The stuff I never used


As I child there were things I would never speak

But who got anywhere by being meek?

To my former teacher I just wanted to say, 

all the things that you taught that i haven't used to this day…


how to add, subtract, divide multiply

“you don't wanna be the stupid guy!”

but my times tables I don't need to know

I’ll just let SIRI give it a go


You drilled in “I before E except after C” 

but that is of no relevance to me 

because language changes, it evolves, it grows, 

besides, if I want correct spellings, Microsoft Word Knows 


And dinosaurs are really cool, 

but I know i’ve been played the fool 

cuz in jurassic park, T-rex is smart and kind

but you lied and said he had a super small mind


defenestrate and masticate are really neat  

those two words are hard to beat 

but who taught me those, you aren't the one

I learned from Calvin and Hobbes and Bill Watterson 


you taught that rhyme “year fourteen ninety-two 

columbus sailed the ocean blue” 

but now I know you lied bout his discovery, 

the new world was found by Amerigo Vespucci


and that slog through algebra and geometry

letters in math? now you've lost me

I solved for Y with the Pythagorean Theorem

which today I use so little it deserves a requiem 


and all that spanish I had to know,

didn't do much as far as conversation goes

how to count to ten you did train,

but that's about all you had us retain


And one more thing i’d like to say,

that there is one useful skill I took away, 

while most everything is moot, 

one lesson that I’d call loot



how to look busy while I’m stalling,

to seem productive when the boss comes calling  

I learned so much about procrastination

the self defeating trend thats sweeping the nation! 



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