads to hunger ....hunger....
leads to saddness....saddness...
leads to depression...... Depression...
leads to devastaion .........devastation...
leads to anxiety...... Anxiety....
Rambling, brambling,
Preambling and meandering
The blush rises through sunrise
Diamonds flow like UFO beams on
Shining luminescent rabbits.
Shush. Can you hear that?
And of course
Of all days to be late
Just started a clean slate
Now I feel my heart rate
Doubling
And the bus
There it goes down the street
Filled with kids, nice and neat
There was once a jazzy song
When heard would make you dance along
We swung and we swayed
We danced a soiree
Oh how we loved that old jazzy song
They are the people, they are the crew,
They are the ones who might scare you,
They don't play no same games,
That's why no one knows their names,
Childish days begin to fade
As everything begins to change
And I cannot remain the same
My friends are becoming so strange
Obsessed with proving they're mature
And letting their youth estrange
Stupitity done intentionally with well execution in the joke makes me laugh.
Did you see that? That, there.
That lady is staring at me.
She keeps looking over here.
Do I have a booger in my nose?
Is my receding hairline showing?
Twenty years old with a receding hairline.
Hello
Umm......
I apologize if I'm a bother
I usually don't do this because I'm....
Well I get nervous
But I just wanted to tell you that you are gorgeous
Some people like to talk as if they
Are kings and queens of the world
even though they obviously portray
a disgusting clam with no pearl,
Gossip and name-calling is all that they do
Why are you going so slow?
Don't you know you're on the left side of the road?
I am trying to go fast,
Why won't you let me get past?
There are three other lanes.
Can't you see you're being a pain?
I guess its so typical, the man wants nothing to do with you, But his heart wants to pass his soul throu
His hair arrayed in a muddy brown mess,
With all of the elegance and finesse,
Of a homeless man in a burlap dress.
His meticulous life well unkempt,
I’m marrying my cousin.
People cringe when they hear the news
Some even gape at me and once
Someone made a sound like a cat does before it coughs up a hairball
i bet you thought you were hillarious
i dont blame you;everyone was laughing
you saw the cuts on my ankle...and i saw in your eyes you knew
"what happend are you emo or something"
wow
how cute
Topic Gossip:
I am that Hellfire & Brimstone that humans heave when they call each other heathens
I told him, many times
many times
To remind me when
The earth begins to jolt-
Yet he smiles
(pant, pant)
Red tongue with slobber
I know I just met you
but please let me say
we could get food..
I mean..I want you to stay.
Ahhh not in a creepy way
Victor your so creepy
and i think you might be gay
you lie way too much
and you never go away
As I sit in this car--
I see toilet somewhere far--
And I hope with all my might,
mom will get there soon so I can go!
Sometimes being quiet is the best way to learn.
Like its always been said open your ears close your mouth, open your eyes and see what others cant.
There once was a boy who wished to be a man.
He thought despite all wisdom told he did lack, the wise words of this man were contained in his back.
I've admired you from afar for some time,
Gazing upon your luscious curves.
I've looked closely as you bounce from man to man,
But none of them ever hold onto you
And they leave you in the sand, helpless.
My best friend is my radiator.
It talks to me on cold days
When it's working so hard to heat our little apartment.
It likes to hiss and pop and gurgle
When I play it music on my guitar.
Tommy needs help solving a problem
ha! he needs to be lock up in an asylum
who wants to find the volume
of a barrel with a hole and a steady leakage,call them
Formulas to remember
Don't do this, don't say that
Oh, here's some "food" that'll make you feel like crap
Is that not enough?
Would you like some more?
How about I give you a pop quiz that'll drop your score.
Yeah, I may be “pocket-sized,”
But just you wait and see.
In a couple of years you’ll look up,
To find me as a giant tree.
Or maybe I’m just stuck like this:
Heredity’s little treat,
"Shush"
"Shove your degree in something other than my face"
"I'm defying you"
"We all copied Rachel's problem set last night"
"Your class is a joke"
"How are you married"
washing every night
drying every morning
blue gray and white
are rather boring
i cannot express
who i am inside
giving more stress
making us feel denied
There is no good morning when I sit in this class at 7am
I don’t give a care about what you’re sayin
How would listening to you rant help me
Achieving a dream, is this how it’s supposed to be?
STOP! STOP! STOP!
Good riddance, why am I stopping?
Just stop.
Oh, please. If you must, don’t be too specific. Now if you would excuse me for a moment as I continue ‘undisrupted’ ..
These computers were made in the 60's,As for textbooks, I wish you would fix these,The covers are tattered and torn,And I think that spot's from where he sneezed.
6-paged paper due in a week
Fuck that, I thought to myself
The teacher was staring at me
and so I decided to scream.
"You must out of our mind"
She gave me a dirty look
"Time I can not find".
He was lazy and loved food
Playing video games everyday
Not wanting to move a foot.
Watching tv for hours
Eating the fridge empty
Would not get up even to smell the flowers.
No reason to play outside
Unicorns and rainbows are all one might need,Jumping and laughing with uncontainable glee.Some could never imagine the wonder of these,Sitting in a meadow as happy as could be
Hello there teacher!
I am so sorry to tell you that your class is a mess!
Behind your back, OH NO could it be!
Wall twerking! Maybe…
Texting! Of corse…
Learning! NOOO!
Your class is a mess!
All in all I'm pretty good
I listen and learn as I should.
But I'm far from mature
So you can be sure
That I'll giggle when you say touch wood.
There is a saying "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're going to get." If life is like a box of chocolate then you know you're getting chocolate.
A friend was once given some doughnut seeds
to spread joy wherever she went.
But each one she planted and watered and loved
There I sit, 30 minutes left,
nothing to do, but I feel a certain flush.
Oh how it snuck up on me like a theft,
let me go, I'm in a rush!
Run to the door,
but stopped in my track
Not everyone is perfect, okay,
Even if the think of themself that way,
And although teachers wish it weren't true,
They abide by the rules too,
So here is a list I'll give you to try,
In, out, in and out of my mouth.
I know you're thinkin' dirty,
but those are thoughts
you need to ditch,
because the truth is I'm just
eating a juicy sandwich.
Exit
Says the sign
But not really
Because signs don't talk
But it's green
For what it's worth
It tells you what you need to know
In case you have to exit
So convenient
You seem simple
Yet so complex
You stare back
Your face round and white
In an attempt to discover more about you, I peeled back the layers
But seeing that side of you only made me cry
we spend about an hour with them everydayoh the things we wish we could say
some of us want to vent and befriend 'emothers want to whack them with their pen
oh the things we wish we could say
Football is a game that I’ve tried
The only game where I almost died
The incident happened last season in fall
That’s when I decided to quit football
I'm in class bored out of my mind,When sunddenly all I see is her,No longer in my chair confined,My surroundings turned into a blur,
There was a man in the lake
Whose good looks were but a fake.
But the envy had spread
To Narcissus’ head,
And he drowned the man in the lake.
Sitting in class thinking of the shit to say to seduce you
I look into your eyes as you talk about haikus
You’re the one exquisite reason I come to school
Don't text and drive
But that's for a car
Text and bike?
You already know
Bikes are useful to get around
So are skateboards
Which gets negative critic?
The one you don't hold on to
My elephant Sam grew a mustache
It was my birthday wish
My mommy said wishes don’t come true
But mine was special because mine did
The other year he had an afro
Walking home from work
I notice that my wife sitting at the dinner table.
My three children were upstairs playing.
However, the house is not cleaned.
I said to myself "What kind of shit is this?!"
I scream 4 ur attention, jumping up and down.
I try 2 alert you;
Texts, Facebook notifications, voicemails and calls.
Sobbing sister, angry teachers and worried parents,
But always remember, don't kill the messenger,
My house is like a circus party,
But a little crazy for me,
Come right in, and right this way,
Why don't you come and see?
You see the lion and it's tamer?
Performing tricks and all of that?
I always quit on everything
On books, poetry, and writing
I really would like to finish but
Being a teacher for the day
I would get more done
I would let the students teach
I would make the class room fun
Every once in a while
I would give them a test
With the answers on the board
Nothing
This poem means nothing
No matter how hard you look
Blue means blue, red means corrupt.
I’m not Walter Whitman
Living like life is short
Almost always gets you in trouble
Untimely action gives timely punishment
Goodly action gives strange rewards
Having strength to speak plainly often does little for you
Everywhere I go
I have a place for you
everywhere I am
I will make sure you are there
I will never let you crack
You say to write a poem in order to win,
and when it comes to trying, it makes my head spin.
So much stress is put on my back,
because when it comes to poetry skills, that's something I lack.
This is a place for friends to chat.
Seeing what people are doing is as easy as that.
You can view photos with just one click.
Liking a status is also very quick.
Online games are lots of fun.
Don't judge me for who I am!
For what I believe or where I stand
Don't Judge me for how I look!
For there's more hidden inside this book
Don't judge me for my friends!
For their means define their own ends
Gobbling it down,Clogging arteries even more.Day in, day out,Always eating the greasy food.Every meal consisted of it,The fat of a pig.Disgusting smells all around,Never caring, always hungry.
Galinda:(spoken)Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project
Elphaba:(spoken)You really don't have to do that
Galinda:(spoken)I know. That's what makes me so nice
Let me paint you a picture
Of a world gone blind from hours untallied
Peering into a window of light so blinding
It consumes our thoughts every moment
Step into the door, my friend
Oh the dark o'ersized spider
Crawling through the murk and mire
Its lumbering fangs do aspire
Slumbering lives soon retire
In the dark, they do not know
Soon thier sleeping fate will show
Many wish to talk to me about the things I ought to be but understand I fought to be all the things I am right now.
Sometimes I miss being a little kidWhen the problem was which crayon to chooseOr finding a marker without a lid.The biggest mistake’s result was a bruise,And boys just carried a bunch of cooties.
A prophet crossed the white line
And he did not eat a swine.
Disgusted by booze,
He kept out the Jews.
After that he drank palm wine.
A hunter named Elmer Fudd
Was clobbered by the fat stud.
He grabbed a firearm
To cause him great harm.
But turned out to be a dud.
I met a lady named Rose
Whose grace paints her lovely pose.
However, one day,
To my own dismay,
I caught her picking her nose.
A President in a funk
Whose once broad support, now shrunk.
All the voters now
Prefer cash for cow.
His career ends with a clunk.
If your eyes were like the sun
I'd never want to leave my house
If you were sometimes actually fun
I would bet you'd have a spouse
I have two friends, Money and Knowledge.
I met Knowledge as a child and I met Money as a teen.
Both supported me but the difference was Money was harsh and Knowledge was kind.
I just got
Punched in the
Face.
My eyes are not
Focusing and I
Think I’m riding a
Pink elephant.
Don't listen if you don't want to hear.
Don't watch if you don't want to see.
You find pain amusing?
I'll push you down a flight of stairs.
Hear me laugh.
-------
The other day my guidance counselor Mrs. SolovayCalled me into her officeInto a crossed out corner of thisOutdated newspaper clippingIn that prison cellWhere nobody usually goesBecause like me,
If I reminded myself why I'm alive....
what would it be for?
If I asked myself for what purpose do I strive.....
what would I have in store?...
All I Can say is.....
The people who are reading this
might be wondering why I write
People don’t see me as a poet,
But I still like to try.
I’ve written quite a few silly poems
at the amusement of my friends.
The Alarm
Clock
Rings in your head
Saying, “Please, go back to sleep,”
While your memories
Are still caught
In yesterday.
A blank stare
At
The TV screen;
Beep! Beep! Beep!
My alarm begins to cheep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
It will destroy my sleep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
My eyes begin to peep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
My hand begins to creep.
There's an Itching
two inches past that-spot-I-cannot-reach
buried in my hair
I reach, stretch roll-
to no avail
Somebody help me-
I roll on the carpet-
suddenly, a hand, buried deep in my dark locks
Some people prefer not to shave.
“These people,” we say, “Are such knaves!”
But why should it matter,
If they’ve got just a smatter,
It doesn’t quite mean they’re depraved.
Little Little People they come right in
they come right underneath my chinny chin chin
the view from the top always see their heads spin
never in their lifetime they'll see my head spin
Where do we go when we go?
Who can we ask?
I don't know.
I know who I should
But I don't think they would
Tell me cause I want to know.
The gypsy read my hand
She said times were bad
I laughed nervously
Too scared to make her stop.
I.
This man,
though some considered sour,
died from laughter.
II.
A pair of identical twins,
could never tell them apart
so one wonders who got this spot.
Maybe you do not understand that the past is in the past, yet I am still chained to it.
Maybe you do not understand that every time someone mentions that theme I cringe.
Heading home for lunch is
the only highlight I have and
it’s too long for my liking.
They call me Grumpy;
my six brothers know better than to bug me.
I ignore them and worry about my own business.
I never understood why poetry had to contain six syllabic words or compare love to birds. I never understood why it had to include metaphors so deep and complex that even the writer no longer understands the true meaning.
Twinkling, descending, clear shafts
Drip helplessly from
Garage roofs, and
Ice takes shape of pealed
Paint along the house-side,
And I’m glad because at least once a year my
I love you.
I love you
I love yo
I love y
I love
I lov
I lo
I l
I
I
I l
I lo
I lov
I love
I love y
I love yo
I love you
I love you.
You were just "clowning around"
But it wasn't funny,
I felt anything but safe and sound.
I dreaded class
I feared the slimey words that you would spew,
The words that confirmed that you were a stupid ass
I'm not cuckoo, deranged, or completely cracked. I hardly even ever wear black I'm not a vamp wannabe or Satan's spawn. I don't worship the weird, taboo or wrong.
It's funny,
when people ask you if you're sad
and you just smile,
and say "no",
and they walk away, satisfied,
Thinking that they were mistaken
That they misread the moment
of pain,
depression,
It sat there, on its godly pedestal,
Alone.
All its Friends of the Chocolate were unmistakably
Gone. Vanished.
O Dear Cookie
Sweet Cookie
O Cookie
Tell me your secrets of survival.
Never step on the tail of a cat.
For all you know, he could be lying on the mat.
And if you take one step on his tail,
You will surely hear a most frightful wail.
Slippery SAl slipped slowly sideways in his slippers as see's seagulls sipping soda through straws.
There once was a cat named splat
Who wore a funky hat
He fittled and fuddled
And stepped in peters puddle
And that was that.
I love you so much
It's almost greater than that of fruit punch
I need you more than Rick Ross needs weight loss
That sometimes, I resort to life decisions with a coin toss
I want you more than a junkie wants drugs
I drink from my cup. I lift it right up. I drink water, juice, and milk. They all go down smooth like silk. Oh, how I love my cup.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I got sued,
How 'bout you?
He was a nice fellow,
if you like mellow,
I can't believe it,
He just had to deceive it,
There are some things girls just didn't know they didn't want to know.
Like the way you didn't know you didn't want to know what your parents were doing while you were sleeping Christmas Eve.
