The Calculus Song (Parody of Wicked's 'Popular')

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Galinda:
(spoken)
Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project

Elphaba:
(spoken)
You really don't have to do that

Galinda:
(spoken)
I know. That's what makes me so nice

(sung)
Whenever I see someone less intelligent than I 
And let's face it, who isn't less intelligent than I 
My brainy brain begins to bark at me 
Telling me to crack their nut
By giving them exactly what 
I know I know what will give them their degree

And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes indeed 
You-will-know

Calculus, you're gonna know calculus,
I'll teach you to find a proof 
So you can spot the spoof
Little ways to graph a line, ohh 
I'll show you what functions will 
Give you a thrill 
Everything you need to know to do 

Calculus, I'll help you with your calculus, 
I'll show you how to come and live 
With your derivative 
Know the rules you've got to know 
So let's start 
Cause you've got an awfully long way to go

Don't be daunted by my every analysis 
Even if you suffer from cerebral paralysis 
Now that I've chosen to become a 
Pal, a fellow and a tutor,
Your personal computer 
Who knows a lot about

Calculus, I know about calculus, 
And with related rates 
You will know the traits 
Of changing values that were, and are 
And then there's nothing that can stop you 
From absorbing calculus, lus…

La la, la la! 
We're gonna make you do calc-u-lus

When I see gigantic creatures
With no respect for their great teachers
I remind them on my own behalf
We-have-to-think-of
Celebrated business men 
Or specially great intellectuals 
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh

They knew calculus
Please! It's all about calculus
It's not about single curves
There are many swerves 
So it takes hardened nerves to do
Lots and lots of calculus like me

Glinda (spoken)
Why, miss Elphaba, look at that. You used an integral. 

Elphaba (spoken)
I, I have to go

Galinda (spoken)
You're welcome…

(sung)
And although you protest 
That you're second best
I know clandestinely 
You're gonna sit and use it
Your new found calcularity! 
Ah! 

La la, la la
You'll know calculus
Just not quite as much calculus as me!

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